Thunder Knuckles sitting in XWF archives with Jimmy. Thunder Knuckles is wearing a “JIM JIMSON HEAVYMETALWEIGHT CHAMPION” t-shirt, and pajama pants because everyone's sleeping on Jim.


Well, we got a lot of stuff to cover Thunder Knuckles!

...yay…


Thunder Knuckles says with about as much enthusiasm as an episode of “Seinfeld”.


So let’s start with Drezdin’s girlfriend.

Why? She fucks with Drezdin, she can't be all that bright.

Good point but...

But nothing! She doesn't even have a name as far as I know, while we're filming this promo, just Drezdins girlfriend how fucking stupid is that? Another thing, she probably smells as bad as I think she looks, which says something!

Okay, let's move on then. Peter FN Gilmour.


Jimmy cowering like a dog.


Yeah, what about him.


Thunder Knuckles said normally not understanding why Jimmy got all scared. Jimmy responds confused as hell.


You're not gonna change his name?

Thunder Knuckles looking increasingly upset.


What's the point? He’s Peter Fucking Gilmour.


You don’t seem into this today. We can always reschedule.

Nope, getting it done today.

Okay then, Peter Fn...


Thunder Knuckles pimp slaps Jimmy so hard, it makes blood trickle out of this nose.


Fucking...Say his name right that’s all he’s got left.

I’m sorry Thunder Knuckles.


Jimmy reaches in his pocket for a handkerchief to stop the bleeding and continues.


Peter Fucking Gilmour has won the Hart Championship three times, Xtreme Champion thirteen times…


Thunder Knuckles is surprised by this information.


Holy shit!

What?

That's the Pinecone in the Ass Championship! I bet his butthole is just held together with duct tape and a dream. Really, I’ll never attempt that Championship again.


Jimmy dumbfounded.


Interesting choice of words I suppose. He’s a six-time Tag Team Champion, two-time Heavymetalweight Champion, two time Trio’s Champion…


Thunder Knuckles not understanding what the word “Trio” means.


What the fuck is a Trio’s Championship?

A defunct belt of tag teams of three, stables if you will.

So, pointless to this conversation.

I suppose. He’s cocky and arrogant…


Thunder Knuckles thinks to himself that maybe Peter Fucking Gilmour is a lot like himself.


Sounds like Ol’ Thunder Knuckles.

...and has a soft side.

That's nothing like Ol’ Thunder Knuckles. Where the fuck did you get that from his dating profile?

Just from looking around. He lost his last match on…

I know, I was there Jimmy. He lost to that piece of shit, Chris “Rip My Gimmick” Page, who kicks children in the face.

Yeah, that's the one. Peter Fucking Gilmour, a brawler who wants to hurt people…


Thunder Knuckles makes a jerking off motion.


I wouldn't go that far.


Thunder Knuckles looking annoyed.


Well, like I said, I tried to get him in a deathmatch and this fool is all like...


Thunder Knuckles in his best Peter Fucking Gilmour impersonation.


Duhur, I'm tired of the Xtreme, duhur but I'm the King of Xtreme.


Thunder Knuckles speaking normally again.


Suck my dick Gilmour, Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is the King of Xtreme now, minus getting the anal belt.


Jimmy trying to change the subject before Thunder Knuckles can offend all the mentally challenged XWF fans there are.


Okay, his finisher is the Death…


Thunder Knuckles interrupts Jimmy.


Yeah, I know this, Death Strike. Well, there’s only enough room in XWF for one kind of finisher with a strike in it, and that's the Thunder Strike. The most devastating move of all time.


Thunder Knuckles completely full of himself now.


So let’s look at another tough guy, shall we? Kris The Hammer Von Bonn.


Thunder Knuckles stares down Jimmy, with cold eyes. Jimmy looks down and says…


What's his name.

Speechless Von Prick Hammer.

But, he talks.


Thunder Knuckles raises his hand to slap Jimmy, but Jimmy flenches so hard, Thunder Knuckles feels bad for him and doesn’t strike him.


Like a fucking tard with his mouth full of candy! He speaks in both, German and English, so I can’t understand the poor fuck! I told Vinnie I needed a translator, no word on that yet.


Jimmy trying, yet again, to change the subject for those mentally handicapped XWF fans. That Thunder Knuckles keeps trying to offend today.


Anyways, He’s new in XWF. Like, newer than even you.


Yeah, not much to go off of, huh.


Well, what he's saying in German is just an insult anyways, he called you dumb.

