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Billy B. Blankenship · (08-28-2021)

”Hello again friends and welcome to another edition of Billy’s Drive Thru, and today is a very special program with two guests that really need no introduction because they are one of the greatest tag teams to lace a pair of boots, and happen to be managed in part by yours truly; of course I am talking about the Can-Jap Connection, Ricky Goldhart and Kyodia Monsuta with Mr. Fikki.. Boy’s welcome to the show.”

”On behalf of Kyodia and Fikki let me be the first to say thanks for having us on this fine podcast as we are just a day or so away from making our Saturday Night Savage Debut.”

”Which is exactly why I brought you boys on the show because Saturday Night you guys, well, all of us will make our XWF Saturday Night debut. How are you feeling about that, Ricky?”

”I can’t speak for Monsuta but it’s been way too long since either of us have been seen on national television. Hell, I think this is the first time in the United States. Over in Japan and across England sure, we’ve headlined, but now to know that the United States will get their first taste of the Can-Jap Connection that’s not on Pay-Per-View; the only shame is it comes at the expense of two jerk-offs that wouldn’t know which way was up even if they were standing out in a thunderstorm with buckets of water dropping on their heads.”

Billy can be heard laughing out loud with his southern drawl before as he responds.

”Let’s talk about these two shit stains for a second, now I’ve talked to you on and off all week so I kind of already know where this one is going. So anyway, you and the big man are dealing with this unknown, garbage wrestling tag team that nobody has ever heard of… Yin/Yang. What in the actual fuck!?!?

You can hear Ricky, Monsuta and Fikki all laugh to themselves.

”We didn’t ask to be thrown into the ring with two kids that have no concept of who they are really dealing with. What’s great about this if you’re in our shoes is how misguided these pricks are when it comes to the Can-Jap Connection. How in the hell do you fuck up a racial slur when you’re being racial? Crackers? That’s something you buy at the stores, if you’re trying to insult the white rice everyone knows the pronunciation is Crackas. Not only do these two punks not know who they are dealing with, they can’t even make insults correctly.”

”I know you have some words for them on being foolish enough to think that there’s a weak link within the Can-Jap Connection.”[/large]

”I’ve learned that you can’t fix stupid, and these two are bumfuzzeled or confused, obviously. I can look past this being their big break; if they fail it’s back to the indies for them and based on what I’ve seen that’s where they belong. These two kids are about to enter a world of pain and suffering. There’s not a weak link within this team. Monsuta is all power and strength while I am the most technically sound wrestler to ever come out of Canada. Individually we are tough enough in our own right but collectively we have cracked a list of Tag Teams in the United States by just having one match on U.S. soil. You tell me how I feel when I hear someone's ragtag team that NEEDS to make an impression slinging mud that makes sense in their own minds.”

[size=large]”These two idiots are beaten before the goddamn bell rings. Listening to them try to talk shit is like watching a group of

play competitive sports, and they’re the two drooling all over themselves because nobody else will.”

”Billy they remind me of the D-Grators… where is Freddy Fabulous?”

”Fuck that prick.”

”The harsh truth for the team of Yin/Yang is they are twins; they’re not cool or cutting edge. They are two fuckboys that are about to find out why we are the future of Tag Team Wrestling within the Xtreme Wrestling Federation. It’s not a matter of “if” those belts come our way, it's a matter of when. If anyone stands in our way we are going to squash you. These two cock smokers aren’t going to be an exception.”

”It’s just so sad when you see two people this incredibly

to think they stand a chance.”

”Let me give you a shout out for your XWF Quote of the Moment that’s plastered all over the XWF website. You do have a way with words.”

”Well I’ll tell ya this, I ain’t never been told I didn’t know how to be a talker. It helps matters when it’s actually a true statement. Those two jackasses are better off jumping in a large tub of boiled oil so I can sell their fat to make soap. That about sums up my thoughts on those two outlaw wrestlers.”

”It’s clear their parents conceived them in a flower bed because it’s the only explanation of them being a couple of blooming idiots.”

