From the RuMoByle’s dashcam

Ruby: “Six feet, people! Six feet! It’s NOT that hard!”

Sighing, Ruby shouted the words into her megaphone through the rolled down window. Ever since this flippin’ pandemic, the government had introduced rules to #FlattenTheCurve, but there was a severe lack of enforcement where they were concerned. Social distancing was all but ignored, hand hygiene was appalling, and people just refused to Stay The Flip Home! So Ruby had taken it upon herself to put her own health at risk for the greater good, as heroes do, to make sure others were safe. It HAD taken a bit of improvising though, because being a hero was also about setting an example… meaning she had to adhere to the rules she was trying to enforce.

She had adapted her usual mask to make sure it also covered her mouth. She had improved many of her gadgets, and atop the RuMoByle she had a lawn sprayer installed to slather the surrounding area with disinfectant. It was hard work, but honest work.

Ruby: “You there! Stop doing that! Right this instant!”

Her anger was directed at two guys in their late teens, passionately making out on a street corner. In normal times she wouldn’t even have blinked, but these were anything BUT normal times.

Ruby removed the megaphone from her mouth and muttered to herself.

Ruby: “Flippin’ college kids!”

She brought the RuMoByle to a screeching halt and raised her microphone again.

Ruby: “Stop it! Don’t you know that’s forbidden!?”

The two teens either pretended they didn’t notice her, or simply didn’t care. Ruby rolled her eyes and got from behind the wheel. She looked over to the passenger’s seat, and winked at her latest sidekick. She reached over, opened the passenger’s door and gave the order.

Ruby: “Go get’em, Garnet!”

Garnet, a young but ferocious Malinois, jumped out of the passenger’s seat and raced towards the teens, barking at them and baring her teeth. They interrupted their kiss and backed away, but still very much holding hands. Apparently the fear of Garnet was enough to startle them, but not to drive them apart! Ruby sighed again and ran over to her trunk, grabbing her elongated snake catcher. She raced over to the pair, and managed to wrap the lasso at the end over one of the guy’s head. She pulled it tightly, dragging one of the guys away while Garnet made sure the other couldn’t intervene.

Ruby: “Six feet! It’s not that hard! Six flippin’ feet!”

“Oh My GOSH! You’re the WORST homophobe I’ve ever seen!” the guy in the snake catcher screamed. “It’s 2020! Get with the times!”

Ruby: “I am NOT a homophobe! You guys are breaking the rules! If the times are 2020, you stay 6 feet away from anyone who doesn’t live under the same roof! And judging from your age, I’d say you’re far too young to have a house all by yourselves!”

“BIGOT!”

“HOMOPHOBE!”

“GAY BASHER!”

“KU KLUX KLAN!”

“NAZI!”

Ruby: “Stop that! I just don’t want you guys from getting infected! Or God forbid, infecting others!”

“What, infect them with our gayness? Oh my gosh, you’re the WORST!”

Ruby sighed, and shook her head.

Ruby: “You know what? FINE! Have it your way!”

Ruby released the guy from the snake catcher and whistled back Garnet, who sat herself down next to the banana-lime blur. Ruby crouched and petted her. She noticed someone walking by, who had probably witnessed the entire scene, carrying a bag of groceries and keeping distance. As the man walked past, he looked down at the both of them.

“What a bitch!”

Ruby: “Thanks, bud! She’s quite something, isn’t she?”

The man rounded the corner, but looked over his shoulder back at her for a few last words.

“I meant you!”

Our heroine rolled her eyes and softly patted Garnet on the head.

Ruby: “Can’t do anything right these days, can I? Try to save people and spread awareness, and I get called every name in the Book of Bigots! Let’s just get back to the RuMoByle…”

Following Ruby’s command, the furry sidekick sprinted back to the old yellow-green Lada and took her place in the passenger’s seat. Ruby followed suit and took the dashcam off the dashboard, aiming it at herself.

Ruby: “Sup my flippies? Haven’t heard me in a while, right? I sit here title-less, because apparently I forgot to show up for a match I didn’t know I was supposed to show up for. My bad! Not exactly how I envisioned my first title reign to end, and I’m NOT happy with the way our current champion keeps acting like it’s cool to steal gimmicks and do drugs. I’ve never met one stoner in my life who wasn’t a total loser. Call it prejudice, but I fully intend to prove that she too belongs in that category. But FIRST! The return of Anarchy! Superhero Showdown! Ruby vs. The Calvary! Now listen here, my guy, just because you’re pretty hot doesn’t mean I will let you waltz all over me. Times are tough, and the people need HOPE more than ever. And there sure used to be… But with that weird woman now holding the Anarchy belt for the time being, I can’t afford to slip up again. My trusty sidekick Garnet and I will have no choice but to ‘Superman Dat, Oh!’ So bring your best sidekick to the Showdown! They better be good!”

Garnet barked as Ruby fired up the engine and drove off, patrolling the city.