A lot of fans argued that the more "experienced" team in Barney Green and Calypso would emerge victorious against the "newcomers" that are Isaiah King and Vagabond, but in the end the "n00bs" got the dub (W). Even though it was Isaiah King pinning Barney that ended the match, Vagabond was no slouch in the ring either. Despite Barney's constant attempts to harass "Mean" Jolene, who was in her husband's corner, Vagabond maintained a level head throughout the match and proved that he could team up with almost anyone and do just fine.

His secret is that he's no stranger to random pairings. Over the course of the past 15 years, he's had new partners, repeat partners, traitorous partners, deadbeat partners, you name it! For years Vagabond has been looking for the right person to team up with, and the only candidate who's ever come close to being Vagabond's OFFICIAL tag team partner was a man by the name of Clyde Rover. They started off their wrestling careers together and when either of them got into a pinch and needed a friendly face on their side, they had each other. They won every match they had together and it would've only been a matter of time until they held gold around their waists, but one injury after another kept one or both of them out of action for varying lengths of time and things just never panned out. The timing was always off. Until now. Thanks to Joe Dohn, Vagabond's brother-in-law and interim agent, Vagabond and Clyde Rover will finally get their chance at tag team gold as the last Weekend Warfare before March Madness takes place in El Paso, Texas on March 11th! Can The Honorable Mentions go the distance this time around, or will the current Champions, Sarah Lacklan and Angelica Vaughn, keep their titles heading into the Pay-Per-View? Tune in to find out!


+--+
Scene One
Date & Time: February 26th / Wee Hours of the Morning
Location: Driving around in San Antonio, Texas
+--+

"You know, General Patton wanted to turn on Russia after World War II; wipe 'em out when they were at their weakest. I reckon nowadays there's a lot of Ukrainians wishing that's what happened."

"What does any of that have to do with Isaiah King?"

"He could barely carry his weight. I saw him as more of a burden than an ally. We could've finished him off and spared us a massive headache in the future."

"So in this example Isaiah is Russia?"

"Yep, and you could've done a lot of people a favor by taking him out when he wasn't expecting it. Now if you wanted to do that he'd see it coming a mile away."

"You know that's not how I operate."

"Oh, but people change. Don't worry, you'll come around to my way of thinking."

"Don't hold your breath," Vagabond says under his.

"What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. Forget it."

We're riding along in the backseat of a rental car with Vagabond holding the camera, Joe Dohn in the driver's seat, and Jolene riding shotgun. Vagabond continues to film the lights of San Antonio as they whir past.

"You guys could end up on opposite sides of the ring some day, that's all I'm saying. You know how you shouldn't kill a man in front of his kids because one day they'll grow up and come looking for revenge?"

"I know I shouldn't kill anyone, ever."

"You're missing my point. Any chance you get to deal with a potential threat, you should seize it. King was your partner tonight, but eventually he'll be your opponent. Why wait? My way is to take 'em out, permanently, the first chance you get. Dead and done. No more needing to look over your shoulder, no more wondering who's gonna stab you in the back."

"Next you're gonna say ~the best defense is a strong offense.~" Vagabond replies, doing his best cartoon voice.

"You are correct, sir!" Joe ignores his sarcasm. "Maybe I was wrong about you. You could be a faster learner than I thought."

Vagabond looks directly into the camera and rolls his eyes before going back to looking out the window.

"But what reason would I have to turn on Isaiah? I had no reason to; I knew I could count on him for that one match. How does making enemies for no reason benefit me?"

"Because eventually they're all going to be your enemy. Maybe just one or two at a time, but once you've got GOLD around your waist it won't matter if you're the next Mr. Rogers. People will turn on you in a heartbeat in order to get what you've got. A Champion knows that and a GREAT Champion does whatever they have to do to maintain their superiority. Do you want to become a GREAT Champion, Vaga?"

"Well I ain't doing it for the money. Got enough of that already thanks to my stock in Scott toilet paper and the initial outbreak of Covid."

"Ain't it funny how catastrophe strikes and the first thing people do is run out and grab up all the toilet paper? It's symbolic, really... keep your own ass clean and screw everyone else. Which is what I've been trying to tell you you need to do. I know you signed up for the March Madness Tournament because if you hadn't then 15 other wrestlers wouldn't have been given that chance. You gotta stop giving a shit about everyone else and start taking what's yours."

Joe, driving with his left hand on the steering wheel, uses his other hand to lift his coat sleeve in order to check his Rolex (knockoff?).

"They should be making the official announcement regarding your next match any time now. Why don't you hop on xwf99.com and check it out?"

"As my agent, couldn't you just tell me? What's with the keeping of secrets?"

"Secrets? I know you already know who your partner is; the two of you have been talking about doing something like this for YEARS."

