A dim light shining down from overhead casts a soft orange glow upon the right side of the masked man’s profile. Demos stands on the far side of a nondescript room with his back to the camera. The angle of the lighting casts the man’s oddly elongated shadow against the left side of the wall. Demos speaks with an unusual calmness as he presses the palms of his hands against the wall.

I am the fool. I am the charlatan. I am the village idiot. None of you take me seriously. None of you should.

Demos hangs his head in shame. His long, strandy hair falls over his face as his gaze drifts towards the floor. His shadow mimics his movements perfectly.

I have been made a laughing stock. I drew the tears of a clown upon my own face, with tools of my own choosing……and here I thought my brush was a hammer and my lipstick was a sickle.

I don’t deserve mercy. I don’t deserve sympathy. I certainly don’t deserve respect. Your mockery, your judgement, your derision: that is all I deserve in this world. I became a toothless dog when I ripped my own teeth out of my jaw, when I chipped my own canines upon a metal I couldn’t pierce. Such a mutt doesn’t deserve a cage in the pound, let alone the adoration of millions.

I deserve all the horror, all the wounds, all the sadness. I deserve all of it and more. Deliver it unto me, deliver unto me what I deserve when I reach the surface of the moon. I implore you. Rip my flesh, crush my bones, and tear my heart from my chest.

Feast upon me, false friend and fierce foe alike.

Demos sighs softly before shaking his head from side to side. The ears of the shadow perk up as it cranks it’s head to the right. The shadowy figure steps away from Demos before reaching into itself and pulling out a chalice of comical size.

Let the tears of the clown flow into your cup until it runneth over.

The silhouette of a waterfall begins to run down the wall just a few feet to the left of Demos. The shadow reaches across the wall with the chalice. Within seconds the black chalice is filled to the brim. The shadowy figure pulls the chalice away from the raging darkness hastily. The concave meniscus of shadow inside the cup is broken as the figure pulls it away from the waterfall.

Devour my soul and bury me beneath the fertile fields of failure.

The blob of shadow at the top of the waterfall sinks immediately to the floor. The waterfall is replaced by the silhouette of a field of wheat. Eight stalks of black grain grow in the space between Demos and ‘his’ shadow.

Send me spiraling into the endless abyss. Cast the clown into the void. It is where I belong.

The shadow’s chalice morphs into a machete as Demos continues to stare at the floor with the palms of his hands pressed against the wall. The dark figure begins chopping down each of the shadowy stalks as it walks towards Demos.

I have already become nothing, for I have given everything I am away. Every ounce of my being was given to the people: the groveling masses, the hungry, and the destitute. I lost battle after battle and limb after limb in the war for their liberation, in the struggles against the false idols put forth by their oppressors.

The shadow cuts down the last stalk between itself and the partially illuminated man. The machete in its hands morphs into a cap and bells as the figure takes one more small step towards Demos.

What a fool I have been. Am still.

The shadow places the fool’s cap on top of the man’s head as he carries on unperturbed. The shadow brings it’s now empty hand to its mouth as if it were trying to conceal a chuckle.

What sort of halfwit tears the clothes off of his own back just to give them to another? What kind of charlatan empties his pockets into the hat of a beggar? Those who would sacrifice themself for another deserve the derision, degradation, and ultimately the death that they have chosen.

Isn’t that the lesson to take from all this? Isn’t that the truth that my existence has exposed?

That’s how it seems to me….and if it feels so right….then how could it be wrong?

Why run from the truth….why run from what I am…….why mask my sorrow?

Demos takes his hands off the wall and places them upon his soiled leather mask. The man’s fingers reach underneath the leather straps running around his head.

This piece of leather...was it meant to shield the world from me...or to shield myself from the world?

Demos pulled the brown mask off of his head with both hands before bringing it down to his waist. Demos gazed down upon the smelly mask in his hands.

What is there left to hide? My record in the ring speaks volumes for itself….

The sweaty mask slips out of Demos’s hands and lands on the floor with a soft umpf. Demos shakes his head as he looks down at the sorry mask. The shadow brings an L up to it’s forehead and sticks it’s tongue out at Demos before it literally evaporates off the wall entirely.

