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Stevie Tyler · **08-02-2013, 04:30 PM**

SERIOUSLY, SOMEONE’S GOING TO KILL STEVIE

Stevie Tyler touched down in Anaheim close to 2 hours ago. His head is reeling from the lack of sleep and jetlag…Not to mention the match he had with Eli James IV on Warfare. He checked into his hotel and put his bags in his room. He was ready to crash, when the hotel phone rang.

“Mr. Tyler?”

“Whaaaaaat?” he moaned like a kid who was getting asked to take out the trash.

“There’s a cab here to pick you up. Says he was sent by the XWF.”

Stevie hung up the phone and threw a tantrum on his bed. Kicking his feet and flailing his hands about. Of all the things he hated about being a pro-wrestler, he hated autograph signings second most. The first most would, of course, be actually being a pro-wrestler.

He finally sat up and grabbed his two (*COUNT ‘EM, BABY) titles and met the cabbie downstairs. Stevie smelled the guy before he saw him. He reeked of stale cigarettes and clothes that had been in the closet for 5 years with mothballs. It made him think of his aunt on his mom’s side of the family.

“You Stevie?” asked the cabbie. It was a relief to Stevie to not be recognized. Partly, because he was uncomfortable with the fame in the first place. Also, because most people that recognized him tried to attack him in order to get the X-Treme Championship. Seriously, people on the street would just hit him. They didn’t even have refs with them. How can you win a title without a ref? Hell, the amount of times his own roommate had made attempts on him was staggering enough.
[Image: alwaysunny-surprise.gif]

The drive took close to an hour. They finally arrived 40 minutes late to a local comic book shop. That, if nothing else, was a relief. A table was set up for Stevie in a back corner with a few pictures of him from PWI and other such magazines. They were for sale for $3 with an autograph. He set up the titles, and before long he had a couple of dad’s come by with their kids to pose with the championships and take pictures. Apparently all the kids loved Stevie.

It didn’t take long for the attention to die down. Stevie wandered the shop, flipping through a few old issues of Archie’s Mutanimals series. He noticed a girl standing by his table, so he went to greet her. She was around 5’1” and very slender. An Asian girl with a black shirt and pants. She held a picture in front of his face, glancing back and forth. Stevie reached to try to sign it for her. She snatched it back.

“You are Steven Nicholas Tyler, yes?” said the girl

“Y-yeah. How do you know my middle name?”

Without saying another word the girl leapt with a graceful somersault, landing on his shoulders. She drove punches down onto his head. Stevie screamed and dropped her with an electric chair through the table. A kid browsing Punisher comics saw it all and started chanting ‘HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!’ completely alone.

Stevie scrambled for the belts and tried to run for the door, but the girl had already recovered and beat him there. She kicked him in the stomach, causing him to bend and drop both belts. Then she toppled a case over on top of him.

“GARY! GARY!!!” Stevie desperately shouted as he tried to climb out from under the shelf. The girl kicked him solidly in the mouth. Stevie tried to crawl away when, suddenly, a sai came down right in front of his face. She didn’t want his titles. This chick wanted him dead.

Stevie rolled onto his back and she was standing over him. “YOU DIE NOW!” she shouted. Stevie moved his head side to side, dodging alternating sai-strikes. He poked her in the eye, and shook her off. Stevie ran, jumped, then bounced off of the front counter landing a staggering asai-double-axehandle. An old man who wandered in by accident saw JUST THAT and cracked Stevie in the back of the head with a cane for hitting a girl. Stevie saw stars and stumbled forward. His forehead rippled…His eyes turned black…The lights in the comic shop went out. When they came back on, Stevie had been replaced by the now familiar Gary!

Gary turned toward the old man and roared. “You don’t scare me! You know how many Vietcong I killed!?” Gary grabbed the old man by the throat and was stabbed in the back by a sai. He howled in pain, but turned and grabbed the girl as well. DOUBLE-CHOKESLAM through the front counter.

By this time, the noise in the store had attracted a lot of attention and people were crowding the door. Once they saw the battle was over, they started trickling in. Everyone in the crowd, begging for Gary’s autograph. It was the best day ever for Gary.

Gary found a secluded area and changed back, letting Stevie Tyler take control of his own mortal frame once again. Stevie checked his back. No mark from the sai. The XWF representative filed the police report on the entire situation, and paid the comic shop for all the property damage.

Later that night, Stevie turned on the TV and flipped it over to the news. The top story was that of a Japanese technology tycoon that had been found dead and skinned in New York. In the middle of the broadcast, the reporter stopped and listened intently to his earpiece. His face turned pale.

“I-I-I-I’m very sorry for the report on the death of Mr. Kenta. It appears he…he never existed in the first place. The entire story was fabricated. Ba-back to you, Nancy.”

*Gary’s interjection

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