"Actors, Liars and Caedus"
(continued from Micheal Graves's "Mama I Just Killed A Man...")




Mama was a Disney fan to say the least. Not to psychotic levels of which her lil' sunshine was now prone in all aspects of his life and definitely not to the point of madness like my cousin Eric's ex-wife Kelly, breaking out into Disney song at any time, any place, in the middle of a conversation for fuckssake...and always spot on with both lyrics and mimicry of voices. No, Judie O'Connor was a Walt-whammy who saw every single film in theater, bought every single home release and spent as much time as she could at the resort.

In the 80s, the only decade our family had truly been "well off", I swear to Christ my mother had taken my brother John and I to Disneyland at least two to the three times a month, squeezing every penny outta our annual passes that, back then, didn't automatically break the bank pricewise at a more reasonable $80+-$100 if my recall is correct.

In the early 90s, when pop's severance from Fed-Ex's buyout of Flying Tigers had run dry, the only second income came from my child acting and everything I'd earned (once meant for college) from summer of '89 to mid '93 went towards my dad's double bypass surgery so Judie had to scale back to Disneyland visits once or twice a _year_.

By the late 90s as a late teen in the "cool" stage there was no way I'd allow myself to be seen with mommy at that place of all places.

In the early 2000s I was so far gone with alcohol, drugs and wrestling there was no way MOMMY would be seen with ME at Disneyland...even when she invited me. Her visits dropped to once every few YEARS.

It's important to point out that my mother was born Mormon like me, only she never stopped believing. She lived a clean life. She never watched R rated films as the head of the church had "said God commanded"...(sigh). She followed the "word of wisdom". She never smoked, she never drank, she didn't curse, hell, the woman went without even _caffeine_ in her system since her not-meant-to-be-amusing-but-still-very-much-so story of giving it up with a final hoo-rah Dr. Pepper in '73. Knowing that...I understand how it made her feel the further I pulled away from the church in the 90s until completely turning my back as an 18 year old. I often ponder on how I must've made her feel first as a weed smoker then a drunk culminating into hardcore drugs. The moron I ALWAYS was in context with my mom, I always denied she knew about any of it. As the mother with unconditional love for her son, she always denied it to anyone else who brought it up. That was my mama.

By the mid 2000s I had reached the age of "who gives a fuck how it looks, this is my MOTHER"...but I'd been so busy with life in and out of the ring I'd only accepted one invitation to join her at the resort.

In February 2011 she had purchased two day passes with the intent on returning once more with me on her arm. Holly was already in my life, however, so she ended up giving Holly her ticket and acted like that was the plan. I knew my mom, I could see in her eyes what she really wanted. I allowed her to "pull the wool over _my_ eyes" anyway. It wasn't like I'd never go with her again.

I'll never forgive myself.

She died later that same year when her breat cancer returned with a vengeance and metastasized into her lungs. It had been my last opportunity to join her at The Happiest Place on Earth and she'd known it. She'd been given news of the stage IV in January but she'd still sent Holly and I on our way. Now I understood why when the girlfriend and I were leaving she'd yelled, "Take care of him, Holly."

She was the best mother any kid could ever hope for. I was the worst son any mother could ever be cursed with. I liked to think it was my dad's death in late 2009 that had been the catalyst for her cancer returning. Now...I know it was all because of me.

"The world moves on" in The Happiest Place on Earth and it pissed me off that mom would never again be here to enjoy it. All my fault. I made it a point to absorb that harsh truth. It'll come in handy when I face Cadryn on Saturday.

Fuck this Horace Horsecollar horseshit.

_I_ would move on to the employee bungalow men's lavatory to wash the chili powder (or whatever it had been that Graves had blown) out of my eyes following my mad dash from our altercation. I'd then stripped off the Mouse costume my ex Taryn Sandburg's mother had loaned me (as a part of performance management) and asked her if I'd be able to possibly try my hand at a security role. Ten minutes and a dubious discussion behind my motives later, which had somehow gone over on the aging gal, she'd sent me to the park security day supervisor and he'd picked out a uniform for me.

As security I found it incredibly easy to keep tabs on my quarry once Cadryn had made such a scene assaulting the poor doofus that had slipped back into the Mouse costume I'd relinquished and thank God he had...I'd spent an hour mistakenly following the _actual_ and incognito Kevin Bacon around who'd just HAD to choose TODAY of all days to attempt a secret trip to the resort.

'Your life is a fuckin' TERRIBLE sitcom.'

Sure does seem I'm living my own Truman Show sometimes...

As easy at it was to trail Cady, he would still manage to slip away like the greaseball he is onto Tom Sawyer Island and I'd nearly assaulted some idiot I'd thought to be him winding my way through the caves in pursuit.