There is no point in hiding my true face any longer…...baby…..I WAS BORN THIS WAY!

Demos does a 180 degree spin topped off with a “BANG BANG!” as he faces the camera. The man’s face has been painted up like a common cosplayer. The silhouette of a fool’s cap remains on the wall just above Demos’s head.




But if I am the clown, then what are you, ol Jimmers? Another copyright infringement gone too far? I can see that bald scalp beneath your cheap wig, you good for nothing Jim Jimson knockoff! You stole his name, you stole his voice, you even stole his infantile nature and blatant homoeroticism! You SOUND just like him, your inflection, the pitch of your words, everything! You must think you’re a reaaaaallll genius, huh? An everyday fucking Einstein?

I know exactly what you were thinking, Jim!

‘Demos made Jim Jimson a huge star and now he’s been gone for a while…...I should come back and leech off of his likeness to make the fans remember me and miss me too!’

You’re a real piece of work, Jimson.

No one gave a flying flippity flamboozle that you were gone, ol’ Jimmers. Trust me, I’ve been holding the fort down while you were off playing grabass with the fuckaround crew. Now that you’re here the boys in the back are sniffing the cookie crumbles between your ass cheeks, but when you were gone, I promise you sonny, you weren’t missed!

The only Jimson anyone cared about was Jim. Errr, or the only Jim anyone cared about is Ji-well you get my drift! I haven’t showered in a few weeks, you have to be catching my drift by now!

Demos wafts air towards the camera.

You got me? Good.

Everyone was sending flowers to Jimson while he was stuck up in the hospital. Everyone was wishing him well, hoping for a speedy recovery. The fans were dying to see their favorite wrestler back on the screen. They wanted to see JIM! The real Jim! The Jim that I brought to relevance! The Jim that I turned into a superstar! The Jim people still care about!

Jim Jimson’s name doesn’t need to go down in the history books to stay at the forefront of everyone’s mind. Even you can’t seem to stop talking about your better half! He doesn’t have to make a great big dramatic comeback to get people to kinda sorta remember who he was all those years ago, so he’s got you beat there. Everyone just recognizes Jimson on sight. Hell, Jimson is a seven time XWF champion, now doesn’t that fucking come as a shock? How many XWF championships have you won, Jim? Less than seven I bet.

Just in the last half a year alone Jim “The Jim” Jimson has victories over TWO reigning champions! That’s right Jim FUCKING Jimson-joke of a man who never wins, it’s his whole thing-HAS VICTORIES OVER BETSY GRANGER AND THUNDER KNUCKLES. Where the fuck you been, fake Jim?

Off sniffing Betsy’s panties like every other dirtbag on this roster? Saturating in her stench? Well I hope you like the mud ol’ Jimmers stuffed into them drawers! The REAL Jimmers, the one who has actually beaten someone of contemporary relevance! The one who defeated Thunder Knuckles, kicked his ass six ways to Sunday! Jimson was flying off the top rope and making an absolute fool of that 2-time TV champion, reigning tag champ, bastard son of the so-called ‘BOB Elite’. Shiiiit if Knuckles is BOB Elite Jimson is BOB DELETE! Or something, I don’t know, I’ll workshop the branding on that one with Broken Billionaire Ozzy Version 2 later!

The point is, Jim Casseroli, you’re nothing but expired pastrami! You can rape a dolphin, lose your big match, entertain everyone and STILL not hold a candle to the real Casseroli! While you sat on your ass for the last few years Jim Jimson was out here BUSTING THE ASS of wrestlers who would now be FAVORED to beat you! Don’t delude yourself: as hot as you feel in the mirror the whole world knows Betsy’s trail is kicking up a whole lot more smoke than yours. Vegas would have you down 2 to 1 in a straight up slobberknocker with the shooting star champion…….and Jim “The Fucking Loser” Jimson was able to beat her! And well, that kinda makes Jimson the better Jim!

And I am sure as fuck not scared of Jim Jimson. I mean, why should I be? He’s literally the world’s most infamous jobber! He never wins...that’s like his whole gimmick! And if he’s the best Jim we’ve got in the XWF, well then shit, what the hell is Caedus even doing in this match?! They should have put him down in the pre-show with Liam and Dean! At least then his 11 hour vignette would make sense, he’d be doing it to make up for the no shows. But 11 hours of boring nonsense to kick off the namesake match?

