I need to sing my alphabet
and I
can never trust skeletons
(hmm, don't you want to sit me down?)
I just want my lily pad
Hot potato
Yeah one time I bit a geese
My left shoe leaks shock geese
(hmmm, that's gross)
Ate a big leech
(Ooooh how'd you keep it down)
HOT POTATO
The tin man sat in the soup
(of course he did)
ON BOARD MISFITS PRIVATE JET
HEADING TO GERMANY
Antony could hear laughter coming from the back of the Private Jet, so he got up to investigate. He could hear someone singing, he thought he could hear Melanie's voice.
MELANIE: 'Hot Potato, hot potato, hot potato.'
Antony walked up to Melanie, she was watching something on her laptop.
ANTONY: "What's going on down this end of the plane, Melanie?"
Melanie quickly closed her lap top.
MELANIE: "Nothing,"
ANTONY: "Didn't sound like nothing, what were you singing?"
MELANIE: "Like I said nothing,"
ANTONY: "It sounded something to do with hot potatoes?"
Melanie giggled like she was a schoolgirl.
MELANIE: "It's nothing really. I'm trying to stay focused so I could do what I need to do in Germany,"
ANTONY: "I have every faith in you that you'll be fine. You always manage to succeed in making a nuisance out of yourself. Wednesday won't be any different,"
MELANIE: "Well it's not like my matches, I can create havoc. Something that is always a part of me."
ANTONY: "Your havoc makes you crayzee, and we need you to be crayzee this week."
MELANIE: "Don't worry, I'll bring my crayzeeness and then some,"
Antony smiled and turned and headed back up the aisle.
49 times
we fought that beast
Your old man and me
It had a chicken head with duck feet
With woman's face too
(Oh, that's rad!)
And it was waiting in the bushes for us
Then ripped off your dad's face
He was screaming something awful
In fact it was this huge mess
I had to change the floors
(The floors?)
You see his blood it drained into the boards
And I had to change them
But we all got a chicken duck woman thing
Waiting for us
Everyday I worry all day
About what's waiting in the bushes of love
'Cause something is waiting in the bushes for us
Something is waiting in the bushes of love
Everyday I worry all day
About what's waiting in the bushes of love
'Cause something is waiting in the bushes for us
Something is waiting in the bushes of love
Yo, never knew my dad
He didn't care about me
Dead horizon is all my macrobinoculars see
Moisture-farming all my life, not a drop spilt
My aunt and uncle, double suns
I'm sipping blue milk
My aunt and uncle, double suns
I'm sick of blue milk
But then a desert hobo came and told me
We all got a chicken duck woman thing waiting for us
Everyday I worry all day
About what's waiting in the bushes of love
'Cause something is waiting in the bushes for us
Something is waiting in the bushes of love
Everyday I worry all day
About what's waiting in the bushes of love
Something is waiting in the bushes for us
Something is waiting in the bushes of love
Hold me, when I open like a flower
Hold me right
And I ain't had to bake for girl in a long time
A long time
I thing my cooking's awesome
I've got a picture in my photo wagon
Ha ha, I keep it popping
Yeah, she'd probably loved to honky tonk
(She'd probably loved to honky tonk)
That's what I said. Mmmmm
(Waiting for us)
I used to ride across the desert, you know
I used to glide on my speeder and pray
That I don't find what I don't want to find
Waiting for me around the corner, oh no, no
(Waiting for us)
I used to ride across the desert, you know
I used to glide on my speeder and pray
That I don't find anymore crispy bodies by the door
49 times, it was 49 times
And now it might be waiting for you
Could be hidding behind this scrap pile (It's just a big cow) I know you really want someone to hold you
But we all got a chicken duck woman thing waiting for us
Everyday I worry all day
About what's waiting in the bushes of love
Something is waiting in the bushes for us
Something is waiting in the bushes of love
Everyday I worry all day (all day)
About what was waiting in the bushes of love
Something is waiting in the bushes for us
Something is waiting in the bushes of love
Everyday I worry all day(I used to ride across the desert, you know) About what's waiting in the bushes of love(I used to glide on my speeder and pray) Something is waiting in the bushes for us (That I don't find what I don't want to find) Something is waiting in the bushes of love(Waiting for me around the corner, oh no, no)
Everyday I worry all day about what's waiting(I used to ride across the desert, you know) In the bushes of love(I used to glide on my speeder and pray) Something is waiting in the bushes for us(That I don't find what I don't want to find) Something is waiting in the bushes of love (Waiting for me around the corner, oh no, no)
I used to ride across the desert, you know
I used to glide on my speeder and pray
That I don't find what I don't want to find
Waiting for me around the corner, oh no, no (Waiting for us)
I used to ride across the desert, you know
I used to glide on my speeder and pray
That I don't find what I don't want to find
Waiting for me around the corner, oh no, no
As Antony made his way back down the aisle of the plane, he could hear more this time towards the center of the plane. He walked up to see Scarlet looking at her laptop while singing along.
