Rivalries, S.E.X. clubs, and Pool cues

On October 11th, 2020 a rivalry was brought to life behind the doors of Savage Saturday Night. Some doors should never be reopened. This is not one of them. Discover what it takes to survive an epic story. Beware of the barbed wire, play with our Jimmy, watch as TK spends a lot of money, and kick it on XWF programming for the Denzel Porter Invitational. From the minds of two of the three No Good Bastards comes a story so violent, it can only be based on a true story.

Savage October 11th, 2020 Said:

Thunder Knuckles & Johnny Legend - vs - Jim Jimson & Charlie Nickles Tag Team

Charlie is tagged back into the match! Charlie enters the ring as we see Legend slap TK across the face, sending him spinning around into Charlie who drives a boot to the midsection of the Champion! Charlie hoists TK up in the air before delivering the Devil Hook Drop!! Charlie makes the cover as Legend looks on.


ONE!!!

TWO!!!!

THREE!!!

DING… DING…. DING….

Winners via pinfall: Charlie Nickels and Jim Jimson

February 6th, 2022 - Steubenville, Ohio - As the sun rose and the dawn settled in, The Nickleman awoke from his bed in a cold sweat. Well, it wasn’t his bed but it was the bed he had managed to finagle for the night. The XWF’s Television Champion jumped out of bed in nothing but an old pair of off-white boxer briefs. Charlie pushed the ever-intrusive camera out of his way as he rushed to get dressed.

Shit, shit, fuck...

Charlie hastily slid his legs into a pair of dirty jeans as he stared out into the rising sunlight through the curtainless window.

They’re probably going to be here any fucking minute…

Charlie muttered to himself as he scrambled to put on his socks and shoes. Still shirtless, Charlie grabbed his brown sack and started throwing all of his mundane possessions into it. A porno mag, a small aluminum can collection, and a whole lot of nickels got stuffed into the brown sack before Charlie pulled the drawstrings and tied a secure knot. Charlie threw the brown sack over his bare back and was about to walk out of the bedroom- but then a sudden look of panic washed over his face.

MY PRECIOUS!

Charlie dropped the brown sack and let his meaningless possessions fall to the ground roughly. He darted back over to the bed and immediately dived onto it. He began frantically digging through the sheets and blankets loosely strewn across the mattress. After a few seconds of diligent scrounging Charlie is able to relax.

Oh good heavens, there you are…

Charlie spots the golden shine of his championship belt and his worry immediately dissipates. The Nickleman grabbed his most precious possession off of the bed before giving it a big sloppy kiss and securing it around his waist. Charlie then walks back over to his brown sack with a contented smile on his face. He lifts the bag up by the drawstrings before throwing it over his shoulder once more. Charlie then ducks through the bedroom doorway and begins walking through the innards of the surprisingly large home. While the bedroom seemed normal much of the rest of the house appears to be somewhat unfurnished, save for the litany of empty booze bottles on the floor.


I’m getting out of here just in the knick of time!

Or so Charlie thought.

Charlie rounded one more corner and finally set his eyes upon the front doors (yes, doors) of the giant but only somewhat furnished house. The white double doors of the home were trimmed with gold and had no windows or peepholes. Charlie reaches down for one of the ornate door handles….but he notices that it is already turning!

The camera zooms in on Charlie’s eyes as he frantically looks around for an escape route! He ducks back from whence he came just in time to get out of view as the ornate front doors swing wide open!

“So like I was saying, this extravagant home has four bedrooms and an in-home bar! It is a liiiittle bit out of the price range you gave me, but I wanted to get you here early in the morning so we could make an offer today before anyone else got the chance to view it! I just KNOW you two will love this place!”





“What in the WORLD!”

The realtor steps into the home with a normative middle-aged white couple following close behind him. The realtor’s expression quickly changes to shock as he sees the booze bottles from the in-home bar laying all over the floor. The potential customers place their hands on their hips and look on in disgust. The middle-aged man can’t help but say his piece.

“This is the place you made me get up early to come to see? It looks like there has been a bum living here!”

We cut away from the shot of the foyer and to a shot of the back of the house. We can see Charlie trying to squeeze his fat body through a half-opened window near the corner of the screen. His brown sack of mundane possessions lays on the ground just below him and Charlie seems determined to be reunited. His face is contorting in all types of ways as he tries to force his oversized body through the window.