BOY ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?!

AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!!!

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JIM JIMSON?!?!

Look, maybe if your shit was some primo guacamole style fire, I’d play along. But when you’re out there doing nothing but drumming up a big ol’ batch of bullshit? Save the breath! Too many trees died for you to waste the air on your tabloid gossip!

You’re smoking crack if you think I tried to shack up with Loose Vaggy Atty. She’s a god damned BoBbite! I kicked her ass before and I’ll be glad to beat her ass again! All I did was tell the big man on campus that he was full of shit! ChildLoverBoy Lane might have dogs like you groveling beneath him, begging to be given a shred of relevancy, but I’m willing to stand up to that bastard! He can suck my big fat cock and gargle on my hairy balls!

I bet you’re going to misconstrue that as flirting too, aren’t ya, ol’ Jimmers?

Demos rolls his eyes and chuckles.

I mean seriously Jim, get a clue! How desperate are you for attention? It’s pathetic watching you beg and grovel in your promos for my attention, for a lashing from my tongue. Oh boo hoo, poor Jimmers, didn’t even get mentioned by Demos! Oh no, whatever will he do?!?!

Get a grip, buster!

Why are you so desperate for me to say your name? Why do you yearn so deeply for my eyes to gaze upon you?

Is it because...you think I’m sexy and you like me a lot?

Grab a ticket, pal! I’m not done with Rel yet, and despite your accusations, we’re probably mostly monogamous!

But maybe Jim doesn’t think I’m sexy. Unlikely, but possible. Maybe Jim just wants the Demos to speak his name back to relevance. He’s been gone a long time, does anyone besides the old timers and the book keepers even remember this guy anymore? Playing third fiddle for Apex isn’t giving Jim the lasting clout he hoped it would.

I mean, how many pay per views has Jim main evented these last few years? How many record setting championship reigns has he had? When was the last time he was superstar of the month? When was the last time his merchandise was flying off the shelves?

Well……..






It’s been a long while, in fact.

It must hurt to look in the mirror, huh, Jim? Trust me brother, I know that feeling. I OWN that feeling. But you? You run from your failures. You refuse to face your failures like a man. In the face of your own irrelevance you state defiantly that YOU STILL MATTER.

You say it a lot. Like, A LOT A LOT. But who are you trying to convince? Do you use your words to compensate for your physical deficiencies?

When you hit a man with a finisher he's supposed to stay down, Caedus. One, maaaaybe two blows should knock even mightiest man off his horse! In this game you set your sights on the competition one at a time and systematically mow them down using your most visceral attacks. There's ten motherfuckers in this match, Caedus. If you spend all your time beating the first dead horse you see someone else is going to grab the briefcase! When there's this many people running about in one match you need to take your best shots against each foe and dispel them quickly.

So why do you keep going back to the fat chunks after they've already been chewed up and spit out by everybody else? How desperate are you for a bite around here? How starved for relevance are you? There is prime rib sitting on the table, but Jim Caedus is too busy gnawing on the byproducts to grab it! You need to learn to shut your disgusting trap when you have so much garbage falling out of it.

Remember, Jimbo: a wise man can say more with less.

But you’re neither wise, nor a man, so what else could be expected from the one and only Jim not Jimson? Well, there’s a lot of those Jims, but still….

Oh, I’m sorry, am I rambling?

Demos rubs his chest and holds his hands up innocently.

I am so sorry, Jim.

I know that’s YOUR thing.

Demos chuckled as he wiped some spittle from his mouth.

I’ll be the first to admit, Jim, I didn’t watch your whole facebook live stream last night. It was crazy all the things going on with you and your nurse, I think I knew where that was going. But I did stick around long enough to hear ya gab out ya gums about a whole lot of nothing. I think you may have had a bit too much to drink, Jim. Your words are slurring, you’re talking a thousand miles per minute in your cute little vignettes, but your words just aren’t making any sense!

Have you had a STROKE, my good bitch?

Caedus, what the hell is a ‘broadcast deadline bombing’? I’ve never heard of such a thing in my life! Are you gone off the cid, old timer? Is the new reefer the kids have these days knocking you back just a bit harder than you thought it would?

