From inside The Temple, Mystica and his personal assistant Jonas sit cross-legged, watching a massive screen that has been carefully affixed to the huge runic M that usually hangs over the Temple's pulpit. Across the screen flash the promos of other wrestlers involved in the Battle Royal on Saturday. As each finishes, Mystica nods to Jonas, who clicks the remote and starts up the next one. By the end of the entire video package, Mystica is in a state of disbelief.

"Oi, really? This is the competition?" he asks aloud, raising a hand to the screen.

"Seems it, sir," answers Jonas, flicking the television off with the remote.

"Crowd of mancs and beauts. Roight, let's think about this for a mo', eh?"

"Maybe start with The Rock, milord?"

"Some boy obsessed with his whacker! They're gonna throw me in the ring with some grade-school minded fuckwit? If his tally's as big as he says it is, why's he not puttin' it to good use? Maybe if it can reach his arsehole, he can go fuck himself!"

"He's not even acknowledged you."

"Can't blame him. His head's as big as his dick, I suppose. And I've only just arrived. One match under me belt. A good one, mind you, but only one. He's seen much more than I have. Maybe not anything useful. Got his eyes locked firmly on his genitalia, not on the prize. Singing shite songs and associating with some downright mental patients."

"Weren't you in a hospital, sir?"

For this retort, Mystica backhands his associate. The boy shrivels up in pain, placing a hand over the spot on his cheek where Mystica slapped him. Knowing better now, the boy continues.

"Er, Chris Legend."

"Legend? Can't even take down McGovern and his meff patrol! Some legend if you're up for losing. Hardly worth a Myth. Or should I say Myst?"

"Lennox and Lewis?"

"Butt-buddies. Not that there's anything wrong with that. They got their little personal camera, so maybe they can find some time between sex tapes to actually put up a fight. Probably respect them most out of any of these blokes."

"They also haven't recognized you."

"Not a surprise. As I've said, my child, we've only just begun this crusade into the XWF. Spreadin' the good word ain't simple, and it sure as hell ain't going to reach a pair of fools like that."

"Eli James the Fourth, then? He seems to be up for religious debate."

"Debate? What, he's locked himself up in stigma and moonshine! The lad's got himself all fooled by a bunch of malarkey and bullshite. He's so deluded, I don't even think the Myst could reach his scattered gray matter. Which might end up on the mat this Saturday, mind you."

"Can I not go to Somalia?"

"'course you don't 'ave to! Who's going to look after The Temple while I'm in the middle of the Land God Forgot? You're me most advanced follower, Jonas, don't think you're just some altar boy."

"Thank you, father. And now we have Hunter Payne."

"This gobshite! Him an' his stupid podcast! Who the bloody fuck uses podcasts anymore? Now this is the one that got under me skin! Callin' me Catholic! Oi, hello! Catholic? Christianity's so full of lies, it makes me 'ead spin! Can't be bothered with some bloke sacrificin' 'imself for me. Yeah, real clever, that. Oh, and the implication that I'm some sort of pedophile. Gee, that's real smart of 'im. Relying on some old diatribe that's since been discounted. I don't even like kids! Loud bastards. And this bloke Payne and his rancid whore of a partner. Why's he need some bitch readin' off cards to 'im? Reeks of some weird relationship, don't it?"

"They might say the same regarding us, wouldn't you fear?"

"Yeh, but you're an underling. You're a servant of the Myst, and I'm just the Prophet. I mean, no big, roight? Not as though I nearly ripped White Lion's legs off last night! I expect to do some literal rippin' Saturday! And what fun! What fun indeed. I'd drink to it, but I'm none too fond of it. You ever indulge, Jonas?"

"Every once and awhile."

"Yeh? Well, I think I'll be indulgin' meself after I break some legs and crack some heads. I'll be indulging meself in some good ol' fashioned blood. Nothing like the taste..."

The feed to The Temple crackles out in a growing static as Mystica licks his lips, hungry for Saturday evening.

Achievements

• 1x Tag Team Champion
  
• August 2013 Superstar of the Month (Thank you all so much!)
  
• 1x US Champion
  
• 1x X-treme Champion