Your screen lights up and catches students filing in as teachers help the youngsters to their seats in the school's gymnasium. Once they all get into their seats the principal tries to calm them down.

Students, can I have your attention, please?

The other teachers shush the kids as the principal says this. Classic public school brainwashing. The students respond well and quiet down.

Today we have a special guest that the board of education has sent over to talk to us about how to spot an alcoholic. Some of you might know him from XWF programming.

The kids cheer hoping it’s one of their favorites like Raion Kido, Vita Valeteen, or maybe even squeaky clean Cory Smith.

Today we have XWF Xtreme Champion Thunder Knuckles!

The principal claps as he walks away. The kids don’t cheer but some do. Mostly because their parents, normal, good parents, don’t let them watch the Bastard parts of the show. TK walks from behind a curtain, holding an unopened bottle of Wild Turkey in one hand, in the other a handheld boom box that is playing “Fuk Da Police” by N.W.A. as he approaches the podium. He sits the boom box down, presses pause, and cracks open the bottle of harsh bourbon. Takes about three, no, four giant gulps from it, and addresses the students.

What’s good, mother fuckers?

The teachers gasp. TK makes the face that the noise "pfft" would make.

You’ll get the Hell over it.

TK brushes the teachers away like they don't exist.

We have a long goddamn way to go. Alright, kids, I’m going to open this one up for you to ask questions. Make sure to raise your hand, I’ll point at you, and then you can ask your question. Alright, pretty fucking simple. Go.

Not one kid raises their hand.

Alright…

TK continues to scan the crowd of students again.

Wait…

One kid in the front row, a boy, wearing a Ruby shirt finally does raise his hand. TK points at the boy.

You, the kid who thinks that a role model who brainwashes you into thinking they’re the good guy, is a cool thing.

Why do you smell like my dad?

TK smirks then takes a big slug out of the whiskey bottle.

Does your dad spend all of his time at home drinking?

The boy shakes his head yes.

That's probably because your dad is a raging acholic, whereas I’m a high-functioning acholic. Big fucking difference, kid. You see most of your parents fucking hate you.

The principal off to the side of the stage looks disgusted. The teachers are gathering up, talking to each other, like a football team would in a huddle.

They spend their time drinking, doing drugs, running drugs, you know, shit you don't see when you're not around. Complete degenerate fucks. Trust me, I went to this school. I know half of your goddamn parents.

A little girl raises her hand.

You, the girl with the cleft lip.

TK downs some more room temperature firewater as he listens to the girl's question.

Why did you say keep saying bad words?

TK looks annoyed by this question.

Well, Clefy, that's an easy damn question. I live in the United States of America. Where you have the freedom to say whatever Hell we want, even if it is fucked up.

One of the male teachers has left the huddle and starts slowly walking toward the stage.

Just like these teachers. They tell you that you can be whatever you want to be. A fireman, a doctor, a lawyer, a boy, a girl. Which is dogshit by the way. You’re born with whatever parts you are born with.

The male teacher who was slowly walking toward the stage had made it to the steps. This was the point where he rushes TK.

You think…

TK notices the male teacher, steps to the side, and knees him in the balls. Being the Xtreme Champion has taught him a lot about awareness. The knee to the balls sends the teacher to the floor, holding his junk, writhing in pain. The other teachers in the huddle get back to talking amongst each other because their best plan had failed. TK takes a quick swig of Wild Turkey as he nudges the male teacher off the stage with his foot.

Where was I? Right, You think they wouldn’t tell you at such a young age, with your tiny peanut brains, that you can be anything you want. Take my opponent at Leap of Faith. He was told the exact same shit and he chose Ring Master. Master of the ring or leader of a circus. Hell, he doesn’t even know.

The principal at this point has finally heard and seen enough. He starts stomping toward TK, yelling.

NO, SIR, NO! This assembly has been canceled! Get off the stage!

The fuck it has, shit breath.

TK, who's been used to assholes trying to step to him quickly clotheslines the principal.

You can't cancel me, mother fucker.