I mean seriously, Caedus, I’m worried about you! Did you escape from the nursing home? Did ‘big daddy Lane’, or whatever it is you’re calling him in your coked-up diatribes, did he kidnap you from the dementia ward?

Are you hallucinating? Are you schizophrenic? Are you seeing things that aren’t there? That’s quite sad, Caedus: but years of unmitigated head trauma will do that to a man. Let’s face the facts, Caedus. I may be full of Nickles and Dimes, but at least when I talk it makes cents!....most of the time.

Demos gives a wink and a toothy grin to the camera.

Caedus, I will always be truthful with you. I didn’t listen to that whole rant inside your Ford F150, but did I hear you say that you wished I would make more eye contact with you when we speak?

Demos looked around in feigned confusion.

I haven’t seen you in weeks, Caedus. Have you seen me? Are you seeing the Demos everywhere you turn? Around every corner? Under your bed? Are you that obsessed with me? Do you need my attention so much that you invent fictitious Demoses, just so you can mean mug them before you fall asleep beneath Vinnie Lane’s feet? Or perhaps you’re not mean mugging those imagined Demoses at all...maybe you’re looking up into their eyes while you suck em’ off. Is that the case? I understand, now, why you beg so much for eye contact.

You want to feel respected, damn it! How can you feel dignified and respected if you keep a man inside your mouth constantly while he refuses to even look your way? You want some eye contact! You want some dirty talk!

You deserve it! Right?

WRONG!

I play the clown constantly, Caedus, and even your tomfoolery can’t knock the jester off his game! I’m a fool for even giving you THIS MUCH air time!

You don’t deserve anything more than my DIRTY DIRTY DICK in your mouth, boy! So how about I make you a deal, fudgelicker, since you seem so desperate for some eye contact while you choke on me:

If you keep me in your mouth for say, another forty five minutes to an hour in your upcoming video, then maybe I’ll think about looking your way once more before the bell rings!

Now…..

How could a court jester’s day be complete without a fun few jabs at a king? A REAL King, all but coronated? A man who’s done it all, been everywhere, fought through the harshest conditions and come out all the better for it. A man who single handedly put Continuum on his back. A man we ALL should pay some respect towards, and bend the knee for…..

COREY SMITH!

Demos does jazz hands as he looks excitedly towards the camera.

Haha! He didn’t really do all that, but it was a switcheroo, you see! It’s funny because you THOUGHT I was going to say DOCK! See, a good magician never reveals his tricks! But a shite clown should probably explain his jokes, because you know the dolts watching this aren’t going to get it otherwise! Hahahahaha!

Demos leans forward and laughs.

COREY SMITH.

What a MAN!

He has fought through all the pain, all the hardship, all the adversity to get to where he is! He pulled himself out of the mud with nothing but sticks. He built his legacy alongside his manor, with his own hard work and ass sweat! Corey Smith never had help, never had a handout. Corey Smith has always been on the receiving end of Miss Fortune’s nasty seed, but each and every time he wipes himself clean before wiping the floor with his competition!

…….

Was that believable? Did I sell it well enough?

Corey...you have had a HARD go off it, truly. Not just with Thaddeus, who you definitely DID NOT ASS FUCK, folks. Remember that. Corey Smith and Thaddeus Duke DID NOT 69!

Ok, now that that’s out of the wa-

HEY, FUCKER! I SAID IT DIDN’T HAPPEN! STOP PICTURING IT!

Demos walks up to the camera and starts snapping his fingers. The fool’s cap evaporates off the wall as Demos steps away from it.

It’s a funny image, but stop putting it in your head. I didn’t put it in your head, ok? Wasn’t me. Now get it out! ….that’s what he said. Which he? ‘Hehe’- Michael Jackson, that’s who.

Think of MJ, not Thaddeus and Corey.

Don’t think of MJ, Thaddeus, AND Corey…..although I know they’re his type!

It’s not funny, don’t imagine it!

Stop it!

Demos looks into the camera as he waits for the audience to ‘stop it’. An uncomfortable amount of time goes by before Demos’s scowl shifts to a smile and his finger drops to his waist.

That’s better.

