"You sure this is the place?" Samuels asks as he looks around and sees well manicured lush green grass that seems to stretch for miles and miles.


The place would be Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster, New Jersey. The course which is about 40 miles West of New York City was purchased by Donald Trump in 2002. The purchase also included the estate of John DeLorean. If the last name sounds familiar that's because it was DeLorean that designed the infamous DeLorean DMC-12 sports car. A vehicle made famous by the blockbuster movie franchise Back To The Future. Construction on the golf course was completed in 2004 and was the venue for The First Wife Daughter Ivanka Trump's wedding.


"Yeah this is the place. Why? " Theo responds as he lifts his black and blue golf bag onto the back of the cart.

"This place is a fucking dump. I bet Jim Caedus puts more time into grooming the hairs around his asshole than the groundskeepers do here. Just surprised President Trump would play here."

"Well considering how well he's running the country and how many times he's filed for bankruptcy it's pretty clear that running businesses isn't exactly his strong suit."

"Running the country isn't like running a business." Samuels remarks as he reaches down into one of the compartments of his bag and pulls out a small flask. He quickly unscrews the top, puts the small opening to his lips and takes a rather healthy sip before removing the flask from his mouth and pointing it out towards Theo as if to say "you want some?"

Theo waves him off and then responds "Tell The President that."

"No thank you, pissing off the leader of the free world wasn’t exactly on my list of shit to-do today. This guy knows I’m black right? I don’t want him asking me to polish his balls all day like I’m Trax." Samuels asks as he returns the swig to the outer most compartment of his golf bag.

"Yeah. I tried explaining it to him but you know how he is. If it's not presented in bullet points and on Fox and Friends he's not likely to understand."

"So then I should be concerned about getting deported?"

"You're a U.S citizen. A fairly famous one, you're fine."

"I'm holding you to that. But if I wake up in Zimbabwe you better come get my black ass." Samuels pauses for a few seconds and then turns his attention to an approaching cavalcade. "Here we go." Samuels remarks as he points Theo to the approaching group of golf carts.


Theo turns his head towards the direction that Samuels is pointing and sees five golf carts in total approaching. Three of the carts are in a direct line with each other with one cart on the left and one on the right of the center cart. Driving the center cart is a portly gentlemen wearing blue khakis, a white polo and a great baseball cap. Sitting next to him is a thinner gentlemen much younger in age wearing tan khakis and a salmon colored polo. In the remaining four carts are men of varying ages all wearing black suits with pitch black sunglasses and ear pieces affixed to their left ears.

The group of carts comes to a complete stop a few feet away from where Theo and John are standing. Four Secret Service Agents approach the two men and immediately begin a pat down.


"Fellas it's ok. These two are with me. Me and Theo Pryce go way way back." Trump remarks as he approaches the men. He sticks his hand out and gets a solid grip, as solid as one can with the hand of a child, of Theo's hand. He pulls him in close and gives it a tight squeeze while shaking it somewhat violently up and down. Theo obliges the President and allows his hand to go semi limp conceding the handshake. President Trump then moves on to his next victim, this time he squeezes the hand even harder as evidence by Samuel's hand turning somewhat white.

"I'm sorry Mr. President but we have to execute the pat down. Secret Service policy." One of the Secret Service Agents says.

"Alright fine but be careful with that one, he looks like he might enjoy it a little too much." Trump says as he points towards Theo. "So what do you fellas think of the course? It's YUGE."

"It's a nice one Mr. President." Theo replies.

"So I understand you used to be a Senator is that right Mr...sorry I'm terrible with names."

"Samuels, Mr. President. John Samuels. And yes, I used to be a Senator from Texas." Samuels responds.

"A black Senator from Texas. There's something you don't see everyday."

"Actually..." Samuels is interrupted by an elbow to the shoulder from Theo.

"Were you saying something?"

"No, Mr. President."

"Ok then. Theo my daughter said hello. I understand the two of you are scheduled to have dinner in the city tonight."

"That's right. Not just us though. Your son in law will be there as well as a few others."

"Great. That's great. She looks great these days that daughter of mine. Those tits. Best investment I ever made. And let me tell you something, they feel completely real. Best money can buy for my baby."


