Most of the XWF roster likes Christmas. But 'Ol Thunder Knuckles did not! Thunder Knuckles hated Christmas! The whole fucking season. Don't ask why only Thunder Knuckles knows why. It could be because Smoking Bob Williams screwed him just right. It could be because Vinnie Lane hasn't paid him the SIX THOUSAND xbux, making his wallet tight. But I think the fucking likely reason was that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason whether it be Vinnie Lane or his small heart. He stood there in the M&S Bank Arena in Bangor, Wales on Christmas Eve, hating the XWF roster. Staring down on everyone in his mind with a sour unforgiving frown.

Thunder Knuckles knows that the roster is probably hanging mistletoe... You know damn well Noah Jackson is. Probably hanging their stockings. Thunder Knuckles snarls at the thought. Thunder Knuckles thinks of Ruby all excited that tomorrow is Christmas and it's almost here! As the thought fades he groans and rolls his eyes.


Fuck Christmas! It's not coming this year!


Because tomorrow he knew the whole roster, men and women alike, would wake up early to make their promos and then! The boring-ass drivel. DRIVEL! DRIVEL! DRIVEL! DRIVEL! That's one thing Thunder Knuckles hates, boring-ass drivel. After all of that drivel and the matches are over. Then start's the bitching and moaning! BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! MOAN! MOAN! MOAN! Then the thing that Thunder Knuckles hates the most... Waiting on his mother fucking paycheck! At that moment he got an idea. A FUCKING EPIC IDEA!


I KNOW WHAT TO DO!


Thunder Knuckles quickly grabs a Santa costume he had stored away in his luggage. Thunder Knuckles then chuckles to himself and says.


What a great trick! With this get-up. I'll look just like, that fat fuck, Saint Nick! Now all I need is a goddamned reindeer.


Thunder Knuckles looks around and remembers that reindeer live in a special kinda hell that isn't America that he's unwilling to go to. Do you think that stops Thunder Knuckles? Fuck no!


If I can't find a reindeer I'll just make a fucking reindeer.


Thunder Knuckles called out to Jimmy, who came running in stride. Thunder Knuckles takes some duct tape and tapes a big-ass horn on Jimmy's head. Thunder Knuckles grabs some backpacks and large bags and puts them in Jimmy's arms.


Come on mother fucker we don't have long!


While the XWF roster lays asleep in their hotel rooms all their lights are out and the quiet snow falls, at a slight angle. It's only twelve degrees outside and the wind makes it bitter cold. Always watch the top right-hand corner of your screen for weather updates.

The whole roster is dreaming of their big fights without a-care. When Thunder Knuckles and Jimmy come to the first room.


This is our first stop.


Thunder Knuckles whispers to Jimmy. Thunder Knuckles picks the lock to the room while Jimmy has bags in hand. Thunder Knuckles slides in the room. What does he see? A Christmas stocking on the bathroom door.


The stocking is first.


Thunder Knuckles whispers in a hiss. Then he slithered and slunk with a mischievous smile. Around the whole room, he took every present! he stuffed them in bags. Then Thunder Knuckles very quietly puts all the bags by the door. He continues to slunk to the bedside of Micheal McBride and draws a cock on his forehead.


Entertainment, fucker.


Thunder Knuckles whispers and could barely be heard. On to the next room we go. Thunder Knuckles slithers right in not making a sound. This time its Peter Fucking Gilmour's time to frown. He slunk through Peter's room and took all of his presents even his penis enlargement supplements.


Super dick, yeah right. Phony.


Thunder Knuckles whispers again. On to the next room for more personal effects. This time it was Fuzz who got his things stolen. Except his in the butt belt. Which on Christmas day will be dealt with by Thunder Knuckles.


Now you know the toll.


Thunder Knuckles whispers yet again. Last but not least Thunder Knuckles breaks into Jim Jimson's room. Thunder Knuckles grabs everything in there even the tree! As Thunder Knuckles shoves the tree to the door. He heard a small sound like a scuffle of pinecones. Thunder Knuckles turns around fast and what does he see? It was Jim Jimson who got out of bed for a cup of cold water. Jim Jimson stares at Thunder Knuckles and says.


Santa, why are you taking my tree?


Thunder Knuckles was smart and slick He thought up a lie faster than shit.


Why Jim Jimson you've been a good boy all year! There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it to the elves for repair, my boy. They will fix it up there and I'll bring it right back here.


His fib fooled Jim Jimson. Thunder Knuckles patted Jim Jimsons' bald head. Thunder Knuckles got Jim Jimson his water and sent him back to bed. He then grabs the tree and quietly flees. Thunder Knuckles did the same thing to other rooms without getting caught, but one, in particular, that must not be forgot. That's the room of Centurion where Thunder Knuckles took a poo in Centurion's shoe.


