"The savior of the failing movie franchise is here. Prepare to once again be thought of as great actors, successful actors and most of all be prepared for the big fat pay check that will be falling into your bank accounts thanks to me... Dwayne “The Schlong” Johnson... Biatches!!!"


"That’s right my little donkey-schlongs. Thanks to yours truly you will again be able to buy your cocaine, indulge in extreme uncensored sex shows with the prostitutes of the Hollywood Hills, yes soon you will be able to buy that expensive new automobile you have been craving for so long, then you will be able to drive that automobile directly into your brand new swimming pool in the back of your Beverley Hills Mansion. You will again be looked upon as heroes of this dear planet of ours, you will no longer be thought of as washed up has been, a failure or even a never was."


"I am here to save this franchise from inevitable doom of pre-owned rental bins and Wal-Mart staff rooms, all at the same time as pulling you all out of the obscurity of loneliness and bankruptcy so please do not hesitate to thank me for all I have done for you, you families and for this god damn movie. One final word from me... I am proud to be your brand new hero."


“Now who wants to go get f#cked up with me and Dong?”



“Uh Rocky, this isn’t your first day on set of the new Harry Potter movie!!!”


It isn’t? Where the hell am I then, why did I have to do that big speech?


“Umm, you didn’t have to do that big speech, were at Hill Valley Junior high School, you’re supposed to be telling the kids about how drugs are bad for you and to stay in school and stuff.”


“Are you sure? “ The Rock looks out to his audience of about thirty young kids looking at him eyes wide. He walks over towards the front row and points at a timid looking kid with glasses.


“This kid really does look like Harry Potter, I bet there is a ginger one here somewhere too, there’s always a ginger kid.”The Rock looks out over the audience.


“No Dwayne, this is definitely a school and not the set of the new Harry Potter.”


The Rock has a slight confused look on his face as he returns to the podium where he was giving his speech. “Why didn’t you tell me before then? I’m not a mind reader you know.” The Rock stands at the podium and looks out to the kids.


“Well that was awkward.” He clears his throat. “ Drugs are bad ok, don’t do them unless you can afford them. Nobody likes the dude that comes to a party and a smokes up everyone else’s shit. Always bring your own or don’t do it at all.” The Rock looks over towards his agent. “That better?” The agent's head is in his hands as the thoughts of lawsuits come flooding through his mind.


“Can someone get this Muppet an aspirin, i think he has a headache, Ha, he probably has a hangover after last night, you kids should have seen him drinking champagne out of Rosie O’Donnell’s naval cavity.”


The agent head still in his hands burst into tears of worry and runs out of the school gymnasium. “Fu#king Pus#y. So do any of you kids have any questions for The Great Schlong?”


All the kids just look around the room at each other, each nudging their friends to ask the first question. Eventually a small girl with pig tails slowly puts her hand up in the air. The Rock stops staring up and down one of the hot bodied female teachers when he notices the girl’s hand.


“Hey there sweetie, you have a question for The Rock?


The little girl nods nervously and drops her hand back down to her side.


”You look nervous sweetie, there is no need to be nervous The Rock won’t bite, you far too young but pass my number on to your mamma. So just relax take a deep breath and let fire with your question... Oh wait how rude of me. You know The Rock’s name it is only polite that I would know yours. What is your name?


The little girl opens her mouth to begin to speak The Rock seems to be agitated like he is waiting for the perfect moment...............”Lucy”


Lucy, what a lovely name, and kids what do we all know about people named Lucy?? People who are named Lucy’s mothers are almost always hot. So please Lucy don’t forget to pass on The Rocks number to your mama.


Lucy nods her head.



”Ok then Lucy, what is your question that you would like to ask The Rock?



”What is your fav..”IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR QUESTION TO ASK THE ROCK IS!!!


Lucy jumps at The Rock shouting at her.


Just concentrate your little cotton socks on remembering to give your mama The Rocks number. God damn kid’s nowadays all they ever do is talk, talk, talk. Just smoke some weed and chill your beans will ya, damn.


Lucy gets up and runs out of the hall crying.


”Oh that’s it run off crying to mommy, don’t forget to give her The Rocks number!” The Rock looks back to the remaining class members.”See what happened there kids? She was weak, couldn’t handle the pressure, I can see that you are all different. Now who here likes wrestling?”


Almost all the kids put their hands up in the air hollering and shouting, me, me, me, and me. The Rock smiles and raises his eyebrow. ”Good because The Rock is gonna talk a little wrestling with you seeing has his agent is probably passed out in a pool of his own puke and urine as we speak.


Some of the kids heave at the thought before regaining their composure and focusing their full attention on whatever The Rock is about to say.