"You mean Clyde? My former travel companion and go-to guy? Seriously? That's so cool. Last time we spoke he said he was just getting out of another surgery. Maybe six months ago. You've talked with him recently?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's great! So it's safe to assume he's doing well enough to compete again?"

"Indeed. But be careful assuming. You know what happens when people assume."

"Yeah, yeah. It makes an ass of 'u' and 'me.' That is SUCH an outdated joke."

"I stick with the classics, so sue me. Just remember, there's never a guarantee with surgery.  We don't REALLY know what condition he's in.  Let's not assume he's still in peak shape."

"Yeah. Anyway. You think maybe some day we'll finally get our title shot? If he really is ready to compete again, I mean..."

"Once again, buddy, you should hop on xwf99.com."

Vagabond sets the camera down on the seat beside him, still facing him, and pulls his phone out of his back left pocket. He opens up Chrome and types in his employer's web address. After a little bit of navigating he's brought to the page showcasing the line up for our next Weekend Warfare.

"The Honorable Mentions, Vagabond and Clyde Rover versus-- no way! Sarah Lacklan and Angie Vaughn! Tag Team Title match! I thought you were just pulling my leg! You actually got us a title shot!"

"I told you I'd deliver."

He leaves out the part about Theo kicking him out of his real office the night before.

"Maybe your brother's not so bad after all, eh, babe?" Vagabond taps on the headrest in front of him. "Babe?"

"I think she's asleep. You asleep, sis?"

Joe nudges Jolene.

"WHAT do you people WANT? Pretending to be asleep won't keep you idiots quiet, so what will, huh?"

"Ya could've just told us to be quiet."

"Okay, then be quiet. As in stop talking. No more talking about wrestling. There's more to life than just dumb, stupid, 'roid raging meat sacks wearing very little and groping each other like high school kids on prom night, hoping to win some even dumber, oversized, totally impractical BELT. I've had it! I'm trying to be supportive," Jolene shifts in her seat in order to look at Vagabond in the back. "You know that, right? But there's more to life than wrestling! If you absolutely have to keep talking, talk about literally ANYTHING else. Even that 'supes-totes' blonde bimbo, Angelica Vaughn, talks about other things. Her cafes, her ranch, the LFL. Is she, like, totes annoying? Ob-v! But at least she doesn't go on and on and on and on and--"

"Sounds like someone's having her special time of the month," is what Joe immediately regrets saying as he's almost forced to drive into oncoming traffic when Jolene shoves him. With some maneuvering he manages to get back into his own lane. "Bitchin' about having a life and you almost cost us all of ours. Way to go, stupid ass."

Another, this time less swerve-inducing, shove by Jolene.

"And you," she turns back to Vagabond. "Shut off that camera. I want peace and quiet the rest of the way."

Doing as he's told, Vagabond reaches for the camera to--

"Yeah, we don't need any more narrating either."

Well then, end scene.


+--+
Scene Two
Date & Time: February 26th / 0900 Hours (9AM)
Location: San Antonio Community College
+--+

Out in front of the newest addition to the SACC campus was the logical choice, in Joe's mind, to have his boys cut a promo about their upcoming title match. Last Friday Angelica Vaughn had the honor of cutting the ribbon at it's grand opening, now Joe's got a ribbon idea of his own. As the scene opens we see Joe pulling out a 32-pack of Scott from the back of their rental car and placing it on the ground next to a second bundle. As instructed, Clyde Rover was already on scene when Joe, Jolene and "Bondo"--as Clyde so often calls him--arrived. Wearing a yellow muscle shirt with a wink emoji on the front, Clyde looks like one of those guys who eats, sleeps and breathes the gym. If his physique is any indication, Angie and Sarah are in for the fight of their lives.

"All right, Clyde. I assume you know what needs to be done. Well, have at it!"

"Do you ne'er-do-wells really intend to toilet paper the new animal welfare lab?" Jolene asks, her arms folded in front of her as she leans against the side of the car watching Clyde tear open one of the packages like he's snapping into a Slim Jim (another proud sponsor of The Honorable Mentions).

"Just a little harmless prank, sis. A little fun before it comes time to do business."

"Meaning?"

"The big business exchange going down on March 11th. In exchange for the XWF Tag Team Titles, Sarah Lacklan and Angelica Vaughn get to go 50/50 on an ass-beating like no other. Bondo and Clyde are gonna tear those asses up."

As if Joe had requested a visual aid, Clyde tears open the second bundle of toilet paper with such gusto that several rolls shoot out in various directions. Now there are rolls of toilet paper everywhere. Thankfully there aren't too many students or faculty members around on Sunday mornings.