After a comically long struggle, Charlie is able to fall out of the window and onto his face. The Nickelman doesn’t even brush the dirt off before he grabs his brown sack and starts sprinting away from the house. The ever-present camera, of course, follows Charlie for a few blocks as he barely manages to jump over fences and duck between the somewhat thin bars of a gate.

After Charlie has put a comfortable distance between himself and the staged home he decides to slow his pace and step over to the sidewalk. The Nickleman walks past a slew of single-family homes that grow increasingly modest as he continues on his path to who knows where. Charlie holds the drawstrings of the bag hanging down his bareback with one hand while he taps the golden plate of his belt with his other hand. He looks down at his championship belt as he speaks his next line, as if, he were speaking to it.

Oh Goldi don’t you worry, our next stop isn’t nuthin’ but a short walk from here! We’ll be there in no time, and then after we check that bitch’s mail we can probably go get you a meal from Denny’s! Sometimes they send her coupons!

Charlie's eyes gleamed in excitement thinking about those sweet Denny's coupons.

But you know Goldi if this all works out the way we think it will we won’t have to use coupons at all anymore. I mean god damn, Goldi, have you seen the purse they’re offering at that Porter Invitational? That dude must be made of moneybags the way they’re structuring these victory bonuses! And shit, if the direct payment for this super show wasn’t enough, I just know that Theo and Vinnie are gonna give me a big bump on the salary chart if we, Tee-Kay too, can make the XWF look good on the big stage!

Charlie runs his hand through his mangy beard in anxious anticipation of the big payday.

There’ll be no more rough nights and missed meals if we can win this one, Goldi. I’m sure of it. After twenty years in the rasslin’ business I’m finally getting those big-money contracts I should’ve had all along. They are expecting this super show to be viewed by millions of people, Goldi, MILLIONS! All across the world! Japan, Europe, Australia, everywhere on earth they’re going to be tuning in! And shit, I heard that they might even set up a couple of streams of the show that go out to the whole entire universe! They are going to sell so much merchandise off this it’s going to be insane! Fuck, I wonder how much it costs to ship Bastard BOBbleheads to outer space?

The shirtless Nickleman continues to stroll past family homes until he comes upon a tucked-away cul-de-sac. Charlie slows to a stop as his eyes drift towards a yellow two-story house.

Christ, we're talking mega-money here. This could be big for us, Goldi. Real big. If we can pull this off we might have enough money to put a down-payment on a house! We might even be able to buy one of the houses next to my ex-wife’s place! Fuck, wouldn’t that be great? We could keep a constant eye on her and stop any of her boytoys from coming too close. Oh shit- fuck- she’s still here! Quick, Goldi, we have to hide!

Charlie dives into a nearby bush as he sees the garage door of the yellow home begin to rise. A blue honda slowly pulls out of the garage and onto the paved road as Charlie peers on from inside the shrubbery. As the honda pulls out the garage door comes back down to a closed position. The Nickleman tries to stay perfectly still as the four-door honda drives out of the scene. For a brief moment, you can see the side profile of the brunette woman in the driver’s seat before the car drives off camera.

That fucking bitch should’ve never left me…..now let’s go see what she’s been up to, Goldi! Maybe her parents sent a birthday card to Ems’ that we can take some money from!

Charlie pops out of the bush with his brown sack and championship belt. Bits of shrubbery come off the bush as Charlie pushes himself through it. A good deal of thorns seem to have gotten stuck across the Nickleman’s upper body but he doesn’t seem to mind as he begins walking towards the yellow two-story home.

Charlie stops his approach as he nears the red and white mailbox out in front of the home. Charlie opens up the mailbox and reaches into it reeeaaallll slow-like as his eyes bounced around from side to side, ensuring that nobody but the camera was watching him. Charlie pulls out a handful of envelopes and flyers from the mailbox before he closes it back up. Charlie looks around once more before he starts going through his ex-wife’s mail right there in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

Bills, bills, Tyler’s report card…

Charlie starts throwing the uninteresting mail over his shoulder and into the street as he goes through it.

Bills, bills, wait….what the fuck is this?