”It’s a hot digidy dang good time to be The Rock kids, you wanna know why? Because The Rock has only gone and got himself an X-Treme Title match on Saturday Night Shove it. Yeah booiiiiiiiii!!! I think you would agree that it is some damn good news. Almost as good as the news we heard the other day when The Rock was told that it had FINALLY been made official, he officially has the largest Schlong in the world. Oh yes, it was close battle though, The Rocks uber-schlong was only a quarter of an inch bigger than second place Verne Troyers.”


“So back to the wrestling, does anybody know who the X-Treme Champion is?”


A few of the kids put their hands up, waiting them about, The Rock points at the kid with glasses in the front row.


”Ok Harry Potter, who is the current XWF X-Treme Champion?”


The kid looks a bit annoyed as his friends laugh at him for being called Harry Potter.


”Ummm, is it, Luca Arzegotti?


”Really? I mean REALLY! You genuinely think Arseface is the XWF X-Treme Champion. I thought you were supposed to be a wizard Harry. Wizards are smarter than that Harry. I must tell my agent when I finally do get to the set of the new Harry Potter that we will replace the normal Harry with the Ginger kid, at least he will know who the XWF X-Treme Champion is, I mean seriously Luca Arzegotti, the only thing X-Treme about that kid is his love affair with John Madison, do you see them to tickling each other all over the arena at Leap of Faith.


So no Harry Pothead it is not Luca Arzegotti. Does anyone else want to have a go at telling me who the X-Treme Champ is?


A ginger kid on the back row puts his hand up to answer the question, The Rock points at him for the answer. Tony Santos? The Rock looks to the Harry Potter looking kid and raises his eyebrow. “See, the ginger one is the brains” The Rock looks back to the ginger kid on the back row and smiles.


”Yes Ron, you are correct it is Tony Santos, who is Tony Santo’s I hear you all whisper in your little kiddy voices. Well let The Rock explain to you who he is. Uhhhh, wellllll, he is currently … the XWF X-Treme Champion that’s who he is. So I guess that mean he will probably be a tough competitor for The Rock to handle. The Rock holds his hands up and winces a little bit. ”Sorry kids, that was a lie, I know The Rock should lie to you, lying is bad, remember that ok. The Rock will tell you the truth now.


Tony Santos is as The Rock said The X-Treme Champion, the difference is The Rock doesn’t really think it will be much of a challenge for The Rock, I mean wowza, and the guy is a baboon. Ok he is not literally a baboon, but there many common aspects between the two of them. I mean for starters Baboons are terrestrial which means they are a ground dwelling creature, Tony Santos is similar in the fact that he is a ground dweller or I should probably say bottom feeder, that’s right even though he is holding that extreme title around his waist he is still stuck at the bottom rung of the ladder staring obscurity in the face. Another similarity between Tony Santos and a Baboon is obviously that there main predator is the human, baboons being killed or captured for resources and Tony getting his ass handed to him by yours truly for that XWF X-Treme Title. The last think that shows that Tony Santos and a baboon are very much alike is that like a female baboon Tony presents his swollen rump to a possible mate in the hope of initiating a potential mating session…. That means mummy and daddy night-time fun time too you kids who don’t understand. Unfortunatly for Tony he isn't very good at this, not like Lucy's mother I'm sure


So there you go Tony “The Baboon” Santos. Is he a worthy champion, I don’t think so, in fact I am not even sure how he managed to get his hairy little baboon hands on XWF gold, it is a sacrilege really, a crime against all of the past, worthy champions, it is my job to amend this crime and restore the record books to a more worthy stature.


The ginger kid at the back pipes up again.


"Oh no wait Tony Santos lost the belt, I just remembered."


"WHAT!!! Who is the champ now then."


"I don't know."


"You have let me down Ron, you have just showed yourself to be no better than Harry sat down here. What a let down. Oh well it doesn't matter The Roxk will just have to layeth the smackers down on whoever the champ is then wont he."


[orange]"And Tony Santos, it's a triple threat match now."[orange]


"A threeway? How exciting. The Rock better shine his schlong up real nice for this one. So final thought from me is for you all to stand and admire who will soon be your X-Treme Champion.


The Rock stands triumphantly with his fist on his hips and his chest pushed out. He stands there for a while before clearing his throat. He continues to stand there posing in this way for a little while longer until clearing his throat again… and again….again….and again. Rocky finally gives out one massive cough and then returns to the pose of chest pushed out and fist clenched on his waist in victory.


Finally his agent comes running in to the room holding a red piece of material. He ties the material around The Rocks shoulders and neck and lets it hang down like a cape. The Rock remains motionless just stood looking triumphant. His agent then goes into a cupboard in the room and pulls out a fan, he sets it up just perfectly to the side of The Rock before turning it on letting the wind it caused to blow The Rocks new super cape in the wind.


Just like Superman.

1 x X-Treme Champion (For about 40 seconds)