”They should be dropped out of a helicopter without a parachute in front of their families. These two boys just have no clue what awaits them come Savage Saturday Night. It’s just a shame that I have this really bad allergy to bullshit because that’s all that I am hearing from Harry and Lloyd; oh wait I am not watching Dumb and Dumber I had to listen to them.”[/large]

”Billy they’re fighting us but as you know they had just as much to say about you as they did with me and the big man.”

[size=large]”I know I am entertaining and all but why the FUCK would they be giving me there time? That’s about as stupid as staying up all night to study a goddamn urine test.”

”Well they did imply that I am a weak link in a strong chain, so intelligence isn’t either of their strong suits.”

”I’ll tell you this, if they want to take a shot at me I’ll hit them so goddamn hard with my tennis racket they’ll starve to death rolling! Listen up Yin and Yang, Vanta and Billy, you two shitstains need to wisen the fuck up and realize real quick that if you are using this are your make or break moment you’re squandering it like a couple of fucking rookies. Why in the blue hell would Theo and Vinnie bring these two clowns into the federation? The last time they had a goddamn match they had to put mirrors in the audience so it would look like a packed house. They are stepping into the ring with Canada’s greatest export and the Japanese monster that would just as soon leave them splattered in the center of the ring. You and the big guy are going to have a lot of fun smacking the shit out of Chocolate and Vanilla.”

”I can’t believe you just said that. It’s funny because it’s true, Billy. I know Monsuta has been looking for his next pound of flesh so why not turn him loose on Yin and Yang. I almost got upset with how they tried to downplay me, personally, but I had to remind myself that there is no real cure for sheer stupidity and that I will put that to rest myself in front of one hundred thousand lively fans. I don’t think they’ve seen a crowd this large in… well… ever. Sucks to be schmucks.”

”Have you seen how these two buffoons look?”

”They look so stuipid that if it were raining soup they’d be the dudes walking around with a couple of forks. They’re going to look a hell of a lot stupider when I am throwing them around the ring like a couple of rag dolls just to set the table for Monsuta to make them his personal bitches. The idea or the notion that they belong in the same ring as the two of us is minimal at best. They are only here because they were dumb enough to sign there names on the dotted line. We don’t take too kindly to a couple of punks trying to use us in order to try and catch a break. If the Can-Jap Connection isn’t a big deal, if I am the dead weight to this TEAM then how have we had ONE, count it, ONE match in the United States and already make that much of an impact that we have cracked the list of top teams? You think your names belong there? Think again, the only place your names belong are on the tombstones that await you when that final bell tolls.”

”They’re already rethinking this decision. They oughta be arrested for murder because they last time they showed up they killed the goddamn ratings. Oh boy, do the words taking candy from a baby come to mind for anyone else? That’s exactly what this feels like if you ask me. I almost dread it if they both open their mouths again because riding around in a car listening to Tupac is goddamn quality entertainment within your introduction to the XWF.

…and speaking of entertainment, before I bring on Kyodai and Fikki to further bury these two pricks deeper than a bullet in Tupac’s chest, I want to tell you a little bit about our sponsor for this episode of the Drive Thru.

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That was one hell of a segue.

I know goddamnit! I’m trying to give Kyodai a little room to breathe though. The last time he sat down at le-Buffet-de-Dumbfucks, I thought Kyodai and his ever esteemed translator, the one, the only, my friend Mr. Fikki, we’re going to eat the Yin Yang twins out of house and home.

My brother does stay hungry in the ring. That’s why he’s the best tag partner in the world.

”Well, you can say that again Ricky, because joining the Drive Thru now via satellite from the YinYangs gravesite is none other than the master of the Divine wind himself, Kyodai Monsuta and his advisor, Mr. Fikki! Fikkie, Kyodai, how are you two doing on this glorious day?”

Just fine Billy-son, it is privilege, and honor to join you and Ricky-son on the world's most entertaining, no-nonsense wrestling podcast.