Charlie discards every piece of his ex-wife’s mail over his shoulder until only one mailer remains in his hands.

Oh HELL no!

Charlie flips over a postcard which seems printed onto pretty good quality card stock. Really big on the front you can read the words “S.E.X. club”.

What the fuck is that whore getting up to?! She’s supposed to be raising my god damned kids! She better not be going to this sex club out in Wooster to get some dick on the side! I WILL KILL THAT BITCH IF I SEE HER THERE! She should be staying loyal! Oh, fuck no, this isn’t going to fucking happen. Not on my watch!

Charlie storms off angrily with the S.E.X. club invitation in his hands. He leaves the rest of his ex-wife’s mail in the gutter as he begins his long walk to Wooster, Ohio. He is visibly pissed and is now beginning to sweat quite profusely. The scene fades out as Charlie continues muttering to himself about what a whore his ex-wife is.

Savage November 14th, 2020 Said:

Charlie Nickles - vs - Thunder Knuckles

A frustrated Charlie Nickles punches the mat, jabbing about a dozen thumbtacks in his fist, before getting up and bringing TK with him. Nickles sets up for the Devil Hook Drop, but a slick Thunder Knuckles ducks under his arms and runs to the ropes. On the rebound, he knocks the challenger off balance with a hard Running Knee to the face, before grabbing his legs and wrapping it around his arm. Before TK can hit the Thunder Strike, though, Charlie manages to get ahold of the chair he slid into the ring earlier, and crack it over his opponent's skull. The TV Champion falls forward, allowing for Nickles to roll him up for the pin.

ONE

TWO

THREE!!!!!!!!

Winner and NEW Television Champion: Charlie Nickles

February 6th, 2022 - Lima, Ohio - TK’s run-down trailer, now with plastic ducked taped up for a front door. TK’s is trying to lay low after the Lizard encounter at BOB Headquarters. -

Inside we see TK leaning against the kitchen counter. He’s going through his mail.

Bill, bill, ad, ad, fan mail.

TK raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

Jimmy, come get these bills and shit and make sure they get paid.

TK opens the fan mail and begins reading. Not far into the letter TK smiles knowing that this is more on point.

HA! Death threat.

TK tosses the letter to the floor as Jimmy approaches from the living area of the single-wide trailer.

I’ll do it right now.

TK ignores Jimmy because the task doesn’t require Jimmy to speak.

Ad… Wait, what's this?

TK flips over a postcard which seems printed onto pretty good quality card stock. Really big on the front you can read the words “S.E.X. club”

Holy fuck!

What’s that, Thunder Knuckles?

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve gone to a sex club.

What are you talking about? We just left Iceland where you had three bitches over to the hotel.

Yeah, but it wasn’t a fucking sex club, Jimmy. Goddamn, bitches getting fucked left and right just being passed around like the sweaty tits and ass that they are. Snag one up by the hair, have your way with her, and she's happy to prance off and get beautifully degraded by the next dude. Damn, I miss that shit!

Let me see that.

Jimmy can’t believe places like that would send out an advertisement. TK hands over the postcard with a shit-eating grin.

You wanna go?

Jimmy is now reading the postcard.

These people even call themselves Sexamaniacs.

It’s in Wooster.

Yeah, on the 23rd.

Wait a minute, Thunder Knuckles. This isn’t a sex club. It’s a-

Jimmy spells out.

S.E.X. club. It’s-

TK is visibly annoyed by Jimmy at this point.

Yeah, I know what the fuck a goddamn sex club, Jimmy! You don’t have to spell it out for me, asshat.

No, That’s what I’m saying, it's not what you think it is.

Fuck you, Jimmy! I've been to plenty of goddamn sex clubs. I know exactly what it is. It’s like a fucking Euro-trash paradise of whore after whore. I used to be on Warfare and they were stuck in Euro Hell for a long time. I’ll never forget in Wales like three days before Christmas.

In Bangor?

Yeah.

TK smiles at that and chuckles a little to himself, realizing it was in a place with "Bang" in the name.

I’m pretty sure that's where I picked up chlamydia. That bucked tooth English thot with a lazy eye. Damn! She sure could ride a dick.

It’s a fa-

Fuck off, Jimmy! We’re going and I’m going to fuck every bitch in there and make them come to you next. Yep, all so they make fun of your incredibly small penis.

