Fear

Frustration

Boredom

These are all of the emotions currently running their course on me. No, I'm not sitting through another lame Mario promo. I'm actually meeting with my wife and her lawyer over our divorce proceedings. Anyone that knows me, knows the story. The nutshell version for those that don’t know is as follows. After being married for the better part of a decade, I came to realize that my heart wasn’t in this marriage. It’s worth noting that I never intended for any of this to happen. I wasn’t out trolling for pussy or anything. As far as I knew at the time, I was still in love, and had a happy life with a happy family. The problem was, I wasn’t happy. A while back, I ended up spending a lot of time with a girl at my old job. Over the course of this time that we spent together, I found myself slowly but surely falling in love with her. Be it the way that she smiled, her sassy attitude, the fact that she was much younger than me, but hadn’t a second thought about being a strong independent woman and giving me one for when she felt it necessary. These were all traits that I admired about her, and eventually came to love.

It wasn’t until our first fight that I realized how head over heels I really was. Not being able to deal with my own feelings, I attempted to push her away. I started a fight with her and honestly, I thought for sure that she would run away from me for being the monster that I am. Fact is, she didn't run away, but instead brought the fight right back to me tenfold. She ended up showing more intestinal fortitude than most of the so called tough guys that I rub shoulders with here in the XWF. Needless to say, at that point I was hooked, and there was nothing that I could do about it.

“Is your client even paying attention to these proceedings?”

I snap out of my daze to realize that my ex-wife's lawyer has been trying to get my attention for some time.

“Mr…”

I spring to attention, interrupting her with my preferred name.

“Hedgehog, but you can call me SONIC!”

She doesn’t seem to be amused by me or my current behavior.

“Fine… Mr. Sonic, Stephanie wants the house, the cars and a cash settlement totaling half of all of your remaining assets, she has also requested full custody of your children, but did agree to allow you supervised visits under the condition that you seek...

I notice my right hand beginning to tremble slightly. I couldn't care less about this marriage, but I still love my kids, and I do not agree with the idea of only being allowed to see my children with some court appointed big brother standing over my shoulder. In an instant I decide to interrupt.

“The House, cars, and money I don't have an issue with, but I'm not agreeing to those custody rules. I have 50/50 shared custody of the kids, end of story.”

My lawyer doesn't make any move to step in for me. I glare at him for a moment before turning my attention back to Stephanie's lawyer. She has removed her glasses and is giving me a look that makes me feel about as small as Mario's baby penis.

“Sir, in light of your recent behavior both on and off TV, we can make a very good case that you are unfit to be around children. If you do not accept our custody proposal, I can promise you that you will not see your children again until after their 18th birthday.”

What actions? I think to myself. I haven't​ done a damn thing wrong. Nothing that should prevent me from being allowed to see my own children anyway. I know what this is about though. This is another example of some self righteous bitch judging me for something that she couldn't possibly understand. Fed up, I decide to call her on it.

[/blue]“What actions would those be exactly?”[/blue]

She just smiles and doesn't say a word. This goes a long way to just further piss me off with this whole situation.

“I asked you a question!”

She looks down at her papers and jots something down before finally speaking.

“Mr… Sonic, if you truly have no idea what I'm talking about, perhaps regular psychiatric evaluations should also be added as a condition of your supervised.

Again my lawyer just sits there, fingers intertwined and sitting on the table. A blank stare in his eyes. I can tell that he doesn’t really want to represent me in this case. He just have drawn the short straw or something. Whatever the reasoning, I realize that I’m not getting anywhere with this guy representing me. I stand up, my fist buried into the table, my knuckles turning white under my oversized white gloves.

“No, I don’t need any psychiatric evaluations! What I need is a lawyer that’s worth a damn!”

I violently push my bodyweight off of the table and turn to the sloth of a lawyer that I had mistakenly hired.

“You’re fired!”

I storm past him, straight for the door. Before exiting, I turn back, looking dead into my soon to be ex-wife’s eyes through my oversized Sonic head.

“You know that I’ve always been good to our kids! You can be pissed at me all that you want Steph, but I’ll be damned if I let you take my family away!”

With that I push on out the door, slamming it behind me. I brace myself up against a wall in the hallway, trying to collect my emotions. It took everything that I had to hold in the tears while in that room. Now that I’m out here, they begin to pour down my cheeks. With everyone in the room obviously thinking that I have left already, it’s not surprising to hear that bitches lawyer make a snide comment.

