[We open to a scene of a beach, the ocean lapping sand with the sun beating down. The camera pans round to show an idyllic scene, palm trees, cabanas and not many people around, bar a few people lying on some loungers. The camera flips round and we see it’s actually being filmed on a mobile phone, and the face of “Box Office” Brian O’Haire fills the screen]

Brian O’Haire: “Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?”, Chris Evans, Captain America, Winter Soldier, 2014. It’s the start of a new era for me, for the XWF, and for wrestling as a whole. I make my debut on Savage against two, ahem, “talents”. Miss Michelle and Jason Rayne. As as my quote suggested to you, I’m giving you the chance to get out now. Forfeit, abdicate, walk away, however you want to put it, I’m giving you the chance right now to prevent a beating of a lifetime. I’m not going to go easy on a woman, so Michelle, don’t think the fact you’re a vagina bearing tittie possessing wench will allow you the opportunity to approach this contest in a fashion where you are going to get off easy, hell. If anything it just makes me want to smash your head in more. And Jason, bloody hell, you’re so insignificant in my eyes that I don’t even feel I should be dignifying you with any degree of attention. A man whose name doesn’t even come up in predictive text. I try and type your name and I get corrected to “Ryan”. I don’t want you to exist, and even Apple doesn’t want you to exist. So listen Jason, I’m affording you the same opportunity as I’ve afforded Miss Michelle. A chance to walk away with your dignity, your bones, and your career intact. Will you take it? Give me the win I know I am going to get and save you all the blushes of knowing that a medical bill is coming your way.

[Brian sips from a coconut]

Brian O’Haire: ahhhh... well, with that said, let me just say. I’m stoked for this. I’ve trained hard, I’ve worked hard, I’ve actually made a lot of sacrifices to get where I am. Hell, so many “insiders” think that I ain’t gonna cut it. They think that I, I am doing this on a whim. They think that This is just my latest scheme to get my name In lights. And while that’s true to a point. This is me showing that I am capable of so much more. I’m a damn good actor, but I’m also a damn good fighter, and I’ve wanted to prove this for all damn too long. It’s time for me to show that this is not a flash in the pan idea, and that this is a career move to a CALLING. I’m not afraid to admit that I need the XWF, but, let’s face it. The XWF needs ME. I’m grateful for the opportunity, but let’s face it.I bring exposure, I bring press inches, and really, me being here is mutually beneficial to us both. And when it is all said and done, people will not just remember Brian O’Haire the movie star, but they’ll remember and celebrate Brian O’Haire, the wrestler, and the highly decorated champion.

Brian O’Haire: It just so happens that these first two victims will be the history makers. They’ll forever be listed as the first two who launched the wrestling career of Brian O’Haire. So I guess if they don’t just hand the match to me, they’ll have that.

[He takes another sip of his drink and adjusts his sunglasses, staring straight down the camera]

Brian O’Haire: Though, let me provide a warning. I’m in a good place. A better place. After a few weeks of people going over old ground, and mentioning the incident. Anyone who brings this up again, I will have no hesitation in breaking their neck. And that’s the last I’ll say on that....

[Brian Smirks, and readjusts his sunglasses back to his eyes]

Brian O’Haire: Soooo, I make it just a few days before I need to be ready. It’s my last few days of freedom before I make my mark. I’m going to relax. I’m going to clear the head, and ... welll. Plan just exactly what I’m going to do to those two poor saps they’re feeding me.... if they show up. Ciao.


[The screen goes black]
-fin-