Jimmy puts his head down and gives up like he always does.

We’re going!

Fine.

Like it or not, mother fucker, you’re driving too.





February 23th, 2022 Wooster, Ohio. Charlie shows up to the S.E.X. club's meeting first. Along his long walk to Wooster Charlie seems to have lost his brown sack but gained a black t-shirt and a sleeveless plaid jacket. Quickly after Charlie arrives Jimmy pulls up in his Nissan Pathfinder with TK riding shotgun. Jimmy places the Pathfinder in park and TK gets out. Jimmy stays in the SUV because he knows exactly what the S.E.X. club is. As TK approaches Charlie, you hear Charlie say,

Look who’s late.

The fuck you talking about Charlie? You’re the one who can’t be one time! What the fuck are you even doing here?

I’m here to stop my ex-wife from fucking every guy on this side of Ohio!

TK seems amused by Charlie's story, knowing exactly why he's here.

Looks like I'm here to fuck your ex-wife then.

Charlie's temper flares at the thought of TK being so bold as to say that to his face. Charlie pulls back and hits TK between the eyes, as fast as the Boeing 767 that hit tower one of the World Trade Center.

Your screen fades away from an obvious fight between TK and Charlie to a “Technical Difficulties” screen with music.









The “Technical Difficulties” screen is cut off to a commercial. The video flashes the words “Courage”, “Indifference”, “Disobedience”, and “Dishonesty” in the respective cues. Which fades to an undisclosed BOB training center.

Courage, indifference, disobedience, and dishonesty in the pursuit of money. If these core values are a part of who you are then BOB is the perfect place to take your career to the next level.

A camera shot driven slowly through the main hallway of BOB's training facility is shown on your screen.

These Bastards are part of a talented and dedicated team that works tirelessly to expose and interrupt all members of the XWF roster.

Stock footage of BOB holding off the good guys' advance in 2021 is shown in all its glory.

With a history of ten championship runs you can find your way within BOB. Plus, BOB provides a unique environment and chance to be a real detriment to the roster.

The screen flashes the Championships BOB won in 2021. Universal, Tag Titles, Television Championship, Hart Championship, bWo World Heavyweight Championship, Internet Championship, and of course the Anarchy Championship.

Our violent yet welcoming community members go through an intense training process.

Bobby Bourbon and TK are shown yelling at some former recruits starts playing on your screen, with no sound. Man, TK, looks pissed.

With over 1000 hours in training including substantive justice training, effective violence training, and an enormous variety of other courses. The BOB academy will prepare you to bully and impose your will on today's XWF top talent.

There's a really nice slow-motion crane shot of the now-iconic forty-one-foot-tall bronze statue of Miss Fury. The statue sits outside the front door of the BOB training camp.

BOB is a leader in the ever-challenging rapidly changing field of professional rassling. As the first group to ever allow anyone into their ranks and become universally accredited for systematically shutting the good guys. We stay agile to meet and exceed the needs of the XWF by competing and taking belts elsewhere.

More highlights from BOB's monumental 2021 run are played for your viewing pleasure. Before it slowly fades to Thunder Knuckles sitting behind his dark oak desk inside the Wrigley gum company.

I'm Thunder Knuckles, I've flourished here, and I'm dedicated to destroying the roster with you, the members of BOB.

Highlights of TK’s run within BOB are shown. Him rewinning the Television Championship, along with his Tag Team Title run with his best friend Bobby Bourbon.

I'm proud to be a Bastard, the name that we've built, and the XWF fans that are brave enough to support us.

A really bad-ass slow-motion tight shot of TK walking in a black suit is shown. The camera pulls back as it does from the right Bobby Bourbon dressed to the nines walk beside him. To TK’s left, Charlie, still looking like a bum, walks beside him, as well. An epic explosion happens behind all three men.

With your help, we will continue to make XWF and other promotions a wasteland that's not safe from OUR people. By joining BOB you'll find your career reaching new heights, with a new family. A family that will look out for YOU, not just the guys at the top.

The BOB logo is shown with their theme music playing behind it, this runs until the commercial fades to black.

