A smokey cigarette butt falls to the ground covered in ash. A steel-toed boot stomps on it to put the flames out for good.

Just like I’m gonna do to Bobby’s best bitch.

Say what?

The camera pans out to reveal Charlie Nickles and Marf standing just outside the bastard’s red Hummer as some classic white boy rap bumps through the stretch limo’s speaker system. Nickles picks up his foot to reveal the smoldering ash beneath. The camera fades out just a bit further and you can see The Carnie Bastards are in the parking lot of a Dollar General after-hours.

Don’t worry about it.

Marf shrugs, not worried in the slightest. He looks around the empty parking lot quizzically before turning back to Charlie, who has walked over to the back hatch of the Hummer. Charlie pulls open the door and reaches into the back of the limo.

So, when are Them No Good Bastards going to join us?

Charlie pulls a sledgehammer out of the back before shutting the hatch. The Nickleman gently tosses the sledgehammer up and down in his hands, clearly testing its weight.

They’re not.

Charlie turns back to Marf with a disgruntled look. Marf cocks a curious brow in return.

They DO know you’re attacking their homeboy, right? I thought they signed off on this.

Sign-off? Like they’re our fucking bosses? Fuck that.

Charlie Nickles holds onto the handle of the hammer with one hand while he gesticulates wildly with his other.

But we’re using their limo.

Marf gestures to the classic TNGB stretch limo.

This is my fucking limo now, Marf!

Charlie points an assertive finger at his own chest as his grip on the hammer tightens. Marf shook his head as The Nickleman turned towards the red limousine. Charlie narrowed his eyes in frustration at the man he saw in the window. Charlie’s finger slowly descended as he stared into the reflection of his own eyes.

The Nickleman’s stomach twisted itself into knots as the man in the window narrowed his eyes right back at Charlie. In his reflection he saw the scheming bastard everyone secretly aspired to be, he saw a leader of men and a true master of the mind. Behind those glossy eyes Charlie saw a man immortal, the next universal champion, and the most dominant man on Saturday nights in XWF history. The Nickleman had been planning his rise to power for months, so he grinned at his reflection in the window as that clock ticked ever closer to midnight: July 24th.

YOUR limo?

Marf looked downright offended. Charlie turned back towards him with a vaguely apologetic expression.

Ehh….our limo now?

Marf shrugged as Charlie put the sledgehammer over one of his shoulders.

Okay, I can get down with that. But you did at least tell them, right?

Why? So Bobby can run off and tell Cashe? So Tee-Kay can DM Jason and tell that twitter bird to fly away? Fuck that. This is a hit, Marfy, and the only leak I will accept is from Cashe’s fucking earhole!

Marf smirked at the graphic imagery as Charlie started to froth at the mouth.

Damn, I didn’t realize you wanted to go full gang warfare on his ass! What did this prick ever do to you, anyways? Look at you wrong?

He’s riding with Kido, and that means he’s dying with Kido! I told Alias my universal M.O. months ago on Savage, and ain’t shit changed since. Raion Kido stepped into the fold and that means Jason Cashe is steppin’ in Lance’s shoes now! I did it to Lance, I’m doing it to Cashe, and I’ll do it to fucking RL Edgar if he ever shows his face around here again! People are gonna learn that when you come at The Nickleman for the big one, you’re not just putting YOUR life at risk, you’re putting your friends and family on the line! And if you’re too obsessed with hentai to even have friends or family, then I’m going after anyone that just happens to be on your side of the locker room! I’ll carve up best friends and known associates alike, because it’s all ear for an ear to me!

Ear for an ear? Now what the hell does that mean?

It means Jason Cashe is getting knocked the fuck out because he rolls with the wong crew- and if he’s stupid enough to get back up, I’m going to turn this can of whoop-ass into an all you can eat buffet! I got no love lost for Raion Kido, and that means I won't find any love for Jason Cashe.

Yeah yeah I know all that, but this hit seems like it’s about more than Raion. This seems personal. You don’t bring a sledgehammer out for just anyone.

Charlie shrugged it off.

I called out every fucking member of Pussy Pryce’s faction- Cashe was the only chicken stupid enough to cluck. Talking about he can’t come to Warfare, talking about I can’t come to Anarchy, talking a bunch of bullshit just to try and duck a match. He came to bat with a mouthful of excuses, so I’m coming to bat with a sledgehammer on his favorite show. I’m going to lay him down like nobody has before, on the show he said I won’t fight him on, just to prove my fucking point. I am willing to fight anyone, anywhere, anytime- and I’m using the sledgehammer to really drive that through his thick skull!

This is gonna be fun. So, when we going? Are you a man of action or a man of monologues, Chucky?

