"Oh no. You don't get to do that, Fernando."

Austin Fernando Said:"Just remember, Cain. You aren't the last guy to talk about me not winning a title, even though I technically have, not that I'm exactly proud of it. I mean, if you're considering the 'RTX' Championship as a legitimate title than I'm sure the one that I held (which I dare not name) should count to you as a belt.

"No. I don't count the Xtreme Championship as a belt, at least not one of great importance anyway. Let's take a quick look at the holders of YOUR title. It's going to take a while, seeing as how that belt is like the neighborhood bicycle. Everyone gets a ride. Ahem, here we go..."

Cain reaches under his recliner and retrieves a black composition notebook, the kind you get at Walmart for fifty cents. He sits there for a moment after opening this book and studies his perfect handwriting.

"Let's see here. First, let me just bring to the light that Mason Prince was lying about a streak with the belt being important and everyone ridiculed him about that. Exhibit A. Then there was that day that this "title" changed hands three times in one day. I'm not sure that you are aware of this, but such things lower the credibility of a title."

"So to me, that title is irrelevant in relativity to mine which I damned near retired and would have had Guppy Parsh not proved to be the better man that night."

"That's on me. That was my bad."

Cain clears his throat and closes the book.

Austin Fernando Said:"What the fuck are you on about? Did you not hear that guy talking about me before my X-Treme Title Match? And you're comparing me to Brock by saying he never promoted me?"

"Ahem, yes, I heard him. One of the few times he did promote you. The reason I didn't remember that is because of the fact that I, like everyone else, am so used to hearing Paul Heyman giving Brock Lesnar verbal blowjobs."

"That's like what you give Shane only with words. Right. So while...wait...so you're such a great talker and so awesome." This is of course poisoned by sarcasm. Cain actually cracks a little smile as he says it but soon after his smile fades. "You know, Lesnar I can understand. But why did you even need a hype man with as great as you claim to be? Look at The Rock. Look at Steve Austin. Two of the biggest names of the Attitude Era and neither one of them needed a hype man at their best. Granted, Paul Heyman did hype Austin back in WCW but that was just a gimmick. Austin had it. He didn't need Heyman."

"Apparently, you did. Because you had him tell us how you were going to beat Doctor D'ville and take Maverick's toilet paper from him. Ugh, I mean the Hardcore Tit- err...I mean the Xtreme Title. A title held double digits by Peter Gilmour who you actually said..."

Austin Fernando Said:"But I should leave the other part of that story for another day. You then decided to flip on the 'Peter Gilmour' switch. By that I mean act completely and talk about how I 'scripted' the dirty work that I had to carry out.

"What does that even mean? "Flip the Peter Gilmour switch"? Hold the Hart Title two or three times? Multi time tag team champion? Nah, I can admit I haven't done that."

"Was it because I claimed your little scene was scripted? "How can you script something that happened a decade ago"? Easy. Have you ever seen almost every TV show ever with a setting set DECADES ago? Like "That 70's Show"? I'm surprised. You've got the body of Eric Foreman and the wit of Michael Kelso. Of course, you're also a bitch like Jackie."

"Or have you ever watched a wrestling 'angle' where vignettes were shown to further a 'feud'? Once again, scripted past events. History Channel shows sometimes script past events, true events mind you, but the dramatization is of a past event is still scripted."

"By no means am I saying your story is true. Why? It is because you are a pussy and a "pretty boy" who doesn't have the balls to do what I do. Enough about me though, let's continue doing what interests you. Talking about Austin Fernando."

Austin Fernando Said:I'm a sell-out, I go to the biggest and best opportunity and I become a brighter star, one that out-shined you a long fucking time ago. No, I'm not talking about leaving the 'XWF' for the CCWF. I mean even back when I dropped my Heavyweight Title over at 'Australian Wrestling Entertainment' and hopped to the XWF.

"Maybe that makes you a sell out in YOUR eyes, but to me and the Cainaanites it makes you something completely different."

"A fucking dumbass."

"I mean, you go from being a Heavyweight Champion over there in Kangaroo land and come here to hang on the coattails of a multi time champion. Not only that but the only title you've ever held is the Xtreme Title, which like the Hardcore Title, is a joke. So you go from Heavyweight Champion to irrelevant title holder and you talk about fame, glory, and money?"

"Brah. You can't afford a pot to piss in and a handle to carry it off with. Doctor D'ville on the other hand doesn't even have to wrestle anymore, because he has been the face of this company whereas you have not. As a matter of fact, as you have whined about, they won't make you the face of the XWF so you join CCWF where you are STILL overshadowed by Vinnie Lane? Smart move, Fernando."

"You're still not that hot. Luke warm maybe, but you can't even speak with your native accent right. So now I doubt you were even IN Austrailia. But you do claim to be the AWE Heavyweight Champion, so what do I know?"

"Awe? That's funny. Makes me believe that even if you were champion over there that it can't be that great. More like "Awww, this shitty show is on? Fuck it, change it to NWATNA. I wanna see the Shera Shuffle! Fuck Austin Fernando!"

"See? You're the only one who believes your hype now, because my studies have proven that it is just that. Hype."

Austin Fernando Said:Calm down there buddy. I know you're all about that pre-ejaculation but you blew your load a little too earlier there. You got all excited thinking you completely 'wrecked' me but then failed to realize you came off looking like a total . Don't think you only blundered once, by the way. But we'll get to that in a bit.

"You are so desperate too make a case against me that you ridicule my speech, yet you too show your imperfections? So you're not perfect after all? Wow. Couldn't have exposed you better myself."

"I mean, just have a listen to this tidbit."

Austin Fernando Said:"By the way, I mentioned how you so fucking inept you can't even speak the English language properly, right? Well, I saved this one for later."

"I think you missed a word there, sparky. Maybe you got so excited that you "wrecked" me and "blew your load too early" there. Or wait. Do you speak ebonics? Fluently? If so, maybe you meant "You be stupid, dawg. You can't speak good, homie."

"You aren't that intelligent, Fernando. Stop being holier than thou. Because you aren't."

Austin Fernando Said:Did you read the fucking card?

Cain
- vs -
Austin Fernando
Steel Cage Match
If Cain wins he will join the Main Event Number 1 Contender match.

Nice work, spastic. What's next? You're going to tell me I just walked right into another one of your traps. That I'm predictable? That I'm a moron? Yeah, right. You just digging yourself a deeper hole.

"I made a mistake. Sure I read the card."

"But you've got to ask yourself..."

""Self, if I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ for wrestling, why aren't I in the number one contenders' match already?""

"I mean, you talk a big game. You've got all the tools, right? Maybe not, because the laughing stock of XWF is in said contest and you are not. Shouldn't he have to go to the "back of the line"? Shouldn't Austin Fernando be in that contenders' match already?"

"Come on man! Answer it! Why aren't you in the match? Hell, Ginger Snaps is. She beat a real superstar in me, so she earned it!"

"Nope. You'll sit there and cry like a girl on her period about not being considered and you'll more than likely claim some sort of conspiracy."

"So, you know, at the end of the day you are not as great as you claim to be. Maybe at one time, you were a bright star here in the company but now you are just a man who must talk shit constantly to make himself look good."

"So I still intend to win, and I still intend to embarrass you. You and the girl on her period will have something in common. Wednesday night? You're both gonna bleed. Her from her vagina and you because you are a vagina."

The awesome banner was brought to you by Morbid Fuckin Angel.