Robbie Bourbon teams up with Atara Themis this Saturday Night, his first new partner since the debacle with Bearded War Pig.

Welp, no time for moping.

LET THE FUN BEGIN

Atara Themis stands in an alley. Peculiar, given her status as Aphrodite Incarnate, to be hanging out in a dirty, dingy place. A rat scurries past her feet, and Atara rolls her eyes.

I don't know why I agreed to this.

With a deafening crash, the brick wall beside her seems to explode as a pair of bodies come tumbling through it. Atara steps back, eyeing the situation, seeing that Robbie Bourbon has just plowed through the wall along with a tall, lanky machine. The robot continues to make noises.

No, not drama, action! Action will not suffice, too fun!

Shut up!

Robbie starts ripping this and that from the robot, mostly blinking lights and other doodads that look somewhat important to the function of the robot, but given you aren't a robotics expert, can you tell?

What the hell?

Robbie stops and looks at Atara.

Oh, hey, sorry I'm late.

NON-SEQUITUR! SHOWING AWKWARDNESS OF SITUATION! TOO MUCH COMEDY! DESTROY!

Robbie forces a smile at Atara, who looks more confused than before. Robbie turns and grabs a loose brick on the ground, and begins to bash the robot in it's robot head, all full of sensors and whatnot. The robot's speech falters ever so slowly, like in the movies.

DESTROY! De-de-destroy-stroy, stroy, no...

...comedy...

De...

The lights on the robot fade to lifelessness, which obviously means the robot has been defeated and killed. Read a comic book or watch a movie, get cultured, it makes sense. Robbie stands up and dusts himself off, covered with the debris of destroyed masonry and all manner of detritus from his battle with the dramabot. Robbie extends his right hand as if to shake. Atara looks at him wearily, not wishing to be covered with the same filth as he.

Hiya, nice to meet you.

Atara half-heartedly grasps Robbie's large mitt, which seems to wrap around hers twice. Robbie shakes gently, and releases his grip.

What was that?

That?

Atara gestures towards the robot on the ground and Robbie glances at it. Robbie turns back to Atara and shrugs.

I don't know. Damn things keep showing up, saying I'm not being serious enough or whatever. I dunno. Keeps me busy, great training regimen.

Robbie looks at Atara up and down, then back at her with concern.

Do you even eat?

Atara looks at Robbie confusedly.

Probably not as much as you do, but yes, I eat.

Cool, I'm starving.

Robbie reaches into the pocket of his spangly sequined jacket and tosses a set of keys to Atara.

You drive.

With every interaction, Atara seems more and more confused.

I drive? Drive what, and where?

Boop the button.

Atara looks down at the keys, and on one fob presses a button. The sound of an alarm disengaging is heard, and a monster truck with a mini-gun mounted in the bed roars up next to the alley, pancaking two cars as it does.

What the fuck?

C'mon, it'll be fun!

Robbie climbs up into the bed of the monster truck and puts on a headset. Atara climbs into the cab and sets into the driver's seat. She puts a headset on as well.

I've never driven one of these before!

It isn't hard, just don't hit any dogs. That's no fun.

Atara puts the key into the ignition and fires up the engine of the monster truck, which didn't really need it since it just pulled up by itself somehow, but what the heck, keys is keys and the inconsistency here doesn't matter. Robbie mans the machine gun.

So, where are we going?

You pick a place.

I'm not that hungry!

So? You still know that restaurants exist, and this isn't a date, so don't be coy. Just take me someplace to get a cheeseburger.

Atara presses the gas and the truck bucks, like a horse rearing, then the front tires slam back down, pancaking another car. The truck peels off down the street.

Why do you have this?

Why WOULDN'T I have this?

It makes no sense!

It's fun! It doesn't have to make sense so long as people like it.

Do they?

I do, hope they do too.

Atara rounds a corner, making a right turn, and in front of the duo is a marching horde of zombies.

What the hell?

Oh, I got this.

Robbie opens fire, pouring round after round into the undead horde, mowing them down in the process. Gore and guts fly everywhere as some zombies appear to be even cut in half. After a mere seconds long salvo, the horde appears diminished to a few crawling scraps of zombie.

Atara?

Yeah?

We're in a monster truck.

Oh, right!

Atara gives it some gas and runs over the rest of the horde, turning the final remnants into a puddle of undead mush.

This is insane!

WELCOME TO THE XWF!

Atara rounds a corner, making a right turn. In front of them stands a huge skeleton, some twenty feet tall.

Holy shit!

Dang skeletons, they're like robots only not, you know?

Robbie starts pouring rounds into the massive skull of the massive skeleton.

How is this getting us ready for our match?

Well, now you know to expect the unexpected!

But our opponents aren't zombies, robots, or skeletons!

Oh, they have skeletons alright. The point is to break them. The opponent's bones. Can't run if you limp, can't fight if your spine is shattered, as the saying goes.

I've never heard that saying!

Now you have!

Robbie continues to concentrate fire on the giant skeleton.

But, our opponents...

Look. Ezra Blackwater is just whatever palette swap of Blackwater you get any given week; if Ezra Blackwater was a real player in the XWF he'd have his own roster page and salary rather than splitting each with his weird brothers. They might have powers or something weird, but that said, it takes three of them to equal one of us, so one third of them compared to the two-hundred percent we are, mathematically speaking, we're alright.

That makes no sense!

It makes perfect sense, because it sounded mean and degrading to Ezra. Past that, Mr. and Mrs. Blackwater really should feel guilty about naming a kid Ezra.

Then there's Alister Dante, who has been a bigger waste of money to the XWF than anyone else. I remember when he first showed up, almost a year ago to the day, and he had this long sob story of recovery, which is swell. Thing is, Dante has done precious little since then. I would talk shit about how that's a bad thing for him and Ezra, but you never know. Always bet on a never was over a has been, I say, and if there ever was a never was, it's Alister Dante.

Oh, okay!

Robbie finally bursts the massive skull of the massive skeleton, and confetti and sweets pour out of it like a pinata. Children scream with joy as they start picking up candy.

Atara, threat's down.

But the children!

Press the red button.

A red button?

Yes, a contrived red button.

Atara looks on the dash and sees a red button marked "DEUS EX". She shrugs and presses it, and the monster truck leaps the children. Atara heads to the end of the block and makes another right.

So, how are we supposed to mesh in the match?

Ain't it obvious? You drive, I man the guns and lay down the devastation. No offense, but you look like I bench press at least three of you, so I'll do the heavy lifting and beating taking, you do what you do best in the XWF!

Which is?

Woah, woah, pull over.

Atara pulls over and stops. Robbie hops down from the mini-gun and looks into the driver's side window. Atara and Robbie slide their headsets down around their necks.

Atara, you know what you do best. There's absolutely no doubt about it. Now, it might not be wild adventurous insanity like me, it's most definitely the level of ultraviolence I bring. In fact, there's absolutely no reason I should be coaching you, you were signed by the XWF for a reason, and you know that reason better than anyone else, even if you don't fully understand it yet. Fact is, we're going to absolutely crush the opposition at Savage, as savagely as possible, with me being me, and you being you.

Atara looks at Robbie, who until now has been incredibly off the cuff, with a new air as she understands that as wild as Robbie gets, the man of the people really respects the people too. Robbie winks and smirks, sliding the headset back on. Atara pulls forward and makes another right, leading them back to the precise spot they left in the monster truck to begin with. Across the street from the alley is a Five Guys.

Perfect. You really are Aphrodite Incarnate.

You think?

Sure!

Robbie takes the headset off and starts to saunter into Five Guys.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach!