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Chris Chaos · (10-07-2017)

The soft breeze blows through your hair. The sun is out, but your world is only darkness. You have lived in darkness for so long that the eternal darkness you are about to face is nothing to scare you. You expect it, will embrace it. You want it. But for some reason you can't do it. The hesitation kills you more than the drop ever could. You have wanted this for a while now. Your arms bear the marks of your suffering, covered with bandages. Hell, you probably spent more money on first aid kits than you have on food.

Fuck Jaws, Gaws was more your style.

You chuckle at that. Chuckle at your own pending demise. You aren't sure why it is so funny, but hey...if you can't laugh at yourself......

Is that the right context?

God you fuck everything up.

Why bring God into it? There is no God. If there was you wouldn't be such a fuck up.

Cars were going to be inhabiting this road soon, the sun was going to be rearing its ugly head. You could already see orange light on the horizon, over the bay.

You step your foot off the ledge, but you pull it back. The reality of a situation staring you in the face. This was it. There was no coming back from this. You timed it just right so it would be low tide...you would hit the rock bottom--literally--and they would find you washed up somewhere.

Maybe they would talk about you then....maybe they would regret all of the things they said. Maybe they would mourn you.

But then again maybe they wouldn't.

Maybe they wanted you to do this as much as you wanted to do it. Maybe they would rejoice. You were just a burden anyway.

You put your foot back out over the ledge. Was this how you wanted to do it? There had to be another, gorier way. There had to be a way to make a statement. But you were here now, stop being a pussy.

Why were you always such a pussy. You wanted your gravestone to read "Here Lies a Pussy". Though, you'd prefer to not even have a grave stone. You'd prefer to not be found.

You inched closer. Your fingers gripped the cold steel of the bridge behind, covered in morning dew. Your brain tells your hands to let go, but they don't. There is something in you that won't let you.

Goddamnit, suicidal with a soul.

Only you.

You can't even kill yourself correctly. Add that to the list of fuck ups. Your brain sends the let go signals again. But you don't.

Just then your face lights up. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the light. Maybe you had done it. Would it really be this painless? Maybe something actually worked for you. Though, there is a touch of disappointment there........you wanted a little pain. You liked pain. Your disappointment heightened when you realized it was car lights that were illuminating your face. Fuck. Too late. As usual.

But for some reason, you still couldn't let go.

The car you expected to pass rolled to a stop.

Sonuvabitch.

Familiar voices.....but the voices were blurs to you...the world was a blur. At that moment, you shut it all off. You let go.....but not from the pole....but from the world.

When you woke up you were in a hospital......a guy with a clipboard sat over you.

"Hello, Chris. I am Doctor Clemens. Quite the scare you gave us......"

You closed your eyes.

You should have jumped.

Sunshine Skyway Bridge

As of 2009, at least 207 people have committed suicide by jumping from the center span into the waters of Tampa Bay since the opening of the new bridge in 1987, and an estimated 34 others have tried, but survived.

Chris stood on the biggest part of the bridge in the wee hours of the AM. The sun was just cutting a yellowish/orage line through the horizon. It was around the same time he stood on this bridge 10 years earlier. The water looked the same....that was one constant. The bridge, the bay, the weather, nothing changed. The only thing that has changed was him.

He looked out and thought about that day. He thought about where he was then, and where he was now. Who was he really? Without XWF, he was just a good looking blonde with a goatee and perfect hair from Florida. Hell he would probably be a bartender on the beach with brain damage from back room boxing without the XWF. Without the opportunity given to him, he would be nothing.

But why does he still regret not jumping?

He regretted it because at the time he had nothing to lose. He had no money, no friends, no real family, no respect.......like now.......weirdly enough. But back then, he didn't go through with it. The only thing that would have 'saved' him at that moment, he didn't pull the trigger. He didn't do what he needed to do at that time.

What had truly changed this time? Big match after big match, title opportunity after title opportunity. Every single one of them ended just like that day on the bridge ended. Failure. Disappointment. The wonder of what could have been.

Not anymore. He stepped through the cables holding the side of the bridge, and stepped to the edge. This time he would make that leap of faith, for that briefcase. This time he would go through with his plans, his promises. This time he would do what it took to accomplish the goal. This time he would kill himself if need be to get what he wanted. He felt his foot slip off the edge. This time, he was going to go for it. He was going to go for broke. Whatever happened, happened but at least he could rest knowing that he didn't back away.

He stepped off. The air rushed around him. When he hit the water, it felt like concrete. He did it. He showed himself that he was willing to do anything........he was dangerous.

When he surfaced, coughing, a briefcase floated up next to him. Someone must have dropped it.

One mans loss is another mans gain..........