Don’t disrespect a KING, you should never disrespect a KING. In the XWF you have to EARN the moniker King. Not everyone in Continuum even gets to be a king, no siree! Only the ultra special elite forces. That’s why Corey’s the only King in that whole sandlot.

See, it takes a lot of hard work and penile ejaculate to become a King of the Ring in the XWF. Corey Smith will give you both in spades….just not if your first name rhymes with Daddeus!

Demos chuckled to himself while picturing what he shouldn’t before shaking the thoughts out of his mind.

Being a King of the Ring is something realllllyyy special, you know? It takes a LOT to become King of the Ring. You have to prove yourself to be ONE OF THE GREATEST wrestlers of ALL TIME to earn the moniker King of the Ring. To become a King of the Ring you have to fight some of the greatest competition out there, you have to demonstrate immense power against incredible foes.

There’s a reason pinning the Demos is both the first and the final pinnacle a King of the modern century must accomplish before earning his crown. If that doesn’t prove your glory and valor, nothing will.

And succeeding in that mighty feat? Accomplishing that incredible goal? Pinning the Demos, and proving it again? That’s the only way you can become a King of the Ring anymore. And the feeling you get from that?

It’s a glorious rush of ecstasy.

Corey Smith, Modern King, will tell you the same. He entered the King of the Ring tournament this year because he had never been the King before! Corey Smith hadn’t! Oh no sir. He had never been the King of the Ring, but he felt compelled to enter. The thrill of a new and unique challenge was too much for him to resist. Those hard challenges are what make Corey Smith happy. It gets the blood rushing in his ears, he feels that sweet rush of endorphins, he craves that stab of motivating anxiety!

That shit’s the essence of life!

That’s why he had to enter the King of the Ring tournament and do something he had never done before!

AND BY GOD, HE DID IT!

He’s a King, and a damn fine one at that. He’s proved it, TWICE!

……………..

Twice in both ways, remember that.

Demos looks at the camera as if waiting for the audience to confirm it remembers.

Corey Smith PROVED he was the King of the Ring TWICE…..he proved it TWICE in two ways. We all know what that means, right?

…….

Demos looks at the camera in disappointment.

Well, at least one of you got that joke. I’ll let it sit, let it fester for a few more days. Then maybe I’ll reveal the punchline to the Jim’s and the Sil’s.

But either way, that’s Corey Smith for you in a nutshell!

A guy who actively seeks out to conquer every unique challenge, DOES IT, and the whole time he’s doing it some bikers are trying to rape him in the back of a dive bar!

……………………….

Demos looks at the camera, then to each of the side walls. Demos then looks back to the camera.

I’m not sure anyone’s buying that one, Corey. You may have to write up a new script!

I’m sure it sounded good while you were playing dress up in the mirror with your friends, though, and that’s what really counts, right? But either way, I’m going to need to mail those regurgitated talking points back to sender. They’re just not landing like they’re supposed to!

Demos cringes his face and holds his hands up narrowly for a moment before snickering and resuming a normal posture.

Yeah, let’s cut the cutesy jibber jabber, eh, Cumdump King Corey?

I do think you’re a pampered upper cruster who has everything handed to him on a silver platter. You’re not Engy, you’re not Lux! Don’t try to take credit for their accomplishments in the ring OR for their struggles outside of it! You had nothing to do with all that, buster! There’s only room in this not-quite-a-battle-royale for ONE MAN to take credit for the work of his alter egos, ok?! Leave those low hanging branches for the folks that need em’ for support, why doncha’?

You’re not struggling. Your belly isn’t empty. Your coffers aren’t dry and your ass is perpetually gaped. What more could you need out of this sweet thing called life? You live it well and you live it lavishly!

You. Own. A. Fucking. Mansion. In. FLORIDA!!!!!!

Do you know how expensive property is in Florida?! I DON’T! REALTORS WON’T EVEN RETURN MY CALLS! CAN I GET A HUGE MANSION IN FLORIDA TOO?! I’M STRUGGLING TOO, DUKE! I’M LIVING UNDER THE DAMN XWF RING FOR GODSAKES!

But don’t tell Rel….

I told her I had a condo in D.C…...I didn’t think Warfare would actually be going there….

