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Imperial · (04-13-2018)

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Looks like I'm stuck narrating my own shit for the time bein' because my previous narrator who was a science expert on the colors of fire, ended up straight jackin' his own life to high hell after having to watch 1 too many Jeremy DicksIn promotional clips and to be honest I can't blame the dude because I'm startin' to think I should end my life too if it means getting the fuck outta my XWF contract early.

But fuck.

This is XWF.

The place NOTHING has to make sense in so we know straight up if I did kill myself I'd somehow find myself back here, wandering my ass around in ghost form and still havin' to argue with a dog's nut like Mr. Nathan Assfuck Zues Igloo in mutt nut form just to get the Grim Reaper himself to stop crawlin' up my ass and stickin' hot coals on my spectral nipples.

So fuck it.

I'm here.

Here to stay bitches!

So the scenery I guess needs to be explained to you fucks in case you're a blind ass Ray Wonder or Stevie Charles or some shit just like Vagina Graves is.

Ok, uh, so scene, right. We got this bad ass mothafuckin Ford GT sitting a few feet away from me.

For those too stupid to know, I ain't talkin' about some cheap ass Mustang GT or anything else other than a raw as fuck Ford GT. Not many of 'em exist and you can be sure as fuck nobody watchin' this shit could possibly ever own one even if they saved up every penny and could reincarnate 100 times in a row.

Um let's see here I'm in a parking lot of a Denny's because I had to get my grub on and fuck if anything good is actually open in the middle of the night so I had to settle for this shit hole where they don't even wash the glasses or plates they serve their fresh trash on.

Oh look in the background shot you can see a couple of ugly ass hillbillies hobblin' out of Denny's with some even uglier piece of white trash whore with them. Pretty obvious by their mannerisms that she's fuckin' both of these dudes and my guess is the dudes fuck each other on the slut's day off.

Wow what a shit promo this is already turning out to be but hey when you're going against somebody like Dog Nahtz you gotto go below and behind instead of above and beyond just so your garbage ass production can kinda match up with his bullshit. Right?

So yeah the scene is pretty much done here except for one more small detail.

A dead ass dog.

With a Nazi arm band around its neck.

I wonder how the arm band fit around its neck? This is like a big ass German Sheppard or something. Huh, fuck, I wonder if that's why it's dead?

The dog's tongue is hanging out of its mouth and there's a swastika carved into its head right between the eyes.

Finally I get to the point where I wanna say something instead of letting me narrate my own shit all day so I look down at the dead ass dog, shake my head in dismay, and I say it.

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Fuck this dog. Pussy ass bitch.

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I kick the dead dog in its nuts and then pick the goddamn thing up over my shoulders to give it one hell of an Attitude Adjustment right into the windshield of the old rusty pickup truck that was driving past me with the previously mentioned hillbilly scum in it.

Splacrashker! Or whatever breaking glass sounds like. It fills the air followed by an even better sound which is the screeching of tires and a huge crash as the pick up truck smashes into a parked car.

I quickly glance back at the camera and smirk.

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Looks like Nathan isn't the only one who knows how to cause some ruckus late at night.

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I quickly get into my Ford GT and burn rubber, getting the hell outta dodge as the hillbillies yell shit that I'm sure is supposed to be English but sounds more like a fairy with 1,000 dicks in their mouth gaggin' and chokin' OH SHIT wait, wait no that sound is just my speakers because I forgot I had one of the promos from my homie Pestalance playin' in the car so I could try and give him pointers on how to not sound like a fairy with 1,000 dicks in his mouth. My bad!

I turn off the terrible bullshit my good friend and stable mate Pestalance is spewing and I switch it over to some good ol' gansta rap, my nigga! This time it's Natural Born Killaz by Dre and Cube, some good ass shit! Not like today's pussy ass wannabe rap that shouldn't even be qualified to be a lullaby for rich white yuppy babies.

I start bobbin' that dome, gas pressed to the floor as I pay no regard to the fuckin' law. I end up in South Dakota pretty quick even though I was just in Florida or New York or some shit, so I take a look around for my homie Jackie Hart but he's nowhere to be found because he's probably too busy eatin' some fly bitch's asshole before murdering her, the sick fuck. Dude fucks chicks and kills them.

Anyfuckinway I get to California a few minutes later and finally slow down the Ford GT to about 150 miles per hour so I can see where I'm going. I ram right into a crack head who was holding up a sign that was too blurry to read and I just shrug.

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Fuck it. Nothin' matters in XWF I'll just leave this in the footage and I'll be a'ight.

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I pull up to my destination and the place is blurred out because I don't want your sorry asses knowin' my business just yet. Just know somebody's waiting for my ass inside. That's when I turn the music down and address the camera.

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Look, Nazi, I'm not sure if you know anything that's going on in the XWF or who anybody in wrestling even is since you're so fuckin' stupid and spend all your time milking dogs or whatever you do at night but I'm Hate Nation J̶̷o̶̷h̶̷n̶̷ Ron Cena, your partner this Saturday and then in a couple weeks I'm your destroyer when we go 1on1 at Warfare, ok?

You still with me?

Or should I slow down and let you air 15 useless, irrelevant promos about how much dog shit you eat, or how you prowl at night looking for ways to contaminate your Nazi race with werewolf seed just to turn your kind into an even bigger joke than they already were by this point in history?

Yeah I ain't waiting.

I wanna offer you a deal. Straight from The Heel that's on The Real.

You don't shoot any promos against me that make me want to kill myself, and I won't stab your eyes with the same knife I stabbed the fuck outta Z's face with this past Warfare. I also won't jam any nightsticks in your mouth and kick your fuckin' jaw in, shattering all your teeth or dognut fangs or whatever you got in that mute mouth of yours, ya dig? Cool fool? Comprende, cluck head?

A'ight sweet! I gotta tell ya I'm stoked to team with yo dumb ass for Savage this weekend and I really hope you get killed because your promos are dope as fuck. Lemme know if you wanna chill at all before the match or if you wanna go hit up some bitches in the event that you survive and all that jazz, yeah? Let's lead Pestalance's illiterate ass and Scully's admitted child molester loving ass to the victory they don't deserve oh wait fuck that it's elimination yo let's just fuck them both up and take the win ourselves!

Pestalance if you're listening I'm just playin' bro. You know you my boy and we rep the Hate Nation together 4 Life! I'm just fuckin' with this dumb Dog Nahtz.

Yeah Nazi we cool man I'll see you this Saturday and we'll fuck shit up bro. Just remember our deal and don't put my ass in the grave or in the fuckin' psycho board with any bullshit I gotta watch before next Warfare.

Cool?

Fuck yeah!

We out!

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We out.

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