The French Canadian Bed Shitter stands before you!

“I can not understate how much I hate Americans, you are all ridiculous, with your need for grocery stores. In Quebec, we don’t have those at all, we all congregate in a market square and barter for dinner!”

“Take my opponents this week!”

“Molly Barnes, the first full-blooded Yankee Doodle doofus in this match, the very definition of an ignorant American! She is absolutely ashamed of it herself, PRETENDING to be British, but she couldn’t tell a steak and kidney pie from a hole in the ground! She’s obviously a deluded, self-loathing American, and she will feel the wrath of Quebec!”


French Canadian Bed Shitter shakes his head in disapproval, knowing the wrath of Quebec is absolute.

“Then we look at the next Americunt present in the glory of this French Canadian Bed Shitter, a man who bathes in Budweiser and sleeps in a McDonalds. Roger, pfft, what a contrived run of the mill American you are. Again, you play like you’re British with that horrible fake sounding accent of yours. Roger, let me tell you what I will say right now, and it goes for Molly Barnes as well.”

“You are gross.”

“You are inferior.”

“You are a worthless example of humanity because of how American you are. You celebrate Wal-Mart and praise pork! In Quebec, pork is reserved for the dregs of society, we do not deign to eat bacon! It is below us! We drink wine and are cultured!”

French Canadian Bed Shitter lets loose a massive fart. Imagine a cube the size of a refrigerator. That kind of fart. He smiles with delight.

“Looks like I must find a hotel room soon!”

“Then, there’s the third filthy American I face in my debut match where I exemplify the dominance of Quebec.”

“Ah, sweet Quebec.”

“We have customs, as opposed to you silly Americunts.”

“The Biannual Midsummer Freeze Tag Jam, for instance, is the greatest way for society to unwind en-masse, and it’s peaceful, as opposed to whatever stupid American hooplah. We all still fondly remember 2006, and hope to once again have as great a game of freeze tag, or as we call it, ‘le public se touche de joie’, because we speak a sophisticated language. French Canadian French.”

French Canadian Bed Shitter smiles fondly.

“Well, the obviously American third opponent I will dominate will not be touched publicly for joy by me, no! I will take the Americunt that is Latina Submission Machina and break her!”