The following message is not recorded on video, as Luca often times does as of late. In fact, it's not even on a tape recorder. All it is, is a letter, written out and addressed to the home of Paul Heyman of all people. As your eyes skim the page without reading a single word, you notice that the smudges on the page and darkened color of everything could tell you that this is possibly a photocopy. However, if that were the truth, then who else would it be sent to? Well, let's wait and find out...

Well, the days draw nearer to my inevitable encounter with Nightmare, the man I've already beaten. Alongside him, and dragging him to the nearest flickering shade of a chance is the European champion, Sid Feder. Three Times Better or not, the lump of Nightmare's fucking corpse is way too much for him to carry alone against just myself. Throw into the mix Mr. Satellite, and you've got a pretty tough mountain to climb with only one good man. So thanks again Paul, giving me this fucking easy workload to ensure you have a job next week, it would suck for you be hanging out on the street, holding up your "Will be a lying, underhanded prick for food" sign after such a cushy job, right?

Of course it would, so keep it up! I may break a sweat in this match! Fuck it, I got your next main event for Madness, go ahead, book it now! Luca Arzegotti vs. The Connection. Come on Paulie, you know there's nothing these fans want to see more than the entirety of the mid-card melancholic, "Oh woe is me, I'm not good enough to get up the card, so it's all someone else's fault" team actually give them a reason to support them climbing up anywhere. And you know that there's nothing I want to do more than crush those dreams.

Well, maybe to find someone who can actually challenge me in a bit of verbal warfare that isn't a friend of mine.

However, back to the Connection. I wish I could offer you some advice, because you all seem like good people underneath all of that whining.

Wait a minute, since when do I like nice people? Fuck it, you're all a bunch of boring, holier than thou pricks! That's right, for the first time in the history of ever, I'm saying what's on the fans' minds! Oh wait, the fans wouldn't know talent if it hit them in the head, right? Go on, that's the most original argument I've heard in my entire life.

While you're busy listing off all your supposed superiority to myself, I'd like to counter with one of my own.

The fact that I am without a doubt, the meanest man on the roster. Satty can't match me in terms of pure unadulterated doucheiness, Feder just isn't on my level when it comes to having a bad attitude with everyone (For fucks sake, he's all buddy-buddy with the Fuhrer of FAT, Peter Gilmour!) Madison can't be bothered to waste his time on many people, hence why I've stepped up my game in recent months. Not because I'm an asskisser (by the way, nice insult there, I can feel the originality seeping off of it) but because it's frankly fun.

Fun. The last thing you losers would understand.

So, to commemorate my mean streak (and to make you cry some more) how about I respond to all of you, one by one? That sounds like a good idea to me! Now, where to start?

Andrew Morrison. The master of mindless mind games. The last man on the roster who would make any sort of impact on his own so he decided to join a group of those just as vanilla as he is. Maybe they can feel the impact when I dent their skulls with whatever I manage to have in my hand, because Heyman could even make that match no hold barred, or hardcore, or whatever else he wants to name it so athletic commissions don't shut the place down. So, let's look at the gem Andrew # 1 (Oddly enough, the only time he's ever been number one at anything) has bestowed upon us!

Disclaimer, this is going to suck, so don't kill yourself.

Or do, fuck it. Disclaimers aren't my thing.

I'll be going through this promo for the first time as I write this, mind you. You all get to hear (Well, read) my raw reactions! Because that's always fun, I do tend to cut out the especially mean parts normally, just to cut time. Well, Andrew # The First isn't going to get that treatment, is he?

Again, the Kissass comment, because I totally didn't just put that down on this pad moments ago. Go on, that train of thought really is a hilarious one, especially considering the fact that I'm not the one whose promos are being ghost written by the queen bee of your moronic hive. Keep it up! A+ work right here!

I love how you love being called on your shit. Duke sucked in the first place, no need to copy him of all people. Also, you haven't done anything worth while, want me to give proof? You lost to Hunter Payne, the man who lost to some fucking chick twice! After mocking him for that fact, mind you. The fact that you haven't escaped the lower tiers of the card and had to go up against JTC and his prostitute on Pay Per View proves just how little you've done. Go on, say you're in the same league as John Austin and Nightmare (Both men who've lost to me) when you can't even get the job done against most of your opponents. Hell, you would've lost to Swift "Shemale pride worldwide!" Ion if that match wasn't called off. The fact that a Table has more talent than you is embarrassing. The fact that JTC is the toughest win you can claim is pathetic. Everything about you screams embarrassment, and I'm surprised you haven't just lost your job yet. Also, you'll never do anything worthwhile, and this amateur hour (so far, it can only get better from here, right?) promo you're cutting just proves it.