But shit, Corey, you live life pampered! You fly on private jets, sip champagne, and eat odouveris!
That shit you piss and moan about? That shit you whine about? It shows just how out of touch you are! Oh but of course my lord, you’re a KING, so you DESERVE to live so well, yes my lord!

But oh King Corey? When you were 17 you did some drugs and hung around some shady folks that wanted to steal your Air Force Ones? You poor boy….you can’t possibly expect me to have sympathy, can you?

That’s just an average Thursday night where I come from! The weekends are when shit gets crazy!

They didn’t want a piece of that ass? They didn’t try to kidnap you and hold you for a daddy’s ransom? They didn’t give you the ol’ Dahmer treatment?

Well….what the fuck are you bitching about then?! You had to *Uber Lux* back home in your socks? Did it rain the night before? Did your socks get soggy on the way out to the escalade?

Did you have to ask mommy and daddy for more money for new shoes? Maybe your rich friends Dolly and Thaddeus were who you went calling to when you needed to leech….yeah, that sounds about right, doesn’t it, KING Corey?

Demos snickers.

You’re wondering when I’m going to drop the shtick?

I’m not dropping the shtick! It’s too funny!

Demos waves away the notion with his right arm while shaking his head from side to side.

I mean seriously, this kid comes along and ruins Duke n Doc’s good thing only to then retroactively try and take all the credit for their successes? What makes Corey a tag champion? The fact that he didn’t pin Marf or the fact that he fled up a ladder while Thad did the dirty work? The fact that he DEFINITELY DIDN’T suck Duke’s dick? I mean really, come on! Someone tell me!

Alright alright I’ll drop the gimmick and explain that whole King thing for the slow kids in the class…..

Demos squints into the camera while leaning forward.

I’m talking to you, Sil and Chaos!

Demos returns to his normal expression and standing posture.

I’m calling Corey a King cause he’s never been a king, AND THAT’S FUNNY! Because of you know, all that DRAMA happening on the other side of this whole shebang with the you know from whoville.

See, Corey tells some pretty good jokes and some pretty good lies. It’s what jesters do! And man has he got a handle on the jester game. A real hard, FIRM handle on it. He mixes jokes and lies together so well I swear you could start to believe fact is fiction and fiction is fact! He’s funny so he’s gotta be spitting straight facts, right? RIGHT?!

Demos looks around before adjusting his collar and gulping.

I sure hope so!

But folks, as a fellow funnyman I have to dispel a couple of these false notions that Corey Smith has implanted into your pliable little peabrains.

I got a list, I wrote a whole lot of things down, actually! I was able to sit through ALL of Corey’s promo because well, it didn’t suck! It was actually pretty funny!

Demos reached into the pockets of his tattered jumpsuit and pulled out a folded up piece of paper.

Bare with me folks, you know timeliness has never been my forte…..

Demos slowly and painstakingly unfolds the piece of paper, licking his fingers and caressing his lips softly after undoing each individual fold. It took a while, but finally Demos was able to look down at the list in its entirety. The clown brought his fist up to his mouth before coughing into it softly. Demos wiped his beard before reading off the first lie in need of correcting.

Ok this first one’s a gimme!

Corey, come on bro, do you really think Edgar’s silence can be attributed to YOU?! My my, the narcissism runs deep! Are you sure Engy’s not still inside that fragile little skull of yours pulling the strings? Why the hell would RL Edgar give a damn about what Corey Smith has to say? He barely knows you, dude!

RL Edgar has met Corey Smith what, two, maybe three times? They hardly have a budding friendship! You’re Dolly’s friend? Ok…...and? RL Edgar isn’t friends with every friend of his extended family! You think your words could slice him so deep? PUH-LEEZ! Get over yourself!

We all know the real reason why RL Edgar has been keeping his nasty trap shut, so we’ll move onto the ne-

Demos looks down at the unfolded notes for a moment before looking back up to the camera, as if he had been interrupted.

You don’t know why RL Edgar has been so quiet? You….no, you’re kidding. Come on now, you know I’m not the kind of clown that likes to toot his own nose! That’s not my style, but….

Demos sheepishly turned away from the camera while twirling his curly brown hair with his finger. A few seconds passed before he faced the camera again.