SCARLET: "It had a chicken head with duck feet, With woman's face too,"
ANTONY: "Miss Donaldson, is everything okay up here?"
Antony saw Scarlet quickly close her computer. and looked around.
SCARLET: "Everything is fine."
Antony walked up to her and sat across in the seat opposite her.
ANTONY: "You haven't said much since we left Wyoming? I'm just a bit concerned,"
SCARLET: "There's nothing needed to be said, I fucked up, so I am needing to fix what I stuffed up, and get back to my winning ways. I'll sort myself out,"
ANTONY: "Well you are a very proud woman, so I have no doubt in that."
SCARLET: "I let Boris win. I dropped my guard. I should have won, but like I said I fucked up, and will sort out what I need to sort out."
ANTONY: "Just don't be too despondent. You have another chance next Anarchy."
SCARLET: "I'm not like Kris, or Melanie. They are used to losing, but I know they work very hard to better themselves. But I need to be on top of my game. 1 from 3 isn't a good look."
ANTONY: "Well I'll make sure you get some more training when we get to Germany,"
SCARLET: "Appreciate that."
ANTONY: "Are you ready for your roll on Warfare?"
SCARLET: "Yes, very much so,"
ANTONY: "Good. I'll leave you to get back to whatever preparation you were doing for it,"
Antony stood up, and saw Scarlet smile. He made his way forward.
Rockin'
Rockin' and rollin'
Down to the beach I'm strolling
But the seagulls poke at my head
Not fun!
I said "Seagulls mmgh! Stop it now!"
Everyone told me
Not to stroll on that beach
Said seagulls gonna come
Poke me in the coconut
And they did
And they did
Had me goin' like
Nothing I could do but yell
When these birds attacked me
When I tried to run I fell
And then these kids start laughing
And then
Got hit in the neck with a hacky sack
Where'd it come from?
Now run, run, run, jump!
I can be a backpack while you run
Run, run, run, jump!
And stop
Put me down
I love to groove and boogie
Yeah
Great
Show you some dance moves
No I don't want you to
If I had your giant feet
Out there on the beach
Could have outrun those birds
You're a psycho weiner!
Let me grab my beater
Stop it please!
{noise}
Dont hit me
Please
Dont hit me
Hey come on man! Quit that banging
Hey, what's that stank?
You put a fish in our basket!
Oh yeah!
I forgot I did that
You owe me an apology
Just hold your breath and see
When the time is right
Birds will bite your face
Now run, run, run, jump!
I can be a backpack while you run
Swing from a hairy vine
I can be your backpack while you climb
Stand on one hand and lift
Rocks with your special gift
Run, run, run, jump!
Now breathe
That's good
Like that
Like that
One day I was walking and I found this big log
Then I rolled the log over and underneath
Was a tiny little stick
And I was like, "That log had a child!"
Listen boy
Someday when you are older
You could get hit by a boulder
While you're lying there
Screaming "Come help me please!"
The seagulls
Poke your knees
Stop it now!
Antony got near the front of the plane and could hear music. He saw Kris watching his lap top and there was a song he was watching.
ANTONY: "How are you doing Kris?"
Kris looked at where Antony was standing, just beside him. He closed his lap top.
KRIS: "I still don't know why I had to come. I told you I did not want to go to Germany."
ANTONY: "Mastermind and I believe it might do you some good to return to your home country."
KRIS: "You keep saying that. I just don't feel it."
ANTONY: "I wanted the group to be together. So we could work together, and find a way to help you all through your losing streak that you guys have going."
KRIS: "I don't see myself having any matches while Mastermind is focused on being on Warfare and being at the PPV. He'll proabably want to go back to the Warfare after the PPV too. I'm just doing nothing but acting like back up muscles for everyone else."
ANTONY: "Listen, everything will sort itself out. You just need to relax."
KRIS: "I'm not going to relax by going to Germany, and there is no way I am going to see my mother."
