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Lacklan · **06-01-2019, 01:38 PM**

Sarah Lacklan, the QUEEN of Anarchy, crouches in a corner and pulls on a piece of twine, inch by inch.

Know what is REALLY lame about Tommy Wish? Well, I mean besides the fact that he's, like, SUPER smelly...and gross...and disgusting...and everything else? The totes lame thing is how whenever he busts out his amazeballs promo skills, if you can even categorize them as "skills," is that whenever he opens that mouthful of broken yellow teeth of his, he just throws together random curse words and hopes that the boys in the back giggle and slap him on the back. Seriously, I just say him trade barbs with John Whyte, right? And it was literally just "Dude...yer like...a gay and stuff?" and everyone was ready to slap their hands to their cheeks and do that "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" thing like the gif with all the black kids freaking out. And like, totes sers, all it did was make me roll my eyes, because even KUDA does better than that, and I'm PRETTY sure that his IQ keeps him out of regular schools, ya know?

Now, I KNOW that everyone is all happy with Tommy lately. I mean, why not, right? The dude has two of the titles in the fed! But I’m PRETTY sure that the ONLY reason he HAS those is because he was able to catch people napping...like myself. Here I was, enjoying a personal day with my Beloved after a shitty situation, and BLAM! I’m KO’d by his body odor and I have to temporarily relinquish my title. But! Oh holy hell BUT! I’m no LONGER on that personal day! Hell, I’ve even ADDED to my undefeated in-ring record her in the XWF by piling up ANOTHER win! And what has TOMMY done in that time? Same thing he always does, the only thing he is even GOOD for, which is lowering the overall sanitation level by being around. Hell, when WAS the last time he washed that rat’s nest he has atop his greasy head? Back when his fashion statement was formed? Seriously, a tied-off flanel?! If his SMELL didn’t KO me, having to look at his CLOTHES would have done it!

But all of that is going to change right now. Because while the boys DO laugh about how utterly useless Tommy is...literally hasn’t won a match in five freakin’ months...they are going to cry in JOY when I take my title back right now. Because UNlike Tommy, I am the shining diamond. I’m the person who makes him look like a toddler just by standing next to him. I’m the person who writes life-altering haiku whole he cries while writing Cure lyrics onto a napkin. I’m the person who puts butts in seats, sells out arenas, and pisses EVERYONE off so much that they try their BEST to beat? And Tommy? Just the dude we forget about until he slimes his way into a minor achievement. But that’s about to end right...about...NOW!

With one final tug of the twine, a glittering green shoe bounces in front of her, the twine wrapped around the bow on the front of those show.. Tommy Wish bounds around the corner, spittle wetting his chin as he continues to chase after the shoe, and Sarah sneaks behind him and rolls him up with a schoolgirl.

1!

2!
...

Tommy Wish · **06-01-2019, 02:06 PM**

First, you roam in the X-Treme hallway, and now your in the Federweight hallway? I see you, I know your trying to throw me off my game. So that little disclaimer, is a fucking lie. Before I go off tangent into a Russo like tirade, i’ll get on with it.

So what if I smell, and so what if my promo skills aren’t good enough? I can care less if the boys can tolerate my incoherent gibberish. Also, the whole spiel about Whye is true, he wanted this belt off me so his favorite disser can claim it back from him.

If my sanitation is poor, then why don’t you check your auntie flo, i mean last time I checked you kept on PMS’in on your name spelt wrong last Anarchy, i bet the production crew intentionally spelt it wrong, to how you milliners are inept as hell.

I haven’t won shit, because i am also out of fucks to spare on my streak here. If you want this title back, here take it’s all yours.

NOT, this belt is staying with me. I rather have something irreverent and lame, then to be proclaiming that crown of yours. To me, you aren't a queen, just a little princess who feels the need to be a nuisance. It’s best if you go back on twitter and talk your shit, and pick fights within the locker room. You have just costed yourself a belt, so run back home you little rugrat!

Tommy turns the Schoolgirl into a Crufix Powerbomb to break the hold. Tommy then pulls out a chair, and sits there waiting for her “rebuttal”.

Lacklan · **06-01-2019, 03:25 PM**

Of for the love of...hold on...

Sar busts out her SWEET Windows phone while one of her interns suddenly arrives with a projector screen. A little while later, Sarah begins what is no doubt an over notated slide show presentation.

Here we go, kiddo: A LOT of people have done that whole "ERMAGHERD YER NOT A QUEEN" shit and ALL of them are wrong. Because, as you can CLEARLY see, I became QUEEN when I beat the everloving PISS out of a series of people here in the...wait for it...King of the Ring Tournament! Now, I totes get that you might well not axly know that, since while I WAS doing that you were busy giving Nyx their only win and jobbing out to V-Dub...who I just out-gymnast'd, btw. After all, that is really all you are good for: Being in meaningless matches with one-and-done's, sadly not even always on the side of the W, and getting your jollies off by beating literally random dudes. Like, literally Random. And THAT is all that Tommy 2019 has to offer.

So by all means, keep sitting in your chair and being bored to death by yourself. Keep reminding everyone why some of these titles aren't taken seriously. Keep being the example of a shit-talk title who is held by someone who can't string three words together without the audience's eyes glazing over. Keep being the only single person that the Massachusetts Pissbaby could have beat. And while you keep doing that, I'm also going to keep doing what I do: Winning championships and accolades with a level of sophistication and class so far beyond you-

She stares at him for several seconds and then stomps her feet in irritation.

I SAID SO FAR BEYOND YOU

Tommy startles from the nap he was taken, so bored with himself that even this AMAZEBALLZ slideshow presentation detailing Sar’s King of the Ring tournament victory couldn’t keep him awake.

How far beyond me?!

SO far beyond you that it is going to take you a full three DAYS to realize you are missing a few pounds of gold! So, I encourage you to keep doing what it is you do. I encourage you to stay the new king of the Xtreme and deal with having to look over your shoulder like someone looking at bear porn at the library in fear of someone sneaking up behind you. That title suits you! But what you SNUCK away from me, like the smelly THIEF you are, is going to go BACK around my sexily trim waist in no time. So go ahead and bust out your College Humor Mad Libs and throw random swear words together in your desperation to find the first original thing you’ve said in years, regardless of whether or not it even makes sense. At least a round of sophomoric giggling will help you feel better as my title is handed back to me!”

Tommy Wish · **06-01-2019, 03:57 PM**

Tommy sleeps once more, after her proclamation, he awakens from his slumber once more. He then starts to give her a slowest clap imaginable.

You know what..
You're right..
You're So right..
I got nothing left in the tank..
I mean, i might as well..
Bow down to the Queen...
You want the strap back..
Fine by me...

Tommy grabs a red spray and X out the Sid's face on it. Then he throws it at her vicinity, and he grabs his chair and walks off without a care in the world.

Lacklan · (06-01-2019)

Sarah stares down at the title belt on the ground and throws Tommy's retreating back the MEANEST stare in the history of stares.

It looks like its sticky. WHY is it sticky?! WHAT is it sticky with?! OMG TOMMASO WISH WHAT DID YOU DO WHILE WEARING MY TITLE?!?!?!

Arnold “Chubby” Fletcher · **06-01-2019, 05:00 PM**

FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!

Uh, AHEM!

WINNER AND NEW FW CHAMP- SARHA LACKLAN!!!

Lacklan · (06-03-2019)

*immediately sends it to be cleaned. Thoroughly.*

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