(Somewhere in Venezuela)

All is quiet and peaceful.

The faint ambient noises from the local wildlife seep out from the nearby jungles, and though everything sounds normal at first, you can’t help but notice a faint humming noise slowly creeping in with the background noises. The hum seems to grow closer, and at an alarming rate. Suddenly from the tree line, this motherfucker appears!

[bwo][/bwo]

Blowing up the front gate of the compound they are attacking. Alarms sound and thugs rush to meet their attackers.

The scene transitions inside of the tank where we see Bobby driving and TK loading shells into the cannon.

LOCKED AND LOADED MOTHERFUCKER!

A big grin forms on Bourbon’s face as he aims and fires his next shot!

Meanwhile, inside of the facility an ominous portal opens as Oswald steps through, where two servants seem to manifest directly in front of him.

"You know what to do."

Both servants nod before taking their leave. Oswald looks around curiously, before opening another portal and vanishing.

The scene shifts to a lavish modern office. A large wooden desk, an expensive executive chair, and a window behind it that nearly fills the entire wall. The mark, Vicente Ortego Mesa stares out the window at the bastards in the tank as his guards stand ready at the door. He pats a handkerchief across his forehead.

The tank continues to race towards him, firing shot after shot as he and his guards begin to panic. Vicente continues to watch the carnage outside, and without looking away, he orders his guards to ready his jet. It takes a moment for him to realize that there was no response. Slowly, he looks back to see her standing behind him.

[bwo][/bwo]

"It's over Vicente, your operation now belongs to us."

Vicente scoffs.

"What is this? Some sort of joke? You are only asking for death, my friend!" He says with wild defiance in his eyes despite the gun currently trained on him.

"I no fool Vicente, I know that simply killing you would only-"

He cuts her off. "The other Cartels would hunt you to the ends of the Earth!"

She nods in agreement.

"Yes, your death would only complicate matters. However, IF you were to be captured in the US with, oooooh, I don't know, maybe 50 kilos, then you'd not only be out of the way but anyone who wanted to just sort of slide into your spot here, wouldn't face any resistance from the other cartels. Would they?"

"Too bad we're not in the US puto!"

Suddenly a portal opens up behind her and Oswald steps out. Miss Fury smirks as the drug lord stares in disbelief.

"Yet..."

Oswald waves his hand, opening a portal directly under the drug lord's feet. He drops in and the scene follows him as he drops hard to the floor of a storage pitch-black room. It's a storage locker in Miami Florida. Unbeknownst to Vincente is that inside with him are 50 kilos of cocaine that were planted there by BOB and just outside, DEA agents working off of an anonymous tip, are closing in.

Cutting back to Venezuela, Miss Fury lowers her weapon and walks around the desk, taking a seat as Oswald pulls the Bastards into the room, and their awesome tank crashes and explodes outside of the window.

”Right about now, DEA agents are finding Vicente and all of the evidence that they need to put him away forever. The operation is now ours, and we even gained a new operative in Johnny.”

Miss Fury kicks her feet up on the desk and strikes a stogie, taking a deep inhale before blowing out the smoke with a satisfied smile just as a RoBOB impersonator of Vicente Ortego Mesa walks into the room.

“I love it when a plan comes together!”

Blue, red, purple, and orange masks adorn the faces of BOB. That’s right, we’re back to the sewers for another TMNT inspired promo! Fury stands behind her three behemoths.

“This whole time, you people just overlook us. The enemy we face right now, Reggie’s “Angels” constantly overlook us as they talk less than shit about us. They don’t know how to actually talk in general, so they make general sweeping statements and decide ‘Well that’s good enough’ and then move on. WE are the TEAM to beat, assholes. WE are THE TEAM and the ONLY team you people should worry about. Seriously, why do you people waste your time talking about anyone but us in much larger strokes than it takes for TK to get a hooker to finish him off?”

What!? I don’t pay for fucking hookers! Don’t be putting my personal shit out there like that Ozzy! You’re going to have people questioning my fucking character!

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I joke about it, TK. I know you’re an upstanding citizen. A fine gentleman. Seriously though, ladies, pay me fifty dollars, and I’ll sell you his phone number.

TK glares at Ozzy and then back to the camera.

Jokes on you fucker! I’ll sell it for 30 xbux!

See? A bargain! He knows how to treat a woman.

Bobby grunts as he steps forward.

