The scene opens to show a lively studio audience at the XWF's premier talk show, Say It With Sayors, airing weekly in the XWF since 1999.

Sorry you missed it so far if you have.

Steve Sayors is sitting at a nice cherry desk, a smile on his face, regular funnyman Nipsey Russell seated down the couch aways from the desk, giving space to the next guest on Say It With Sayors. Suddenly, the unmistakable entrance music for 40 Squirrels holding a Fleshlight and Rubber Boobs, automatic impersonators of Maria Brink or any other woman in the XWF, starts to play.



I EETZ NUTZ

40 Squirrels holding a Fleshlight and Rubber Boobs and now Rubber Feet come scurrying out from behind a blue velvet curtain. Nipsey bats a few guys off of him, whom all form back up with the brigade on the seat nearest Steve in a humanoid shape. These are some well coordinated squirrels suffice to say. Nipsey looks properly preturbed having had a few park rats having taken a detour across his lap and shoulders onto the seat nearest Steve.

"Motherfuckers, seriously!"

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

"God damn! You cunts owe me a drycleaning and some soup."

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently, forming the letters OK. They got Nipsey covered, their bad. Steve Sayors clears his throat and speaks to the 40 Squirrels holding a Fleshlight and Rubber Boobs and now Rubber Feet.

Welcome to the show! Nipsey, welcome the 40 Squirrels.

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

Okay, sorry, the 40 Squirrels holding a Fleshlight and Rubber Boobs and now Rubber Feet. First question, why the rubber feet?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently, the audience erupts with laughter as Nipsey echoes a laugh.

So there are some fucks with foot fetishes around here who pretend they're getting off with a real woman?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently, the audience goes "oooooooOOOOOOOH!!!" like in Married With Children as Nipsey looks away from the camera nervously, forcing a laugh, wondering if that last one will make it past the censors. Steve looks directly at the camera.

We'll just edit that one out, heheh...

The audience laughs as 40 Squirrels make a coy face like they don't know what they did.

So, 40 Squirrels holding a, um, 40 Squirrels holding Sex Toys, you were recently robbed of your Fleshlight by Sonic the Hedgehog, how do you feel about that?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently, laughing at the sheer stupidity of the last sentence. Sonic the Hedgehog stole a Fleshlight from 40 Squirrels, that's just fucking on so many levels I want to drink. Maybe fuck someone's mouth. It God damned fucking happened, though. Live with it, it's your world now. The world where a broken man named David got busted even further by 40 fucking squirrels, at least 5 of whom are busy holding sex toys to convince you otherwise.

Heh, if you say Sonic sucks and can't lick your asshole according to every legend in the XWF that's your call.

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently. They start sticking the rubber feet into the Fleshlight for funzies, making the audience go "awwww" due the their fuzzy little cute tails.

So you're here to give the boot to who you think are a bunch of pussies in the XWF?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

You're going to eat more nuts than David Mosier, or at least that's what he was called the last we spoke of him around here...

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently, the audience roars with laughter. Nipsey laughs hysterically and historically at the same time, holding his balls to hide his erection from watching rubber feet enter a Fleshlight. Steve Sayors laughs incredulously.

You call him Can't Eat These Nuts?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently and form the verbiage "AIN'T EET DEEZ NUTZ, MOTHERFUCKER" in the shape of 40 cute as balls Squirrel alphabets. The crowd goes "ooooooooOOOOOOOOH".

"Damn it, man!"

Nipsey can't even hold it back. From nowhere, 40 Squirrels produce an envelope to Steve Sayors. The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

This is a fan letter?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

Okay, I'll read it aloud. Ahem. Dear 40 Squirrels.

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently. The audience laughs.

We know that's you. Dear 40 Squirrels, you are really amazing. Probably one of the best performers in XWF history. You not only represent Maria Brink excellently, but you also represent Jenny Myst and Roxy Cotton, two competitors who want to cat fight but also serve as sperm dumpsters to their respective husbands, and you fulfill the role of idylic woman companion to all so strongly and with a panache unequalled.

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

You also filled in as Dim for Peter on a few occasions.

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently. The audience goes "oooooooOOOOOOH!!!" at the sound of their description of being privy to Peter Gilmour's testicles ejaculating several times and the odd sounds and faces Peter Gilmour made while having an orgasm, often asking for his sexy aunt.

Okay, the letter continues. Your fuzzy cute demeanor is what I shot for last Halloween. I wound up full of so much sperm, though, a bajillion dead soldiers hitting the walls of a pair of contour boxer briefs I carried around to represent the Fleshlight, so many men fantasizing about anything and using me as a cum catcher, I felt like my slutty cousin. In fact, I saw my slutty cousin along the way, we tag teamed three truckers for $80 and some Waffle House last Tuesday night. Love, D. Mosier.

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

So you think this might be from a Dana Mosier?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently.

You think that's what David calls himself now?

The 40 Squirrels chitter incoherently. The audience goes "OOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOHHHH!"