ANTONY: "I've spoken with her, she wants to see you."
KRIS: "Well tough, I'm not going to see her. You guys can, but I won't."
ANTONY: "I will give you time to change your mind."
KRIS: "I won't."
ANTONY: "We will see. Anyway get some rest. We'll be meeting up with Mastermind soon.,"
Kris shook his head, and looked out of the window.
Antony walked back to his seat.
ANTONY: "What is up with everyone watching strange videos today?"
Knock you in your head with my stick
With my stick
You gon' have a mark from my stick
From my stick
My stick, my stick
My stick is better than bacon
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-hmmm
You can't touch my stick I don't wanna!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-phfrr
Yeah, you want my stick
Thunk your coconut with my stick
Look at my stick (Mm-hmm)
You gon' feel the wrath of my stick
Fear my stick!
My stick, my stick
My stick is better than bacon
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-hmmm
You can't touch my stick But it's just a stick!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-hmmm
It's my perfect stick
My stick is my friend born from a log
Everyone can see it's better than bacon
Why'd you get so crotchety and mean?
Look at my stick
Why'd you drink that creature's milk? It's green!
Got me sick!
My stick (My stick), my stick (My stick)
My stick is better than bacon
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-hmmm
You can't use my stick But it's just a stick!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-hmmm
Don't you like my stick? No, it's just a stick!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-bphfmm
It's my perfect stick
My stick and me take walks every day
Past the hooligans down by the ocean
When they laugh at my stick, then they learn
How my stick is much denser than bacon
Bought a little piggy and I let the little piggy run amok (So cute)
But when I would sleep, little piggy kept wakin' me up (Sold him)
People often fight about which birds are the best birds (Do they?)
But everybody can agree that seagulls are the worst
I kiss my stick, it's my stick
You can't pick up my stick
Keep your mitts off my stick
I disappear for years then reappear
Right here to cheer about my cool stick
When I was a little bitty kid
Little bitty kid
I had not yet found my mighty stick
Then I did! Mm-hmmm
I could break your stick usin' just my brain
My stick?! I could make you wish you couldn't feel pain
Not my stick! Hmm-mm
My stick (My stick), my stick (My stick)
My stick is better than bacon!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-hmmm
You can't touch my stick I don't want your stick!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-vmmp
Yeah, you want my stick I mean, it's just a stick!
Mmm-ah-ha-ha-bphfmm
It's my big boy stick
Bought a bag of venom and I wish I
Really, really, really didn't (It turns out)
Nobody has a good reason to own a bag of venom (It's poison)
Poke on my bruise sometimes 'cause I like how it hurts (It hurts good)
Everybody can agree that seagulls are
The worst (Worst, worst, worst, worst)
I kiss my stick, it's my stick
You can't pick up my stick
Keep your mitts off my stick
Everyone can see it's better than bacon
I kiss my stick, it's my stick
My stick is my friend born from a log
Everyone can see it's better than bacon
LOCKER ROOM OF MASTERMIND
ALLIANZ STADIUM
MUNIC, GERMANY
The camera fades into Mastermind's Locker Room as he is preparing for his match against Tommy Wish. He is seen walking around trying to not focus on his nerves. The camera focuses on a table in the middle of the locker room. On it were 4 boxes. In each box was 1 particular item. A Potato, what looked like a shrub, what looked like a plastic Sea Gull, and what looked like a stick.
Mastermind can be heard singing.
"My stick, my stick, is better than bacon."
Suddenly he is aware of the camera and that he is now going live to the XWF Universe.
He stops, and looks into the camera.
"It all comes down to this. I'm about to take on my next opponent Tommy Wish, and lately he has been going on about how he's not trying to mention my name because if he does, because it will prove that I have won this mental game that we have been playing this whole fortnight. Well let me tell you right here, right now Tommy. I won the mental game right from the start, from the moment you tried to make it about mental game playing.
"You won't name me, well that's good. I'll name you. Tommy Wish. You are about to go down in history as the loser that you are. The one opponent who I stopped from equalling my 9 match losing streak. I'll just put it out there."
Mastermind walks up to the table, and looks at all 4 boxes.
"You are all probably wondering what all this means? So I'm going to tell you. Especially Tommy Wish."
Mastermind picks up the potato and looks at it.