You guys want to know what’s not a joke? People having the audacity to question why my loyalties lie where they do? For a while now people have asked why I joined BOB, some even saying I have demeaned myself by doing so. Flat out, are you fucking stupid? It's about respect. It's about acknowledgment. It's about support where it's fucking deserved. Flat the fuck out, I am a bull in this industry, top to fucking bottom, name a name I haven't wrecked in that ring. Name a fucking championship I haven't earned off of the blood and bone of a body. Seriously, how many of you want to say I was a bullshit Universal Championship when I pinned James Raven for it when face fucking facts, most of the time we see a new Universal Champ it comes from a briefcase? Warstein, Alias, here’s looking at y'all on that shit. But, come draft night, what the fuck happened? Every single fucking captain, everyone, commented on how surprised they were I didn't go in the first round. They looked at each other and were shocked. First, Thad Duke farted around and made a pick predicated on his goofy fucking daddy issues since Doc gives him the fulfillment Sebastian never fucking would or could. Then Corey went with his man-crush, the name he is praying will carry him to the finals. Well, kicked the shit out of both of those guys, took Corey’s title for his troubles too. Then we got around to Betsy, who was too fucking petty to pick me up, and ran with Lycana for some stupid fucking reason. Charlie? Charlie picked up the shadow and shell of a competitor that used to be Robert Main, a guy who fucked off a Universal Championship shot just because he didn't want his feels hurt by getting briefcased again, but justifies it by promoting part-time talent. Fury grabbed TK, which makes perfect sense, the man is the best ally to have in a team scenario, and I would fucking know. Then Dick had two back-to-back picks, and he went with Caedus then Dolly? Are you shitting me? Hubris! The lot of you, pointing the finger, asking how I could have slipped to the second round, and no, this isn't butthurt. This…

Bobby slaps his half of the XWF Tag Titles draped over one shoulder.

Is…

Bobby slaps his half of the OCW Tag Titles draped over the other shoulder. You know, the ones half of you signed up for a mixer to compete for.

Your…

Bobby pats the Television Title around his waist.

Failure. The lot of you run around with your heads up your own asses, believing what you're catching a whiff of is baby powder and roses because your shit doesn't stink while pointing at BOB saying we're the ones who are causing the stench. Not a goddamn one of you is willing to admit your nose is too close to your mouth and that odor that's making your eyes water is coming from past your own teeth. Hubris. Your own fucking egos got the better of you, and then you act like it was some nefarious scheme on BOB's behalf to put the whole XWF in check because you all were too busy thinking of how special and fancy you all were, checking your own reflection in your rear-view to notice you were driving straight off a fucking pier. I have heard it and seen it, the fans have heard it and seen it, the self-placating, the high-and-mighty self-righteous horseshit, the need for sycophants to tell you want you want to hear, and the insecurities bleeding through at every fucking turn when you get challenged. Too fucking many of you are so taken aback, so gobsmacked that someone wants to challenge you, it's like you all fucking parrot each other, how many of you have even noticed that you all like sharing the common catch-phrase that trying to fight any of you is a bad idea? How many of you have I proven fucking wrong in that regard? Corey? Thad? Betsy? Charlie? I have left every one of you, each and every goddamn last one of you, in a heap in the ring. Pretty please, with sugar on top, tell me how the fuck that makes you special or important.

Special and important, who the fuck do they think they are? Doc? Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit. You don’t see BOB brainwashing anyone to serve our fucking bidding. We do it because it’s FUN, and it fucking PAYS WELL! Make no mistake, mother fuckers. Doc and Thad have to go to war with the current Universal Champion, and Corey-

What about War Criminal and Cent?

What about them? Neither of those fuckers stand a chance when it all boils down. Maybe War Criminal, but I'm sure Andre will slice that fucker to ribbons. The last thing Doc and Thad really want to see is a strong BOB team walk in to choke what’s left of their chances away. But that’s exactly what's going to fucking happen. Thad’s goddamn heart and shit compacted ego will be crushed. King BOB will slink away knowing he lost to a superior TEAM. The XWF fans around the world will witness in fucking awe of BOBs greatness, as we stamp the goddamn life out of Charlie and Dolly with a-

TK looks over at Bobby and they say at the same time.

Rainbow Laser Death Sequence!

TK winks because time was saved talking about shit performers. Bobby smacks TK in the back of the head. This causes TK to turn to poke Bobby in the eyes, but Bobby blocks it by putting up his hand between his eyes. Tk realizes this and uses both hands to then poke Bobby in the eyes. Oswald spins TK around to bop him in the top of the head. When this sequence is complete the three men TK, Bobby, and Oswald all look into the camera as the give the middle finger.

You mad, Hoe, don't lie.

Would you cut it out you knuckleheads! Where’s the pizza!?”


Fucking late!

Not like BOB, early to the goddamn party and laser fucking focused on the target directly in front of us, Estrada’s Angels. Any lame ass name changes at this point would really fucking hurt the “Team atomosphere” they’re trying to fake.

Reggie said that BOB couldn’t find the heart to operate as a team as well as his Angels would.

WHAT!?

