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Phantom Panzer · (07-31-2017)

"Barney, I like you. I really... really do. But I hate you. I loves my precious, buts I hates it! Anyways, Gollum impression aside, Barney. I have, like, a huge hate boner for you. I guess one could say it's a hateful love.

Yup. I'm quoting the song title of the promo I'm cutting that you're hearing right the fuck now. Because it actually fits. Want to know why? Here's why!"

PP slaps his head a few times then points at the mini-camera

"The reason why I love you, is pretty goddamn simple. You're a fucking cockroach. Because no matter how much pressure is placed on you, it never seems like you're willing to fuckin' die. You live every day like you please, and I love that about you.

The reason why I hate you, though, is because you're my opponent. Pretty simple there, too. And because I hate cockroaches. Who the fuck do they think they are, living through fuckin' nuclear fallout? Only I should be able to do that shit! FUCK! Now I want to find as many fuckin' cockroaches and slam them with fuckin' ball-peen hammers, and begin killing them with extreme precision and power.

That's why. You're one of the old generation stars here. The ones working this place on the OG Gameboy, while the rest of us are Gameboy Color. Some of us Gameboy 3DS. But your refusal to get with the times will eventually be your downfall, bud. Because you've never fought the psycho clown! You've never fucked with a being that could make you 120 pounds, but with the hunger of your old self, so you eventually balloon back out like the fat fuck you are. I won't, because I feel like not being a cunt right now. But beware, I could do that shit whenever I wish. You'll be wrestling, but then I'll snap my fingers and your potato lookin' body becomes a goddamn can Slim Fast, your mortal enemy aka meal replacements instead of eating whatever ungodly shit you must put down your fuckin' throat. I could make you lay down on your side and I'll just put a finger on the can of Barney Fast and win. I could turn you into a fuckin' goddamn tuskless walrus in the middle of the ring, and just wrestle the literal representation of what you are. A fat fuck that can barely move on land.

You getting this shit, yet? Why are you even trying to get through me? What makes you honestly believe that you can go into the fucking finals? You're a goddamn train wreck. Nothing will fix you. And I would know about broken shit.

So, Barn-o Mac 'n' Chee. Before you try to talk like you're actually going to win, know your fucking opponent. Because right now, you're comin' at me like a fucking idiot, and, here's a word of advice, you keep coming at me like that? You'll lose."

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