Sometimes, karma sucked. Sometimes.........

All you need to be is on the edge of glory, the rest is in your hands.

"You know, a few months ago, I would be nervous about this match. I would be sweating bullets behind the scenes, doubting myself, looking at this as perhaps my final opportunity. I would put way too much pressure on myself. I mean, look at the names on this card. This is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, briefcase match in the history of this company. It puts the one at Lethal Lottery to shame. Why you ask? Well, because I am in this one. I am in this one against the best of the best, the top competition this company has to offer. 5 other men. Sound familiar? The last time I was in a match against 5 of the top this business had to offer, I walked out the Universal Champion. This time, I will walk out as the sole owner of the briefcase that will get me my title back.

There is only one difference between this match and my Elimination Chamber match back in December. Back then, anyone could win that match. There was no clear favorite. I was the underdog. Now, this is my match to win. Yet, I am the underdog. All I have heard all week is Jim Caedus this and Jim Caedus that. Everyone is basically handing this match to Jim Caedus because of his performance in the last one of these. Has nobody noticed that Jim Caedus has been on a down-slide lately? Has nobody noticed that Jim Caedus has lost more than he has won since losing the belt? Jim Caedus has been exposed, he has gotten in his own head, and his confidence is starting to show cracks like window glass. Say all you want that he came back strong in his last match....bullshit. Jim is beginning to wear down, as I knew he would, and he just isn't the same dominating force he was a few months ago. Many could say the same about me.....but look at my last month or so. I have beaten the Universal Champion, the demi-god known as James Raven....TWICE. I beat Reno in the "revenge" match of the year so far. It stole the show. I am back to the Chaos I once was, whereas Jim is to the Jim I always knew he was. The same Jim I have been saying since Day 1 that he was. I know, I know, I got "fucked up" by Jim Caedus, three times now, but the way I look at him I was taking pieces out of him. Taking my pound of flesh. Now Jim Caedus is just a bearded skeleton of what he once was. He knows it too. You can see it in his promos, see it in his matches. The Jim Caedus that jumped Reno and took his title is dead......now all he is....a Rob Zombie doppelganger with crumbs in his beard and an overly aggressive persona. He is so angry. Why is he so angry all the time? Leap O' Hate? Come on, Jim, you'd think Vinnie's pay checks would be going towards English lessons. But no...you continue to stumble through promos with the same rambling trucker-speak you always have....no wonder you and Tala hit it off. Neither of you are exactly Rhode Scholars. Funny how an entire promo, and only one or two lines were about me. Whats the matter Jim, not worried about Chris Chaos? Of course not, why would you be? You've done everything to me but toss my salad, why would I be a threat to you? You are more focused on Gabe Reno being out for revenge, but we all saw how well his first conquest went on Warfare didn't we? Reno is one dimensional now, I have figured him out. Robert Main, Jim, what threat could he possibly pose to you? He was the weakest member of AX3 back in the glory days, and that is including Jenny. Now look at him...he went from being a what looked like the slimy after-product of the Fonz from Happy Days and Sylvester Stalone from Rambo and a Cialis fueled mating session, to looking like you. Hell, if it weren't for the fact that he sounds mildly intelligent when he opens his mouth, I couldn't tell you two rest stop warriors apart. Danny Imperial? He is far too consumed with himself to be a threat. He walks around mumbling to himself like a cartoon character. I am just waiting for him to go Super Sayan on someone someday. He isn't a threat because we don't know which Danny will show up. Is it the Danny who has full blown arguments with himself and lost to me, and got hurt, the first time around? Or the Danny that beat.....well.....you, last week? Danny is more inconsistent than fat chicks on diets. He has to be the real wild card in this match. Scully....the human potatoe. Does anyone take Scully seriously anymore? I mean, sure, he is a good chuckle every once and a while but when is the last time Scully did anything worthwhile since hoarding the Universal Title and backing away from every challenge that came his way? Hell, if we won this briefcase, he'd probably never cash it in. He would probably put a wig on it and take it on a date, claiming to all his buddies they met on Christian Mingle and were waiting for marriage to consumate. Hot sweaty briefcase action. I wouldn't be surprised if that became a promo of his......hell, for some reason rape is acceptable when him and Guppy do it but if it were you or I we would have picket signs outside events. I guess the mentally handicapped get a pass. Are you really worried about someone who has to wrestle every match with a doctors note? Your priorities are way off.

None of them matter, Jim.