What’s it matter what he says about Ol’ Thunder Knuckles? He’s probably another one of those come into XWF and be famous and win titles for the sake of winning titles. FUCK! All I want is the cold hard cash baby! The ‘rasslers who don’t want a paycheck are fucking idiots! What with all these new businesses accepting xbux they're fools, not to get their paychecks. It’s laughable really!


Jimmy shakes his head in agreeance with Thunder Knuckles.


I know Thunder Knuckles but some people are driven by that stuff, you know.

Well, they won't be driving far if they have no money, speaking of which.


Thunder Knuckles enters his perfect sales pitch.


Almost out of gas? Well, get serviced at SHELLS truck stop in Atlanta, Georgia. They sell Unleaded 89, 91, 93, and diesel, for all you super redneck fuckers and truckers. Get a hummer in Vegas! Prices on gas vary state to state, but we're now accepting xbux! So stop on in and get some gas!


Jimmy looking annoyed.


Are you finished?


Thunder Knuckles shrugs off Jimmy while saying...


Well, I gotta make dollars somehow Jimmy.


Jimmy getting things back on track.


Anthony The Jerk is his lawyer/advocate.


Thunder Knuckles doesn’t like this, Anthony The Jerk fellow.


Well, Anthony The Jerk, can fuck right off can’t he. Come fight night, his words can’t save his client from Ol’ Thunder Knuckles.

Shane believes, Anthony The Jerk is behind the film editing.

Anthony, you said, “WHEN” my client wins the match. Believe this, the only way your client beats Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is cause you had the fucking film edited. I won that race too, by the way!

While we’re on the topic of this fucker! Does anyone find it strange that he spends so much time with that little girl….kinda fucking creepy, right? The girl is fucking loopier than Magic Mountian at Six Flags.


Thunder Knuckles slaps his knee.


I GOT IT! He has been sleeping with that little girl…


Thunder knuckles under his breath says...


Fuckin pedo. How about those dirty politics.


Thunder Knuckles picks his voice back up.


And the big speechless fuck is keeping it quiet! They’re gonna Joe Paterno, Speechless Von Prick Hammer's ass in the future for not coming forward, I tell you.


Jimmy looking mortified from what Thunder Knuckles just said about Speechless Von Prick Hammer. Jimmy getting things back on the right path says…


He had a rough upbringing you see that Thunder Knuckles?

People don't give a runny shit about your rough upbringing buddy, they care about being entertained.

He carries that hammer!


Thunder Knuckles looking even more annoyed now that he's had to say this twice to Jimmy.


At least he tries to entertain I suppose, with his hammer. Yeah, like I said before. I tried to make his big dumb hammer have a goddamn point, in a deathmatch, but he’s too fucking stupid to figure that out. Just carrying around a hammer to look intimidating doesn't work. Has he used it on anyone?

No, not that I know of, but then again, I don't care.... If he has it was probably a blindside attack because that's what, hammer-wielding, knuckle draggers do in wrestling.

My point exactly!


Jimmy looking surprised that Thunder Knuckles made a valid point.


Would you like to know his finisher?


Thunder Knuckles could care less about Speechless Von Prick Hammer’s finisher.


I'm sure it’ll be used on Peter Gilmour, I’ll see it live.

No, you will not!


Thunder Knuckles rolls his eyes in discontent because he truly didn’t care.


It's a pedigree off the top rope!


Thunder Knuckles giving the jerk-off gesture again.


Big whoop, I’ve used a pedigree in every match I've been in so far, it's never enough to put away my opponent.


Thunder Knuckles’s phone starts to ring, he looks down at it and says…


I'm sorry Jimmy, I got to take this.


Thunder Knuckles walks out of the room but the cameraman follows him. Thunder Knuckles’s back is turned to the cameraman.


Yeah…


Thunder Knuckles is listening to whoever is on the other end of the phone, for several minutes, until finally, he says…


So all I gotta do is take a briefcase to some Jews, in Jewtown, Swansea? Sure I can do that! What'sDo youe pay?


Thunder Knuckles is listening intently and doesn’t even know the cameraman is filming.


Great! Yeah, I’ll do it! Where do I pick it up?


Thunder Knuckles gets the information and hangs up. He turns around and sees the cameraman.


The fuck are you doing? Mind your business fucker! Ya know what, you can come with me to Swansea. You like that idea cameraman?


Thunder Knuckles said foreshadowing, he has a dangerous job. Thunder Knuckles, with the cameraman in toe, walks back in the room with Jimmy and sit down.


Ya know TK…


Thunder Knuckles slaps Jimmy so fast, Jimmy didn't even have time to react, before he got slapped in the face. A tear slowly forms in Jimmy's eye.