Trumps remarks elicit some awkward looks between Theo and John, like "what did he just say?" Fortunately The President is too busy basking in his own greatness to notice.


"Alright boys how we doing this? A thousand a hole? Ten thousand? Twenty? You tell me. I'm playing with house money. All this is covered by the tax payers of America."

"Ten thousand a hole seems fair."

"Tell you what Theo, ten thousand a hole on the front nine, twenty on the back nine. Plus Fifty thousand to the winner. The two losers split that tab?"


Samuels grimaces at the amounts as he struggles to mentally calculate everything, but he says nothing.


"I'll meet you fellas at the first hole." Trump turns around, walks over to his cart and drives off, presumably towards the first hole.


Theo and Samuels get into their golf cart with Theo behind the wheel and Samuels the passenger.


"That sounds like it could be one hell of a payday for whoever wins." Samuels remarks.

"Yeah. Don't worry though, I can cover whatever you need. I know you're just here as a favor."

"No need. Samuels Brand Vodka is making bank for me over in the motherland."

"Excellent. Speaking of excellent. You see that bullshit Jim Caedus tried to pass off as a promo? My Lord is that guy a few french fries short of a happy meal."

"Theo it’s not nice to pick on the mentally stunted...but yeah, holy shit. I don’t know what’s worse: his constant self-congratulating or his constant need to prove to everyone that he didn’t get his GED. "

"Well that's Jim Caedus for you. The guy is completely delusional. He actually tried to attribute the recent return of several XWF legends as being a by product of his rise up the XWF ranks. Like seriously? How does he figure? James Raven was brought back by Lane. The Kings™ came back for Doc. Who else is there? Steve Davids, who isn't even a legend by the way but he came back nonetheless. Eli James? Not a single one of those people came back because of Jim Caedus. In fact, I’ll bet that none of them even knew who the hell Jim Caedus was when they decided to come back.

My favorite part of that whole notion though is the fact that the Kings came back to the XWF before Jim Caedus even became the Universal Champion. Three days before in fact. Anyone with a subscription to the XWF network and an internet connection can look it up for themselves. But hey, what are facts to a nitwit like Jim Caedus anyway?"

"Did you hear him ask how you got a picture of his ex wife? Talking like you hacked into his dreams or some such shit. I couldn't tell if Jim was high or maybe I got a contact high from being around Madison. Either way the guy made no fucking sense whatsoever."

"I sure did. How did I get a picture of his Ex Wife? Gee Jim, I don’t know, ever heard of Google? I mean are you kidding me with that basic bullshit response? You are the Universal Champion of the world’s premier wrestling federation and you think I can’t do something as simple as a quick Google search to find out what your ex wife looks like? It’s 2017 for Christ sakes, you can’t hide from the public anymore.

"Then he went on some fucking tangent about how he's over his ex wife, who is apparently dead by the way...."

"Wait a second...his father, his mother, his ex wife? This guy is a fucking black hole. Everyone wants to get away from this guy so bad they just up and kill themselves. Unbelievable."

"Is it? You've seen the guy. Heard the guy. It seems pretty believable to me. The guy even went so far as to say he's over his ex wife because, get this...she cheated on him. A woman, or sea creature, that looks like her actually cheated on him. Imagine what kind of failure you have to be that someone as disgusting as her would cheat on you? It's one thing if you overachieve and manage to snag someone way better looking than you deserve. Eventually you figure they would come to their senses and find someone better but Jesus. This guy loves to bury himself with his comments and you can see it happening too. The guy gets so agitated, he gets all red in the face and you can see the words just start flowing out of his mouth without any thought behind them.

As evidence by the fact that he tried to call me out and say that I don't have the balls to put my family and real life out there like he does. Is this guy serious? What a clusterfuck of a mistake that was. That mistake was bigger than his ex wife’s daily caloric intake. This guy must have spent too much time around the likes of Chris Chaos and Gabe Reno that he became a self absorbed asshole just like them. I bet he is one of those guys that watch replays of XWF live shows but only tunes in to see his matches? My wife has been on XWF television several times already. One of those times was rather recently when her and I did an interview with Steve Sayors leading up to High Stakes. And this guy wants to flap his gums to me about piss poor research? Ok Jim."

