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Neville Sinclair · (07-29-2017)

Had he and I but met
By some old ancient inn,
We should have set us down to wet
Right many a nipperkin!

But ranged as infantry
And staring face to face
I shot at him as he at me,
And killed him in his place

I shot him dead because –
Because he was my foe,
Just so: my foe of course he was
That’s clear enough; although

He thought he’s ‘list perhaps
Off-hand like – just as I
Was out of work – had sold his traps –
No other reason why

Yes: quaint and curious war is!
You shoot a fellow down
You’d treat, if met where any bar is,
Or help to half a crown

- The man he killed by Thomas Hardy

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July 25, 1891

The world loved Thomas Hardy. His poems were treated with universal acclaim and his first few fiction works were enough to esteem him as a novelist as well. What many people didn’t realize was that Hardy did everything he could to break the social constraints bound on society by the Victorian era. He’d tackled what it meant to go to war. He’d written works about the poor. But this was the first time he’d ever feared for his career.

He’d just written Tess d’Urbervilles, his main goal to challenge purity in society. He’d subtitled it “A Pure Woman: Faithfully Presented” knowing that people would react to it. How could he still live in a society where women were treated so badly? How could he handle a society where piety was treated with such regard? His writings would challenge these things. He had to. He was given a gift, and he had to use it. Society depended on it.

Henry Sutherland Edwards sat across from Hardy in his office. He had the unfortunate privilege of telling Hardy that they weren’t going to publish his book in their paper.

You couldn’t have lightened it up a little bit?

Both men smoked cigars and enjoyed a libation as they spoke. Hardy was grateful for the face to face meeting, but he had come in to tell Edwards he wasn’t going to censor himself .

Seriously, Hardy. We can’t publish this. You’re asking us to run a serial novel that involves sex, feminism and questionable morals. What do you think people will think when they read this?

Hardy thought for a moment. He knew his writings had caused controversy before, but that was kind of the point. What good was writing if it didn’t make people think?

I would simply like to ask one question in response to everything. Why not?

Edwards stumbled a bit for words, he had hoped he would talk some sense into him.

What do you mean, why not? We publish novels for entertainment and enlightenment, not to make people react. There’s enough going on this world to react to.

Hardy cut him off

Yes, and we present the questions people act with facts. People are trained to memorize facts and figures. People handle any criticism with quoting the “right thing” people should be doing. We handle morality with stating some kind of universal truth that they should agree with. But what good does that do? Why not handle these things with story? Why not Edwards?

Both men sat in silence after this little outburst. Slowly Edwards raised his cigar to his mouth and took a deep puff. This would be controversial for sure. This would cause outrage. But when was a little outrage wrong? Censorship worried Edwards, but only because he knew that Hardy was right. There were things that needed to be challenged in society.

The novel was published weeks later
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July 25, 2017

Neville Sinclair stood outside of the house known as “Max Gate”. This was where Thomas Hardy had written Tess d’Urbervilles and this was where he had died years later. The house was an atmospheric Victorian home with high arched doors and sharp triangular roofs. The old bricks really gave the building a feel of greatness. Neville could feel the greatness in where he stood and stopped to take in a moment. He could use a little motivation right about now. He had just knocked off Jack Cain, again for the title. And the man they had put him up against this week had just released a promo that Neville had watched many times. Neville couldn’t get over how dumbfoundingly stupid Tommy Wish had come across with what he had showed. He had about a million things to say, but he knew he had to start somewhere and be very clear with what he said for Tommy to understand things.

Tommy Wish, let me begin right off the bat by saying that I hope you were able to hear the Hardy poem that’s been recited at the beginning of this promo. Do yourself a favour, find a book of Hardy poems and read this one for yourself. It expresses the spirit I wish to speak to you with. Clearly we are on different sides of the spectrum. I’m a 4 time defending television-title holding champion who fights using brains and skills. You’re a bottom scraping, sex-addicted moron who will probably only ever fight for a title once in your career. Years ago, I came into professional wrestling because I saw a guy like you on the television and I knew I needed to teach him a lesson. He was a pox on society and it pained me to see people looking up to him. This is exactly how I look at you Tommy. I’m embarrassed that most societies in the world have moved beyond you. You prove the theory of evolution only because you’re so much closer to ape than human. You sit somewhere between Peking Man and NewGuinea man. If that last reference didn’t make sense to you, I beg you to buy yourself an encyclopedia. I’ll give you a second to look it up.

Neville stops where he is and times the moment, knowing that Tommy Wish is googling it somewhere in the world.

But I don’t hate you Tommy. In fact, I feel so completely sorry for you that I’m going to spend some extra time teaching you things today. The biggest thing I disagree with Hardy on is that I’d never want to sit down and enjoy a beer with you. I feel like any conversation you’d be able to hold would involve classic topics such as loose women, penis size, and the “totally awesome” Nickelback album you’ve just illegally downloaded on your hometown library’s computer they let you use for free. But what I do agree with is that I simply see you as a foe. I don’t take pleasure in making you feel like an idiot, but I know it must be done to prove my entire reason for being in this federation. If I can just encourage a guy like you to pick up one book and start to read it, or listen to a poem in it’s entirety for the first time since your second grade teacher read you a Shel Silverstein poem, I know I would have accomplished something.