The fuck did you just call me Jimmy?

Well, I figured, a lot of people are calling you TK now…

I had my name legally changed to Thunder Knuckles, not TK asshole! So call me by my name. Leave that shit for the sloppy fucks who have a hard time saying my name correctly.

Okay, I'm sorry, Thunder Knuckles.

You should be, and that's better.

You haven’t had very good showings at these fatal four-ways, you're like the reverse Undertaker at Wrestlemania.


Jimmy said jokingly but was met with a dead-eyed stare from Thunder Knuckles.


I tell you what Jimmy if I lose this fatal four-way. The only person to blame is the person preparing me for it. So would you like to continue cause I'm trying to make a fuck ton of xbux off this number one contender's spot. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!


You alright Thunder Knuckles?

Yeah, I'm just… XWF...management… I'm sharing the ring with three humans.

That’s debatable.


Jimmy tries to make a joke that Thunder Knuckles doesn't understand.


Because Drezdin’s girlfriend is a dog.

That’s a good one, Jimmy!!!


Thanks. We gotta move on though, a lot is riding on this, I want to prepare you the best I can! The amount of time you keep giving me to do this in isn't easy.

Yeah, Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is gonna have to slow his role soon.

Have you decided which show you want to stick with?

Yeah, I think that I have.

Wanna tell you're good pal?

Fred, unfortunately, went back to prison. So I won’t be able to see him until visitation day.

I meant me.

Thunder Knuckles laughs a good hearty laugh.

Oh, you're fucking serious.

Well, yeah!


Thunder Knuckles thinks about it for a second.


Warfare. Warfare is home to me now.

Good, I think that’s a better fit for you anyway. So which guy/dog do you want to watch more film on.

Well, Peter Fucking Gilmour would probably be the best option seeing as he’s got the most film.

Good point Thunder Knuckles your picking up on this.


Jimmy pops in another DVD so it can be projected onto the white wall.


You see, he can perform the Gilly Cutter out of nowhere.

I can do that too with a diamond cutter.

I know but he makes it look better.

What the fuck does that mean you crushing on Peter Fucking Gilmour, Jimmy?

No.

He looks like a Shawn Micheals stunt double!

I’m just saying it looks like he was trained to do the move whereas you just...were not.


Thunder knuckles looking irate at Jimmy.


Not saying you don’t do it well! It’s not very effective when you use it...Nevermind I can't save what I said. I’m sorry

You keep slipping up like that Jimmy and I’ll send you back where I found you. You really wanna go back to that grocery store, pushing carts back from the buggy return? I hired you to get me ready for this shit because you watch a fucking lot of ‘rassling.

I do and you should be glad because this is what Peter Gilmour, has been saying about you.


Thunder Knuckles ears perk up and waves Jimmy on for more information.


Well, he knows your gonna be a problem for him.

No shit, because I AM a fucking problem.

He said he’s richer than you.

Yeah, how many xbux does he have? Seeing as Peter Gilmour has been here for a while.

Less than you I’m sure.

Ha! Richer than me but doesn't have as much xbux as me. Suck a frozen turd filled condom Gilmour.


Thunder Knuckles reaches in his pocket and pulls a large stack of xbux. Thunder Knuckles starts counting it while Jimmy begins to talk again.


He also believes you want things handed to you.


Thunder Knuckles quits counting his xbux and looks back at Jimmy. This time with fire in his eyes.


What kinda half-cocked mother fucker is this? All I want handed to me is my paychecks. I offer people the chance of winning against me...Well, normally anyways.

I know, Peter Fucking Gilmour is kinda fucking dumb. He also believes he's gonna be the one who does battle with Centurion.


Thunder Knuckles gestures a jerking-off motion.


He’s gotta say that Jimmy! If he didn’t he wouldn’t be in this business. Let’s face it, Peter Fucking Gilmour, stands as much a chance in the ring with me, as a baby rabbit stands a chance in a lions pit.

This is what Drezdin’s girlfriend has been saying about you.

Thunder Knuckles waits a few minutes before saying…


Well?

That’s just it Thunder Knuckles she hasn't said anything.

Drezdin probably has her out on the campaign trail with him. I think they're gonna do really great, great, work in the white house.

I don’t have any more time for this Jimmy. I have a briefcase to pick up.


Thunder knuckles walks out of the room and the cameraman starts to follow when Thunder Knuckles stops him.


Stay with Jimmy get some food we got a big trip to make soon.


The scene fades to black on Jimmy smiling saying to the cameraman…


Shots fired.