Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (01-19-2016)

Fuck this.

Yeah that's right, you heard me.

Fuck all of this shit.

I mean, does the XWF even know what it's doing at this point? Do any of the GMs have any semblance of what the fuck they did when they booked me as the special guest referee for this show?

Well, answer me you fucks. This ain't no rhetorical question type shit.

Hey Tyrone! Were you too busy bitching with Lane to realize how shitty I'm going to make you look for doing this shit?

Hey Cillio! Are you gonna frost your tips and wear one earring to let us all know without a doubt that you're a fucking

or are you just gonna keep that up for speculation?

Hey Cross! Are you gonna do anything, like at all? Ever?

Hey Tigris! What unmarked grave did you wind up buried in? I kinda wanna piss on that bitch.

Hey Girard! Pffffffffft hahahahahaha what the fuck was up with that guy anyway?

Hey XWF! Are you ready to see all your hard work go right down the drain? Because if you aren't, you got these wonderful, aforementioned fuccbois to thank for it.

See, this is give up XWF. Where the GMs (Gay Motherfuckers) just throw darts at the wall to book cards and then let the closest thing the XWF has to royalty, the motherfuckin' #MemeQueen fuck shit up all day, every day. It's like they know if I wanted to, I'd just run in and fuck shit up so they figured they'd cut out the middlemen. Real considerate to me, the guy who ain't even booked but I mean it's gotta feel pretty shitty for the people on the card.

I'm sorry, Italian Fuccboi-- Cowboi. Slip of the tongue. I'm sorry that your long awaited debut has you facing off against Drezdin (who?), Code Red (who pt. 2?), and Maria Brink. I'm sorry that the only thing people will rememeber about your grand debut is whatever bullshit I decide to do because, I'm gonna do something silly because I got the attention span of a fuckin' goldfish and I'm gonna be high as fuck. Just remember though, it's not my fault.

It isn't my fault that I'm gonna show up dressed like a Marine on some #StolenValor shit waiting for a tiny

(see: Frodo Smackins) to come and talk shit about the costume not being accurate thus missing the entire point. That's on Tyrone, Tigris, Cross, Cillio, and probably Girard if he's even a real fuckin' person.

It ain't my fault I'm probably gonna be spending my time slapping who and who pt. 2 instead of paying attention to refereeing the match because again, I'm a cokehead on a week long bender. If I even make it to the ring it'll be a miracle like Frodo Smackins not completely missing the point of anything put in front of him. Seriously, fuck that guy. I don't even dislike him, but Jesus fuck could that dude be any more

?

Again, I can't stress how sorry I am in advance, Italian Fuccowboi. Gettin' better. You know who you can thank for this.

What am I gonna do during Carnage/Scully? Fuck, I dunno. Might get one of those little kid basketball hoops and dunk on my nigga Zane Kingsley III. Let Cully and Scarnage go at it. Be there to count the pin. Just glad we're in Mexico and not New York if we're gonna be on the fuckin' roofs I'll tell ya right now. If this shit was in the Empire State I straight would be facetiming my referee services from the nearest bar.

But then we start to get into the meat of the show. The two matches I have a vested interest in seeing who walks out victorious. The two tag matches. Yadda yadda you fuckin' get the point. Unless you're Frodo Smackins because we've established he probably thought I was talking about Prince/Doc. Vintage #fuccboishit right there for real.

Pest and Robbie Bourbon vs. Brian Lance and 2. Yeah, 2. That's his name, don't wear it out or some shit. What do I think about this match?

If you answered nothing at all, you're right and you should get a prize! Shit, all I got in my wallet I'm already planning on spending on cocaine. I got some lint in my pocket, you #fourccbois can play with that. I'm gonna be spending all this match playing Russian Roulette with a capgun in honor of all the weak fuckin' fire spit by the Pest. Oh and also I guess I'll be kicking Pest in the face whenever I can and you know, if he or Bourbon tries anything in response, I'll just disqualify them. In a match where, you know, there isn't a way to be disqualify. Because rememeber, it was someone's bright idea to let me oversee the whole show. I can do that.

But despite that, I ain't gonna be pullin' no slow count bullshit. Just gonna be kicking Pest in the face whenever possible.