"Does this guy not actually take the time to filter his thoughts to make sure they actually make sense, much less make a positive statement? How many times has Reggie slobbed on the proverbial knob of BOB? That dumb… TK…”

SACK OF DOG SHIT!

"Thank you! The only person more detrimental to that team is the actual team captain, who thinks that this is some opportunity for her to put BOB in “our place”. No bitch, BOB’s already in our place, and nobody put us here, we simply TOOK IT! You believe yourself to be some great savior of the XWF just as you believe that Shawn Warstein is the savior of your team. You are wrong on both accounts. The fact is, you are nothing more than a scared little girl, who is way over her head. You couldn’t hold your team together. Don’t blame BOB, we didn’t sabotage you. As a matter of fact, we haven’t had any contact with Atara since her crushing defeat at the hands of Alais. You know, the one that she blames us for? It’s fine, we’ll take the blame for her failures. It will be just one more name atop a long list of War Games competitors who legitimately will be able to look to US as the reason to which they achieved NOTHING Sunday night!"

We’re paying close attention to every aspect of these games, and we feel that we have a pretty good prediction of who we’ll see later in the night, once we’re through curb stomping Betsy and her team, and we are ready to vanquish them all from these War Games, but that’s for later, right now, we should figure out where that damned pizza is, and remind Betsy why her and the unfortunate souls she drafted into her team aren’t walking out of War Games… Period!

I’m sure we’re going to some fan-fucking-tastical turd of a goddamn promo dropped by Lycana, but it’s just filler, same as fucking Reggie. Meanwhile, BOB is crushing the fucking competition. She’ll talk torture, sex, and bravado, all to no goddamn avail. She’ll hype herself and everyone around her up all to fall on her face. Just like she has so many fucking times before. Shawn is going to act like he can eliminate each and every one of us.

TK smirks.

But he’ll find out just like everyone else in XWF has when coming around trying to fuck with us. Especially as a group. You guys had a chance to make Reggie look like a God, but that wouldn’t serve Betsy would it? No, she surrounded herself with people who didn’t stand a chance only to be crowned the lone survivor. They can act like she had their best fucking interests at heart, but she knew the was about goddamn survival, and how they can't survive. I wonder how it plays now that she's got, Shawn? It's funny how the original Woodstock was about peace and love, but we’re going into a fucking war zone. Side Note, Corey, Alias, fuck off!

The champion and the briefcase. No matter what assurances you think you may have, distrust is the only line of thinking for survival. Alais, you know full well what that case means. It means that you have a big red X on your back. Maybe at War Games, perhaps after, but to rely on the word of the man who holds the power to strip you of what's yours as soon as he wills it so? That is someone that I would think that you should keep an eye on at all times. Shame then that he also holds the role of not only a partner but team captain. When the members of your team that you actually managed to hold on to step into the ring with Duke, Doc, Chaos, and of course Dixon, one has to think that Alais will find himself in quite the vulnerable situation.

One of the many differences between BOB and the rest of you is that we actually pay attention to the battlefield of the XWF and the goings-on within it beyond ourselves. Shocking, I know. Not like the Universal Champion that mistakenly tried to call me out on always losing to Ruby not too long ago, despite the fact that she had fallen to my boot numerous times over the last year, including when I beat her for the Anarchy championship, but hey, At least you're making preparations for the inevitable betrayal of Corey, or so it would seem. No matter what the night has in store for Corey and Alais, I'm positive that their and Duke's teams will cannibalize one another and make things MUCH easier for BOB come the end of the night when ALL OF BOB ADVANCES to the final contest where we easily pick off the scraps and win WAR GAMES!

Now...

Fury looks to TK.

"About that pizza?"

Suddenly the camera cuts topside. Where we see a Domino’s delivery driver with a couple of piping hot marshmallows and pickle pizzas. He looks to the address on his delivery ticket looking confused.

“122 and an eighth!?”

He looks at the address in front of him, it clearly states 122. The next building, 124.

”What the? Where is this place?!”

You’re standing on it ya fucking moron!

The pizza guy is startled by the voice echoing from below him and jumps back as TK pokes up from the sewers.

You’re late fuckwit! Pizza’s free!

”Uh, no! We haven’t honored that since the 80’s!”

I expected as much! ‘Ol TK is getting pretty used to fuckers trying to stiff him, ya goddamn Charmos mother fucker…

TK looks past the Domino’s guy to the top of the building across the street.

YO, HE SAID NO!

Suddenly a figure leaps off of the roof! His silhouette looks of a humaNOID bunny as he rides his shiny red pogo stick right into the skull of the pizza dude, killing him instantly via pogo impalement!

It’s the fucking NOID!

He snatches the pizza’s out of the air, saving them from a fate most gnarly.

Dinners on DUDES!

We fade out as the “Turtles” and “The Noid” munch on free pizza!