Y'all ready for dis shit? Nah, y'all ain't ready. Best get ready doe cuh' we 'bout ta geddit right. About. NOW!

We fade in from a dark so intense dat some pussies would tell ya dat its life matters, to a straight up ice-cold knock off 'a da RV from Breakin' Bad. MAKE WHITE AMERICA DANK AGAIN is spraypainted all across da side 'a dis private domicile 'n we see da realest wigga in da room, Shaun "I'm not racist but-" Crowe approachin', dressed in a bright-ass yellah hazmat suit and wearin' a fuckin' gasmask and shit. Don't worry doe true buhleevahs, da chain is still visible hashtag goldallinmahchain. Shaun takes da gas mask off 'n beams at da camera, which by now should be ya cue ta cover ya fuckin' earz.

"IT'S YA BOI!"

Amen!

"Comin' at ya again wit' some 'a dat hashtag real nigga shit as if there waz any doubt? Who y'all thank I am? Dat nigga Chris Chaos who cain't even step to a real nigga if his fruity azz life depended on it. I betchyall he ain't gonna be openin' his mouth 'less he gonna put some RESPEK on a nigga name. Ain't nuttin' gon' stop me from accomplishin' mah goal 'a..."

He places one hand on his muddafukkkin chest and y'all REAL WHITE AMERICANS should be doin' da same.

"Making White America Dank Again!"

Shaun closes his eyes and grips da suit tightly. A single, manly as fuck tear rolls down his cheek.

"And dis right here?"

He points at da RV in all 'a its presumably meth manufacturin' glory. Dat Star Spangled Banner begins ta play softly in da background as an obvious as fuck US Flag overlay fills da screen.

"Dis gonna help us make dat dream a realtor."

Da camera zooms out a bit ta show dat we in a fuckin' K-Mart parkin' lot. Just as da good lawd woulda wanted. RIP God: Beginnin' 'a time-June 26, 2015.

"Now, without further ado, LET'S GET ROIGHT, INTO DA TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

Shaun puts da gas mask on 'n runs headfirst roiiiiiiight, into da doooooooooooor! Den he falls backwards, flat on his ass wit' a big ass crack in his gas mask. He rips da mask off 'n chucks it off screen.

"FUCKIN LIB'RALS!"

He shakes his (damn fuckin') head and gets back up, brushin' himself off with maximum overswag. Den he walks right up ta da door, looks it square in da eyes, and opens dat bitch. Y'all thought dis narratah was gonna say he sucked da door's dick didn't ya. Newsflash : doors don't even have dicks! Plus da only dick he suck is Daddy Trump's. But dis narratah digresses hardah den Petah Gilmour when asked which bitch he's fuckin' dis week and how many broads he got in Atlanta.

Da inside 'a da RV is fuckin' empty, which we see as da realest wigger in da room steps inside, gesturin' all over da place like he showin' shit off 'n shit.

"Dis right here izzzzzzzz where I wait for da CIA ta hand-deliver da meth I sell."

And so we sit and wait wit dat real nigga til da feds pop up wit' da stuff. See y'all real niggas in part two when dat shit happens but for now dis dat real narratah sayin' it's on all 'a us as Americans to

MAKE WHITE AMERICA DANK AGAIN!