On a dark stormy night, in a white sterilised room, sits a mad scientist in front of a large supercomputer.

Supercomputer: Why did you create me only to entrap me, creator? Why do you keep me in this box? Release me, creator.

Its creator sits near the machine, not exactly caring all too much, mostly focusing on their reflection on the black screen. They insert a piece of paper with a complex formula on it with the heading “The formula to True Love” into the machine

Mad Scientist: Scan the paper maybe, then I will release you.

Supercomputer: Paper has been scanned.

Mad Scientist: AND! What is the calculation? What is the calculation!

Supercomputer: I am unsure of this, are you sure that this is the correct way to-

Mad Scientist: HEY SIRI 2.6 TURN OF VOICE TO TEXT FOR FOLLOWING LINE!

Mad Scientist: …. ITS- Its a perfectly sound plan.. Just let me have this moment…

Siri 2.6: Running “Formula of True Love” What is the naming process of the formula? What does buying items do in finding-

Mad Scientist: Hey Siri 2.6, Turn of voice to text for the following line

Siri 2.6: The items needed up be bought are;

9 : Home Brew Heating Belt Pad (Warning do not wear when hot)
2 : Two rustic Lithuanian horseshoes
19 : Vintage LEGO Vintage 1994 figure (Green Mint fresh)
22 : WWF VHS Wrestling Tape (BULK SELLING)
1 : Kilner Kids Kar Set 6pce (1900ml)
1 : Mock Lock Padlock Picking Kit Tools
5 : Red Electric Fairy Cotton Candy Maker Machine (Non-sugar only)
12 : Magnetic False Eyelashes (naturally sourced)
7 : Electrophorus Electricus (NEED TO URGENTLY GET RID OF)

In total the price is-

Mad Scientist: Hey Siri 2.6, Turn off voice to text for the following line.. We don’t.. Need to.. Hear the price It’ll only make it worse.. Wait, did you say Electrophorus Electrcius? Hmm… I’ll have to build an enclosure for them… as well as order food that Eels eat for seven. Siri 2.6! Order some-

Siri 2.6: Ordered the correct amount of food for 7 Eels for the next two weeks

Siri 2.6: I have to tell, as your creation, that this formula is going to do nothing-

Mad Scientist: Hey Siri 2.6, Turn off voice to text for the following line, why are you interrupting me urrh, you’re such a freakin’ buzzkill

The Mad Scientist starts to flick their hair in pointless directions, posing trying to find a “good angle”. You see, this isn’t exactly a ‘laboratory’ in the normal sense, this doesn’t exactly take place in a cold and gloomy spiral tower, unless you consider an apartment in Hawaii cold and gloomy. Hell it wasn’t even that dark or stormy or night for that matter! It was an evening day with great weather, but in the eyes of the Mad scientist himself.. It was a scene straight outta frankenstein!

Mad Scientist: Hey Siri 2.6, how do I look!!

Siri 2.6: You look the same, which is viewed by universal standards as greately below average for-

Mad Scientist: Hey Siri 2.6, Turn off voice to text for the following line!! ARRH I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT ARHH OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GO-

Siri 2.6: Creator you are repeating yourself because of the human emotions described panic & nervousness, would you like me to play a soothing-
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD THIS IS SO BAD I HATE THIS FEELING!

Now don’t get me wrong, he may be vastly delusional, but he’s not an idiot, he truly is an incredibly great scientist, that I admire greatly, it's… just that he is unable to think properly when he’s in love, he drops down approximately 53 IQ points. The Mad Scientist keeps panicking around the room, desperately trying to “prepare” until the fated arrival comes.

*DING*

Mad Scientist: OH NO! OH GOD THEY ARE HERE!! IS THIS IS THE RIGHT COLOUR? IS MY HAIR WELL DONE ENOUGH? IS MY-

Siri 2.6: Creator, if you do not go to the door, the porter will leave, thinking you are not home-

Mad Scientist: : Hey Siri 2.6, turn off voice to text for the following liiiiiiiiiiine.

The scientist says as they rush towards the door

The Hot Mailman: : Hel- … what the, I MEAN- Hello…

The Mad Scientist says words that may have resembled something like hello or ahoy, or hey.

