Steve Sayors watched on as a beaten and battered James Raven, dressed in gleaming armor rose up behind Kenzi Grey as she menaced the man cowering on the ground in front of her. In one swift move, Raven took his broadsword and rammed it into the starlet’s back and she threw back her head and screamed. Her high-pitched wail pierced his ears and left little doubt that she certainly possessed the lungs of a singer, as her many accolades boasted.


“CUT!!!!”

The director yelled and the Grey and Raven quickly fell back out of the characters they had been portraying on the set of her television show, Hexx: Chronicles of Empire City. People on set applauded as they wrapped up their last take for the day. Many of the other actors and crew members came up to congratulate them and Steve saw his opportunity and he made his way over.

“Hey guys, that wa- AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Steve was immediately tackled to the floor by two well-dressed men in expensive-looking suits. Before he even knew what was happening, his arms were pinned behind his back and his face was brutally mashed into the floor.

“GUYS!! STOP, I KNOW HIM!! IT’S OKAY!!”

The two men looked up as Kenzi limped over with a look of apology on her face. Beside her, her wife Sarah Grey-Lacklan appeared, looking like an extra from a period film in her black and baby blue lace dress with padded shoulders. It seemed odd that she was dressed that way, yet she wasn’t part of the cast…she always dressed that way.

The two men glanced at her as she made a series of quick hand gestures and they nodded in unison, pulling Steve to his feet and dusting him off. Neither of the two spoke a word of apology, and their rough handling of him left no question in his mind that given the slightest provocation, these two would be a serious problem. The duo turned back to Kenzi and Sarah, pressing their fists to their chests, which he could see were laden with silver pins. They both disappeared just as quickly as they had arrived, leaving Steve shaking his head.

“Wow, those guys don’t play! I guess security is the order of the day after the fire last Saturday night, huh?”

Sarah’s high Londoner accent cut in, dominating the room as she always did.

“This hooded buffoon has gone too far this time! Yes, I was certainly annoyed with his destruction of my wardrobe…which Vinnie has YET to reimburse me for! But now, he has taken his shenanigans to an entirely new level!”

“Arson is a felony Steve! This goes WAY beyond wrestling! The XWF isn’t even doing anything about it! I’m tempted to not even let Sarah compete there anymore!”

Sarah scoffed at this, her brow knitting itself tightly at her forehead as her red hued eyes narrowed behind black painted on wings.

“I won’t be run off by some coward who taunts me from the shadows and plays with matches like a child, Beloved! The Hooded Man hides behind words from the safety of a television screen, screaming for me to ‘give him what he wants’ when literally NO ONE knows what he wants! Maybe he wants a subscription to Zillow so he can burn down the right house next time!”

“That’s not funny Sar! This is serious…this isn’t even about wrestling anymore! I came to compete with you in a tag team tournament, but in the short time I have been here with you, I’ve had to watch you be stalked by a serial arsonist and jumped by some crazy woman with a briefcase!”

Kenzi shook her head in disbelief.

“I thought the worst thing we would encounter would be some dude mistaking me for Tara Reid and getting called a cunt 10,000 times! This is NOT cool! Who knows what is going to happen next?”

Steve raised his hand, tentatively.

“Well, it looks like you’ll be up against Tristan Slater and Famine…if you don’t decide to leave XWF.”

Kenzi starts to speak up, but Sarah cuts her off.

“No one is going anywhere! The 5’2” Mafia has already beaten the best team in the tournament, in Fuzz and Noah…the other teams just don’t realize it yet! We will remind them after we eject Tristan from the tournament and make Famine a two-time loser next week! Isn’t that right Beloved?”

Kenzi glowered, obviously not happy with the situation, but seemingly powerless in the face of her wife’s raw determination to see this to the end.

“Yes…fine Sar. We will stick this thing out…but I swear to God, if one more crazy thing happens to you in that place, not only am I going to bash Roxy’s skull in for ruining my knee, but I am going to kick Vinnie square in the fucking balls!”

Sarah grinned evilly, flashing her fabled billion $$$ smile.

“Now, I am almost hoping something does happen so I can see that! OH! I almost forgot…”

Sarah opened her purse and before anyone knew what was happening, a mass of eight spindly legs charged out of the darkness and leapt from her pale hand. The enormous brown spider landed deafly on Kenzi’s shoulder and charged into her mass of black braids.

“OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!”

Kenzi’s terrified screams echoed throughout the movie set as she ran for the exit at break-neck speed, in spite of her injured knee. The two guards appeared, as if summoned from some other-worldly dimension, ready to pursue their Duchess, but Sarah stopped them. Her gloved hand made a series of complex gestures and the men immediately stood down and vanished.

She turned to Steve, giving a loving sigh.

“So cute! I’m so jelly at how well they get along together!”

She narrowed those red hued eyes of hers.

“Almost TOO well!”

