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Smoke · (12-16-2013)

I've heard the word 'crusade' be passed around the XWF recently. When referring to this little shtick I've got going on, anyway. I suppose a 'crusade' is right, though when I think about it. I guess it truly is a "vigorous campaign for political, social, or religious change"... right? 'Vigorous', guys? Who agrees!?

Oh yeah, no one. I'm pretty sure if any campaign were to be considered 'vigorous' it actually has to do something to make it seem vigorous, or at least threatening at the very least and, while I am at the helm of this whole... 'crusade'... I'm not so stubborn to think I am automatically some unstoppable force just because I'm doing it now and because not that many others are as well.

Well, until I posted my rallying cry. Then shit hit the fan.

Big time.

But here's the thing: while I can admit I have not done much in the way of making a difference yet, I am not saying that I cannot, and will not make that difference. Because I will. I've been planning this whole thing, planning it a little longer than you might realise, and I would be lying if I said all the pieces were falling into place. Because they are not. No where goddamn near.

Where do I start... Well, for one, I (understandably) didn't expect Shane to ruin my buzz at the Lethal Lottery PPV. I was hoping to be United States Champion by now, but instead I'm dancing around with the clown who calls himself Champion in something that is supposed to be a 'feud' or some shit. I mean damn. Do you really want me and John Austin headlining Warfare into the new year?! No. You do not. That is a horrible idea. Shush. Shut your face you damn hippy.

John Austin is not worth being Champion. He's not worth being in the main event. Hell, why don't we save some trouble and kick him off the card altogether? Have him clowning around on Madness, being the highlight chimp of the XWF's B-show instead. Maybe that'll be how they get people to watch Madness.

Oh wait, the King's on there now too, isn't he? My, won't this make Madness entertaining! I'll be sure to tune in every single week! Theo's amazing presence will make me cum liquid gold while I run around in circles singing 'hallelujah', hurling blossoms and nettles into the face of fat kids like our gracious and true leader would do, because he is so glorious and need not conform to your standards of child-like innocence, because he is the king and shit, yo.

...In case you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. Theo is boring and Madness is too. Good thing I'm running it next week, aye? Moving on.

While we're on the subject of Austin's unworthiness, last time around I punctured 16 million holes in his defences on that subject, and while I won't back-track through those points (because that would be redundant), I will say that he practically replied with: "no u".

Seriously. See it for yourself:

John Austin Said:
You see Smoke, you were like me when you first started out here in XWF, you won some matches and lost some matches THEN you decided you were ready for the big dogs like I was and you challenged me. See, if anyone remembers, back early on in my career I had a little issue with Luca Arzegotti. I thought I was hot shit and he put me in my place and I fell down the pecking order just like the rest of the boys in the back.

I'm assuming that this is supposed to imply that you are suddenly not part of the pecking order? Bitch, you pinned Eli James, who had already been beaten half to death, to win that title. You can't talk about shit like 'putting him down' when you didn't even face him for realsies. You picked him up, you tried to scream but your voice cracked you damn child, you pussy-slammed him down and then lay on top of him.

Check out this guy he's such a badass!

Not even an hour later I issued my challenge to you. Not even 60 damn minutes went by. If I wanted to I could have challenged you right then and there, just when you won the title but do you know why I didn't? Because I'm not a coward like you, John. I'm brave enough to announce my challenge, and give you time to prepare for the incoming fire which, to be fair, probably won't even help you a smidgen.

I've said before; this match on Thursday is just a practice, John. But if I were you, I'd consider it a warning.

And at least you get to hold onto your title for one more Warfare, aye? You lucky, lucky boy. It'll be a shame when I rip it away from your hands next week. I'll be sure to pack you a tissue so that you don't stain the ring with your crying. And all the while I'll be whispering in your ear, with the title rightfully around my waist...

Merry Christmas.

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