Snow Job January 31st, 2021 Said:

Barney Green - vs - Charlie Nickles

Moments after Charlie retains his Television Championship, while he's celebrating, walking to the back. The camera zooms out as a large buzzing sound is heard over Lambeau Field. A large blimp with BOB branding can be seen flying towards the X-tron!

PC: “Holy crap! What’s that!”

HHL: “That looks like it’s BOB! What are they doing here?!”

PC: “I bet they’re coming out to get revenge for Barney! Charlie chose this match stipulation specifically to keep the rest of BOB out of the fray, but it looks like the Brotherhood has found another way in!”

The blimp quickly makes its way towards the steel cage on top of the X-tron. Charlie steps to his feet, albeit slowly and with a few stumbles. The blimp hovers just in front of the steel cage. Through a large glass pane window on the blimp, we can see Miss Fury staring Charlie down! Her brow is furrowed and she looks mighty pissed off. The two of them glare at each other for a few moments before Charlie starts barking at her, telling her to get in the ring so he can fight her!

PC: “Charlie is looking for more action!”

HHL: “If he’s not careful, he just might get it!”

As Charlie continues to jaw at Miss Fury from across the cage wall, we suddenly see two men hop out of the first-class suites at Lambeau Field! The two men, one much larger than the other, are quickly falling to the ground!

PC: “Oh my god! We have jumpers!”

HHL: “Suicides on our pay per view?! We have all the action here at the XWF!”

The two men suddenly burst straight up and head towards the X-tron! As they come closer to the camera we can see that it is Bobby Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles on jetpacks!

HHL: “Oh my god! That’s Them No Good Bastards!”

PC: “Charlie doesn’t even see them coming to the ring! He’s too distracted by Miss Furry’s loud ass blimp!”

Bourbon and Knuckles propel themselves above the steel cage before descending down onto Charlie Nickles! Steaming towards Charlie on his jetpack, Thunder Knuckles kicks Charlie in the back of the head with both of his feet! Charlie drops the championship belt and goes flying face-first into the steel cage! Charlie quickly falls on his ass as he’s propelled back by the force of the cage!

Bourbon and Knuckles land on their feet. Knuckles walks over to Charlie while Bobby goes to check on Barney Green. Bourbon helps Barney get to his feet as Thunder Knuckles grabs Charlie’s right heel. A devilish grin curls across Thunder’s lips.

HHL: “No….he wouldn’t….”

PC: “Not against a defenseless man!”

KNUCKLES HITS THE PATENTED THUNDER STRIKE! CHARLIE SCREAMS IN PAIN AS HIS RIGHT HEEL SLAMS AGAINST THE GLASS SHARDS STREWN ACROSS THE RING!

PC: “THAT’S CRIMINAL!”

HHL: “THAT’S BADASS!”

Thunder Knuckles quickly rolls back to his feet. He looks down at Charlie, chuckling as the television champion rolls around on the ground in pain, clutching his right foot. Bourbon calls out at Knuckles and Knuckles nods. Thunder picks Charlie up by his hair, spitting a big fat loogie in his face before pushing him on the ropes and Irish Whipping him into a clothesline from Bobby Bourbon! Nickles slams to the mat, the back of his head and shoulders crunching the pieces of glass they fell upon.

PC: “This is barbaric!”

HHL: “This is what the Brotherhood does! Mess with the bull, you get the horns!”

Miss Fury laughs from inside the blimp as it elevates to a position above the steel cage. Bobby and Thunder wink at each other before Bobby picks Charlie up and tucks him between his legs. Bourbon lifts Charlie up into a powerbomb position before unloading him from his shoulders and sending him flying down towards the mat! Charlie reaches out desperately as if he was trying to grab onto something! Bobby lets Charlie drop and Charlie’s body slams THROUGH the X-tron! The ripping of metal is heard as Charle’s body crashes into the innards of the X-tron!

HHL: “BOBBYBOMB! BOBBYBOMB!”

PC: HE SENT HIM THROUGH THE X-TRON!

Thunder Knuckles picks up the television belt. He looks at it for a few moments, clearly disgruntled by what the nameplate reads. A few bolts of electricity fly through the hole in the mat as the broken X-tron begins to short circuit. Thunder Knuckles tosses the television championship into the hole in the ring before he and Bourbon propel their jet packs into the air. Bobby grabs the injured Barney by the shoulders as the two men and the blimp fly off into the distance.

