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Prof. Bobby Bourbon · (06-18-2019)

You feel obliged to click play to understand the tone of what you are about to experience.

We open to see Robbie Bourbon standing in an empty ring in an empty arena.

Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and girls! Children of all ages!

Behold and wonder, WHO is deserving or my airtime?

So, anybody else notice that Vinnie was ready to tell Peter he had his gear ready but hasn't said shit to me?

Anybody else notice little Miss Locklan getting absolutely wrecked SAVAGELY on a Saturday Night, her little streak of a shitstain cut short by cleaning wipe from Robbie Bourbon Incorporated? You call yourself a challenger for the Universal Championship?

I call you a Queen in a land of Monsters, an inspiration that would be able to inspire somewhere else, a failed role model because your role is not to be modelled here or anywhere in wrestling.

Robert Main, heh, you have held the belt as long as I have let you. See, you called me out for not offering up the title when I was champion same as you don't offer up the title while you are champ. Hypocrite. Usually, I wouldn't give a fuck. Hypocrites are common, hypocrisy is the greatest virtue of civilization. Getting your boys hyped to help you and Jimbo Caedus come after me was, well, the move I would have made. Kudos.

You owe me some royalties, however.

Copying and ripping off the man that came before you is just, well, underwhelming. I was always something different.

Something unique.

The morning star. The man of the crossroads, the beguiler, the trickster, the, hehehehehehehe...

Robbie chuckles.

Sorry, those are all a bit cliche these days. I'm no devil. I'm no cool dude. I'm not that, how do you say, basic.

But that doesn't matter, Robert Main is about to lose to Big D and that might be the man I just turn to piss, powder, and jelly because I feel like holding the Universal Title again.

See, I held it.

Valiantly?

I pinned Gilmour. Like every champ.

I wrecked some German kid with a Robbiebomb.

Since, I was stripped of the Universal Championship.

And there has been ZERO explaination why besides some half-assed explaination from Lane saying I didn't deserve it yet he couldn't find a soul that could take the belt off of me.

Now look at where he's at with his champion.

So, I destroyed Lacklan's legacy by using the finest resource in XWF history.

Barney Green's supple body.

With a pinfall here and a three count there, old Queen Lacklan had a farm, E I E I O. And on that farm I did foreclose, Robbie Bourbon Yeah! Ole' Robbie Bourbon shoveled shit, E I E I O. Shoveled yall just right, E I E I O. With a scoop, scoop here, the shit got slung, slung there, I buried both y'all, E I E I O.

Body bagged, tagged, and sunk in the mud.

Not a soul is discussing Lacklan challenging for the Universal Championship.

Wrecked? Wrecked.

Robbie stands tall with his hands on his hips.

I am not here to stand up and say I look to be welcomed back here in the XWF. I am the greatest force in XWF history. Now, I am here to welcome each and every one of you.

To my airtime.

To the Robbie Bourbon Show.

To being seen and to getting ratings, because not a fucking one of you have done that at all.

Robert "The Omega" Main · **06-18-2019, 10:11 PM**

I've beaten you how many times now?

Corey Smith · **06-19-2019, 03:19 AM**

Yeah, but what about me buying some stock in BourbCo?

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · **06-19-2019, 11:14 PM**

remember that time i threw you off the roof?

Prof. Bobby Bourbon · **06-19-2019, 11:33 PM**

(06-18-2019, 10:11 PM)Robert "The Omega" Main Said: I've beaten you how many times now?

Looks like you lost count.

Once.

Oh, in ratings? Never.

People cared when I was champ.

Prof. Bobby Bourbon · **06-19-2019, 11:34 PM**

(06-19-2019, 11:14 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: remember that time i threw you off the roof?

Yup.

Remember the several times I whooped your ass to sell a shirt?

That includes the time I stuffed a minigun up your rectum and spun the barrel on account of a road agent telling me that would be a sweet idea and just going along and doing it on a show without being consulted.

Robert "The Omega" Main · **06-20-2019, 02:43 AM**

I remember things a bit differently. Three times would be the correct number, but who's counting right?

~~Peter Fn Gilmour~~ · (06-23-2019)

(06-19-2019, 11:34 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said:
(06-19-2019, 11:14 PM)Peter Fn Gilmour Said: remember that time i threw you off the roof?

Yup.

Remember the several times I whooped your ass to sell a shirt?

That includes the time I stuffed a minigun up your rectum and spun the barrel on account of a road agent telling me that would be a sweet idea and just going along and doing it on a show without being consulted.

Lucky I didn't shit on your hand

Prof. Bobby Bourbon · **06-23-2019, 11:22 PM**

(06-20-2019, 02:43 AM)Robert "The Omega" Main Said: I remember things a bit differently. Three times would be the correct number, but who's counting right?

You would be counting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe Apex is now doing their charming satire of Sesame Street. Robert Main is the Count, maybe we're just waiting on Drew Archlye and James Raven to show up as Burt and Ernie?

Do you need a Snuffaluffagus? Who is your Big Bird? Wait, did you guys already do Mr. Rogers Neighborhood yet? Hah, that stuff is gold.

Anywho, go back to being an irrelevant champ who even with the assistance of some bling around your waist I get called to sell tickets whooping ass.

Maybe instead of retelling Encino Man, Saved By The Bell, The Lion King, The Crying Game, Forrest Gump, The Matrix, or some other staple of 90's programming you could bring some effort to the arena.

Also, anyone else who can't hang, just put your ropes down and stop trying.

Doctor Louis D'Ville · (06-24-2019)

Robert "The Omega" Main · **06-24-2019, 08:18 PM**

I'm just going to ignore the fat man. DOC! How's a fine cigar and some Bookers bourbon sound?

Mastermind · **06-24-2019, 09:25 PM**

I'll bring the bourbon as the Doc and I go way back.

Azrael Erebus · (06-25-2019)

"Does anyone else hear kissing noises? Like someone's ass needs that."

"I thought you were better than that Main. I guess you are smaller than I remember. I mean, I'd expect Mastermind of this sort of behavior but you? Damn. How the mighty have fallen. I expect it's about time I take my Uni title back. Oh and that is a challenge. You remember what those are right?"

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