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The 4th of July.

It’s generally a festive occurrence for me. This year? You would think that it wouldn’t be any different but when I was in the massive backyard of my friend Candice Carter’s grandiose summer home in Miami and taking in Candice’s life of luxury with my family and everything, there was something that was burning in the back of my mind. Something was feeling off and I wasn’t able to figure out exactly what that was. I stood alone while watching the festivities take place. There were children, including my daughter, running around and having a good time. My sister Adrianna and her fiance Scotty were having a meal with their toddler twins. But me? So much was on my mind.

“What’s wrong?” I could hear Candice’s voice say to me. I turned to see one of my best friends from the last 15 years.

“I’m alright…” I said, largely lying.

“Myra, come on. I’ve known you too long to know when you’re down. Something’s bugging you. It’s not the cruise, is it?”

I didn’t flinch at the mention of the cruise Sin City Wrestling did every year, a cruise that I wasn’t on.

“I don’t feel like I’m missing anything by not being on it, honestly.”

“You’ve been through a lot the last couple of months, with the big career shift and all. I know it hasn’t been that long since you lost the Festivus World title and if you want to talk about it, just tell me. I won’t judge you… even though I HATE that you had to lose it to a glorified bikini model in Veronica Rochelle and everything but I understand! You weren’t a hundred percent. You went through a bar room brawl the night before in HRW.”

“I’m not using that as an excuse…”

“I know…”

“But losing that title still stings…” I admitted with a sigh.

“You’ll get through this. You always do. You’ll get that title back especially since the day you get that rematch? Whenever that is? You won’t be 24 hours removed from a bar room brawl. Veronica just used up the 1 time out of 10 where she WOULD win against you.”

“You’ll get through this. You always do…” I parroted. “Do I?”

Candice suddenly grew confused as she noticed that I was looking at Adrianna specifically.

“Myra, you’ve been through hell and back so many times. Look, if SCW is still a wound in your soul, you’ve overcome worse: UWA, your last match in PRW…”

“Candice, do you realize that Wednesday is the first anniversary since Adrianna’s life-threatening accident?”

Candice’s eyes widened, suddenly understanding me a little.

“Oh. Right. How could you forget that? That was hard on you. She survived, thank goodness. If life had been so cruel to take her from infant children. But, she’s alive and strong and better than ever. You would think that would be a time to reflect on the joy of her still being here, right?”

“Remember last year when I was on that cruise? When I dedicated the biggest match of my SCW career up to that point to her after the charity auction I did for her? When that match fell on my birthday?”

“...wait… Myra?”

“I don’t think I’m over it, Candice…” I said with another sigh. “...I let her down so much. The stars were aligned for something amazing and… it didn’t happen. Maybe I’m still scarring from that whole thing. I can’t help but feel like maybe if I just WON that match that maybe things wouldn’t feel so hard right now…

I could see Candice express some understanding on her face, but her eyes suddenly narrowed with a sense of anger. She let out a sigh that was more angry than sympathetic, which worried me a little.

“Myra, I love you. You know that. But, let me tell you straight. It was never meant to happen in SCW. I understand all the heart and desire in the world and everything. But, it just wasn’t meant to be. I’m sorry to say that to you but I’m not going to sugar coat anything. You know that. You can say that the events of that match were the beginning of the end of your time there and whatnot, but honestly? If it was meant to happen, it would’ve happened. You did the right thing by moving forward and not carrying that burden on your shoulders anymore. I know there will be people against you that will say whatever the fuck they want to say, but they don’t matter. You can’t force something that was never meant to happen.”

“You’ve got a point…” I admitted.

“That’s another thing. When the hell are you going to quit fighting for the approval of other people? When in the world are you going to wake up and realize that fighting to prove people wrong only hurts YOU in the long run? I know you want to be an inspiration to so many people and I get that. But, you’ve got to realize that not everyone is going to accept you, like you, be a fan of you, and so on. You didn’t have many fans in that locker room, Myra. It wasn’t anything YOU did but… you were the square peg trying too hard to fit in a round hole. Quit feeling guilty about letting Adrianna down a year ago when you didn’t.

I’m just taking in Candice’s words at this point.

“I mean for god’s sake, did you even have a true friend in SCW’s Bombshells division? You got along with some of them, but you got along better with some of the guys better than you did the girls. And you know? Screw them. Half of the girls over there are a bunch of psycho drama queens anyway.”

