Abigail, who has a distinctly human sounding name instead of a watery name like "Splish Splash" or "Blub Blub Blub" or however you spell the sound of water going down a drain, recently cut her first official promo, meaning the first three we saw earlier weren't and, as such, should be disqualified.

We see Jackie Peppers standing in the gravel lot in front of Black Angus's house boat. He looks dreadful, as always. Beside him is Bob Whiskey, who is just kind of beating an upturned row boat with a flimsy plastic kiddie pool, and Black Angus, who is hunched and lurching, gripping an empty whiskey bottle.

Uh, Angus, she's single! She even said so! Do you think she told me that because, well, y'know...

Angus upchucks.

Nae, laddy, nae. I dun think she'd be interested in ye in the least. She sid she wud kick yer ass, not dat yew were cute.

Ah, ah, see, she said I looked like a blow up doll. She sees me as a sex toy, dude!

If you were really a blow up doll, wouldn't you float in the water, nullifying her crazy water wizard tricks?

Bob points to his head and smiles, making the thinking guy meme face.



I'm not a blow up doll, Bob.

Aye, but maybe ye shud think liek un, lad. Imagine if ye were a blow up doll.

Jackie closes his eyes tight.

Okay, I am imagining I am a blow up doll with Abigail.

Gud. Now, imagine she's ak-chuly maed uf water, and yer gunna drink erry last drop of her.

I want to put her in my mouth. She's single, I'm her blow up doll.

A smile starts to form on Jackie's face. In swift fashion, Angus punches him in the dick. Jackie doubles over.

Now imagine that was her.

T-touching my crotch?

Angus slaps Jackie across the back of his head.

Nae! Leave bein a perv ta me, I'm good at it. Now, put dis on.

Angus reaches under his skirt kilt and pulls out a wetsuit, a SCUBA mask, and a bright yellow air tank.

Put dis on, lad. Ye see, dis will nullify ull uf dat water wizard's powers.

Bob starts to put on a pair of arm floaties, which are a skosh too small for the big guy. They form bracelets.

I am ready.

Jackie regains a sense of composure, which is to say he looks utterly miserable.

Y'know, Angus, it's kind of a waste that Abigail and her girlfriend, however platonic, have all those powers and stuff but just want to fight in the XWF. I mean, if Abigail is telling the truth, and I am pretty sure she might think she is but probably isn't since being delusional is just more common than being actually diluvian.

What's a 'diluvian'?

I looked it up on Google, you can too.

Bob pulls out a Speak and Spell and presses a few buttons on it. It does it's job.

Sandwich. S. A. N. D. W. I. C. H. Sandwich.

Ah, I get it now.

Angus collapses to the ground, passing out in a drunken stupor.

Good, Bob. Good. Anyways, you'd think someone who has the ability to, you know, solve real problems, like droughts, floods, Flint, Michigan, pretty much all of southern California, and everything else would actually solve those real problems instead of telling me, a nineteen-year-old rookie, she was going to hit me with an Olympic swimming pool.

Bob bops Jackie with the kiddie pool. Jackie blinks, nonplussed.

Bob, no.

Hehehehe, yep!

Bob goes back to whacking the upturned row boat with the kiddie pool. Jackie looks at the ground, seeing Angus sprawled on the lawn and snuggling the wet suit and SCUBA gear. Suddenly, that pesky moose comes charging back and runs over Jackie Peppers.