Neonero is a fool. Let’s have no illusions about this here, the man’s a fool. But the world is full of fools, and Neonero just happens to be rather good at his craft.
The experiment labelled ‘Neonero’ is now at an end. A signature on a sheet of paper has ended what was a bizarre, convoluted, secretive experiment led by men whose names were never revealed. Perhaps there was no experiment. Perhaps Neonero is simply caught in a cult of personality, unable to remonstrate his own existence with logic, he created a bizarre framework to follow him around, casting aspersions to the wind in his wake.
Like Nosferatu in his castle, the Count awaiting the visitor, Nero’s mind sits on some lofty plain, awaiting service, but nought comes, for the fool has no semblance of connection with reason.
- - -/\- - -
Mark Flynn. For crying out loud. We can’t even swear about this. Flipping dwelling of Hades. How many times has it been now, 4? 5? We are losing count. But every time these two combine, strange things happen. They bring out both the best and the worst in each other, which is generally not good if you’re on the opposing side of the coin.
For instance, the tag team basically retired Raymond Hatcher from XWF. The last in a string of defeats for the guy, sure, but the nail in the coffin. And his partner that day? None but the so called King of XWF, the man known as John Madison.
Light work then.
The very first meeting ended with Flynn beating Nero, and the next would end with Nero beating Flynn. In solo terms, they are 1-1.
But anyway, this is all history, right? What possible relevance does it have?
It has every relevance.
These two men are one for one, and on the same card they are a volatile mix. Neonero, personally, is not especially competitive. He will not take most opponents seriously, so wins and losses are more a thing of fun for him, but when it comes to Mark Flynn, the world is a different place. The idea of these two coexisting again is a prospect most would salivate over. Will it be a sure thing? Will they cooperate, or will they implode, leading to the rubber match both so dearly crave inside?
- -/\- -
We cut to a shot of Neonero, sat on a grassy hill, as if he were preparing to sunbathe, though he has not de-robed at all, and is dressed in a glittery kind of outfit, a bit like a bauble at a Las Vegas show. He’s holding a quill, yes a quill, a white feather dipped in ink, and is jotting down his thoughts. Beside him sits a bedraggled Norris Cole – Nero’s assistant, who looks like he’s been dragged through a hedge backwards, looking very unimpressed. He gazes at the sky, clear and blue, as he jots down his thoughts on a sheet of vellum.
Quote: - From the desk of Mr. Cyn –
FAO: XWF Management
Neonero will now be a part time contracted wrestler on Wednesday Warfare, beginning immediately.
Nero is to be managed on a personal level solely by Wallace Witasick. That is to say that his actions, positive or negative, and the implementation of sanctions, discipline and the like may be administered solely by Mr. Witasick. Nero is to have complete immunity amongst the other members of staff, in all matters extraneous to the ring.
That is all.
- Nero
You think they’ll bite?
I, eh...
I don’t know, I feel as though this is a little on the short side. Like maybe I should add a paragraph just to bulk it up a bit.
Well..
I’ve missed this Norris. I love being the pen of XWF management. People always buy it.
But sir, Mr. Witasick already...
Oh, maybe I should put a caveat about being able to de-mask all these superheroes if I feel so inclined. Maybe make a rule that says ‘all superheroes must be de-masked before facing Nero’.
Hmm...
No, that’s too pretentious. Oh wait, that’s the idea.
Well Sir, I eh..
Oh Norris do stop interjecting, the cadence of your voice makes me want to throttle a rabbit.
A rabbit?
Yes. A baby one.
How disgusting...
Precisely. So kindly keep your thoughts to yourself.
...
Looking over this roster...Well, I say roster, I’m looking at the card...I could list the names I recognise on one hand. Let’s see, Mark Flynn...one finger – the middle naturally. Peter Gilmour, two fingers up to you squire. Satty, god I love Satty. That’s three. Knightmask I have an affinity for, despite my comments before about superheroes. Something about that cat just clicks. Other than that...that’s four fingers...Oh! Oh! World-1 International. There, it was a challenge, but I managed to put five names on my hand. And I have to exist around here. That means getting to know every stupid new-name-flash-in-the-pan miscreant here. What a chore.
