Hello everybody my name is Roger and i have been having a bit of a practice at all of my skills in wrestling and acrobatics and teamwork in preparation for combat with those bell-ends John Thug and Tommy Thug and i swear on the grave of the all powerful Liz of House Windsor that if their little whore friends Reggie Thug or the alphabet man or the latina submarine machine dare to get involved i will hire an assassin to have a murder of their mums even if they are lovely mums and make delicious pie or ragout or lasagne and as you and i all know i am definitely not having a laugh here because i would never joke about her grace Liz of House Windsor who is the greatest of all rulers in history and her shoe-faced son Charles the King can only hope that his face that looks like a shoe is in anyway good enough to be like walking in her royal shoes although it probably isn't.

Naturally i am not going into battle by myself because i am not an idiot like Charles the King so i have the super strong Molly the Barnes to help me out which is going to be very helpful because once upon a time she dropped me on my soulful head and stopped my mind from being mastered by the diabolic mind master which was a really useful thing to learn and then last time on Anarchy we had a four way that wasn't a sexy kind because i didn't want to sex with a french canadian let alone one who likes to poop the bed because then where else would we sex if not the bed maybe in the bathroom but that's where i like to poop and i bet Molly the Barnes does too so that just feels a but redundant and i don't know where submarines have a poop but it's probably the ocean and that was my third choice for a place to sex so we all just stuck to having a wrestle and Molly the Barnes dropped the latina submarine machine on her head this time and not me which showed me she is capable of anything and the perfect partner to destroy John Thug and Tommy Thug and send them back to Mummy Thug embarrassed and ashamed of their life choices.

In order to prepare i thought it was a good idea for Molly the Barnes and i to meet up for a mug of delicious tea and a muffin or a scone and to discuss strategies in the greatest city of them all foggy london and because i know she is from the land of England too i thought what a great idea but then when i went to every high quality café in foggy london which was about 27 different cafés and it took me all day and in none of them did i see my dear friend Molly the Barnes and i hope she didn't go to a terrible café where the tea tastes like it came from Ireland and the muffins taste like they came from Wales and the scones taste like they came from the world famous trickery forges of Holland where they spike them with brown sugar instead of white.

So this has been the story of my life for the past week or so as i expanded my search to all of the good quality pet stores of which there are 14 in foggy london and all of the good quality swimming pools in foggy london which can be 69 in the month of July but in October is really only 7 and they're all well far apart and then when i had done that i had a search of the best quality Aldis which are all of them and that's why it is my favourite place on earth and Molly the Barnes wasn't any of them and i even had my best friend Prince Ibrahim of triumphant Niger look in the best graveyards of foggy london because i was a bit scared to do it myself and i don't know how many he had a look in but he swore to me on the great Liz of House Windsor that he never saw Molly the Barnes in any of them and he knows how important the treasured Liz of House Windsor is to my happiness and to his visa so he wouldn't lie about that and that now leaves me in quite the predicament.

I asked myself how on earth am i supposed to plan the downfall of the Thug brothers if i cannot even find my partner in justice and the answer i came up with was that maybe i could do my best against them by going to the graveyard myself and having a fight with a ghoul because this is going to be a scary edition of Anarchy and there were going to be skeletons around the ring when i have my fight and we all know that in the rock-paper-scissors of the supernatural world ghouls are strong against skeletons like a squirtle against a charmander and werewolves are strong against ghouls and vampires are strong against werewolves and zombies are strong against vampires and ghosts are strong against zombies and skeletons are strong against ghosts and it's like the circle of life but with more satanic rituals and they're all strong against mummies because mummies suck they're like the peppermint tea of the supernatural world but if i can learn a ghoul's secrets i might be able to defeat the skeletons and then maybe i can defeat Johnny Thug and Tom Thug too.