February 24th, 2022, The sound of a cue ball hitting a rack of balls can be heard within the smokey barroom. Ohio has a clean air act but most people in the bars including These No Good Bastards don't give one fuck for arbitrary laws of men.

CRACK!

FUCK!

I guess they don’t have fucking pool in that bum ass city of Steubenville, huh?

Charlie stands up and steps away from the pool table with clear frustration on his face. He passes the pool cue to Thunder Knuckles as he shakes his head from side to side. TK scoffs as Charlie makes the short walk back to the bartop overlooking the pool table. Charlie grabs a half-empty glass off the wooden counter and finishes off whatever alcohol was inside of it.

That should help settle the nerves…

Charlie looks back over his shoulder as TK begins setting up his first shot.

Did you just drink my backwash? Fuck it, never mind, I already know the answer to that. It’s time to pistol-whip these mother fuckers because they’re not in our caliber. Some lame-ass “Hit making” bitches think Space Peter and Thundering Terry Marsha are going to walk on Those No Good Bastards. What they didn’t count on is the fact that Thunder Knuckles and Charlie Nickles can put our shit aside and fuck up the cocaine-infused shit cartridges.

TK takes his shot but grazes the pool cue which sends the ball in the wrong direction, not hitting a single ball. Charlie looks over at TK and smirks.

Shut the fuck up, Charlie. It’s your turn.

Charlie lines up his shot and puts a good spin on the cue ball sinking the fourteen ball.

Stripes.

Charlie surveys the table. He's looking for the perfect shot.

Fuck, I’ve had stripes all my life. If we play a game of shirts and skins you’ll really see my stripes! Shit, but somehow I always manage to stay solid. Crazy, ain’t it? The fuck do these indy guys we are booked against know about staying solid despite your stripes?

Charlie shakes his head from side to side with disdain as he leans over the table and begins to maneuver the pool cue.

Those idiots can travel all across the galaxy but no matter where you go, everyone knows the best wrestling promotion in the universe is right here on earth, right here in the XWF. These walking, talking taint sacks are about to have their careers ended before they even get called up to the major leagues. Shit, what’s their tombstone going to read again?

Charlie lines up his shot and drains another. This time it’s the eleven ball.

Sports Entertainment Express.

TK waits for his next shot, rolls his eyes, and gives his one of a kind jerking off hand gesture. Charlie shoots and misses but he was clearly going after the nine ball. Instead, he just winds up clumping up a few of TK’s balls into the same corner. Charlie curses under his breath as he hands the cue over to his one-time rival.

Give me a fucking break, there’s nothing entertaining about these broke-down old space travelers. Like in the “Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”, we’re fucking Bang Bang and Shooty. We’re going to kill’em like it's Call of fucking Duty.

TK lines up his shot and sinks the one ball. Thus sending the two other balls that were clumped into the same corner, down the table.

As they write our book, we’re going to leave them laying like Sandy Hook. Was that too far for this Cancel Culture crowd? You know what? Who gives a fuck?

TK lines up and shoots, knocking in the seven ball.

Well, TK, you didn’t go too far, but you’re completely off base here yet again! Jesus dude, are you even listening to those Alex Jones videos I’m sending you?

TK looks up at Charlie as he’s trying to take his shot. TK shakes his head no to Charlie, as if he'd even watch anything Charlie would refer to him.

Sandy Hook NEVER happened! But us beating the dogshit out of those two mangy mutts that they named TPWs tag tournament after? Oh, buddy, that’s DEFINITELY going to happen!

TK shoots as Charlie says this causing TK to miss every ball on the table. Charlie grins.

I’m up.

Charlie brushes TK away TK doesn’t move at first because of some manly pride thing but eventually moves out of the way. Irritated TK begins to speak again as Charlie lines up his next shot.

We’re all stuck in the rassling business cycle. We're the heroes, villains, traders, and whatever else they want to call us. We’re just out here being the little Bastards’ idols.

Charlie sinks the nine ball and immediately lines up his next shot.