Nero scratches his cheek, looking thoughtful, his eyes scanning the sky. It’s a sunny day, but wisps of grey cloud cavort in the expanse.
Look at this sky...so blue. Just like Mark Flynn’s face was while he tapped out in our last encounter.
Nero smirks.
Don’t you just love when moments of inspiration hit you like that? Look, too, at the faint clouds there. So transient. Imagine all the clouds that float over your head every moment in time. So meaningless, yet so vital to everything that is.
Nero looks down now, to the bag in his lap.
Too long have I run from what is true, too long have I hidden what is from what shall be. My existence is the result of every facet of my person combining. It is not for me, nor anyone, to simply cast away these vital cogs of my soul. No longer will I escape the jester. No longer will the Thane of Inane be a pretender to his own throne. I will rise again, not as the boring, angry, venomous gold hunter. For that man may exist, but the jester wants to play. The Jester is the true face of Neonero, and for too long I have played him down, as if he were the redheaded bastard stepchild in the corner.
No more.
Nero opens the bag, pulling out a familiar mask, and placing it over his face.
The XWF is home to many masks. Superheroes, Luchadores, Idiots, and so on. I wear this mask not to impress. I wear it to express. To express the fact that the Jester has landed.
And you should be ready to experience him. In all his Inglorious...glory?
-/\-
Time is short
We cut now to Neonero, reclined in his office, mulling over the card once more. His focus is finally drawn to his opponents, and he rocks his head side to side, as if he is considering something important, but no words of import emanate from his mouth. In fact, we are in for a lesson in nonsense, truthfully speaking. The jester has arrived and he is not here to play chess and recite Shakespeare.
Shawn Hero and ‘The Beast’ Bane Williams.
Nero chuckles.
Firstly, I love the fact that ‘The Beast’ is expressed, even on the card, in apostrophes. It’s as if the company is giving a wink and a nod to us – the man is not really a beast, but its best we refer to him as such. I had the chance to peruse one of the beast’s recent promotional videos, and I was utterly dumbfounded. All I saw was a man with an inferiority complex, discussing his emo sensibilities. What a beast! I suppose the deal is that he will be a beast inside the ring. But I don't know, as the inane one around here, I have to say that perhaps he should be, I don't know, true to his name at all times publicly? And not a weeping vagina – can I say that?
Nero crosses his legs the opposite way, returning his cyan hued gaze to the camera, his pupils almost burning with colour underneath his mask.
Poor old Bane. Watching his emotional phone calls to his brother really brought a tear to my eye. Truly it did. Not since we had Neptune’s melodramas has there been such emotive horse manure gifting itself to our screens. Talk about a gentle giant. You’d think in that ball of muscle there’d be a shred of masculinity, but the bloke can’t even grow a beard never mind a pair of testicles. It will be fun running into that brick wall in the ring. I wonder if I can get him off his feet? His only talent seems to be the fact he’s hard to push over.
Nero looks gleeful.
I remember the kids used to have a game when I was growing up. Cows fall asleep standing up sometimes. So the kids would sneak up on these sleeping cows and push them over. Half the time they wouldn't even wake up. Its called cow tipping. I wonder if a spot of Bane tipping is in order? If you knock a Bane on his back, can he get back to his feet without assistance?
Nero chuckles again, licking his lips somewhat provocatively.
We’re descending into inane territory. Let’s look at this guy’s profile on the XWF website. For those who don’t know, these pages are made during the interview process on joining the company. They can be as bare or full as you wish, The theory is that the fans want to know everything about our backside wiping lives. Sad sad people. Anyway, let’s have a shifty at this bio page shall we?
Nero grabs his Kindle Fire, as if subconsciously reminding us its not a stupid Apple product. He wants to besmirch Apple’s name but isn’t sure if that counts as racism, so he subdues his inner rage.