“Well if he was serious about keeping full custody of his kids, one would think that he wouldn't have shown up wearing that ridiculous costume!”

I spent the next couple of hours wandering the streets. I needed to talk to my girl. I needed to unload some of my problems on her, I knew she would give be good advice, like I said, she is a strong and independant woman. I’ve tried calling her a hundred times already, each time I’m sent straight to voicemail. I decide to give it one more shot. The call connects, and without even so much as a single ring.

”"Think fast!"” *BEEP*

I let out a depressed sigh. I’ve thrown it all away for this girl. My career, my family, everything. Yet sometimes she just makes me feel like she doesn’t really love me. Maybe this is just some game to her, ya know? It’s almost like she is leading me on with a carrot on a string, but if I start to get too close, she says or does something mean to push me away.

“Oh wow! Sonic The Hedgehog!”

The voice of a young cute girl catches my attention. I look up to see her staring at me with a look of wonder and excitement.



She comes running towards me to get a better look. All that I can manage to do is shyly wave to her.

“O-M-G! Sonic is my all time favorite character in Super Smash Brothers! What are you doing here anyway!? Is there some sort of parade or party or something!?”

The questions come at a mile a minute. I find myself really enjoying this girl's energy.

“Well kiddo, I’m just out seeing the sights. No parade or... ”

In her excitement at meeting a famous video game character, she cuts me off. Screaming at the top of her lungs and bouncing up and down she exclaims:

“Oh my God, Oh my God, there IS a party! Let me guess!!! It’s a Jeffery’s house right? RIGHT!?”

I begin to answer truthfully.

“No there isn’t a party…”

But then I look into those beautiful blue eyes and watch as the happiness begins to seep out of them.

“...At Jeffery’s house. It’s actually at this kid named Micheal’s house!”

Suddenly the sparkle returns to her eyes as a big toothy smile spreads across her face.

“I wanna come, can I come!?”

I throw up a Sonic thumbs up as I say;

“Sure kid, we can ride there together!”

I take her hand, and we begin walking towards my van. Suddenly she pulls on my hand. I turn to see that she stopped dead in her tracks. She now has a saddened look on her face.

“I… I can’t go. My mom would get mad if I went without telling her.”

I kneel down to one knee, still holding her tiny hand in mine.

“How old are you?”

“Thirteen!”

She exclaims with a sort of authority.

“Thirteen is plenty old enough to make your own decisions. Your mom will just have to understand.”

I pause for a moment to allow my advice to sink in.

“So, do you want to come?”

She nods her head yes.

“Good, then let’s go. When we get there, you can play with Micheal.”

With that we’re back off. I load her into the van with my buddy Terry. Meanwhile I wait outside of the van. You see, I’m about to go have a good time at this “party”, but first I need to get some things off of my chest.

“Mario… As you can see, I’ve not been having a very good few weeks. I’m in the middle of a divorce, my new girlfriend is giving me the cold shoulder, and I’m overall just on edge with the way my career is turning out. For years people have tried to tell me that I need to seek out some professional help. That sentiment has been thrown my way much more often than normal lately. Normally I get upset by the fact that people think that there is something wrong with me, but over the last week, I’ve really considered seeing a shrink. I’m not in the best of places right now man, and because of that, I have to admit that I feel a slight bit of empathy for your situation. You see, you’re about to get blindsided by a pent up monster that I’ve been trying my damndest to keep inside for a very very long time. The worse part of it is, you’ve spent the last week oblivious to that fact. You’re walking into Savage to take, and this IS a promise, the worse beat down of your life.

You haven’t had much to say in the way of this match, and what you did end up saying didn’t really add up to much of anything. You proved to me that you weren’t my equal in the ring when you were so easily defeated at the hands of Dolly Waters, and you’ve only gone on to show that you’re not my equal when it comes to promoting your match ups either. I’ve promised blood and gore, two things that I guarantee to deliver on. You’ve laughed and played cards. I’ve spent a week only getting more and more upset over this whole situation. You’ve spent the week… well fuck if I know! Probably powdering your tiny nutsack if I had to guess.

Here’s the deal Mario. I’m about to go to a party with my new friend. Hopefully for you I am able to blow off some steam playing games with her, because either way, I’m bringing a world of pain to you on Savage, but it’ll be a lot worse if I’m still in the mood I’m in now!

Now if you’ll excuse me…”

That’s enough for Mario, I think to myself. Nobody cares about Mario, or this match. I’ll change that tomorrow night, but for now, I have things to see and little girls to do.

SONIC OUT!