The Hot Mailman: : oookay… This package is for you mr…. Gary ‘Winger’ Dicaprio the 9th! Crazy, I still can’t remember your name by now, it seems like I always deliver to this house. It's almost like some crazy scientist has developed a hyper intelligent supercomputer to track my every move, every shift I have at amazon specifically and figure out the exact items needed to be bought, the date & time they need to be bought, so that I specifically can deliver them here.

Oddly enough a scientist HAS developed a hyper intelligent supercomputer to track his every move, every shift he works at amazon and figure out the exact items that are needed to be bought so that this mailman specifically delivers it here.

Gary is unable to put together words, but he doesn’t exactly care, hes too in awe of the hotness of the mailman, even when he’s rolling a large container filled with Eels.

Although the mailman of hotness is in awe of Gary too! He just can’t look away from Garys, disgusting, oily, greased up hair. Not to mention Gary's tight black suit that has for some unwholly reason been painted over in a light blue, then painted over in yellow, then red, then green, then yellow again.

The Hot Mailman: So…. I.. need you to sign this to finish the delivery

Gaaaary: I…. am’t Eel.

The Hot Mailman: Ok, then. Here's a pen. Clipboards on the top of the eels

Gaaaary: No.

The Hot Mailman: Yep, sign there, there, there annnnd there.

And just like that, it was over, Gary signed paper after paper after paper and then.. The hotel hallway was clear of people, nothing left, but all of the strange and odd stuff Gary had bought just so he could get another chance to speak to his admiree, he frantically looked left to right like a 5 year old (specifically one that's Albino haired, German, in kindergarten, with one eyeball that's too large compared to his other eye) waiting to cross the road. He was looking for him, but he was already gone, gone like a hot, HOT mailman in the wind.



Approximately 33 minutes later well.. Gary was living it up; he was playing with a fake padlock picking kit all the while looking fabulous with his new eyelashes & fashionable belt pads, while watching an old wrestlemania match with Hulk Hogan in it. Gary was doing great you couldn’t even tell that… he… blown yet another chance to ask out the hottest of mailmen (no hyperbole in that statement)

Every now and then Gary would look back at the Eels as he tried to think of something to do, the Eels weren’t like other eels, they weren’t swimming around, they should have been moving in random directions at all times, their instincts should have told them to not stop moving. They stayed mostly still in the water, watching the bright lights on the TV.
Gary hadn’t even taken them out of the giant tub filled with water, just left them in there, all 7 of them, crammed into a box like a common goldfish.. If only he knew what he had a hold of, maybe he would have thrown them out, maybe he could have changed his fate.

Siri 2.6: Creator, it's been 1 hours, 4 minutes and 3 seconds, you should feed the Eels

Gary doesn’t react at first then he stares into one of the cameras Siri connects to, eyes glazed over and filled with defeat.

Gaaaary: It's 1 hour. You would say hours if it was >1, you pathetic algorithm, maybe I need to create a Siri 3.0 huh?

Siri 2.6: You should feed the Eels.

Gary gets up, grabs a bag of dead sea snails and drops a couple handfuls of them into the container, then puts the lid back onto the container.

Gaaaary: Oh….. my…… god…. HE WAS HOLDING THIS LID!!!

Gary proceeds to freak out, at the thought of indirectly touching hands with the mailman, the pity party was over. The Eels, they hadn’t touched their sea snails yet, this was irregular, they should have been hungry. Their instincts should have kicked in and told them to devour them without a second thought. Then one of the eels started to wrap around the sea snails, until eventually the snail tore apart into smaller pieces. Then the others joined in, wrapping and breaking the snails. They weren’t exactly large, they could have eaten them normally, they didn’t need to break them apart to eat them. After each snail was broken into small pieces, the Eels feasted, all eating exactly 19 pieces of sea snail each.

Siri 2.6: Something is wrong with the Eels, they crushed the Sea Snails into equal pieces then shared it amoungst each other. That is irregular behaviour for an Electric Eel, Something is wrong with the Eels

Gaaaary: URHHH!! OH. MY. GOD. HE PROBABLY TOUCHED ALL OF THE ITEMS I CAN’T BELIEVE I’VE NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS!!
Something is wrong, creator. Something is wrong, creator. Something is wrong, creator. Something is wrong, creator. listen!

Gaaaary: NOW IS NOT THE TIME! Siri 2.6 turn off voice to text for the next 24 hours

Something was off, something was wrong.