Tri Bute: Our Future Lord, Our Great Future King: A Biographical Future Comic
ISSUE #1 (Part 3)
Conception: Bam Bute

Previously on ISSUE #1:

“Come on, the future OBEY shirts are over here.”

“If you want future bitches on your future dick, this is the future brand to buy.”

“These future pants told me my future milt has a powerful future soul within it. The future stitching is amazing as well. My future hat is off to the future manufacturer.”

“J.I.Z.Z. will triumph and finally be secreted into Futrue Earth, our great future planet. My future call will be heard by every future man and future women. The angular one will see to it. Ultimate control will be mine.”

“I can’t wait until my future mate sees me in this. She’ll be all like, “Show me the future beavers responsible for this future dayum!”

“What’s your future name?”

“It’s unimporta-,”

“Weird future name,”

This will be difficult.

“Everything will be okay, future breh.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,”

“GET DOWN!”

“She’s here, future breh. Go! Find her!”

“So many future regrets; I’m future dead.”

“Let the future hatred guide you, angular one. Destroy the metallic future demons; claim your future prize.”

FUTURE RATA-TAT-TAT! FUTURE RATA-TAT-TAT!

---

The future party soon kicked up again after the future coroners arrived and the future paramedics cleaned up the future corpses. It wasn’t quite as lively as before, but I mean a bunch of future people died so that’s to be expected. The future room felt awfully gloomy, but I had my future breh’s future wishes to honor.

Tri Angle still hadn’t tried to put the future moves on anyone, yet. It was only a future hour until future midnight; that’s when the new future year would dawn.

“Do you remember what shoulder Captain Barbossa kept Jack on?”

“What?”

“In the Pirates of the Caribbean, you know, the captain of the zombie ship.”

“I haven’t seen that future movie.”

“It wasn’t a future movie,” for some reason Tri Angle was little more future mad about that misconception as usual. Future thoughts of his future dead future breh returned to future mind. Tra Pezoid hated it when future people didn’t know their future terminology. He probably wouldn't even care if it technically wasn't a future person.

Tri Angle began to future tear up.

“I’m sorry about your future breh,” said Tri Angle’s future pants, realizing what it just did.

“Hey, no one saw it coming. No one could have known the Zondian Truth Bots would pick to-future-night to strike. I’m just glad they’re future dead too. That’s justice right? The emission of future bullets at the sound of a future Tommy gun’s future rata-tat-tat, is that justice, future pants?”

“It depends on how you future look at it.”

“Let’s say I’m using my future eyes.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Tri Angle took a future sip from his future Jack and future Coke.

“You’re always so cryptic. Why can’t you just come out and future say what you want to future say?”

“Tell the future night to save its future moonlight. Tell the future birds not to future sing. Tell the future stars in the future heavens they’ve been misaligned.”

“There you go again.”

“It’s from The Future Wedding Singer.”

“That’s a little too smart for an Ada Msandler future movie. Don’t they know their target future audience?”

“A future dude talking with his future pants, now I have seen everything,” said a future lady as she bent down to get something from the future cooler.



The future lights dimmed and future time seemed to future stand still. A beam of future light hit the two of them and continued to shine. Tri Angle suddenly lost control of his future body, and dropped to his future knees, spilling a few future drops of his future Jack and future Coke.

“Does it have a future name?”

Tri Angle future stood back up and started to future look around to see what happened there.

“It’s Unimportant.”

“Sorry, I was just future curious,” before Tri Angle could figure out what she could have future meant by that she had already walked away.

“Wait! I mean its future name is Unimportant!” called Tri Angle after her, but it was no use. She couldn’t future hear him, and that future exclamation wouldn’t really fix the initial confusion if she had. “Your future name is stupid.”

“That’s not my real future name.”

“What? Did you future lie to me?”

“No, you just wouldn’t shut up.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard you say, ‘my future name is Unimportant’, what did you have to gain from future lying to me, future pants?”

“I was trying to say my future name was not important.”

“Oh, sorry, my future therapist says I have a ‘interrupting people’ future problem,”

Anybody could have told you th-

“It’s really not that noticeable, so you probably won't even future think to treat me differently, but you definitely should it's a serious future problem. Anyway, I’m going to future talk to that future chick over there. She has an interesting future outfit, and she probably wouldn’t future lie to me, Not Important; if that is your real future name.”

And now he can interrupt my future thoughts as well.