So, after we clean up these goddamned fools. If they get depressed and want to kill themselves, we’re not fucking liable. Let me clear it up, so you can get it straight, we make promos no one else can make because they’re too goddamn afraid! The ones that millions love because they can relate. Don’t get it twisted, we don't want the recognition. We just want twice the fucking hate.

Charlie who has been trying to find the right angle to take does and sinks the thirteen ball.

You’re just going for twice the hate? Fuckin’ hell man, I’m out here asking for all the smoke. I’m running up on universal champions and kicking their wives in the cunt. I’m shaking babies and breaking rookies! We’re both one-man wrecking crews but when you get the bastards together we turn into a full-blown demolition job! Although I gotta say, Tee-Kay…..my explosions are just a bit louder and more fiery than yours.

Charlie winks at TK as he shoots another perfect shot, sinking the ten ball.

It's "fierier", Oh yeah, say that shit to Caedus, dick. We're getting off-topic. On Stardate 20220126, that's so fucking dumb, we show Ace Freely and Bulk Logan how real Bastards act. It'll be undeniable who the top bad guys are! Our victory is something we will ensure! As the tears of TWP, and dead-ass GCWA, fans fill up Olympic-sized pools that not even Michael Phelps can endure. We’re living the Bastard life they can’t afford. They wish they could be as vile, as vulgar, and as unscrubulous as us.

Unscrupulous.

Correcting TK messed up Charlie's shot and he isn’t happy about it.

DAMN IT!

TK chuckles under his breath as he walks back up to the table.

That’s what I said goddamn it! Doesn’t matter! When I hook the ankle and deliver the second most devastating move in rassling history, the Thunder Strike, it’ll all be over!

TK lines up his shot and shoots. The ball begins to roll as Charlie interjects.

Second only to the Devil Hook Drop.

TK sinks the five ball.

What? No. Fuck no. Second only to the Rainbow Laser Death Sequence!.

TK lines up his next shot on the three ball but has a better play on the six.

How’d you get “Rainbow Laser Death Sequence” to echo like that?

TK sinks the three ball but sinks one of Charlies as well, the fifteen ball.

Magic, Charlie, magic. You’re welcome, by the way, mother fucker.

Charlie engages the table once again, lines up his shot, and sinks the twelve ball. He walks over the counter where TK’s new beer is and drinks it. TK sees this, rolls his eyes, and just shakes his head. Knowing Charlie probably can't afford his own beer in the first place.

Screw that! I’m ending it with the Devil Hook Drop.

While Charlie is drinking TK’s beer. TK slips Charlie’s last ball into the corner pocket quietly. Charlie walks back to the table after TK was finished and lines up his logical last ball, the eightball.

Woah, Woah, mother fucker! Wait just one goddamn minute.

What?

You had more balls than that a few minutes ago.

You sunk one of mine, remember? Pfft. I think you’ve been drinking too much, Tee-Kay!

Charlie shakes his head from side to side dismissively, completely oblivious to the underhanded strategy at play here.

No, dickhead I sunk the fifteen ball. You should still have the twelve ball.

Charlie looks around and notices the twelve ball isn’t on the table. He just shrugs.

I probably just made it earlier.

Oh, yeah?

TK walks around to the other side of the table where he knows the twelve ball isn't.

So far, so good.

TK walks over to the corner that he knows the twelve ball is in, reaches down, and pulls out one of his own.

Huh?

TK’s baffled because he knows for a fact he put that ball in that corner pocket. Charlie thought maybe he actually did cheat and pocketed the ball while TK looked down into the first corner. TK knows something is up but he isn’t trying to press it.

Fuck it, whatever. Just shoot.

Shoot? Well well well, don’t mind if I do.

Charlie Nickles steps directly in front of the camera, partially concealing TK from the screen. Charlie hoists the pool cue up in a theatrical show.

Ya’ll gotta understand something about The Nickleman, folks: I’ve taken a LOT of shots in my day. I’ve taken potshots, cheapshots, double shots, and shit, sometimes after I take a shot I even spin the block in the Benz just to shoot through the rest of the clip! I’m out here shooting so many folks up that President Biden just offered to make me the head of his vaccine program! I of course declined because I don’t work with no cops and I ain’t gonna be a part of his system!

TK puts his hand over his forehead and shakes his head.

