OOC: Sorry, I lost track of...well, life. Also, after this RP, this character is going to undergo a change in writing style. But I wanted to get two RPs up for this match because I owe it to my opponents. Cyka blyat!

"Cyka blyaaaat...”

August is Month of Boris, comrades! The Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers did not want to book Boris in July, but this is no longer problem, because Boris has two big matches next week!

Of course, every match Boris is in is big match blin.

Tulip has become my permanent travel comrade and teaming person, which is good, because Boris has no idea where to go most of the time. Also, is very hot in summer blin. Heat is not good for a Gopnik, but someone from Kawaii is used to such extreme conditions.

Tulip was in charge of hotel in Burly, Vernot, and oy blin did she did good job. This room is biggest room Boris ever seen! The television at least 30 inches, and has cable! There is coffee maker! And sink both in AND outside the bathroom! Cyka blyat, this is luxury!

There is also closet, which is now Boris closet. All of my tracksuits, ushankas, and other Gopnik accessories are hung up in closet. This may be first time tracksuits ever see a hanger. Normally they sit in pile in front of my door. Or they sit in dryer too long, and Cousin Antoli throw them all around the laundry room. Is like he some kind of animal, or Lithuanian.

As soon as Boris walk into room, I jump onto bed nearest the door. Is always good to be first out of room, in case bears attack. This bed is super springy. Boris almost bounce right off. Oy blin, Boris is going to sleep well tonight!

“Why are you so excited? It’s just a Comfort Inn.”

“Reason is in name, debil! Comfort!”

Poor Tulip, she has seen world through Western eyes for too long. She does not see the wonder of what life has to offer. This happens when you live in capitalism, blyat. You consume so much, you no longer in touch with the world around you. Maybe Tulip will understand this by end of the trip.

Now that Boris is settled in, it is time to make a drink – and by “make a drink”, I mean “pull out flask that is in tracksuit and begin drinking vodka”. This, of course, make Tulip look worried.

“Easy. Remember, you have two giant matches next week. I can’t have you going in hungover.”

“Hungover? Borsha, you Americans so not know hangover! A hangover is not when you wake up in morning having slight headache and a craving for Chinese food. A hangover is when you wake up in ditch somewhere in Riga without shoes on, and first thing you worry about is whether or not you lost a kidney.”

Aye, Latvia. The only place you can get shitfaced for ten Euros.

"Ok fine, I get it. You're Slav and alcohol doesn't effect you."

"Aye, this is not true, comrade. Alcohol has effect on all Slavs. This is just natural state of living. We learn from early age how to function as an alcoholic, to the point where we are not so good without it."

"That's...not healthy."

"Healthy? What is healthy cyka? I have seen American diet. All you eat is grease and sugar blyat! At least vodka has potato in it!"

That is all Tulip needed to hear. Boris does like American food, but that is not the point. Americans love to tell other people how bad they live life. They so quick to criticize. "USA is only way!" Cyka blyat, is infuriating.

This is why Friend Tulip is good partner for Boris. She does not judge. She likes to learn. She knows the States of United America is not perfect. She is one of the good ones.

Not every big match is the same comrades. The match Boris has on Anchor is big deal. It is first match Tulip and Boris has as partners. It is must win.

The match on Salad? Is ok.

Boris knows what this match is for comrades. Is a test for new fighters. My three opponents, they fight in their first match. What are they like? What do they do? Are they as entertaining as Boris?

We know the answer to that last one blin!

Attic Black is good manager of Salad. He know Boris is measuring stick in Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers. If you can beat Boris, cyka blyat, you can beat anyone! So put new people in ring with Boris, see what happens. Is no problem.

Besides, look at rest of show. There is no one on show who sells as merch as Boris. Is not even close. Maybe Atari Teams, who sells lots of photos. Other than that, Boris is biggest draw on show!

So who are these debils? Based on names, they are nothing special. Fantastic? Complete vrod. He can not even think of original name. There is no fan who will buy Fantastic merch. Is embarrassing blin.

And Charlie Nails? He just man who like to jump into sharp things. Any debil can fall from high place, but it takes strong fighter to get into ring with real athlete like Boris. Have you ever heard of "Pound The Ground?" Is what "shooters" like Boris do when in the ring with Western spies.

And Dale Marsh? He sound like American football player. Like he play sports in Are Kansas and now wants to be fighter. Well is nothing to play American sports. It make a real Gopnik to fight on streets of Slovakia! And Boris, he is not intimidated by anyone! He takes no orders!

"Take your fucking boots off if you're going to lay in the bed."

Ok, so maybe Boris takes order from some people. But he does not need to listen to Western spies!