Tri Angle made his way over to the future chick he told his future pants about. She was pretty; she had two future breasts and several other future features. The way Tri Angle future walked toward her was almost mesmerizing. He seemed to draw her in a way that the untrained future eye could never understand. Tri Angle stopped next to the future woman, and then cleared his future throat.

“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that your future shoulders aren’t covered by any future fabric.”

Grievous future fuck.

“Well, yes, this future garment is future strapless.”

“That’s fascinating. How does it not fall off?”

“Well,” the future woman began to look around. “I’m pretty sure,” she took a few future steps back. “Um, have you met Bam Bute?” the two future-breasted future woman grabbed a future lady by the future arm and pulled her over to him.

“It’s future nice to meet you!” said Bam Bute as the other future woman quickly walked in the other future direction.

“Hello,”

“Ignore two future boobs, she’s a bit shaken up still from that Zondian attack. Her future husband was killed in a future robot related incident last future year, so, that was a pretty disturbing thing for her to future witness and future rel-,”

“I understand completely, I just thought she had some interesting future clothing, nothing to get too excited about. Do you think you can answer a few future questions for me?”

“Future shoot.”

“Well I was chatting with my future pants a few future minutes ago, but it hadn’t seen the movie I was talking about and then it got all future awkward. Then it dropped a future bomb on me and told me that all future day he had been future lying about its future name. I realize now it was kind of a stupid future question, because it was a seven thousand future year old movie I was talking about. So, I’ve decided to ask a mor-,”

“Grievous Crisp, son of Zeusrion, can you just ask the future question already?”

“If you were a future pirate, would you put your pet future monkey on this future shoulder,” said Tri Angle as he tapped her left future shoulder, “Or this one,” as he draped his future arm across both her future shoulders and tapped the right one.

A tingling sensation shot down her future spine. Bam Bute’s future eyes immediately lingered to Angle’s future OBEY shirt. It suddenly became apparent that this future guy must have future eyes on his future back, because he had swag to the future ceiling. Tri Angle’s future arm remained around her as he patiently waited for her answer.

“That was pretty future smoo-,”

“Which future shoulder is that? I’ve never heard of a future shoulder being referred to as that.”

Bam Bute future giggled for a future second, but then realized that he wasn’t future joking. “The right one.”

“All right, I heard there is a “Which Pirate of the Caribbean are you?” future quiz on the future Internet somewhere, so we’ll see where you match up with Captain Barbossa, you don’t happen to have a future phone with future Internet access do you?”

Bam Bute looked down at Tri Angle’s future pants and couldn’t help but notice the impeccable future stitching. She could actually feel her future vagina slowly opening up.

“It’s working. Tri Angle do it now, heed my future words of wisdom. Fill her, Tri Angle. Fill her with the prophetic future nectar. Fill her with what you future create; what others cannot future kill. Fill her with J.I.Z.Z.; do Zeusrion’s work.”

“Sure I have one right here for you, you well-future-dressed future hunk of future man.” Bam Bute handed Tri Angle her future phone.

Tri Angle quickly future searched for the future quiz on future Google. It was the third future result. Angle selected the future quiz and handed it back to her.

“If you get Barbossa he was definitely a right future shoulder guy, but if you get that scary lady that turns into a monster thing it’s the left future shoulder.”

“You know, since you like future pirates I could come over to your future house and future walk the future plank.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Maybe you could pillage my Future Port Royale.”

“It’s a really simple future quiz.”

Tri Angle tried to hand the future phone back, but Bam Bute was intent on trying to come up with another future pirate related thing that could be considered future innuendo. She already was doing a poor future job of it, so, she had to make sure this one was really good. However, future time was passing fast, so she just decided to future spit one out.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the future circus, because, um, I am a future pro at future pirate sword swallowing.”

Tri Angle’s face contorted, “Future pirate sword swallowing? That’s a pretty unique future skill, but I’m not su-,”

“She wants the future D," interjected Not Important, the future pants were growing tired of all the future pussy future footing.

“The future D? Is everyone trying to confuse me now?”

“She wants to have future sex with you,” his future pants couldn’t find plainer future words if he tried.

Tri Angle finally caught on.

I just remembered why I came here! Okay, I’m going to do what Tra Pezoid would want me to do. I am future fathering the future dream child to-future-night!

“On second future thought, that future quiz can wait.”

Tri Angle and Bam Bute headed back to Angle’s future home and future swabbed the future deck. Then they had future sex.

"Pink is my signature color!" - Elle Woods