"Jesus Christ, how far is this hole anyway?"

"Hopefully far enough away that I can finish taking a giant Shane sized shit all over Jim's promo. The guy actually tried to talk to me, me about a meteoric rise to super stardom. Meteoric rise? You want to talk about meteoric rises? Let me give you a lesson on what an actual meteoric rise looks like Jim. It took you four months to claim the companies top prize. And you did that with a cash in. That’s not bad. Four months. Pretty good actually. The cash in part, that’s a little iffy but hey that’s the name of the game right? I would call that a pretty quick ascension up the ladder no doubt. Faster than most. But meteoric? Not so much.

Meteoric would be winning the top prize in the federation two months after signing on the dotted line. Meteoric would be winning the crown off of a verified XWF Legend, #2 on the XWF’s top 50 list, in my SECOND SINGLES MATCH EVER. Not just in the XWF, but in wrestling. Period.

I didn’t need to cash in on a pathetic excuse for a wrestler like Gabe Reno, to rise to the top. I beat the very best one on one.

It’s a good thing you've chosen a career as a professional wrestler because it’s one of the few fields out there that will hire you no matter how fucking stupid you are. You don’t need to have a triple digit IQ to beat up people in the ring. Jim made that abundantly clear when he tried to school me, someone who has made millions of dollars in the business world on how and when someone like me should invest my money. Jesus Christ Jim, stick to making edgy insults at least you are halfway decent at that and leave the business stuff to me ok?

But since you saw fit to bring it up allow me to give you a little cliff notes version of Business 101. You posed the question “Why would I secure 50% of the company if I believed it to be an inferior product?” Well gee Jim, ever heard the phrase “buy low, sell high?” That’s exactly what I did. I’ve seen the XWF at it’s best. In fact, unlike you, I was literally at the pinnacle when the XWF was at it’s best. So I know firsthand what it can be. And that is a whole hell of a lot better than what it currently is. So I invested a few dollars knowing that I could take those few millions and turn them into tens of millions later. Because that’s what millionaires like me do Jim. They take a little and turn it into a lot. Only assholes buy stock when it’s at an all time high. You don’t buy high and hope to sell higher. No one does that. That’s not a thing you fucking goon."

'Hahaha. So true. I loved his attempts at revisionist history too. That shit had me in stitches."

"I guess he must have gotten that strategy from his good friend Trax right? You’re right about one thing Jim, the bad blood between the Kings and Ax3 did die down for a little while but it had nothing to do with us being ill-prepared and everything to do with us enjoying Ax3’s self made implosion. You guys were humming along when it was just Graves, Main, Caedus but then you guys decided to let in Chris Chaos. A move that everyone with a pulse knew was a bad idea. And then as if that wasn’t bad enough you decided to have a “hold my beer” moment and you all decided to compound your stupidity by getting conned by my nephew. Sure, I knew exactly what his end game was, it was my idea after all. But I honestly for the life of me don’t know how you idiots didn’t figure it out. Hell I even heard whispers in the back that others had figured out what Thad’s agenda was from the start, and yet somehow it alluded all of you guys. Remarkable. So yeah our heat with you guys died because we were too busy sitting on the sidelines watching you idiots go at each other. And go at each other you did. A stable that had swelled it’s ranks to 6 is now back down to 3. All because you guys couldn’t get on the same page. You all put your own agenda above the good of the group and you want to talk to me about outta sync? Ok Jim whatever you say.

"Hey Jim remember the time you got all pissy because someone attacked you and you called a super official Ax3 meeting to cry about it? You guys were totally cool attacking everyone you could get your hands on, pre match, mid match, post match you guys didn’t care. But the second someone goes after you Jim you cried like a toddler who had his favorite toy taken away. And the best part, the truly best part about all that was that you guys immediately started pointing fingers at each other. It was the most amazing example of self sabotage I’ve ever seen. Sure eventually you calmed down Jim but not until after you threw your little hissy fit for everyone to see. You Jim Caedus are nothing more than a dog trying to be a wolf and it's so painfully obvious its sad."