Steve swallowed as he looked away, hoping she wouldn’t see the truth of what had really happened to her spider…the one that Kenzi had ‘probably accidentally’ killed, only to have it replaced by another one that had an unusually strong attachment to her.

Steve looked at his empty wrist, then whistled.

“WELL NOW! Look at the time! I better get going! See you soon.”

Sarah watched on with suspicious eyes as Steve hastily made his way into the maintenance closet, then nervously made his way towards the exit, with his face flushed with embarrassment. It was obvious that there was something they weren’t telling her, and she would find out what it was…sooner or later…





I had made an incredibly smooth getaway from Sarah and she didn’t suspect a thing concerning Spidergate. Thankfully, I knew that would only put her wife even more at ease with me as I continued to chronicle her journey in XWF. I have to admit it, I was just as surprised as anyone that she and Sarah found a way to overcome ‘The Sick Cunts.’ If you’d asked me two weeks ago who was the team with the best chance to make it through, I would have told you Fuzz and Noah, hands down. That only made the victory by the Grey-Lacklan’s that much more impressive…in spite of the many obstacles in their way.

Kenzi had to find a way to overcome a serious knee injury, one that I still wasn’t convinced was healed. Then there was this business with Sarah’s hooded stalker, who had committed arson, just to get her attention. Then the very real challenge of Vita Valentine, who didn’t hided in the shadows and had come at Sarah head on. With so many things going on around them, it would be easy to lose focus, but their determination hadn’t waivered…too much.

Kenzi was still up in arms over Sarah’s safety and the lack of care that the XWF apparently had for it. Kenzi postponed our scheduled sit down, while she did her best to voice her concerns. Unfortunately for her, no one would speak to her over the phone. So, she did the next best thing, she decided to head to XWF Headquarters and see the brass for herself. To my surprise, she invited me to come with her, if for no other reason than my familiarity with the innerworkings of the XWF. Of course, I would use this as an opportunity to continue my on-going report on her and her trip through the land of X-treme!

As we rode the elevator to the upper floors and headquarters’ offices, I figured this was as good a time as any for a little tournament small talk…

“Well Kenzi, I have to tell you, your performance against ‘The Sick…C-Words’ was tremendous! Noah and Fuzz are easily two of the best competitors that XWF has to offer. Beating that team has really put you and Sarah on the RADAR of all the other teams in this tournament. That has to make you feel good.”

The television star stood ramrod still as she cut her big brown eyes over at the enormous brown spider that nestled on her shoulder, just inside her mass of long black braids. Its own large brown eyes seemed to be firmly fixed on Kenzi’s as well, while it’s front legs slowly drummed and wiggled. Kenzi’s eyes turned back to me and it was apparent that she was engaged in a titanic struggle to not try to swat at it, less Lael II suffer the same fate as her original namesake.

Kenzi seemed to steel herself as she finally answered my question.

“Noah and Fuzz came as advertised, two bad dudes who can really go inside the ring, but at the end of the day, that is all they are…two bad dudes, not a team like Sarah and I are. We function as a unit because that is what we are! That is why she and I are the most dangerous team in this tournament. We weren’t thrown together randomly and our pairing wasn’t a marriage of convenience, we live, eat, and sleep together. We know each other better than anyone else on the planet! No one else can say that…especially our opponents in the next round. I don’t even know how the two of them got together…just a random pairing?”

“Something a bit more complex than that, but I’m sure you’ll be more than tested against that pairing. ‘The’ Tristan Slater has already proven that he can work with anyone. You have to admit, that was some statement they made against Salt and Pepper.”

As the elevator arrived on the 12th floor, Kenzi stepped off and I followed her as she made her way towards the Cooperate offices.

“It was impressive! They ran through Salt and Pepper like shit through a goose, but Sarah and I are far FAR from fresh-faced rookies in the wrestling scene. She and I have been to the mountain top on more than one occasion. Assuming I don’t have to pull the plug on this XWF shit because of the unsafe work conditions, this will end up being the same story as it was the last couple of times we proved to the world that we were actual players on the tag team scene!”

I started to ask another question, but Kenzi raised her hand to stop me as she came to the secretary’s desk. Janet was a middle-aged woman, who was actually a temporary hire with the company. While I had seen that she was good at her job, she didn’t have the looks of Heather Halliwell or Tig O’Bitties. I figured her days were probably numbered.

Janet smiled as she peered over the tops of her glasses at the two of us.

“Welcome to The XWF, where the action never slows down. I’m Janet, how can I help you?”

Kenzi wasted no time getting down to business.

“Yes! I need to talk to someone about the working conditions around here! My wife was attacked last week and I-”

“Oh my goodness! Is she doing okay hun?”

Kenzi gave a dismissive wave of her hand.

“Yeah, she’s fine! But I need to talk to someone about everything that is going on! I need to talk to Vinnie Lane! Tell him that Kenzi is here to see him!”