Ok, ok, if you insist….

RL Edgar has kept that muzzle on because he’s still whimpering bout’ them lashings I gave him last week! I blew his entire spot up. I blew the lid off of his entire operation. I exposed him for the cowardly snake he is with one fell swoop of my truthful tongue.

My words stung RL Edgar to the core, paralyzed him even! Him and I had grown quite close over these last few months, as you all well know. He tried to hold me down every step of the way, he tried desperately to latch onto my star. I thought he wanted his star to shine as brightly as mine...but in truth, he wanted my star to dull beside his!

Now that I’ve figured out his whole game that bastard has soiled himself in piss, fearing the retribution I will bring. He knows what my wrath can entail, he’s seen it first hand…..

Demos’s eyebrows narrow as he stares angrily into the camera.

Don’t piss on MY TREE and tell me it’s raining, DOG! I’m not taking that hogwash laying down, Corey!

NEXT!

Demos looks down at the second written down lie in need of dismantling. He reads it, nods, then looks back up to the camera.

You’re not going for this briefcase of the thrill of the hunt or the quest for glory. You lying sack of shit! If you were really BOUT DAT GLADIATOR LIFE you’d do what Demos and Thad’s ACTUAL TAG TEAM PARTNER do….and that’s sign up for all the big money shit! We missed you in the finals of King of the Ring tournament, Corey! Where was your lust for some blood rushing, endorphin flowing, and ‘stabbing’ action then? Surely you weren’t finding it with young Thaddeus….

So what’s the real reason you’re throwing your hat into this particular shindig, when you let so many others pass you by?

Demos places the hand holding the piece of paper beneath his chin as he stares off in perplection. After a few seconds Demos brings his hand back down to his waist and turns back to the camera.

Well….what the fuck else were you going to do on the pay per view? You lost the tag belts, you refuse to challenge for the universal championship like a normal person because….reasons….you won’t challenge Alias for the X-treme championship because….reasons, again…...ah shit, Corey, I’m going to be honest with you like I was honest with Caedus Casseroli: I didn’t watch your whole production either. Some of us have to work for a living, you know!

Demos shrugged nonchalantly at the camera before tossing the unfolded paper across the room with a smile.

Sue me. Learn to say more with less. Shit boy, you didn’t even have a sexy nurse in yours! Come on, know your audience, little man. Know who and what you're competing with! That’s what they always tell me, at least….

And boy, do I know Doc D’Ville well. Or DOCK, as the TRUE CONTINUUM KING is calling himself these days! Double King, you know? Double over Demos, double on the scorecards. Hey, fair is fair and square is square! Double over Demos deserves no less! Once over Charlie too, whew what a pedigree!

A noble court jester will not even begin to impugn the legacy of a twice proven King.

Demos courtesies towards the camera.

I pay you those respects you’ve been ask- wait, why are you on your knees? Get up old boy!

Demos breaks his curtsy to gesticular upwards towards the camera.

Come on, up boy! Up King! Hold your head high!

Oh, come on now, put the armor back on and pick up your sword! Just because you lost one joust do not think you have lost your kingdom! I mean….it’s not like it was eight losses in a row! Now dust that dirt off your shoulder and carry forward like a man!

Demos stands tall with a smile as he waits patiently for something behind the camera. Demos sighs softly as he sees no improvement.

Oh Dock, how the mighty have fallen. Fallen on their own accords, it seems. You’re not looking like that man I know oh so well. And trust me, I know Doc well.

But Dock?

Demos shakes his head from side to side.

Tsk tsk tsk. This is a classic Charlie Demos, Corey Engineer, Chris Chaos Jim Jimson mixup! This Dock is a different man entirely! No wonder he no longer feels fit to wear that crown. He isn’t at all the man that pinned Demos twice.

Perhaps Lady Fortune looks down on me with a smile after all?

Demos looks towards the sky with a smile on his face before quickly dismissing the notion.

Luck, karma, divinity- none of this has any role to play in Dock’s self-inflicted fall from grace. But don’t think me a cruel jester content to just mock the elderly and disabled: I will always give credit where credit is due! Dock has shown a determination to follow through on this new losing thing of his, and for that I have no choice but tip my hat to the good man!