“There wasn’t anyone from that division that I could really consider a friend, that’s true. Hell, the one woman that may have been slandered me so freaking much and so damn badly that I had my lawyer BEGGING ME to sue her for defamation. Of course, I won’t do that. But, you’re not wrong. I wasn’t a fit for that locker room. It happens. It doesn’t bother me. I do wish the last year has been better as far as results in the ring go. I’m grateful for the Festivus World title that I had, even though losing it stings the shit out of me. But lately? Losing that title… and 24 hours after I lost that stupid bar room brawl? Shit, what if the fans really abandoned me by voting for that match?”

“You’re asking that question to someone that personally doesn’t give a fuck about what they think.” Candice shrugs to further emphasize her answer.

“This whole crazy “Lost” thing in House of Wrestling has been frustrating. I won’t lie. Oh and then there’s my last match in XWF where Sierra Silver and I got assaulted by this ‘mystery assailant’. Let me just say that I’m glad as hell that June is over. That certainly wasn’t my best month. But hey, I guess last month is the last 12 in a nutshell right?”

Candice notices my sister Adrianna walking by.

“You’re wrong…” Candice says sternly. “...and I’m about to make you see that you’re wrong. Adrianna!!!!”

Adrianna is a bit surprised to hear Candice calling out to her. She does see me standing with her so she does approach us.

“Hey Candice. Sweet party so far.”

“No shit…” Candice says with an arrogant scoff. “Help me out here. Your sister is down in the dumps…”

“Aw? Really?” Adrianna pouts, not liking what she just heard.

“Mind telling her why?”

“I can’t help but feel that I let you down last year on SCW’s cruise… when I was wanting to win the Bombshells World title for you and I didn’t. When I think about everything since then it’s like…”

“Myra, enough of that.” Adrianna interrupts. “You never let me down last year. I never felt like you did. In fact, you never let me down with SCW at all really… except for that one time you nearly got yourself killed by exploding barbwire, but I’m not going into that. Look, I get it. You’ve been through some harder times of late. But, I’ve seen you do some amazing things when your back is against the wall. I don’t even need to go down the list. It’s too long. I can’t even count the number of times you’ve made adversity your own personal bitch… and you WILL do so again. You expressed said confidence on Twitter yourself… you know… your 21st and 22nd titles?”

“Of course…” I said, finally being able to crack a smile even if it’s a slight one. “Just… remembering your accident from a year ago and how I felt like I let you down with that match that I dedicated to you… that old adversity haunting me…”

“Don’t let it haunt you anymore…” Adrianna reminds me.

“You’re SO much better than that…” Candice adds. “What happened last year happened last year. What happened in SCW STAYS in SCW, alright?”

“Yeah, don’t let what happened there define you. Don’t let recent events do that. What matches do you have coming up again?”

“Well, there IS that four way in XWF…” I said, my determination starting to come back. “...and you can bet that I’m STILL a little angry regarding the way my last match there ended. So, you can bet that when push comes to shove, odds against me or not, I can look in the mirror and know that I’ve overcome worse, more difficult odds than what I am dealing with. Once I win that match, I’ll tell you what… I’m going to find out who is responsible for that attack on Sierra and I and when I do? Yeah, there’s going to be some payback being handed out. Now, as far as everything else goes? You’re both right. I’m sorry. I guess remembering something so haunting brought me back to a bad place. I’m going to start the healing process from all that now. I’m ready to work on letting that old adversity go…”

“Good! I’m glad…” Adrianna responded. “What happened on that cruise last year, in that match? It doesn’t mean shit anymore. You’re better than allowing it to be an epitome of the previous 12 months….”

“Well I’m DONE allowing that…” I said with that familiar determined tone in my voice. Adrianna’s eyes light up hearing this knowing that I’ve snapped out of my funk at this point.

“Great! That’s the Myra I remember…” Candice says with a smile. “Go on! Enjoy yourself. Don’t be the BLUE in ‘red, white and blue’ damn it! Have fun for a change!”

Candice winks at me before she goes back to the party. Adrianna and I look at each other and I nod.

“We’re here to have fun, right?”

“Of course!” Adrianna responds before we head back into the party ourselves.

The knowledge that I have so many obstacles in front of me certainly felt daunting for a while, especially when I was feeling like there was an unresolved conflict within me stemming from that cruise ship event 12 months ago. But being able to face that and decide that I wasn’t going to let that haunt me anymore gave me the knowledge that the adversity in front of me was something that I CAN… and I absolutely WILL overcome to grow into the professional wrestler that I am ultimately destined to be.