”I’ll never understand what makes my home so popular, that people feel the need to break in. Look, assholes, the fucking door is unlocked. QUIT KICKING DOWN MY GODDAMN DOOR AND BUSTIN’ UP MY SHIT! Do I look like the type of guy who has a bunch of money laying around?! You guys act like I’m a main event level talent that gets paid a bunch of money.”
“Oh wait..”
“I totally am.”
(End Monologue)
As the clouds cover the sun, the temperature begins to drop slowly. The weather is gloomy, a reflection of one's feelings, perhaps? As the sky looks anxious to unload a shower or two, we find Cadryn, saddled upon his trusty steed Roseanna, slowly making his way around his property. He looks to be surveying the land, making sure that no other damage was caused by the rampant break ins over the course of the past week. As the camera zooms in closer, we find that Cadryn isn’t the only one riding this morning. Just ahead of Cadryn and Roseanna is none other than Doctor Louis D’ville. It seems that Doctor D’ville is also out for a morning ride, saddled upon one of Cadryn's other horses. As the two men close the gap between one another, they begin to converse casually.
”I’m beginning to really worry. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it, but for some reason, I find myself reverting to a pretend persona I created. Do you think that this could be permanent?”
”My friend, I don’t believe that anything we do is permanent. Everything is constantly changing.”
”Okay, so, I totally get that. But, what I really need to know right now, is if I’m permanently or not?”
Doctor D’ville laughs aloud at Cadryn.
”I think being was an issue for you before you ever fell into that table, pal.”
Cadryn puts his head down, ashamed, sad, afraid.
”My wife is worried. I mean, she caught me with a sock on my dink the other day. I was talking to it like it was absolutely normal, as if Cocksock Theo was the real Theo and then, when she ripped it off, I was concerned for its well being.”
Doc places his hand in Cadryn’s shoulder in an effort to give him some comfort.
”You've come to the right place my friend. As you know my doors are always open, and there just so happens to be something that I've been meaning to show you.”
A heavy red mist surrounds the two, engulfing them until their bodies are completely obscured by the mist.
”Doc, what's happening?”
”Shhhh, just relax your anus, this is will all be over in a minute.”
There is a sudden flash of light and the next thing Cadryn knows he is traveling through some sort of vortex. As they zoom through this breach of time and space Cadryn notices small snippets of his life in the background. In an instant they come to the end of this tunnel and find themselves standing in the middle of a living room. A small child is sitting in front of a television playing what appears to be Mario 64.
”I remember this…”
”You should, it's your 13th birthday.”
Cadryn stares at the child in disbelief. Did Doc really takes him back in time, and if so, why?
”Why are we here Doc?”
”Just watch.”
Cadryn watches intentively as his younger self enjoys the video game. Then it hits him a long since forgotten memory from his you youth.
”Wait, I know what's about to happen!”
No sooner than Cadryn says that, the N64 that his younger self was playing cuts out. The child flips the power switch back and forth to no avail before punching the top of the console. None of these efforts do anything to help the situation, and neither will what comes next. Young Cadryn looks around the room to ensure that he is alone. Then removes the game cartridge and sticks the tip of his dink in through the plastic flaps before unleashing a slow steady stream of piss. Cadryn tucks his dink back into his pants and places the cartridge back into the console. He tries to switch on the power again, and when he does a sharp spark and loud pop send the child into a mini coma.
”So what is the point of showing me this Doc, are you trying to prove that I've always been ]
Doc doesn't take his eyes off of the scene before them as he answers.
”Do you remember the dream that you had while unconscious?”
[lightblue]”Yeah actually, I dreamt that I was a cowboy and fighting bandits who were trying to rob a stagecoach.”
Doc looks at Cadryn surprised by his answer.
”Good memory my friend.”
Before Cadryn can respond, he is swept away again. Over the course of this adventure with the Doc, Cadryn is seeing various moments in his adolescence where he has done something stupid that would lead you to believe that he were . In each instance however, Doc finds a way to paint the situation into a positive light. After a few of these experiences, Doc transports them back to the present. The two of them are riding through a field on a single horse. Doc is of course taking the lead with Cadryn riding bitch.