This quest of his to find Peter Gilmour is bound to be as fruitless as his journey to the moon! Ill-fated, ill-fated indeed, Dock! Gilmour is DEAD. I know I made a tongue-in-cheek jest that the super weenie was banished, too- but I was just cracking a joke at the expense of a dead man, Dock! It didn’t really happen! Peter D-I-E-D in the middle of the ring, live on XWF television. Maybe if you were around more, ol’ Doc(k), you’d know better than to go chasing after a ghost! He hasn’t been banished, he hasn’t been exiled: don’t let those no good dirty sphincter kissing bastards fill your head with their fairytales and myths. They’re making a fool of you! They don’t want you to have a briefcase that can send Chris Page flying off his pedestal. They’re filling your senile old brain with fanciful delusions and you’re slurping it from their teets like a newborn calf!

Demos laughed as he shook his head from side to side. Demos slapped his palm against his face, smudging some of the clown makeup.

Well, it makes sense I suppose, since Dock IS practically a newborn calf! How long has DOCK been with us, a few weeks at most? He’s still getting his new baby legs under him! Of course he’s going to fall for their long-winded lies….

Demos shrugs.

Better him than me I suppose, eh? Let me see, Dock, I think I have some spare clown makeup around here for you, since you seem so intent on playing this role alongside me…..

Demos starts patting himself down and rifling through his pockets.

Hmmm, I could’ve sworn I had some gently used lipstick on me….milky white, just your color.

Demos finally gives up the search and tosses the camera a shrug.

Alas, I guess I do-

No, no, Dock! I said ALAS, not Alias, it’s ok, you don’t have to cry! No no, bud, he’s not here in the room with us!

Demos holds his open palms out towards the camera as he bends his knees.

Alias broke you something tragic, didn’t he?

Hmmmm.

Demos returned to his usual slouched posture as he rubbed his beard with his hand.

I’ve never been one to kick a man when he’s down….maybe when you’re feeling better, old top, we can revisit this little therapy session. But for now, Dock, I’ll leave you with a prescription:

ONE ASS KICKING! TO BE FILLED ON MAY 30TH!

BANG BANG!

Demos shoots finger guns into the air as an outburst of applause comes from behind the camera. Demos smiles as his facial tension relaxes. He lowers his arms as he speaks with enthusiastic optismism.

Did you like that, Rel?

That was great! It was pretty close to classic Charlie!

Yeah….that’s good I suppose.

Of course it is, everyone likes him better!

A woman runs out from behind the camera and approaches the unmasked man. A smile comes to Demos’s face as the woman comes up and plants a kiss on his cheek. The woman turns to the camera and gives a bright smile to the audience



You look so cute in your makeup, Rel!

You too, Charlie!

The clown’s expression morphs into a slight frown as he gazes down upon his Harley Cringe.

I’m Demos, baby….come on, you know that.

Demos looks to the side as Rel gazes up at him with a giggle.

I’m just playing along, baby! You did so good pretending to be more like Charlie. You looked like such a handsome man!

Rel Dixon grabs Demos’s cheeks and moves them from side to side.

Who’s my cute little Damesies? You are babe! Oh, I knew you’d like so hot if you wore some makeup and acted a little bit more like the family man!

Demos smiles as he wraps his arms around the waist of his newfound love interest.

Well you know baby, when I saw your phone number pop up on my screen I was ecstatic. You finally called me back! I was so happy. Then when you said you wanted to roleplay….well, let’s just say I didn’t think this was what you had in mind, girly.

Demos booped Rel on the nose as the cosplaying woman giggled.

Oh Demos, you know I still want you to tear this cheap costume off of me! Come on Daddy-O!

Rel Dixon smacks herself on the ass while giving Demos a wink. She turns around and starts daintily skipping off screen while singing a sweet little melody.

The raven said he’s playing dead and waiting to pull an eyeball out of your head!

James Raven said he’s playing dead and waiting to pull an eyeball out of Jim’s head!

The Demos said your days will end, up on the moon his reign’ll begin!

I’m Harley Quinn, I’m Harley Quinn, when we’re off camera the fun begins!

Demos hums along to the tune of Rel’s song as he follows his temptress off screen.