“I’m afraid that Mr. Lane is unavailable. Perhaps you can speak with Mr. Atticus Black about your issue?”

I could see the anger flash across her face as Janet attempted to direct her to the Savage General Manager. The change in her attitude and demeanor jarring. It was obvious to me that she only wanted to deal with Vinnie and no substitute would do.

“Look here…Janice…”

“Janet.”

“Whatever! I need to speak with Vinnie about all of these attacks on my wife over the last few weeks! I know this is wrestling and a lot of things kinda get ‘let go’ but all of this shit lately with her getting beaten with briefcases and being stalked by some mysterious firebug is getting a little too far out of hand! Tell Vinnie that Kenzi Grey is here to get some answers out of him, or else ‘The 5’2” Mafia’ won’t be competing in the tag team tournament! I think we all intitle to have a safe working environment…so…pretty fucking please, get Vinnie’s ass on the fucking phone!”

Janet muttered under her breath as she made the call to Vinnie’s office.

“…there’s no need to be rude…”

While we waited for her call to go through, I took the opportunity to see if she was serious about her threat.

“Would you actually quit on your next round opponents? I mean, I know you are upset over the treatment she has received, but just like poor Janet said…XWF is where the action never stops!”

Kenzi narrowed her eyes on me, and for a split second I thought I saw her shoulder spider do the same thing.

“LOOK! No disrespect to Slater and Famine, but that is just a wrestling match! A two on two contest to see who can pin who’s shoulders to the mat. Easy, peasey…I got that! But the stuff with Vida Valentine and her briefcase, then the Hooded Man…NAH! My wife has been through the crazy stalker thing once before and there is no way in hell that I am going to let him or anyone else jeopardize my wife’s dream in this company! She has busted her ass to be a Federweight Champ, a King of the XWF, and the Anarchy Champion! Now all of these fucking assholes are coming out of the woodwork and looking to tear her down with cheap ass attacks and criminal threats! I can tell you right now, I am NOT going to just continue to sit back and let that happen!”

Janet cut back in.

“I’m sorry Miss, Mr. Lane is in the middle of a very important meeting, but he told me to tell you; ‘Dude, WTF’ whatever that means.”

“WTF?! IS HE SERIOUS?!! YOU TOLD HIM IT WAS KENZI, RIGHT?!”

“Ma’am, perhaps you’d like to speak with Mr. Black, I am sure that I…OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE A HUGE SPIDER ON YOUR SHOULDER!!!”

Janet screamed, but Kenzi paid her shock no mind at all. I could see the veins pop out on the sides of her neck as she slammed her fist down on the desk. Her eyes blazed with anger as she did.

“I KNOW I HAVE A SPIDER ON MY FUCKING SHOULDER, IT WON’T LEAVE!! I ASKED YOU IF YOU TOLD HIM IT WAS ME?!”

Janet shivered as she eyed Lael with wide eyes and then looked at Kenzi.

“Ma’am, I told you…Mr. Lane is busy, but he did pass on-”

“NO! CANCEL THAT SHIT! Vinnie owes me…HE FUCKING OWES ME! His goddamn fiancé is the only reason I am hobbling around the goddamn ring right now like a fucking peg legged pirate! He should be THANKING ME for even coming here!”

She raised her hands, doing her best to calm herself.

“Nah…you know what? It’s cool…this is all totally cool! Vinnie doesn’t have to keep the inmates in check…I’ll do it! I’m here now and if Sarah won’t leave, I am going have to deal with all this ridiculous Hooded Man shit myself! Nah…tell him not to worry about the tag team match next week, I will be there and I am going to show everyone that not only can you not beat ‘The 5’2” Mafia, but you can’t get away with being a piece of shit and setting fire to our goddamn neighborhood either!”

Kenzi glanced up at me, then turned back to Janet and pushed a potted plant that sat on her desk off and sent it crashing to the floor. Janet’s mouth fell open, but Kenzi merely flipped her off and headed back towards the elevator in a huff with a limp in her step.

I ran to catch up to her.

“That was kinda rude, wasn’t it?”

I struggled to keep pace with her as headed for the exit. She didn’t even look my way as she ranted.

“THAT’S FINE! THAT’S TOTALLY FINE!”

She stopped and turned to me.

“If Vinnie doesn’t want to come out and see me…if he doesn’t want to do anything, that’s cool! Shit is gonna get dealt with next week!”

“Just to be clear…you’re not quitting, right?”

Her face hardened.

“No. I’m not quitting…in fact, I plan on being ALL IN! If Vinnie don’t want to do his fucking job, I will do it for him! I came here to support my wife, but I see I am going to have to start taking shit to the next fucking level here! It’s all getting dealt with…and it can start with that made up hodgepodge, Slater and Famine! After Sarah and I run the tables on this tournament, Vinnie is gonna be begging to talk to me…BEGGING!”