Theo's foot slowly pushes forward on the brake pedal until the golf cart comes to a complete stop a few yards from President Trump and the group of Secret Service Agents. With a quizzical look, Trump wanders over towards Theo and Samuels.

"Gentlemen, I couldn’t help but overhear that last bit there. You weren’t talking about -the- Jim Caedus, were you?"

The blank expression on Theo’s face quickly turns to one of horror as Samuels stands up from the cart, laughing and swinging his club nonchalantly.

”Oh you’ve heard of AX3’s abhorrent alliteration ace and acute asshole assaulter? I’ve never seen someone so proud of his tourette's syndrome. He spits and sputters every word that his barely-functioning, meth-stained brain cells can remember and then sits back like a proud papa who just fathered three pounds of diarrhea. I’ve never seen someone so out-of-touch and self congratulating, if his penis wasn’t a concave gash with a little man in a boat attached to the top, he’d suck and slurp it every time he called someone a . I guess if you’re going to be a mediocre sperm swallower, you may as well be your biggest fan too. He’s the kind of guy who would state that his accomplishments spoke for themselves yet in the same breath had to list them so that we knew we were supposed to take him seriously. Are you fucking kidding me? We’re used to people trying to get our attention but for him to cascade baby oil down his taint and spread his legs with his lip bit and hair twirling, shows just how far this ‘new era’ has fallen. When the Kings(™) were formed, we took what we want and we steamrolled whoever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We didn’t need validation, we didn’t care about it either.

But here’s the Universal champion, presenting his blown-out man cooter like a bitch in heat just waiting for the real big dogs to stuff him until he howls. This hermaphroditic posterboy for the dangers of inbreeding is trying SO hard to be one of us. This isn’t a match for him, in his mind, it’s an audition. We’re the guys with the camera and the fistful of money and little Jimbo is the willing coed naively sitting on the casting couch trying to make a name for herself.”

Samuels turns toward the camera and pulls out a few hundred dollar bills.

”Here you go little Jimmy, it’s all yours. You just need to get down on your knees like the good little girl you are and suck it just like your daddy taught ya how. You remember that right? Say, could he still get it up when he was in the wheelchair? Or were you just inhaling a flaccid, wrinkly lump of flesh? God, you poor thing. Good thing that old piece of shit did croak, otherwise you’d probably be too preoccupied suckling his old, disabled asshole to disappoint Graves and Trax in this match. Poor Graves, he’s so fucking bad at this that I don’t even need to acknowledge him without him immediately calling himself the weak link. Luckily for him, he’s not the weak link this time. It’s you Jim. Theo said it and you tried to brush it off in that , backwoods inbred way of yours, but it’s true. Not to say you’re the least talented of the bunch, because Graves definitely holds that title, but you’re the weak link because that little crew of misfits of yours is going to rely on you so much because they know that their collective talent is about as laughable as the notion that Jim Caedus has the comprehension of a two day old turd. That’s a lot of pressure there Jimmy, and we all know you’re not built for it. You’re the ‘founder’ of AX3 but you’re the least visible member, you know what that says about you? You’re a coward. When AX3 was out there getting their asses kicked and making a mockery of themselves, you were quieter than a three hundred pound bitch getting internally tickled by a Jim Caedus microcock. You disappeared like the little bitch you are. And, if by some miracle, AX3 does happen to beat the Kings(™) you’re going to be out there beating your chest and hollering louder than the time you let a trashy fat bitch peg you with a big, black strapon.

A fairweather founder, that’s a first.

Do me a favor Saturday: After you lose to the Kings(™) and you’re out back with tears streaming down your face, wishing you had never made the mistake of stepping into the ring with us, snap me a selfie and go ahead and put the little doggy filter on it like the basic piece of shit that you are. It’ll be nice to have a souvenir to remember you by when you’re in hiding, bitching about losing and worrying about dropping your title to James Raven. What’s after that Jimbo? No trios titles, no tag titles, no universal title...you better get used to pushing a mop and bucket around because the real stars have returned and you’re not fit to wipe the sweat from our balls while we hammer pussy that doesn’t need to take a break for insulin shots.