Is this even legal?


Thunder Knuckles quitely mocks and chuckles at the thought of Centurion without any socks. It was a quarter till dawn. The roster still in bed too early to hit snooze. When he packed all the stuff into Jimmy's room.


Fuck you, to the who's who!


Thunder Knuckles grinch-ish-ly starts humming.


They should be finding out soon that Christmas isn't coming! They should be waking up any time now, Jimmy! I wish I could see the look on they're dumb-ass faces, especially Centurion. BOO-HOO! Centurion BOO-HOO!

That's some drivel! That I simply must hear!


Thunder Knuckles pauses and presses his ear to his door. He could hear a faint sound that is starting to grow. It was his opponents who realized Christmas was tossed and this match they have lost! Thunder Knuckles's heart remains two sizes too small.







Thunder Knuckles!


Thunder Knuckles wakes up in a cold sweat to Jimmy’s voice. Jimmy and Thunder Knuckles are both still at the XWF video archive preparing for Warfare on Christmas day.


Holy fucking shit! Did I pass out?

You sure did.

I just had the worst nightmare of my life, Jimmy!

What happened?!

I was trying to win the in the butt belt.

I have bad news though Thunder Knuckles. Your match only got two promos.

So you made me miss the Mandalorian for nothing?

Wel…


Thunder Knuckles cuts off Jimmy.


FUCK THAT SHIT! This is Wednesday night Warfare. MY mother fucking show! On my show we go three promos. So fuck that!

Okay, Just don't talk shit on anything past this point… Worst that could happen no one watches this one.

HA! Yeah right! XWF fans around the world know i'm fire.

Keep it short, too!


Thunder Knuckles looks directly into the camera.


Fuzz, after you realized that it wasn’t Peter Fucking Gilmour you had to worry about. It was too late. You already messed up. Normally, I'd tell everyone to tune in on Wednesday night Warfare. To see what I'm going to do to you and the other opponents, in that hellish structure. But this is the season for giving, right?

So here's your present. I'm going to tell you that once it comes down to you, Fuzz, and me. You're going to taste the Thunder Strike and you're going to go out cold.

Your getting knocked the fuck out Fuzz. You're going to fucking sleep! You can put that shit on a fucking statement somewhere. Because Men like me will fight anyone on any notice. I don’t need to train to fight and beat shit ‘rasslers like you. You're a stepping stone,mother fucker. Just ask Shock-value, I got her next Warfare. Far better than you, I might add. You can’t be the giver of opportunities being afraid, dick-head. I’d fight you on one day's notice, for the right price. But that's not here nor there is it? What matters is in that chamber. I'm knocking you straight into next fucking week. They’ll be carrying your ass out on stretcher when I'm down with you.

Fuzz, your toll is the best so far. You will be the biggest punchline of this joke. Think about it. I didn’t even have to go to the trouble of making any side money, during my promos against you. No side hustle… You weren't worth the effort. You should be embarrassed by your half-assed promo. Clean up, Legend.


Thunder Knuckles chuckles.


Well, isn’t that what I'm doing. Legend clean up.

Win my first match. Boom! Shock-value! Win my next match. BOOM! VV who may as well be a legend already! Win the next match. BOOM! Peter Fucking Gilmour! BOOM! Centurion! Lose a tag match. BOOM! Skully! So what’s a Fuzz really? My legends list is getting long. Seems like there's more old dudes still given it a go while theres new hotness right around the corner. That new hotness is ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles.

Fuck it, Jimmy! I changed my mind! When I win I will take the X-treme title. Yeah, Then I’ll hand it to Vinnie Lane and tell him to have to tournament for the piece of shit and it’ll remain vacant until the tournament is over. Call it “The XBUX Invitational” Let’s say, ONE THOUSAND xbux to enter, all payable to Thunder Knuckles. I’ll even show the brackets, just so no one cries, of course.

That’s actually not a bad idea.

I know, Jimmy. Marketing.

Hey, Fuzz!










Thunder Knuckles gives the finger to the camera and the scene fades to black as the credits roll.


































--Starring in Thunder Knuckles's dream sequence In order of appearance--

Thunder Knuckles as Himself

Jimmy as Himself

Michael Fassbender as Micheal McBride

Austin Jenkins as Peter Fucking Gilmour

Marshall Mathers as Fuzz

Ben Kingsley as Jim Jimson


--Production--

Todd Moschitti





















































--A special after credit scene just for you, XWF fans around the world.--