"This was the dumbest idea you could think of, huh? Couldn't think of anything stupider? And here I thought you were the Einstein of all things idiotic," Jolene looks down at her fingernail and flicks away an imaginary piece of debris with her thumb. "Quite frankly, I'm disappointed."

"I'm with wifey on this one, man. Seems kinda dumb."

After closing the trunk of the car Vagabond sets the camera down on top of it, which enables us to get a view of all four people. Vagabond stands between Joe and Jolene, and behind them Rover's seen chasing a fleeing roll of toilet paper across the parking lot, accidentally kicking it farther away every time he gets close.

"I'll get it!"

"It's gonna bug Angelica when she finds out about this. Maybe not piss her off, but she's definitely gonna be thinking about it. It's all part of my plan, you guys!"

"Oh? Do tell," Jolene insists, offering just a sliver of interest.

"One step at a time. The first step--what we're doing now--is to let those kiddos know we can go anywhere they go; there will be no avoiding the inevitable, heretofore referred to as the imminent. You, Vagabond, and ol' Clydesdale over there, WILL be walking out of The Sun Bowl Stadium the NEW Xtreme Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions!"

"You get all that from toilet paper?" Vagabond asks, eyebrow raised.

"I mean, shit! It's not like I'm shoving Sarah's busted-up baby maker in her face! Even though that would definitely get the half-sister/half-brained Barbies pissed off and distracted--which is how we want them--I don't have to do that because they're already distracted. 'Sides, you guys are gonna go all Sid from Toy Story on 'em anyway, so why not toy with them a little right here and now, huh?"

"You know what, I think you might be right about one thing at least: they ARE distracted. Ms. Vaughn runs a ranch, two cafes, plays football, fundraises, attends college, has like fifty-thousand pets... Yeah, she's definitely got her hands full. I was raised on a farm, so I know taking care of animals is a full-time job in itself. As for Ms. Lacklan, it's like you pointed out already. Though it's none of our business, I wouldn't be surprised if her mind *is* somewhere else. But you wanna know something? So's mine."

Vagabond takes a step toward us, now speaking more to the camera and less to Joe.

"My mind is on the Tag Team Titles. On the future of the greatest division in professional wrestling, which, if we're being honest, has seen better days. If these hash brown cool kids--or whatever they're calling themselves--can't get the job done, then I think it's time to hand off those belts to a team that can. A team that can make XWF Tag Title matches worthy of the main event. Now I know you might think it's hilarious, all this coming from an Honorable Mention. But we *are* worth mentioning. It's true that timing has never been our closest ally, but I can't think of a better time to challenge the Champions and breathe some new life into the division I love the most. It *needs* this match, so either Sarah and Angelica will finally get it together again and remind us why they're the Champions, or Clyde and I are going to take the reigns. And the belts. Look around you, ladies. The division is falling apart and as the Champions I hold you two personally responsible. But, in two weeks, iron sharpens iron, and I'm looking forward to it. No doubt Clyde and I have some work to do in the meantime; see if we can't pick up where we left off..."

Vagabond has his back turned, so he doesn't notice the small army of Kappa Alpha Tau sorority sisters starting to form a little ways away. Joe does, however, and he calls out for Clyde's attention, the latter currently in the process of draping toilet paper over the statue near the entrance to the animal welfare building.

"Let's wrap it up and get in the car, Clyde. I'm not here to sign autographs and we already have fans showing up."

Joe gestures to Jolene and Vagabond to get in the car.

"I stand corrected: this really was one of your dumbest ideas," Jolene throws a nasty look at Joe as she opens the passenger door and quickly hops in, slamming it shut. Joe rushes to the driver's side after he's almost caught by two of the sorority sisters.

"Sorry, ladies, I don't have a pen on me."

They definitely don't look like they want autographs. Vagabond grabs the camera and slips into the backseat all stealth-like. Jolene turns the key in the ignition and the engine roars to life as Joe is just able to get his door shut. Pulling a U-turn, Joe maneuvers around Angie's Assault Squad and speeds out of the parking lot, Clyde running after them. Joe slams on the brakes when he realizes Clyde's not in the car. Clyde slams into the back of the car when he realizes it's no longer moving.

Vagabond gets out and helps Clyde to his feet and into the car, jumping in after him.

"Still fast as lightning, aren't you, buddy?"

"Yeah, buddy."

Joe punches the gas and soon we're leaving behind a crap-ton of toilet paper now littering the SACC Campus, and some no doubt annoyed KAT Karens.

"Well, now that they know we've officially arrived, it's time to discuss strategy. Kill the camera, Vaga. Let's keep things on a need to know basis, and right now nobody but the four of us needs to know what I've got in store for step two."

Yeah, yeah. We know the routine. End scene.