So there i was heading off to the graveyard with Prince Ibrahim of famous Niger nearby for backup with garlic and hamsters which of course are known to cause ghouls to jump in fright when they see garlic and hamsters together but just as i was going to enter the graveyard and call out a ghoul in their bastard native tongue of Dutch a pigeon flew overhead and dropped a scroll into my hand and at first i wondered if the ghoul was trying to curse me but then i saw on it the official seal of that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt and a ghoul would never dare pick a fight with a demonic entity like a Hollywood actor so i knew it was legitimate and when i unravelled the scroll this is what it said to me:

"Bonjour, you slut! I have captured your tag team partner Molly Barnes and am holding her captive at the best store in all of foggy london called H&M and my favourite of all of those is the one in Fitzrovia so that's where I have her.

Signed, legendary necromancer, Hollywood man of sex, and pretty good student of cabinet-making, Joseph Gordon-Levitt."

When i finished having a read of this while standing outside the graveyard i yelled at the top of my lungs 'that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt!' and startled a nearby ghoul whom i promptly apologised to and have agreed to have a duel at a later date as is the custom in such matters and then i raced off to the H&m in Fitzrovia where on a scale from Aldi to the American Revolution most H&m stores are only two rungs removed from the American Revolution sitting between the Dutch and earthquakes but the store in the suburb that is called Fitzrovia is closer to the Dutch than earthquakes because there is another H&m like five minutes walk away in the suburb that is called Soho and there is also a TK Maxx right across the street so just go there and have some self-respect you savages.

When i arrived at that awful hellhole H&m in Fitzrovia i noticed it was closed which was weird because that renowned hot sun of foggy london that started this whole mess was still in the sky and i had it on good authority that employees of H&m were vampires and the customers were zombies who are strong against vampires and so H&m is always open in the daytime because it makes it so the vampires have no escape from their more powerful foes until the sun sets and that's how H&m makes all of its literal blood money and so now i am here but there are no vampires or zombies anywhere in sight so it immediately made me suspicious especially when i saw that all of the mannequins were making rude gestures to me.

After destroying every last mannequin with the warhammer i brought with me that was a gift from Prince Ibrahim's father to me for saving his sweet boy's life from prostitution and drugs i was then left having a stare at a placard place between the men's pyjamas and the boxer shorts that said:

"Haha I got you, you ignorant tramp!"

That was when i knew i had been had and i spun around to come face-to-face with a cute and cuddly lizard whom i presumed was named Albuquerque and it spoke to me in a language that only the mystics of the scottish highlands would ever understand but i got the general gist that that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt had never even captured Molly the Barnes because he couldn't find her at any of the good cafés or pet stores or swimming pools or Aldis either and now instead of saving her i had been lured into a trap to battle this cute and cuddly lizard to final death even though i had a lose of a non-sexy four way in Albuquerque last show and the prophecy told me that was the way for me to have a a learn of how to kill a necromanced adorable little reptile.

Albuquerque and i engaged in a ferocious battle through every department of this terrible world called the H&m of Fitzrovia and i began to feel weak like the lizard had transformed into an ankylosaur who had now been bludgeoning me in the head with its wrecking ball tail but thankfully the cute and cuddly lizard named Albuquerque thought that i too had been transformed into an ankylosaur and what a sight to see that would have been two ankylosaurs engaged in a battle to the death inside the barren wasteland known as H&m in Fitzrovia knocking over all of the vampires coffins indeed that would be anarchy with a lowercase a.

After stunning Albuquerque with my tail and transforming back into Roger the human i then raised my warhammer over my head and splatted the cute and cuddly lizard into jelly and I did this even though i did not win a non sexy four way in the town named after the lizard which the prophecy told me was necessary to do so instead it looks like the power was within me all along which makes a lot of sense because now i understand why that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt is so terrified of me and now i have destroyed one of the animals he plans to overthrow the planet that is called earth with and i also know that i can slay that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt's literal gorilla which means my power is only growing and it's going to take a lot to stop me even though i couldn't find Molly the Barnes and might have to have a fight of John Thug and Tommy Thug and maybe even Reggie Thug and the alphabet man and the latina submarine machine all by myself because Molly the Barnes may have been poisoned by tea that is from Ireland or muffins taste are made from whales or scones spiked with Dutch hatred.

Thank you for listening to my tale and in the name of the sweet and tender Liz of House Windsor i say Happy Halloween!!!