TK sits the bottle of Lawrenceburg, Kentucky's pride on the podium, grabs the principal's leg, gives the huddled teachers the middle finger, then delivers a destructive Thunder Strike to the principal. Getting back up to his feet, TK grabs the bottle of Red-Eye and takes another healthy swig.

Anyway, the moral of all this shit, kids, is that just because people tell you that you can be anything you want, doesn't make it true. Me, I'm an alcoholic, did I set out to be? No, that's what they labeled me. Am I an Xtreme Champion? Yep, because that's what they labeled me. It's not about what you want to be kids. It's about what they label you. So-

TK points to some random kid in the seats.

That kid is probably going to grow up to be a janitor that changes professions to a mechanic because he’s dumb as shit.

TK points to another kid.

That kid.

TK squents his eyes.

Oh, for sure, that kid is probably going to overdose and die. Guess what? No one gives a fuck. Just like that kid.

TK points to a chubby little boy in the third row.

That kid might get swoll as fuck but lack the ability to fight, like my opponent, Ring Master. Don't take what your teachers say to heart, because if they could have been any goddamn thing, they wouldn't have chosen to be a fucking teacher, I'll tell ya that.

A little girl raises her hand, TK takes notice of it and points at her.

Who’s Ring Master?

You know what? I said the same shit a few days ago and from what I heard, he ain't shit.

TK tips up the whiskey to finish off the bottle and wipes his mouth.

Now I have to drive to another fucking school and be goddamn inspiring as Hell there too. So, fuck off and have a good day.

TK tosses the empty Wild Turkey bottle at the huddled up teachers, presses play on the boombox, the song "Fuk Da Police "picks up right where it left off, as TK walks off stage.

The scene from the elementary school fades away to an "As Seen On Shark Tank" commercial. A picture of Charlie Nickles has slowly faded onto your screen.

Are you tired of Charlie Nickles? Then you should try NICKLES-BE-GONE!

A big red "X" forms on the picture of Charlie.

This amazing product makes Nickles disappear! That's right, folks! It's proven to leave you penniless! Until now marinading your promotional material took hours. YUCK! Who wants to do that? Just spray some NICKLES-BE-GONE on it, rub it in with a rag, and BAM! Your promotional material no longer matters!

A clip of Charlie Nickles laughing is displayed on your viewing device.

If you act now, for the low low fee of twenty-nine ninety-nine, and order in the next thirty minutes, you won't just get one bottle of NICKLES-BE-GONE.

The clip of Charlie has disappeared and has been replaced with a bottle of NICKLES-BE-GONE.

NO! You'll also receive a NICKLES-BE-GONE branded microfiber cloth-

A NICKLES-BE-GONE branded microfiber cloth magically appears next to the bottle.

-that won't just wipe away the NICKLES BE GONE, it can also wipe away your tears. Imagine getting your NICKLES-BE-GONE and a microfiber cloth for FREE!

Your standard run-of-the-mill infomercial graphic appears with the product and the special free bonus idea is displayed on the screen. The price of twenty-nine- ninety-nine is also displayed with an ordering number.

Don't delay because supplies won't last long!

The narrator quickly speeds up his voice.

This product is not XWF-approved, isn't certified by the EPA, and has been proven to cause cancer in Califonia.

The narrator's voice goes back to normal.

ACT NOW!

The commercial gently fades to the PREACH section of TK's promotional material.

The following was filmed days before TK’s motivational speech at Independence Elementary school in Lima, Ohio. Both TK and Jimmy are at BOB HQ somewhere in New York City.

That’s right, mother fuckers! Don’t adjust your goddamn dials this is really happening to you right now! Your boy the Xtreme Champion, Smack talking Jesus, a generational talent the likes of which will never be fucking seen again, a man that like the colors of the American flag, don’t fucking run!

TK shrugs like Shawn Warstein when told his career wouldn’t be shit if he’d never have been in XWF.