”So, not that I minded that trip through memory lane, but what was the point of showing me some of my biggest blunders?”
Doc smiles slightly. Amused by the fact that Cadryn still doesn't understand.
”What was the one attribute that each of those memories shared?”
”That I'm really stupid?”
”No, the point is that no matter what problem you are faced with, you find a way to solve it. Your video game broke, so you shocked yourself into a dream state to find entertainment. You couldn't ever find a girlfriend, so you bought a ninja turtle doll and created you own. Your parents didn't nurture and love you, so you created a world in which you killed them and became your own man, and finally, you have no real friends, so you place items on your dink and play make believe. In each instance you find a way to win, that is your power Cadryn. The ability to think outside of the box and find a way to win, even when the deck is stacked against you.”
Cadryn's face lights up at the thought of Doc’s encouragement.
”You're right Doc, I do always find a way to win! Just like I'm going to find a way to win against Thomas Nixon! After all, I am the Essence of Excellence, and just like he said, I came close to doing what he couldn't, I was within one second if dethroning then Television Champion Jim Caedus. I remember those match ups pretty well. Jim is and was a pretty tough competitor. He pushed me beyond my limits and by the end of those matches, I came out a stronger, better person. What I didn't come out of those matches as however, was a champion. Both times Jim found a way to walk out of Savage with his championship status intact. The first time he merely survived the time limit, the second time however, Jim raised his game and pinned me decisively in the middle if the ring. For all of the talk about how great I am, that last match wasn't a proper showcase if my abilities.”
“This week I have the opportunity to change that. As much as I respect Thomas Nixon and his abilities in the ring, I have to dethrone him. I have to get into that ring and put my best foot forward. Because if I can't capture the title after my third attempt, I would truly have to question my skill set.”
“And don't think for a minute that I'm trying to take anything away from Thomas. He's a phenomenal wrestler, and a hell of a champion, but the fact is, so am I. It's high time that I start proving it, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to take Nixon to his limits, just like Jim did with me. Then I'm going to push him even further. If Thomas Nixon manages to walk out of Savage as the Television Champion, it's going to be because he has found a new gear. It's going to be because he has proven that the TV title is just as important to him as defending the rights of the lizard nation, regardless of the cost.”
“Thomas Nixon is now worried about my mental health. He is championing the cause of not only saving lizards from oppression, but now also saving the mentally ill. That's all well and fine, and I appreciate the concern, but what he should be focusing on is defending his title. He has obviously scouted me, so he is aware of the fact that the Essence of Excellence has all of the tools necessary to pull out this victory. So with that said, I have to admit that I find it odd that he isn't looking for weaknesses in my skill set to exploit. I’m glad that my “disbelief” doesn’t take away the passion you feel, but that doesn’t matter. Your sights are set on the wrong goals, and with that, as I’ve said, I must be victorious. To prove to myself I can do it, to prove to the world I can do it, and to prove once and for all I am everything I claim to be, and more. As for shaking your hand, and offering you a spot at my table? Son, that’s not for you to decide. A man either takes an ass whippin’ or gives one, and the ending is always the same. You shake hands with the man opposite of you and you do your best to provide him with the respect he has shown you. And if it so happens that he hasn’t shown you a lick of respect, you teach him why he should respect you and then you help him back up. Wash, rinse, repeat..”
Suddenly Cadryn takes a hard hit to the head from a police baton. Cadryn falls off of his horse and hits the hard pavement below. Before he passes out, the last thing that he sees is a mall security guard standing over him. The horsey carousel still rocking back and forth, and Cocksock Doc laying on the ground beside of his naked body.
October 2017 Star Of The Month
May 2017 Star Of The Month
2017 Lethal Lottery IV Finalist
1x XWF Tag Team Champion (Pintner: Michael Graves)
2x XWF Hart Champion
1x XWF Television Champion
2x XWF Federweight Champion
5x XWF Heavy Metalweight Champion
or not?”
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