"Hello everybody my name is Roger and when i returned to foggy london after having a fight of a literal gorilla named a literal gorilla everybody in my favourite store whose name is Aldi was telling me good job Roger old chap and they all started calling me Roger the Relentless and i had never met the butcher named Merv before but the butcher named Merv gave me a free slab of pork chops and we had a wee chinwag and he seemed nice and we both like walking in the sun on a hot day which is kind of what got me into this mess to begin with and when i told my good friend Prince Ibrahim of Niger he said whoa Roger don't get too close to Merv or else that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt might have a murder of him as he has already sent eleven assassins after me but i broke their backs and burned their bodies and Merv seems swell but i don't think he has that in him.

I think that tall dark and handsome man whose name is Prince Ibrahim was very right so i left Merv behind on the sidewalk with a bouquet of tulips and then went off to discover the secret to defeating that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt's animal tricksters that he plans to use to steal the hearts and minds of all of the world's children and of course this led me to the majestic london zoo where as the clever Welsh saying goes you never know if you can truly defeat a literal gorilla unless you have defeated two other literal gorillas and as we all know i had a world famous victory over one literal gorilla at Relentless and at the majestic london zoo i had a wrestle of another literal gorilla and now i know for absolute certain that i can defeat one of that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt's henchanimals.

Unfortunately for me there is more than just a literal gorilla to defeat if i want to save my lovely rabbit Elmer and stop that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt rom ruining everybody's new years kisses so while i was at the majestic london zoo i went to see all of the cute and cuddly lizards but none of them were named Alberquerque which threw me for a loop but the master of the lizard keepers at the zoo told me a story about a salamander she captured after it escaped from a french canadian brothel and she named it Montreal but it wouldn't listen to her until she went to Montreal and defeated three other humans in a battle of fists and i said hey what a coincidence i am scheduled to have a bit of a fight with two other humans and one submarine in Alberquerque and that is the name of the lizard i must battle and the master of the lizard keepers said the submarine might be an issue but it was worth a shot.

I knew that continuing to practise my combat skills in the wrestling federation that is very xtreme with an x but not an e would pay off as i continued on my quest to smash that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt into a brazilian little pieces but the master of the lizard keepers was right because the submarine had defeated me previously and so had the beautiful Molly the Barnes who taught me about dropping my head on my enemies to prevent them mastering my mind and so i would have my work cut out for me trying to have a fight of them all at once.

Elmer the great would want me to try my hardest and so i will do my best to do better this time but i don't know much about this other person because all i know about french canadia is that story about the salamander and maybe this person escaped from a brothel too or maybe they were kicked out because they kept having a little poop in the bed that the brothel dwellers needed to sex upon and really the whole thing is a mystery i just hope they don't mistake me for a bed because my handsome nan just knitted me some new wrestling trunks and they are white and if my past experience tells me anything it is really hard to scrub bum mud out of white clothes.

The latina submarine machine might look more like a bed than me so hopefully they are the one who gets pooped on and that would leave me to drop my head on Molly the Barnes enough to defeat her but not enough to cause her mortal damage because she is nice and i will be careful where i have a drop of my head too because i don't want to hit her rude bits and give her the wrong impression even though her skin is as clear as the skies over foggy london will be when that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt finally meets his end.

If my calculations are correct having a throw of my head at my friend Molly the Barnes while the latina submarine machine gets pooped on will be a very cunning plan but i need to come up with a backup just in case it is Molly the Barnes who gets pooped on and i have to defeat a submarine which i couldn't do last time but i have done some research and submarines are weak against naval mines but i don't have any so maybe i need to find a grenade to throw at them because grenades are like cute and cuddly mines just like the lizard named Albuquerque that i have to kill is cute and cuddly so that all comes full circle and makes a lot of sense and my plan is all coming together now but if i am the one who gets pooped on i guess i will just have a shower.

Thank you for listening to my tale."