I’m a man of both, Marf, because I’m always ready to back up the shit I say. But hell, you have a point: Bobby told me to take a lap…so let’s go do another circle around the arena and see if we can catch that bitch after his match!

Low down and dirty. I like it!

Charlie opened the driver’s door of the limo before tossing the sledgehammer in and taking a seat. Marf followed suit in the way back of the stretch Hummer, and a few seconds later the limo’s engine roared to life. The camera faded to black as the limo slowly pulled out of the lot.








Charlie Nickles and his daughter sat together at a table in the middle of a restaurant. Charlie is absolutely porking out on his entree, having already turned his ‘three pigs in a blanket’ to one. Grease, beans, and cheese coat the matted hairs on his beard as LSM looks on with barely restrained revulsion. She’s only managed to take a few bites of her mystery meat burrito as she tries to look away from Charlie’s food show.

And Raion tried to build a house out of comic books to keep him safe from the big, bastardly wolf! He even called up some of his friends, and asked them to come help him when the going got tough.

Charlie reaches across the table and takes a handful of refried beans off of LSM’s plate. LSM recoils in disgust as Charlie flings the beans onto his own plate, smattering them all around his final pig in a blanket.

So the big bastardly wolf just ate up his friends, too! The call for help didn’t help Raion at all; it just helped fill the wolf’s belly!

Charlie dug his fork into the center of the bean-covered piggie before shoveling it into his mouth and gobbling it down with a big ol’ grin. Little bits of pig ass flew out of The Nickleman’s mouth as he chuckled to himself mid-bite.

UGGGGGH, don’t play with your food, that’s so gross! Are you sure you’re not MY child? Jesus Christo….

Charlie chowed down the rest of his plate as LSM shuddered and pushed her plate to the middle of the table. LSM sighed out loud before she looked towards her bastardly father with strained expectation.

You really need to start acting your age. I thought you’d be more mature than this.

Charlie nodded thoughtfully at his daughter’s words as he grabbed a napkin and began patting down the stained hairs on his scraggly beard.

You know Robyn, you really are your mother’s daughter, wise beyond your years. Just like she was. We could use that kind of common-sense, no bullshit approach in the Brotherhood.

What?

LSM blinked three times at the implication.

BOB’s gotten a bit hyper-macho, you know? It’s like a total sausage party in that locker room, we could really use a Daughter-Brother to help spice things up and keep things on track. Also, we need a new Mexican maid!

A new Mexican maid?

LSM looked at her father with a near fatal combination of betrayal and disappointment.

Yeah, our old one just quit! Something about a ‘hostile workplace’, I don’t know, I was too busy screaming at her to accept her resignation. But she left anyways, fucking bitch.

LSM just looked down to the table, shaking her head slowly from side to side. Charlie, picking up on the social cues, tugs at his shirt’s collar while clearing his throat.

Or you know, erm, it could be something else entirely. You know I was just kidding, right? I want you in BOB cause’ we need a real presence on Thursday Nights, because Oswald just isn’t up to snuff! I think you’d represent the BOB-brand well, kid. I mean you’re like, a former Anarchy champion and all that good jazz!

Charlie playfully punched LSM’s shoulder as he smiled sweetly at her. LSM just rolled her eyes and pushed her absent father’s hand away.

I’m never joining BOB, it’s just a den for scum and villainy! You shouldn’t be in BOB either, Dad. It’s not doing anything for your career, it’s just making you do terrible things. Does anyone in BOB even like you? Haven’t you feuded with all of them like, a million times?

Charlie waved away his daughter’s comment with a dismissive flip of his hand.

BOB isn’t about friendship, it’s about Brotherhood. It’s like a wolfpack, and we’re all united under a common purpose: the pursuit of power. I don’t need to be friends with Tee-Kay to use him for my own gain. I’m going to win the uni belt this month, and I’m going to be able to stop that next cash-in before it ever happens, because Tee-Kay is my Brother, and he knows firsthand just what my power can do. I’m the Alpha of the pack for a reason, Robyn, and I can’t just walk away from something like that.

LSM squinted at her dad, as if she were trying to figure out whether or not he was intentionally bullshitting.

But you’re not the leader of BOB…

Charlie rolled his eyes as he chuckled aloud.

Says who? Not I.

Like…everyone else in BOB! The dude who named himself after the faction even came out and told you to eat shit against Jason Cashe! These guys aren’t good for you…they’re not good at all.

Charlie shook his head from side to side as he raised his hand in the air to call for the check.

Look, Robyn…I have a plan for that. You’ll see, you’ll see how it all plays out after I make history at the Velvet Rabbit!

LSM shook her head from side to side in frustration as the camera faded to black.