And now we get to the real hardcore Mr. Meaty type shit. The Dimallisher and Peter Gilmour vs. Cyren and Cain.

First off, called that shit so fuckin' hard! Where the fuck is ya boy Cyren? Oh right I fucked him up and it looks like he's fucked right off. #murked. Which brings me to Cain.

Really gotta regret talkin' all that mad shit about me, huh? Seeing as I could've helped you against the overwhelming onslaught of Peter Gilmour and The Dimallisher, aka the fuckin' Killers. But let me be the Mr. Brightside. Oh shit right there isn't any brightside to this because I liked you, Cain. I did. You were my nigga. You know how many people are my nigga? Not many. But then you proved to us all that you're nothing but another fuccboi, first Human or not.

You really ought to be blaming TMZ for this, man. See, I don't pay attention much but then Somebody Told Me that you said all this mad shit and of course, it was true.

Don't worry Gilly. I wouldn't dream of screwing you out of this match.
I wouldn't have to!
So, Smile Like You Mean It! For one night only, we got a common enemy.

And rememeber, Cain.

You know who to thank for this turn of events.

Oh shit what am I gonna do for this match?

If you guessed dress up like one of those pin up bitches tattooed riding missiles on some Miss Atomic Bomb shit For Reasons Unknown, well then shit. You Read My Mind!

Okay, okay. Enough of that shit.

Let's talk about Mason Prince and Doctor D'Ville. House of Hell match. Shit, all that comes to mind is that I'm gonna dress up as Satan, little plastic trident and all, and say 'yaaaaaaaaaas' whenever someone does something.

And I think you all know how I feel about the main event. Who I'm leaning towards. What I'm probably gonna do. Alexis Riot vs. my muhfuckin' nigga Austin "Swagnando" Fernando. Let's play some trivia. One of those types at bars, where the wrong answers disappear over time.

What will Luca do during the main event?

A. Help out his best buddy and not-so-secret crush Alexis Riot.
B. Help out the real nigga Austin Fernando.
C. Call this shit right down the middle.
D. Keep up the Killers' song title gag.
E. Dunk on Zane Kingsley III some more.

1000 points on the board.

[ticking intensifies]

A. Help out his best buddy and not-so-secret crush Alexis Riot.
B. Help out the real nigga Austin Fernando.
C. Call this shit right down the middle.
D. Keep up the Killers' song title gag.
E. Dunk on Zane Kingsley III some more.

800 points on the board.

[ticking intensifies]

A. Help out his best buddy and not-so-secret crush Alexis Riot.
B. Help out the real nigga Austin Fernando.
C. Call this shit right down the middle.
D. Keep up the Killers' song title gag.
E. Dunk on Zane Kingsley III some more.

600 points on the board.

A. Help out his best buddy and not-so-secret crush Alexis Riot.
B. Help out the real nigga Austin Fernando.
C. Call this shit right down the middle.
D. Keep up the Killers' song title gag.
E. Dunk on Zane Kingsley III some more.

400.

[ticking intensifies]

A. Help out his best buddy and not-so-secret crush Alexis Riot.
B. Help out the real nigga Austin Fernando.
C. Call this shit right down the middle.
D. Keep up the Killers' song title gag.
E. Dunk on Zane Kingsley III some more.

200 although the right answer is on the fuckin' board. It is the only thing. Jesus. I'm sure Frodo is still firmly locked in on D though.

Yeah, I'm gonna help Austin. You surprised? Alexis is a fuccgirl who buried her own partner in astounding fashion just a little bit ago but she's still convinced she's the good guy.

She ain't.

The good guy stands by his niggas through thick and thin.

Which is why you'll never be a good guy, Alexis. You'll never be a real nigga.

Again, XWF. This is not my fault. This is like that part in Daredevil where Mattie Murdock confesses to what he's going to do. I can't stop myself, this is my nature.

Thank you, Tyrone.

Thank you, Cillio.

Thank you, Cross.

Thank you, Tigris.

Thank you, Girard-- pfffffffffft hahahahahaha.

You know who to thank for this. Give them what they deserve.

Because they deserve to fuckin' burn.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode SWAGJERRYRICE
Author	Message