While Thunder Knuckles was in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania waiting to head out for Cardiff Wales. he filmed this promo. He’s sitting in the DRIVER’S SEAT of a beautiful black 2020 Mclaren GT, with custom black rims, and a lavish hand-painted MD on the hood. The cameraman is sitting in the passenger seat. Thunder Knuckles is wearing a bootlegged “Drezdin 2020 for president” t-shirt on that he obviously made himself, jeans, and he’s rocking the coolest fucking sades you’ve ever seen. He’s bandaged up from the toolbox incident from Shove-it!. If Saturday night had a face, it would be Thunder Knuckles' face right now. He's listening to the stereo system, loud as fuck. He doesn’t begin talking until the fucking song is over. Your just watching him jam out, because, fuck you.

Sweet VV Anarchy champion t-shirt cameraman! That shits dope as fuck! Can’t wait until I get one, you ready to go? You see Drezdin’s last promo? Fire!

The cameraman shakes his head and the camera “yes” to both questions.

Put your seatbelt on the cameraman. I’m not gonna be responsible for another one of you.

The camera bobbles around for a moment so the cameraman can practice safety first. Thunder Knuckles pulls out of an airport parking garage and turns left and heads down the road. While still watching the road ahead he begins to speak again.

So everyone in the XWF is asking themselves. “Who was Thunder Knuckles talking to on the phone?” Well, mother fuckers, a specialty drug dealer. Yepp! Thunder Knuckles is gonna do drugs. Not heroin, cocaine, marijuana, but the best drug on the closed market, if ya know what I mean. We’re heading to the guy's house right now. You see, this shit is the stuff legends are made of. I’ve been told by HIGHLY RELIABLE sources that Bruno Sammartino was addicted to this shit. THIS dude is the only person in the world with the shit, let’s just say he inherited it. I just heard about it myself because it’s a pretty big secret. You see, things are gonna get so much easier for Ol’ Thunder Knuckles now, so long as the XWF camera crew gets their act together. Force Gape didn’t take his chance of getting out by paying Thunder Knuckles, THIRTY THOUSAND xbux, so I'ma have to wreck’ em in enough time to prepare for Wylie Sinclair.

As Thunder Knuckles says speeds down the highway weaving in and out of traffic, without a care for his or the cameraman's life.

Ya know, Thunder Knuckles brings excitement, straight up in your face entertainment. A boot of charisma in a time of these lazy superpowered, sideshow, mother fuckers, that think they got the market cornered on some ol’ bullshit. Force Gape has never met a guy who will willingly become addicted to a chemical substance, with such immense power that's named after Mr. Sammartino himself. That’s right folks! Thunder Knuckles is gonna be on that Bruno!


Thunder Knuckles takes the next exit into a very well to do part of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Bruno is a black pill that once I take it. Ten minutes later it kicks in and lasts two whole days...

Thunder Knuckles becomes distracted in thought, but not too distracted to wreck the car.

[b]OH YEAH! I hired the cameraman,Steve, from THE RACE ACROSS THE EVERGLADES. We’re gonna shoot a promo soon. Maybe, I take him to meet Shane . So Mr. can interrogate. Then Shane can control the narrative...hmmm options. I still haven’t gotten paid for my appearances, however, I have them all wrote down. What a shame, I didn’t think XWF was so tight on the xbux, they make and distribute. Shane is a proven payer of xbux. HMMMMMM ...maybe if Vinne pays me I wouldn't take him to Shane . Only time and my wallet will tell.

You can take that out in editing if you want cameraman, but if you don't, I don't give a fuck.

Thunder Knuckles pulls up in front of a gated house with a well-maintained property. He quits talking for a moment as he looks pretty sketched out. Thunder Knuckles sees the giant gate at the end of the driveway with a BS insignia on it the size of a seventy-five-inch 4k television.

Cameraman, I think it's best if you just stay here. I wouldn't want to put you in danger for such effort as beating Force Gape.

The cameraman stays in the car and patiently waits for Thunder Knuckles. The cameraman sees Thunder Knuckles go to the guard shack next to the giant gate. They let him in, some time passes. The cameraman gets footage of Thunder Knuckles coming back to the car and getting in.

Got your seat belt on still?

The cameraman shakes his head and the camera “yes”. As he’s doing this Thunder Knuckles turns over the ignition.

Good!

Thunder Knuckles peels out leaving black tire marks and a cloud of burnt rubber from the pavement. like in a badass car chase scene in any one of the critically acclaimed Fast and Furious movies.

Ya know, I feel really bad for the Heavymetalweight Champion. The guy tries to get booked for shows. Management goes and puts someone not in the company in the match he’s trying to get into. What's going on around here! His name is JIM JIMSON! He gave me this pinecone!

Thunder Knuckles picks up a pinecone, from his left, he had stashed in the car door.

You fuckers better recognize! Respect the champ!

Thunder Knuckles puts the pinecone back and continues talking...

Ol’ Thunder Knuckles signed up for the Lethal Lottery presented by Dunkin’ Donuts…









The winner gets a chance to name the next pay per event and match names. Thunder Knuckles has a better plan for the Lethal Lottery. You thought Ol’ Thunder Knuckles was gonna plug Dunkin’ Donuts didn’t you? Fuck Dunkin’ Donuts! They’re not paying me shit!

Thunder Knuckles begins thinking about Force Gape again.