But shit, my marksmanship is all but coming with a Presidential certification these days. Even folks with dementia still know that when The Nickleman ups his stick, he just doesn’t miss. People are asking me all the time, ‘Charlie, how’d you learn to shoot so good?’, and I’m telling each of those dolts the same motherfucking thing: marksmanship is all based around two fundamental principles.

Charlie extends his pointer finger.

The first principle: know what you’re shooting at.

Charlie puts up his middle finger along with his pointer finger.

The second principle: don’t fucking miss.

Charlie ups his pool cue and positions it so that it is protruding out from his shoulder. He seems to be holding it as if it were a rifle.

I know everything I need to know about the two nymphomaniacs I’ll have in my iron sights next Friday night. They have impressive enough resumes, sure, but they dress like a Twisted Sister cover band and I’m not going to take it anymore! This is supposed to be professional tag-team RASSLIN’, but those drag queens look like they’d rather be rasslin’ with trouser snakes! Well, no matter which way those nutless taint-sacks swing, they should be pretty excited for night one of Denzel Porter’s Invitational because fighting TNGB means one thing. That they will be truly and severely FUCKED!

Charlie air humps the pool table with two powerful thrusts. One for each member of S.E.X.

They’re probably sitting there right now on that little express of theirs, anxiously awaiting this match cause they know they’re going to get absolutely blown away.

Ready.
Set.
Fire.

Charlie pretends to pull the ‘trigger’ on his pool cue.

They're definitely shit in their pants, might as well call their Hanes, skid row. However, I meant the fucking ball but Jimmy was telling me, just the other day, that there are over twenty thousand pieces of space trash floating around the earth. Fucking crazy, right? No one is cleaning that shit up! I guess, it’s up Those-

Charlie begins to line up his final shot at the eight ball. He calls a corner pocket as he leans over onto the table.

-No good-

TK looks over at Charlie disgusted.

-What the fuck was that, Charlie?

Isn’t that the thing? You say the thing then I say the next thing. You know, like you and Bobby?

No. That's mine and Bobby’s thing. Our thing is something else completely. Not that. Stop. Just fucking stop.

Bastards.

Charlie cracks the cue against the white ball and sends it slamming into the 8 ball. The black ball flies into the corner as Charlie stands up with a satisfied smirk.


What?

Well, you weren’t going to finish it.

Charlie seems pleased with himself as TK shakes his head in disapproval. TK looks into the camera directly to address TPWs figurehead and Space Lord.

Anyway, we’re going to take this space trash and show the goddamn world why the Bastards are the best tag team in the goddamn world. No matter the fucking combination. Denzel Porter, himself, put us as the number one tag team in the world for a fucking reason. It's because no one, which includes XWF current tag team champions, does tag team rassling like the Bastards, Space Cunts. You'll both figure that shit out at Allegiant Stadium. When me and-

TK looks over at Charlie, takes a deep breath, then looks back into the camera.

-and Charlie Nickels are going to make you wish you never stepped foot on this planet. The Bastards are already the most powerful tag team on Earth and the Moon.

Charlie tries to correct TK.

We didn't actually go to the moon, Tee-Kay. Vinnie and Theo-

TK doesn't let Charlie finish because his point still stands.

That's two planets you two shit-lipped twats can't fucking conquer, because they're ours, and I'm a greedy son of a bitch.

Charlie reaches into his pocket for something and the twelve ball falls to the floor. TK looks down and sees the twelve ball rolling towards him.

I knew you fucking cheated! No contest!

Charlie shrugs off the game.

Story of our lives.

Bobby Bourbon must have come into the bar without the other two bastards noticing. Bobby walks up to the table.

Have you guys figured out how you're going to end the match with S.E.X.?

Devil Thunder Hook Strike Drop!!

TK and Charlie both face each other with their chests puffed out. Bobby smirks because he's getting true entertainment from getting these two to work together.

You're going to need to work on that.

Look boys, I should be the one to finish this match out. Everyone knows my moves hit harder than Tee-Kays, I mean shit, ain’t I undefeated against ya’, Knuckz?


Charlie smirks at TK which TK doesn't like, at all. TK pulls his fist back and punches Charlie square on the chin, faster than a cheetah in a dead sprint.

Here we go again.

Your screen quickly cuts to the same technical difficulties screen as before cutting out completely.