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The XXX Listers · (08-31-2013)

Triple X Lister – Jim Parsons.

The Triple X Listers are partial to a random night of drunk fornication with a thousand movie extra’s who are all desperate for their big break in Hollywood.

The great saying “It’s always the quiet ones” rings true as we are here now with the quiet yet bitchin member of The Triple X Listers Jim Parsons who is currently snorting a line off of some tidy extras rack.

“Rack n Roll is Bitchin. Yeah, Yeah.”

Jim has broken away from the other Triple X Listers for an evening of intermittent drug use and spanking with this dark haired woman with the biggest pair of jubilees he had ever seen since he caught Kaley Cuoco getting out of the shower on the set of the Big Bang Theory.

”Lovely Jubilee”

After snorting up the beautiful powder off of this beautiful beauties beautiful rack. (That was a mouthful.) Jim Collapses onto his back and lights up a cigarette breaking all of the rules and he doesn’t even care. I mean seriously after the session he has just experienced with this girl, lets call her Candy, who cares if your not allowed to smoke in Wal-mart, he certainly doesn’t and the young family buying air-rifles for there five year old kid don’t seem to care either.

As Jim lays on his back down the wal-mart clothing isle he looks over to his left just and notices a kid's XWF T-Shirt with the face of Dwayne “The Schlong” Johnson on it.

”I am going to get me one of them.”

The completely naked girl shifts herself onto her side and starts to walk her fingers up Parson’s chest.

”Jimmy. I am pretty sure you promised me a Big Bang”.

”Oh shizam biatch lets do this shit.”

The scene fades

Triple X Lister – John Travolta

”Oh what a rush!!”

The XXX Lister John Travolta has found himself hanging from his ankles by a leather strap. He is wearing a pair of leather hot pants and a full blown gimp mask. There is probably the most enormously beautiful woman circling him cracking a whip on his body in between having bites of her Big Mac. ”Ummm delicious”

Dwayne “The Schlong” Johnson has advised his friends that they needed to get into shape and get some training in before having their debut match on the XWF Saturday Night Shove it. The Listers agreed this would be a good idea so listened to any advice Dwayne had of them. The Rock said “Damn Travolta you have to toughen up a little.”

Travolta agreed with The Rock and asked the best way of doing this. In hindsight he isn’t sure if The Rock was joking of at least still trying to get revenge for the Power ranger toy up the ass trick the Listers played on him when he passed out at Dustin Diamond’s party a few weeks ago. Never the less he is here now getting spanked buy this cheese burger eating monster of a woman. He doesn’t really know what’s worse, that he had fallen for The Rock’s fake concerns or that his little Greased up wiener was throbbing in his little panties.

Finally the woman stops spanking him and walks out of the door leaving him hanging upside down in the room in the basement in her house that he remembered from the sign on the door was called, “THE EJACULATION CHAMBER”.

What that meant he did not know but it did sound quite exciting. He suddenly hears some sort of machine fire up. ”What the heck is that?”

He then hears the woman’s voice whisper into his ear. “The Ejaculator”.

You see it as been known that the male love juice is also a spunk-tastic face moisturiser. Now this large lady all through her life had suffered with a terrible case of dry skin and she was spending a fortune each week purchasing her self bottles and bottles of your generic branded moisturiser.

Well one day she was sat eating a calzone that had been specially baked around Dwayne “The Schlong” Johnson’s massive schlong. She was nibbling away at this calzone the mozzarella cheese and pepperoni falling out onto her large stomach, bits of sweet corn disappearing into her naval. Umm, save them for later. just trying to make it to The Rock hard centre. She finally made it just in time for The Schlong to explode into life all over her face. She jumped back with the shock of the sheer power of impact, but then her life of dry skin would be changed forever. You see The Rock said “You should rub that love juice in baby, clear that skin right up, trust me The Rock knows just ask Kirstie Ally.” She did rub it in and the results where amazing and that was the day she decided to build the ejaculator. The money she would save on moisturiser would be astonishing.

So back to now the nice young lady puts down her Twinkie and heads over to the machine that was rumbling in the corner and lifts up what is just a bit of rubber tubing that is attached to the ejaculator. She quickly heads over to Travolta and pulls his panties down and attaches the tubing to his little schlong. She then heads back over to the machine and grabs the big handle that is shaped like a wiener and yanks it down and the machine begins to whirl into life.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

The scene fades.

Triple X Lister – Neil Patrick Harris.

“What up, do any of you bitches know what my name stands for? No, well I’m gonna tell you.”

N = Neil. Yo that’s my name bitches don’t wear it out.

I = Insania. The musical masterpiece of an album by the great Peter Andre. Only joking that guys a little biatch but seriously I does equal insane which is what it was like at Luca Arzegotti's party a few weeks ago. Rocky was doing lines off of Mr. XWF's giant schlong.

E = Enormous titties. The greatest things in the world. High-Five.

L = Legen – Wait for it – Dary. That is what I is, what I am and what you all wish to be but you can’t because you just ain’t down, all the way down, down town.

P = Patrick. That is my middle name. You wanna be legen – wait for it - dary bitches then you better change your middle names to match this motherfucker. What Up.

A = Ass. That is what me and other XXX Listers are gonna kick on next weeks Saturday Night Shove it.

T = Time. Has anyone got the time I gotta date with Vin Diesel to get too? Lovin it strong.

R = Rubbing it hard. Like I will be doing later when I’m watching Black Swan for the millionth time. Gotta love a bit of that. There is enough there to make even the most no straight man in the world fill a sock. Yeeeeoooowwwwwwzzzzzzaaaaaa.

I = Important. That is what I am. I am an important person where as you are all just...well not, at all important.

C = Crabs. A bout of the crabs doesn’t harm anyone plus they way you got them are probably a great story to tell.

K = KICK IT. Is what I and the other XXX Listers will be doing to the asses next week on Shove it. Yeeeeeeeeehhaaaaawwww.

H = Harris. My surname, the greatest surname in the world. Ooosssshh,

A = Anal. Ummmm, my favourite.

R = Ring-itch. It’s caused by not wiping properly. Keep going until there is no more shit on the tissue.

R = Rubber. It’s what you use to fill up with water and throw at your friends. Apparently you can use them for the sex but I’m bareback all the way bitches.

I = I need to get the fuck out of here the drugs are wearing off.

S = Sesame Street. Thank you for inviting me to be a guest host on Sesame Street today it truly is a dream come true to work with TV greats like Bert and Ernie. I am sorry I accidently pulled Elmo's head off his body but that little bugger freaks me out.

So kids what lesson have you learned today. That’s right you have learned to spell my, Neil Patrick Harris’s name and also that I am considerably better than you. Now it the music lets get our grove on.

Neil Patrick Harris begins to dance with Bert and Ernie who his still holding Elmo's severed head.

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