Get bent! This overcompensating dopey eyed fuck, Force Gape. He fancies himself “absolute perfection” but respects me for liking the finer things in life. What the fuck kinda bro-mance shit is that. I swear he wants to fuck, maybe not as much as Wylie Sinclair, that fool wants to dance we me. Ol’ Thunder Knuckles doesn’t swing that way! Not that I’m against people being miserable with one another, to each their own.

Thunder Knuckles tries to get back on topic. Still watching the road, going at a comfortable speed, for a 2020 Maclaren anyway.

So Bruno is a black pill, as I was saying, It gives whoever takes it the power not to lose ‘rasslin matches for two whole days! So I’ll just pop this bitch a half a day before the match, test it to make sure it works. Do the match. Win. Get paid. That is if there's no more tricky camera work being done.

Thunder Knuckles deliberately casting shade with his voice then gets serious again.

I’ll stand there and take the most punishment you've ever seen!!! Yet I still won't be able to lose the match and be perfectly fine. You fucked up this time Force Gape. You’ve fucked up and things will never be the same for you or your brothers again. One pill... One pill ended you and Ol’ Thunder Knuckles will hit the “Thunderstrike” and your lights will go out. When you get to sit back and watch the tape you’ll ask yourself, “Why didn’t I stay on the planet WHO GIVES A FUCK with brothers Shock Nozzle and Roofie”. You only have booking to blame. Don't come to Thunder Knuckles cryin about, “You took drugs!”. You're a goddamn superhero, a shitty one at that.

Thunder Knuckles turns to the camera for a brief second and back to the road.

He loses ‘rasslin matches folks, but he’s a fucking HALF-ALIEN SUPERHERO. Give me a fucking break. Extra chromosome toting miscreants, the lot of 'em. Before anyone says, “How are they, criminals?”. They steal entertainment from XWF fans, that's how. All that spooky, boohoo, “Let the right one in” bullshit.

All you had to do was pay Thunder Knuckles THIRTY THOUSAND xbux. That's it. Now you have to lose. Better luck next time. It’s cheaper just to pay. So anyone out there thinking Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is gonna play with you. Your wrong! I'm like the Ohio turnpike, fuck with me, your gonna pay the toll.

You see cameraman, their mouths aren’t as fast and their brains are to slow to keep up with Ol’ Thunder Knuckles. That’s why I’ve beaten everyone to promos. Look back, since my debut I have always drawn first blood, except for one time.

Thunder Knuckles is thinking of THE RACE ACROSS THE EVERGLADES, how he breezed past Boris who was going at a leisurely pace.

They just try to keep up and hold out as long as they can, to fine-tune every little detail of their promos...ahhh… Perfect!

As Thunder Knuckles says the word perfect, he reaches out with his right hand makes a fist. He quickly places his hands back on the wheel to secure the cameraman's safety.

All that effort, to still lose, to a big ol’ dummy. A guy who got no formal training in this business, and only knows moves he's seen on tv. I’ve watched so much video, that I’ve created the single most devastating move, in the history of this great business! The THUNDER STRIKE! You’ll be rendered unconscious and confused when your hit with this deadly attack.

Thunder Knuckles looking concerned into the camera for a moment and looks back at the road because the cameraman’s safety is a top priority.

Seriously, you could die!

Thunder Knuckles begins grinning, like when he gets the last cookie from the cookie jar.

This is probably, THIS Brother Blackwater’s most entertaining match in a long time, just for sharing the ring with me. I could be anyone else and no one would give a fuck. Thunder Knuckles is filling the seats for this curtain jerker, you better believe that! I know the match Shock Nozzle had on Shove-it!, from that shit stain they call the Bahamas, was entertaining. Not because he was in it, but because XWF fans around the world got to see ME brutalized Shock-value Word-salad. Unfortunately, I’m human and toolboxes hurt, definitely when screws and nails are sticking in you like a pincushion. Look at my bandages you think this shit feels good?

Thunder Knuckles pulls up to a red light. Thunder Knuckles then sees some fine honeys to his left and yells out the window.

Hey bitches! Check out my car!

Thunder Knuckles looks back over to the cameraman you see a gun in the window pointed at the cameraman.

Get out of the car or I’ll kill him! I SWEAR TO GOD MAN!

Thunder Knuckles says gently to the cameraman.

Just do what he says cameraman…no one needs to get hurt today...

Thunder Knuckles and the cameraman get out of the car, but not before Thunder Knuckles grabs his gift, the pinecone, Jim JIMSON gave him. The carjacker jumps in and takes off, he makes it about five hundred feet before the police box him in with three cruisers.

Walk this way cameraman.

Thunder Knuckles pulls the cameraman in close. Forcing him to walk beside Thunder Knuckles. The camera pointed at their feet.

Just act normal, but pick up the pace. That wasn't my car, that was Shock-value Word-salad’s car. It’s not my fault she leaves cars stored in all the big cities. I told her it wasn’t over, but it is now.

The cameraman looks at Thunder Knuckles disappointed

It’s not like I wrecked the fuckin’ thing, she’ll be fine.

Thunder Knuckles says softly so only the cameraman and the camera itself to hear. The cameraman turns back to film Thunder Knuckles. You see the carjacker getting arrested and the girls trying to tell the cops, that was Thunder Knuckles car, in the background. Justice has been served on this occasion, a carjacker goes to jail. Thunder Knuckles and his brave cameraman walk into a back alleyway to safety, Thunder Knuckles says just before the camera is shut off...

Don't forget to tune into Savage, October nineteenth. For a continuation of “Thunder Knuckles and the Spoooooky Halloween Extravaganza”. Now, off to Cardiff! I haven’t forgotten you, Boris!