”The honor is all here my dear friend. You know, we were talking earlier in the show about just how quickly these boys have shot up the totem-pole in the XWF, and I’ve gotta’ say, Fikki… you and I knew all along just how dominant these boys could be.”

That is right. When I first brought you to Japan to study our future tag-champions, I knew that they had the spirit of great singles competitors, but I wanted you to take a look at something deeper. You Billy-son, the master of tag-team wrestling saw it right away. These two were going to be a force to be reckoned with. Now the endorsement offers do not stop. Kyodai has more money than he can ever imagine. He has bought small village in Japan and has begun to impregnate all of the women, hoping for a pair of twins he can name In and Yo, and raise them to be great wrestlers. To wipe the stains of shame given to the Japanese culture by these two Mao loving, Chinese sympathizing American communist soy-boys!

”Wait! Kyodai did what?”

That’s right Billy-son! Kyodai is now Lord of village where the greatest wrestling talents on earth will be procreated on a bi-weekly basis. This is unlike the XWF, and this influx of… HA! TEAMS that have entered the business lately, trying to ride the momentum of The Can-Jap Connection.

詐欺師！

That is right, Kyodai! Imposters indeed! A bad parody team of clowns who will have their makeup wiped off and their bowling shoes shoved up where the Rising Sun doesn't shine. But do you know what’s even worse about the Yin/Yang? Not only are they imposters, they are Freddy Fabulous imposters, eagerly trying to defame THE Can-Jap Connection.

At least Freddy Fabulous, as

as he is, was sincere in thinking that our tag team name, a call back to classic multi-national tag team bridge building, is a racial epitaph. Billy-son thoroughly explained to Freddy, in an amount of examples as high as his cholesterol, why he was wrong and Freddy never opened his mouth on the subject again.

The Yin Yang? They’re just Youtube clickbait, using racist tropes and generalizations as a form of humor, when nothing else in this world could be more disgusting. “Billy”, the one man calls himself, plays the role of racist who doesn’t realize he’s racist. A cheap, passive aggressive attack on YOU Billy-son!”

”Look, I appreciate you pointing that out, Fikki, but I’m not going to get into that. You and I have been great friends for years, and I believe you would attest that I have NEVER intentionally done anything racist towards you, or anyone else around me. Sadly today, you’ve got these punks on the internet who get off on seeing people lose access to their Twitter accounts. Well guess what Yin Yang, you cowards? I don’t have a goddamn Twitter, nor would I ever want one. If you’ve got a problem with our team name, how about you go take it up with the big dogs upstairs instead of acting like a pair of frightened mice. Just like Freddy, you know the only chance in hell you have of beating my boys is to somehow get us “cancelled”. But no one is buying your fecal juice snake-oil today, you pricks!

I mean jeez-o-fuck! If you’re seriously so offended by the word Can-Jap, that’s right, one word, two nations, fucking hypenatied, then just don’t ever use the word Japan again. We’ll name the country something else entirely to keep your feelings from getting hurt.

I thought you weren’t going to get on that sub-

AND ANOTHER FUCKING THING! You spineless pair double-sided-dildos! If you’ve got something to say to Billy B. Blankenship, you can come say it to my face.

Come to Castle Blankenship in Louisville.

Momma’ Blankenship will even whip you uncultured shit-stains up a bowl of our world famous burgo before I kick both of your asses myself!

We host this podcast every week. You can come by here, be a guest! Do anything to try and get your careers back on track after The Can-Jap Connection has beaten whatever deminted parts of your brain that gave you the idea to become wrestlers, right out of your skulls, you pansies!

The studio goes so quiet, you can hear crickets chirping

Welp, Cult of Can-Japers, I guess that means we’re out of time today on the Drive Thru. Ricky and I are going to go get some delicious Wendy’s, while Fikki watches Kyodai repopulate a small village. But the next time the four of us will be together will be this Saturday on Savage when The Can-Jap Connection records another victory in the XWF.

But until then…

Thank you, Cult of Can-Jap

Fuck you, Yin Yang

And goodbye to everyone else.

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