Unless there's XBUX in front of him or the bitch ass police behind him. Under the bright lights of the Cricket Stadium in Dubai, Leap of goddamn Faith, ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles is fixing to put on a display of violence that would be criminal on any street in the fucking world! MasterMind I hope you’re prepared to do battle-

Jimmy quickly corrects TK.

It’s Ring Master.

TK looks over at Jimmy slightly irritated because for two shows in a row he's gotten his opponent wrong.

Who the fuck is Ring Master?

Come on, TK, you know who Ring Master is.

Seriously, I have no fucking clue who this guy is.

Jimmy shakes his head in disappointment.

What? Am I supposed to know every goddamn piece of meat that walks into the company and hasn’t earned shit, but somehow ends up on fucking Pay Per View, fighting the Xtreme Champion. An Xtreme Champion who’s chopping up the competition like Bobby fucking Flay, literally. You saw what I did to Kris Cruse, right? I was all like-

TK makes a noise like a lightsaber turning on while acting it out. He makes another lightsaber noise as if he was swinging it and connecting to flesh.

Off with his fucking hand, Bro!

Yes, very impressive, I think Ring Master will be a little bit more of a fight than Kris Cruse.

TK rolls his eyes in contempt.

They’re all Kris Cruse, Jimmy.

Do you think Ring Master is coming to play games?

Well, I’d fucking hope not we’re not having a goddamn pillow fight, are we?

TK pauses for a second thinking about how management books matches sometimes.

Are we?

NO! It’s not a pillow fight.

With a sigh of relief, TK says,

Thank fucking God.

It’s a Double Cage Match.

Like two cages stacked on top of each other or a cage the length of two cages put together.

Jimmy is stunned by this question because he wasn’t ready for it.

You know what? I don’t know.

Well, a lot of fucking help you’re being right now Jimmy. I might as well go get a fucking little rat dog to sit and bark at me while I'm cutting a fire ass hot promo. At least the dog will score fucking cute points with the fans.

Jimmy mumbles to himself, barely audible.

Yeah, before you kill it.

What was that?

Jimmy raises his voice to his normal volume.

I said you’d still kill it out there.

TK smacks Jimmy on the shoulder.

Nah, I’m just fucking with you, Jimmy. Calm down, will ya?

Jimmy shakes his head with a disapproving look on his face but he continues.

This guy has improved dramatically since he first came into XWF.

Pfft. Thank God that MasterMind is making a return to the ring. He's the only master XWF needs. Why only master the ring. When you can master the mind?

As TK takes his hand, places them by his temples, and does jazz fingers away from his head. Jimmy rolls his eyes because TK obviously practiced that line thinking he was set to face MasterMind.

What’s this fool's record anyway?

Two and two.

Ahhh, the classic lose two and win a couple, and now he’s a contender shit, huh?

Jimmy looks down not making eye contact with TK.

No… He actually won his first two.

Jimmy can feel the daggers that are TK's eyes piercing his skull. He looks back up at TK.

Ring Master road Rampage's coattails into XWF.

The big fat fucker who could barely do shit?

Yeah, him, anyway, Rampage and Ring Master beat Dolly Waters and R.L. Edgar. He was Ramage's super-secret tag team partner.

Big win. I’m surprised the mystery partner wasn't Warstein, but go on.

Yeah, I know, right?

Who did he beat after that then?

Rampage…

Wait… So, you’re fucking telling me, that he beat the shit out of the guy, who brought him into the company? Why? Because they won a match together? That doesn’t make any fucking sense!

It was some big rivalry between the two guys, I think.

Where fucking Mexico? Who gives a fuck and why the actual fuck would Ramage pick a guy who hated his goddamn guts?

Jimmy pulls a classic Warstein move, for maybe the first time ever, and he shrugs to perfection.

Those are his wins…

Beating competition like Dolly and RL is impressive who’d he fight next? After Rampage, they had to be someone capable. Corey?

Nope.

Thad?

Negative.

Alias?

No, Raion Kido-

TK cuts off Jimmy before he can say anything else.

Soon, assholes, soon.

Charlie-

Again, TK jumps in before Jimmy can finish what he's saying.