Ohmigawd guise, he just brought up the Crimson Knights! The team of Knightmask and that other Crimson guy who I beat. That's right, I beat him in a match. Go on, keep bragging about how an assault proves your superiority. Yeah, sounds silly even by your standards.

More "I know you are, but what am I?" playground bullshit. Are we debating each other, or is Dezzy so out of insults that by the time he came to writing your promo, he just regurgitating my words in a mocking manner? Fucking (Anti)Christ man (get it? Because he's such a dark and scary individual! Am I allowed in your little collection of MENSA members? I more than fit your MO of insults, I exceed them! Oh wait, Dezzy's the star here, and you're all playing second fiddle) can you get any more generic?

Scratch that, you probably can.

I'm also glad that I embarrass all of you, because I brag about it a lot. For a bunch of schoolyard bullies, you're pretty shit at it. I mean, giving me the words I crave (embarrassed, humiliated, etc.) is just making me more apt to do it again. Who knows, maybe I'll stomp on your hands on my way to another screwjob. Maybe I'll swindle Dezzy into the opportunity to sucker you in to an "I respect you" match, where you'll be forced to say those words, which we both know would tear your psyche to shreds. Think about it.

Also, Eli would've carried Rex to victory even if team Knightmask wasn't assaulted, so take that out of your spiel. Also, you're pretty bad at your business then, losing like that to Hunter Payne. Losing that Battle Royal that left you out of the Main Event of WCW. All those are shining lights of how lost you actually are, cunt.

And we finish it with more schoolyard bullshit. Way to go Dezzy, you really write winning lines.

Next we have Andrew # 2, oh wait. All he's been doing is proving me right, and making himself look like even more of a Union Jack worshiping moron. No, that's not a reference to your admittedly funny over stereotype jobs. I mean, there's only two things I want to even mention about you, because everything else has been so underwhelmingly terrible.

One, you should've stuck with the kicking your ass thing. Breaking my nose sounds less like a bigger man threat and more like a sucker punch cunt move. Oh wait, you're in that group that brags about an assault on a team that shouldn't have given them any trouble in a real match if they were really any good. So, go on and correct me, it really doesn't make you look like a pussy. What's next; are you going to beg me not to go after you anymore? Are you going to sit here and cry all over the place? I only ask because I felt like dropping myself to your standards for a moment. Chap.

Two, you said that Gilly was a threat to anything other than a double cheeseburger. That alone destroys your credibility. You also compared your group to him, double credibility crusher there, my not enemy.

Then there's Austin, the king of disappointment himself. Let's see what he had to say about me, shall we? Calling me overrated, when the BEST WRESTLER ALIVE can get pinned by me. Hey, remember when I pinned you AND Punk at the SAME TIME? Any more claims to the best thing? Come on, someone might buy it. Maybe X Raided will believe it. Chessmaster might challenge you to a game. Me? I just want to prove one point. That I can even steal other people's shtick's better than you.

You know all the people you rip off with the "Best Ever" thing?

Well, Luca 3:16 says I whipped your ass already. So, when are you giving me that distinction?

Fucking worthless cunt.

And now, to our friend, Nightmare.

To what do I owe the displeasure of the worst stuff I have ever heard in my entire life being spewed my way? I've come across JTC promos that made more sense (and had less simultaneous idiocy) than the shit you've been putting out so far. Maybe Feder beat your drive to death. Now, all you are is a husk, preaching the gospel of the Connection.

Also, all of the comic book references. What, do you even understand half of the things you said? Somehow, the man who makes people's dreams dark is the Batman, Superman, and Eliot Ness?

Stop picking names out of a hat.

But, here's one for you.

I'm the Conrad Murray to your Michael Jackson. Putting you out of your misery.

And, to keep up with the trend, let me end this with some song lyrics that are more impactful than your poetry. This sample comes to you from the song "Lovin' It" by Little Brother.

"I wake up every morning...

...Holdin' my dick."

Great job Nightmare.

You really got me.