Neville looks up again to the house as he stands on it’s front lawn. There were great things that had been written here. Neville knew that his greatness wouldn’t come by pen, but by ring. He would help society by putting people in their proper place. And today that person would be Tommy Wish.

So let me teach you a few things Tommy. There really is some things that you need to know.

Lesson #1 – If you’re going to be offensive, at least try and make a point

Seriously Tommy, listening to you rap on about being a “fifteen minute man”, bedding some loose 18 year old girl and getting too drunk to get yourself home got boring the second it started. Why? Because it accomplished absolutely nothing. What did you actually say there other than you can’t handle your liquor or control your own penis? What good did this actually do? I present to you the story about Thomas Hardy because he was a man who was controversial but actually said something. He wasn’t handled well by society because he actually called society out on it’s own shit. You’re not handled well because you sound either like a guy that travels with a carnival or appears on the Jerry Springer Show. Are you proud of yourself Tommy? Are you proud that you’ve now announced to the entire federation how trashy you really are? Let’s take a look for depth at what you’ve said about me. I’m an XWF Rookie who will fight to the death against you. You’ve got this partially right. I am an XWF rookie and I will fight hard. But do I fear any kind of fight to the death from you? No. Unless you come to the ring with that pocket knife that you use to carve up dead possums on the side of the road, I have nothing to fear. Then you simply go on to say that you’ll beat me a few more times. Good one, Tommy. Real good one. You’ve obviously never seen me wrestle before, you’ve obviously never taken the time to listen to any of my other promos, and you don’t know the first thing about me. Way to make a fucking entrance Tommy. So this brings me to my point here, you don’t make points. You’ve released a promo where all you’ve justifiably said is “I’m Tommy Wish, and I’m going to win.” Good one, keep it up.

Neville stops for a second and takes out a notebook where he’s meticulously written notes on Tommy Wish, studying his weaknesses and watching his past matches. Even if he thought this was going to be an easy match for him, Neville would always be prepared.

Lesson #2 – You get to choose how you present yourself, so do it well

Honestly Tommy, this is really one that you need to work on. You do realize that in your promos you get to choose what people see right? I can’t help but wonder out of all the situations you’d record yourself, getting drunk and having sex with an eighteen-year old girl is what you put forward is how you want to present yourself to the people watching. I simply ask the question why? Is it to prove to people you can actually have sex? Is that what’s most important to you? “Hey guys, look, I get to use my penis.” That’s what you value most in life? Some of us have sex, enjoy it with people who are old enough to drive, and then leave it at that. What’s hilarious is that you actually try and tell us how long you were in the bedroom with her for, like that’s some kind of bragging right. Here’s all you’re going to hear from me about my sex life. I do well. I’m the kind of guy who can actually offer and afford more than 15 seconds with that little pencil you call a dick. I can afford to take a woman out, offer her a nice meal, and take her to a really nice hotel. I’m not usually satisfied with coming out of the room two hours later because I’d prefer to offer the woman a nice room service breakfast. That’s how to get by in life. That’s how to get the women worth bragging about. But you can go enjoy your strip clubs! I’m sure one of these times you’ll get to come home with a awfully tattooed stripper named Jasmine who’s planning on using you to get your discounted employee meals at McDonalds. Keep it up Tommy Wish! We are all so proud of you for bedding a girl who’s twelve months outside of a statutory rape charge! Maybe I’ve gotten this all wrong, maybe the main point of the entire story you’ve taped is to try and prove to people you actually have fans.

Neville takes his now-famous Scotch glass out of his jacket pocket and opens a bag containing a Dailuaine 2006 Connoisseurs Choice Scotch Whiskey. This wasn’t his usual expensive stuff, at most this bottle would cost $50. But he was travelling and was worried about breaking a bottle in his luggage, and this was one he wanted to try. So, here’s to the cheap stuff. He took a shot, enjoyed the taste, and took two more shots for good measure. It was how Thomas Hardy would have wanted it.

Lesson #3 – Find a better bar

Of all the things that came across while watching your promo, the thing that made me laugh so much was how bad of a bar you were in. What bar wouldn’t have Scotch for you? Seriously, the minute that you’re in a bar like that, get out. You know a bar’s job is to stock alcohol for people who want it right? To be all out of Scotch at a bar is like being out of water at a pool. What the fuck kind of bar did you go to? Secondly, you ask for the cheap stuff and he hands you a Whiskey? You’d think he would have handed you a Bud or a PBR or something that would cost less than a dollar a can. But he gives you a shot of Whiskey instead? My friend, you are at a bar that doesn’t understand how liquor works. Finally, you do know Scotch is a kind of Whiskey right? I’ll leave that there and let that permeate with you. I’ve been getting a hard time for drinking before every match lately, but at least I understand the very basics of what I’m drinking. Trying to understand anything about your interactions with that bartender made very little sense. The “bartender” probably knows less about drinking than your 18 year old cousin you slept with. So the whole thing seems very off to me.

Neville shakes his head thinking about Tommy Wish one more time

So Tommy, it’s time to step up to the big game. It’s time to play with the older kids now. You’ve already whined about our match not being the headline event. You have to understand that I am a headliner, so it’s obvious that management doesn’t feel you’re up to par. It’s time to prove yourself. I look forward to hearing back from you. Remember what I taught you, pay attention.

The camera fades to black as Neville enjoys a few more departing shots of Scotch.

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