"While I would love to bring out the Shane in me, and say to Tommy, that I am 'going to take this potato and shove it up your sorry ass' I'm not going to put myself out there like that. That's Shane 's deal. That's not my deal. My deal is all about Mind Controlling and T-shirts. I prove week in week out that is what I am about. No body seems to get that. You all seem to have your own little deals going on, but when it comes to my deal, you laugh at it. Well I'm sorry that that's the case. No, I'm not sorry. Not really.
"So Tommy see this potato right here. You are this thick spud right here. That's right I'm calling you a thick spud. Because you are pathetically thick. I'm going to say this is what I am going to do with you when it comes to tonight."
Mastermind drops the spud and stands on it, it squashes beneath his boot.
"I am going to squash you tonight like the thick spud that you are, Tommy. And there's nothing that you can do about it."
Mastermind then holds up what looks to be a plant of some sort.
"This represents the many branches that is Tommy Wish. This signifies his career at the moment."
Mastermind starts breaking off branches.
"Tonight I am going to snap you like a twig. Tonight I am going to tear you apart. Because it's my night to do so. I have had enough of your smugness. I have had enough of you thinking that you can't name me, and that I am clearly a different person to you Tonight I am going to tear you limb from limb, and tonight I will end my losing streak."
Mastermind drops the plant, and looks down at the plastic seagull.
"Do you know what Sea Gulls are? They are scavengers, they like to take their chances and steal opportunities when they can, like if people are fishing they like to swoop in and catch the fish."
Mastermind picks up the seagull and looks at the camera.
"Here's the difference between a seagull and Tommy Wish. Tommy likes to scavenge around for matches that he thinks he can win. He likes to come on in, and takes something that doesn't belong to him. He likes to think that he can prey on others. Well it ain't going to happy tonight Tommy, because tonight Tommy I am going to bury you in your own shit. I am going to destroy you."
Mastermind drops the seagull to the floor and it shatters into pieces. Mastermind smirks his infamous smirk.
"That's what is going to happen to Tommy. He's going to end up in pieces. And it's going to be at my own hands."
Mastermind then picks up the stick.
"This signifies me. A strong unbreakable stick. I am strong, and I am unbreakable. Tonight will all about be my redemption. I will not make it back to 9 losses in a row. You better watch out Tommy, because I am coming for you,and I am going to destroy you and break you like you deserve to be broken. You had your chances as you have stated yourself Tommy. But tonight you will fail. Tonight I will stand tall and tonight you will be my 50TH victory. A little milestone both ways.
"I'm not going to equal 9 straight losses, I am going to pick up my 50th Win. And my 50th win will be against TOMMY WISH.
"You are going to Wish that you never came up against me tonight, Tommy.
"See you very soon when I wipe the floor clean with you, and let me just say this one last time. I wouldn't master MIND that at all."
Mastermind drops the stick to the ground. He grabs a broom from nearby and sweeps all the mess away. He walks off of the camera, and the camera fades out.
Overall - 64 Wins 107 Losses 8 Technicals 2 Draws 1 No Contest
Comeback Record - 4 Wins 5 Losses
8th Year Record - 2024 - 4 Wins 5 Losses
7th Year Record 2023 - 5 Wins 16 Losses
6th Year Record 2022 - 5 Wins 8 Losses 1 Draw
5th Year Record 2020 - 7 Wins 12 Losses 1 No Contest
4th Year Record 2019 - 12 Wins 1 Draw 21 Losses
3rd Year Record 2018 - 6 Wins 2 Losses
2nd Year Record 2015 - 1 Wins 9 Losses 2 Technical
1st Year Record 2014 - 24 Wins 34 Losses 6 Technicals
February 2020 Star of The Month
November 2014 Star Of The Month
Former 2x XWF Television Champion
Former XWF Thursday Night Anarchy Champion - 2022 - 1 Successful Defence
Former Three Time X-Treme Champion
Former Two Time Ark of the Covenant Champion
Lost in the 1st Round of the Woodstock Open - Wrestlestock 2019
Semi Finalist in the XWF King of the Ring 2020
50TH CAREER WIN vs TOMMY WISH - Wednesday Night Warfare - 2ND SEPTEMBER 2020
100TH CAREER LOSS vs BOB D - Weekend Warfare - 12TH AUGUST 2023
150TH MATCH vs HGH
100TH MATCH vs LUX - FOR THE TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
50TH MATCH vs DUNCAN B DEADLY
HAVE APPEARED IN 22 PAY PER VIEW MATCHES IN XWF HISTORY