This match all comes down to me. A rising Chaos, hot as I have ever been, against a once towering foe who is cooling off like a microwave dinner. A brick wall that is beginning to show signs of crumbling completely. Your "strong style", Jim, it just isn't sustainable. You see, you never know what you are going to get out of me. I can beat you with power. I can beat you with technique. I can beat you with speed. But most of all, Jim, I can beat you with unpredictability. I can beat you with craziness. I can beat you by going to lengths that no other human being should attempt to go. I have so much riding on this match. Perhaps more than I ever have before. You are the favorite, and I am the underdog. And I like it, weirdly enough. It fuels me. It makes me want it that much more.

Jim, the ONLY two men in this match who deserve to even look at a 24/7 briefcase is me and you. I have grown so much, Jim, in the past few months. Hell, just a month ago, I would have thought this match was below me. I would have pissed and moaned and stomped my feet, thinking it was Universal Title or bust. I would have complained that this should be a triple threat match for the Universal Title, that I was screwed by Archie Lawson and his timer as I was making the tying fall on Robbie. But I see the world for how it is, I see the world for the bigger picture. Jim there is nobody in this game today better at playing mind games than yours truly.

I watched you come into this business, and my first thought was "goddamn, that guy is huge!" I enjoyed the idea of having a little competition for once. You see, when you first got here I was the man. I was on top of the world. I was the nameplate on the company. You were the next big thing. You were stone cold, rock hard, and unwavering.

Remember wayyyyy back when......the good old days, when you had a briefcase?

I tried to get that briefcase from you, didn't I? As I recall it, I tried to proposition you into handing it to me. You see I had just been Universal Champion for over four months and passed every attempt at thwarting my legacy thrown my way. Graves, Gilmour, Waters, Reno, you name them, I mowed them down. I saw you come in, and instantly I saw the star in you. But, I needed to test you.

Hell, I even had Jenny give you a little handy in the locker room to try to get the briefcase, did I not?

I pulled out all the stops, but you didn't give it to me. You looked me right in the eye and told me to fuck myself. I liked that. It was refreshing. You see, I didn't really want you to give me the briefcase, I just wanted to see if you would. You didn't, you passed the test. From that point forward, I knew your defenses were too solid around the perimeter, and if I wanted to bring you down, it would have to be from the inside.

When YOU and Graves approached ME about joining AX3, I knew I had the in. I was going to make your life hell from that point forward. I knew you were just as cocky as I was Jim, maybe even more so. I knew it was only a matter of time before the competition caught up to you. It appers that has happened now, hasn't it?

So when you came to me, I joined AX3 with the intent to split you up. You were much weaker alone than in packs. I knew your arrogance wouldn't allow me, a "washed up" former champion, to get all the spotlight. I knew that you would make it your mission to take me down at every chance you got. I knew it wasn't long that after you "kicked me out", that AX3 would turn on you like a pack of hyenas. I found it humorous that you were the one to kick me out........because you felt threatened. You knew I was going to be the bigger star at the end of the day. You couldn't hack it, could you? You were the Universal Champion, yet it was me who was being talked about every show. It was me who was uprooting the established order. You couldn't take it. Jim, it was all part of the plan. We had many matches since then, and you came out on top each and every time. But every time I took a little more out of you, I chipped away at that foundation. So Jim......has it registered yet? The only person in this match you need to worry about is me. Oh, and don't worry, I don't need a spear to win it. You see, I have this little thing called the Equalizer. How fitting. Every single one of us is equal up there in those rafters until something sets us apart. What sets us apart is our willingness to go the distance. The feeling of having nothing to lose. Look at what you have to lose.....Jim, you finally have a woman who isn't being paid to pay attention to you. You have all the media talking about you, and not on Animal Planet this time. You have the betting thread for XWF pretty much throwing their money away on you. Jim for the first time since anyone cares to remember, the stakes are high on you. The pressure is on you. Can you feel it Jim? Can you feel it pressing down on your chest like an elephant sitting on your sternum? The lingering disappointment among anyone who cares? Jim, for the first time since you got here, you feel how I felt. For once, Jimmy boy, you are living in my world. The pressure to succeed will cause you to crumble. When I throw you off the rafters, and you go tumbing down to the floor below, you will realize then that the Caedus era is over. The Scully era is long over, the Reno era was a premature ejaculation, the Imperial era has never begun and will never begin, the Robert Main era? I can't even say that with a straight face. The Chaos era, part 2, is coming up quickly like a freight train barrelling towards its destination, and your only options are to get out of the way or get run over. I am more ready now than ever before. We are both on the edge of glory, the difference is that you are clinging to it by a fingertip.......and you can't hold on much longer. I am on the edge of glory but I am on my feet, ready......willing......going......to leap off the edge to grab that glory once and for all. We are both on the edge......

How chaotic it is.

You need to be a star before you can even be a star killer. It is high time to get your priorities in order, or it just may cost you......

41-18-2

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