"I’m going to have to stop you right there. Are you fucking ? Jim Caedus is a national treasure. He’s a strong white man with a bright future. All of this mularkey is fake news."

”Holy shit you actually use that term in everyday conversation?”

"I’d adjust your tone if I were you. You’re on dangerously thin ice."

”Fuck Russian collusion; if you can sit through an entire Jim Caedus promo without wanting to shit out your own intestines and hang yourself with them, you should fucking impeach yourself.”

”John…” Theo says with a concerned look.

Trump stares at Samuels for a moment before breaking into laughter.

"Come on! I’m fucking with you! I’d rather have crooked Hillary chew on my ballsack than listen to Jim Caedus try to figure out how the English language works. Come on, next hole."

Trump slaps Samuels on the back with a smile and walks off. Theo and Samuels follow closely behind. Trump stops abruptly and turns his head.

"But I am a fan of Michael Graves"

Before they can answer, the secret service rush Theo and Samuels, knocking them out quickly.

"Get them the fuck out of here. Tell Bannon about the black one, he’s got this weird thing about them."





















”My fucking head…”

”OW! My ass! What the fuck!?” Hey where the fuck are we?”

With a groan, Theo points to the sign down the road that reads ‘Ciudad Juarez.’ Samuels groans and slams his head back into the sand.

”Well? Was that worth it?”

”Fuck off. How would I know he was a Graves fan? That’s like assuming someone would willingly shoves toothpicks up their urethra.”

”Sounds painful.”

”Sounds like a Graves promo.”

”You never even watch.”

”Yes I do.”

”Then who’s their mystery partner?”

”...I don't remember. I think they drugged me, plus all that booze I drank earlier. My head is spinning.”

”That's possible but come on, I know you know this. Who is their partner?”

”Barney?”

”Worse.”

”Bullshit, really?”

”Worse.”

”John Blaq”

”Worse.”

”What? That’s not possible. Umm… refried pig shit coated in hobo semen?

”...On the same level.”

”Oh my God, Steve Davids!?”

”Bingo.”

Samuels laughs so hard that he inhales a mouthful of sand.

”Does Caedus buttfuck the dignity out of these clowns or are they that desperate to be relevant that they surrender it willingly? What ever happened to just being good enough to compete with the top guns instead of having to sell your soul for the chance to be embarrassed by them? And how fucking delusional are Graves and Caedus? Do they really think Trax and Davids are capable of helping them? Davids has been a massive disappointment since the day that dreadlocked started following Heyman around with drool dripping out the side of his mouth hoping he could blow him for the chance to be somebody. I think he did actually blow him, but he must’ve overvalued Heyman’s star-making abilities because Davids got a bellyful of Jew-cum for nothing. He’s still a nobody and he’ll never be anything more than that.

And Trax? Jesus fucking Christ has there ever been a more prolonged hardon for us? It seems like the last two months he hasn’t been able to open his dick slobberer one time without mentioning the Kings(™). I understand that we’re the most exciting thing that has happened to the XWF in years, but we’re on the verge of full blown obsession. Wouldn’t surprise me if he lays awake at night rubbing his cooter while inhaling the scent of ball sweat from a used pair of one of our underwear. I don’t want to get in the ring with this guy, I think he might cum a little bit every time one of us hits him.”

”There’s a mental image I didn’t need to see.”

”Blood running down his face, semen running down his legs. I bet Caedus still gives him a nice, sensual tongue bath after the match anyway.”

”You’re going to make me literally puke. We need to get out of here before the bad hombres find us and make us smuggle heroin across the border inside our assholes.”

"Wait first I want to talk about that new Trax promo. Did you see it? Can you give me a rundown of it real quick?"

"Absolutely. You remember the first one he did?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, you're caught up."

The camera pans out, revealing nothing but sprawling desert around Theo and the prone Samuels. Buzzards slowly begin to circle the pair as they slowly trudge through the sand, when Samuels stops suddenly.










”DID STEVE BANNON RAPE ME!?


fin.