So, Bane, you’re from Silsbee Texas. Somehow that name got through the spellcheckers. Silsbee? Sounds like the kind of place you’d find the Hickster sowin’ and hoein’. Are you a farmers boy, Bane? Used to living with the big eared boys on farms, sticking to your own, that kind of thing? Is that where the lovely relationship with your brother stems from? Perhaps we’re onto something here. Let’s proceed.
Nero looks serious, as if he’s about to place glasses over his eyes.
Oh, interesting. Surgically repaired left ankle? Way to go Bane. You ever hear the story of Achilles heel? The great warrior felled with one small injury? You might as well put up a photo on your bio that says ‘AIM HERE’. Are you not a fan of winning, Bane?
Nero reads on.
Oh! Oh! Some back story. This will be good. What did you get up to Baney?
Nero reads fervently, then looks disappointed.
Oh, it’s just an expose on your relationship with your brother. I notice his name is Cole, I imagine there’s a lot of Coal mining in your family, right? I’m not talking industrial labour by the way.
Nero drops his tablet on the table before him, shaking his head.
I got nothing. Ooh, there’s your phrase to quote. Nero has nothing! He wont beat me, he said himself he has nothing!
A shake of the head.
I have nothing to say about you, Bane. You’ve achieved nothing here and seriously, the weeping vagina thing really detracts from your credibility. I can’t be doing with it. Let’s move on to Shawn Hero.
Shawn Hero.
What a name, so bold, so powerful, so indicative of power and success. Let’s ignore the fact he looks like a rent boy, and take a look at his company biography too. First of all, he doesn’t change his attire between match and out of the ring. Them be some sweaty threads you got there boy.
Nero reads on, looking uninterested, and then –
OH MY GOD!
Nero sits up in his chair, shaking his head in disbelief.
Your second finisher is listed as the ‘Bi surprise’. And involves Brass knuckles. Do you have anything you want to declare, Mr. Hero? ‘Bi Surprise’? I’m going to have to spend the entire match with my backside against the ropes. I want no part of your bisexual surprise, Hero. Not only do you look like a rent boy, you even advertise it with your ring-work. What shameless self publication. Who are your best customers, I wonder? Is it in his potato tower? Madison on his throne?
Nero quotes the bio like it’s some important newscast.
‘Shawn Hero pulls out brass knuckles and delivers a punch to the face of the opponent.’
Yeah, we know you’re delivering Shawn. Delivering something with your fist, but it’s not a punch. Something involving your fist and orifices I am not allowed to mention upon this show’s promotional watch. The gosh-darned Bi Surprise. How did you get employed here?! You belong on Saturdays with the bizzaro crew. Be gone.
Nero flips through the Warfare results, glossing over his own announcements, and the manure Heyman gabbled. Steve Davids def. Steve Hero.
Oh, so you’re also on a losing streak. Doesn’t it suck when you go 0-2? Consecutive losses are no fun. I’m really sorry that you’ll experience them. But you know what? You’re in the best company. You see, Bane, your partner, is especially used to these emotional moments. He will be beside you in the ring when you lose, his beastly tears will surely console you. As you realise your pain is shared. Enjoy the ride.
Nero shakes his head with disdain.
Despite my...late appearance in the week, it seems neither of you, nor Mark Flynn, have decided to turn up. And here I thought I was late to the party. Hero, perhaps you are chafing over your loss and don't want to show your face. It’s ok, it happens. Even the best lose, young one. And Bane, I have no idea. Maybe you finally gave in and swallowed those cyanide pills. Maybe you’re carving the name ‘Cole’ in your arm with a razor as I speak.
Nero pauses.
And as for my partner...
Another pause.
Flynn, being late to the dance, I have no element of surprise here. Ordinarily, Flynn is a vulture anyway. He has nothing to say because he is the master of the riposte. Unfortunately, what we have here is a deadlock, wherein I am the only one with the desire to put forth some verbiage before our encounter. And where there is nothing, the void is filled with nonsense, for there is no order to be found where rules are but nil. And for that reason, the jester offers you zero apology for this meagre offering. And he bids you good day.
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in his potato tower? Madison on his throne? 
