Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Stevie Tyler · **08-01-2013, 04:59 PM**

BUT STEVIE DOES

After a grueling, losing effort against Eli James IV, and a loooonnnnnnng flight…Followed by 2 hours in Atlanta traffic…Stevie Tyler made it home. He was barely able to reach his door with his bags in hand, and, once he got there, couldn’t locate his keys. He tossed everything onto the ground, and grabbed his back in pain as all his clothes spilled onto the ground. He swore under his breath and found the keys only after dumping a few more things onto the ground.

He opened his door, propping it open with his foot, and bending at an odd angle to scoop everything up. Stevie promptly dropped everything, including the X-treme Title by the door. He closed his eyes, stretched, and let out a loud groan. He hadn’t even scanned the room yet. If he had, he wouldn’t have been startled.

“Busy night, eh?” said a voice that was unfamiliar to Stevie. Stevie jerked his head toward the couch and there was, what appeared to be, a middle-aged Asian man, wearing nothing but boxers, sprawled across his couch. The man seemed to be covered in a thin layer of glistening sweat and Doritos crumbs.

Stevie barely questioned it. “Are you one of LJ’s friends?” I said ‘barely’.

“Nah. Never heard of him. You don’t mind me ordering a few PPVs while you were out, do you?”

“The hell?” blurted.

“I’m sorry, man. My name’s Nura. I’d shake your hand, but I’m not sure where it’s been. Know what I mean?”

Stevie wasn’t sure what he meant, but he had a few ideas and they were all disgusting. Especially since he could now see his remote control jammed between the couch and the man’s back.

Just then, LJ came in with a cat.

“’Sup?” Nura said.

“’Sup?” LJ replied, as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?” screamed Stevie. “How are you cool with this guy being here AND WHY IS THERE A CAT IN YOUR ARMS!?”

“You are totally damaging my calm right now,” said Nura. LJ agreed. “I’m gonna’ go smoke. You got one?” LJ nodded and they both went outside to the apartment balcony after LJ dropped the cat. It peed immediately.

Stevie didn’t even bother to clean it up. He collapsed onto his couch, forgetting about the sweat that had beaded up on the home invader. He smelled it, though, and jumped right back up. He twisted his back while doing so. Stevie sat in a chair next to the couch, instead, wiped off the remote control and looked at the TV.

Porn. Of course, it was porn. Gross, grandma stuff too. Stevie tried to change the channel, and nothing happened. PPV. Dammit. He closed stopped it and checked the history on his cable. Nura had managed to rack up $6,000 worth of pornography on his television. The internet was literally 5ft away. What the hell?

Stevie flew into a rage as Nura and LJ reentered the apartment.

“Are you ready to chil…,” LJ barely said before Stevie was flying toward Nura.

He wrapped his hands around Nura’s throat and was blasted backward by an electrical shock. Stevie flew over the chair and tumbled back over the couch, ending face first in a soggy, smelly cushion.

Stevie grabbed the remote control and threw it at him. He caught it with ridiculously fast reflexes and sat it on the entertainment center.

“Bro, you need to callllllllm down,” said LJ, who then lazily walked into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Stevie buried his head in his hands. “I’m sick of this. I’m so sick of this. All I wanted in life was to just be cool. To just sit here, relaxed, just doing my thing and everything being cool.”

“Listen, man, I hear ya’. That’s all I’m lookin’ for too,” said Nura, attempting to comfort Stevie. He wasn’t successful.

“No, dude. You don’t get it. It’s you guys that’s screwing everything up. I keep getting one demon after the other coming after me or whatever and…and…I just got my ass kicked by a crazy preacher…I’m getting smacked around every time I go to the grocery store. There’s weird guys following me on the street. I’m puking all over the house all the time. I’m so sick of you guys. I just want to be left alone.”

“Whoa…Umm…You think I’m a demon?” Nura asked?

“YOU ELECTROCUTED ME!” yelled Stevie.

“Yeah, that’s just something I do. Man, I didn’t mean to, my body just makes me. I’m sorry. I’m not a demon, though.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You mean demons just show up here?”

“All the time. I may be crazy, but at least I don’t just show up in people’s houses and spend $6,000 ON PAY-PER-VIEW PORN!”

“Look, I understand you’re upset right now. In my defense…It was really awesome porn and you weren’t home,” Nura said, tilting his head with a look that wreaks of a sincere desire to be understood.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE!”

“Well, you know, man…Honestly? I was trying to figure that out myself, and then you told me about those demons. My guess is you’re possessed or something, so you’ve probably got the taint on you.”

LJ could be heard snickering like an idiot in the other room. He yelled, “HE SURE DOES!”

Nura winced a little, then snickered. “Yeah…See, I’m not a demon, per se. I’m a spirit. I guess anything in my dimension or theirs is gonna’ be attracted to you.”

“Then why’d you just crash here? Why didn’t you show up where I was already?”

“My thing is I just sorta’ move in and use all your stuff. I mean, I get how that can be seen as rude and all, but…It’s kinda’ rude when people don’t try to understand you, ya’ know? I mean, it’s my nature. Asking me to not run up your cable bill with porn would be like me asking you not to breathe.”

“GET OUT!” shouted Stevie. “GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!”

“Not that easy, man. I’m here to stay. Also, if you wouldn’t mind, we really need to get this place cleaned, ‘cause there’s gonna’ be a party here in about 20 minutes. I sorta’ invited everyone on craigslist.”

Stevie stormed out of the apartment and spent the night in a hotel. This shit was getting out of hand.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Ain't No Party Like A Nura Party 'Cause A Nura Don't Stop
Author	Message