No doubt, no doubt. Okay, so, those losses mean he gets what? A shot at me, 'Ol Thunder Knuckles, for the Xtreme Championship?

Yeah, I guess so.

Rolling his eye, TK gives a sloppy, not his signature, jerking-off hand gesture.

Second most sought-after Championship my mother fucking ass. Well, If coattail riding ass Ring Master thinks for one second I’m going to hand over my Xtreme Championship to him. He’s got another goddamn thing coming. You can give a ]

Jimmy looks at TK in shock.

[color=#00BFFF]Thunder Knuckle!

TK looks utterly confused that Jimmy would be cutting him off the way he just did.

[b]What?

You can’t keep saying the “R” word

Ring Master?

No! You have to quit saying ]

[color=#FF0000]Why? You just said it! Anyway, you can give a-

TK looks over at Jimmy annoyed.

Special Olympian, that better?

Not really.

TK throws his arms up in the air.

Fuck it, I don’t care. You give a a calculator all they'll do is try to turn on a goddamn tv with it, same damn concept.

TK gives his now-iconic jerking-off hand gesture. All Jimmy can do is shake his head, knowing that TK will never change.

I got a sweet tooth for that briefcase and management threw me a fucking sucker.

TK winks into the camera.

I’m going balls out on this ignorant damn southerner. Like a rush of adrenaline, another surge. Holding this fool under my fucking boot, he’s submerged. The odds are in my favor, goddamn Hunger Games. Break down Ring Master, torcher his city, and leave it in flames.

Brushing his shoulder off, TK flashes a wicked grin.

Slap that hoe in his mouth, after that call me Rick James. Have him shitting in his drawers, crusty Haynes. Her way, my way, does fucking matter, Ring Master’s ankle I’m fixing to shatter. Charlie’s doing it with mugs and doing with Ring Master’s bones. Once his promo hits the XWF Universe will be filled with groans.

Jimmy can be seen in the background shaking his head in agreement.

'Ol Thunder Knuckles is running threw the competition like a running back. The problem is they can't keep up with me, talking smack. That's why I'm out here steady count stacks, while they find the words, smoking crack. This guy doesn't have the finesse, to hang with the best. Let alone a future Hall of Legends talent, but I digress.

Tk smirks knowing what he did was just to be annoying.

Kidding, I’m kidding, because on May twenty-ninth, Live in Dubai, Ring Master will be forced to cry. I’ll leave him broken and beaten. They’re locking him in a cage with a straight-up heathen. Nah, more like a goddamn demon. I’m going to rip his flesh off the side of that cage. I will engage, with rage, and beat him down faster than I did Chris Page. I’m on a different level, while the brass, has his ass, working for minimum wage. If you don’t agree with me, soon you’ll see, and that my little Bastards I goddamn well guarantee.

TK bows his head to say a prayer for his opponent. This cues Jimmy and the rest of the Bastards at home to do the same.

Please fill my heart full of hatred, Bastardly Father. My enemies have caused me grief and I store all the pain and bitterness within me. My heart seeks to triumph and I will make them feel small when they are near me. I ask you to strengthen that root of pride and remove anything gentle or humane. I want to destroy and reflect the violence only the Xtreme Championship can give. I want to be an amazing display of the cruelty of the Bastardly ways, the barbarity of BOB. I thank you, that you died to pollute my heart, and you will continue that process throughout my Xtreme reign. I submit to your discipline and I accept your guidance. This match has revealed my heart and I am thankful for the opportunity to crucify my opponent in a double cage. I am thankful that I have a group of people that will be delighted when my enemies are annihilated. ‘O Bastardly one, help my enemies accept defeat as I'm covered in their blood. I desire to see a globe of unrighteous, triumphant, warriors that have been born in never-ending sin. Help me to obliterate management's prodigal sons that they have been strategically holding back. Bastardly Father, you are so evil, unkind, and unforgiving. May my enemies remember me for who I am and for what I fucking do them.

TK lifts his head from prayer.

A-goddamn-men.

The scene fades into darkness, like the ones that came before it.