For the next 8 hours I'd played cat and mouse, attempting to move in a few times only to find him and the legendary Scully running into eachother again and again at every seemingly opportune moment. I'd even seen Graves and Zirado a few more times...but by closing time I'd been no more successful exacting any kind of cartoonish calamity on the cocksucker then I had been from the start and the Cady-clique had retired to the hotel.

A bit down, I'd returned the uniform and departed for my Chevy Cruze in the massive parking structure.

Since I'd had no luck I thought I might as well watch the slick wop's latest promo to find two waiting. I viewed. I sighed. I-

What the FUCK!? Dude is hookin' up with a CHICK!

'So he's bi then?'

No, he's still gay, it just blows me away the lengths Cadryn will go to to make me seem like a liar.

'That's what happens when you nail someone with irrefutable proof.'

Well fuck that, it didn't work for Tom Cruise and it dont phase me in the slightest. Neither do Cadryn's predictable attempts to desperately get everyone laughing, this time with "his" ass posing in the mirror.

'Easy guy...everyone can recognize the same tech used to interchange heads and torsos and bring dead celebrities back to life for advertisement. I'm also sure it's on everyone's mind that Cadryn had to spend his daily gay porn perusal picking and choosing from neck down body types of naked gay men in video to pull it off, amidst of course several instances of sixty second jerk-off sessions. Boy's probably got a dick redder than a dog's at this point. No one in the XWF is stupid. And no one is as gay as Cadryn Tiberius. You should be focusing on cutting your third promo on him. The ruse worked, you got him thinking you were done and he pinched off two nuggets in response. Now FINISH THE MOTHERFUCKER!'

...........................

"Nice. 'Hey everyone, look, now I'm gettin' sexual with a GIRL and I'm suspending your disbelief by playing it silly with pre-ejac antics because I realize that even _I_, Cadryn Tiberius, would NEVER buy into me straight up slaying ass unless that ass was furry and had a dick and balls to go with it! Isn't Jim Caedus, and by proxy _everyone else who's called me gay_, SOOOO wrong?' Fuck off, Cadryn, you're an actor. Even John Holmes was able to nut for the women but that didn't change the fact he'd been a tap dancing dick magnet before AND after his 'hetero' career. I obviously still fucking own you and still have you stumbling around switching this and switching that, making corrections in material after I point them out for the umpteenth time. I bet you had a much better combo of promos to unload before I ruined it and called you out on it. Like with your sigs, you let me control your actions once again. Wuss. That bitch shoulda been cosplaying as CAEDUS, I'm what really fuels your fairy fire and don't you try to deny it. If you had any balls at all NOT swishing around in your mouth like a wet mop you'd just gay your shit up to its maximum potential. Now you're just going against the grain you yourself set in place from the get-go. That's just like a woman to never be satisfied.

Don't bother calling me a liar back, Cadryn. You could've owned up to shit, you could've recovered, it's not my fault I'm better at debate than you it's your fault for teaching the kids how to NEVER take responsibility even in the face of certifiable evidence. Fucking pathetic, you'll never change. Here's why:

A. You engage me in argument without your own foundation in truth, then you turn around after being bitch slapped and say how pointless it all is while STILL refusing to admit I nailed you. Heel, face, FUCK IT...you're an asshole, Cadryn. An asshole. And YOU don't get to suddenly decide you're great enough, talented enough or ANYONE _credible enough_ to suddenly say that widely accepted definitions of good and bad are no longer true and no longer apply. As if I personally have anything to do with what's already set in place. They do apply, pal, and they definitely apply to us because in your first promo they DID apply and you argued from a stance positioned within those definitions simply denying I was wrong. Then I pressed further in my second promo, made my excellent points that _you_ were wrong, and now you're switching up AGAIN...as ALWAYS...in another vain attempt to save face. Fuckin' Nico LaVey all over again. Everything I've said and continue to say matters because it's DEMOLISHING every single lie you've shat out.

'Get over (myself)'? Cadryn, you can frantically try to get people on your side and make it seem I'm arrogant all you want but all one has to do is view my previous promos for the week to note that not only am I not full of myself, I'm actually quite down on myself a majority of the time. I also said in no uncertain terms, 'I don't expect anything from anyone'. That's verbatim dickhead. You done fucked up again.

'Yadda yadda yadda' now...fantastic. Unleashing a whole slew of insults that hurt my feelings so much. . You've solidified once again the only person here with the incorrect notions of good and bad, right and wrong, hero and villain is you yourself. Golf clap. Nice irrelevant stab by the way about meth. I'm sure it sounded clever when it came to you but speaking on drugs you'd choose NOW, without taking into account the time, the place, the availability, the people, and what's in and out at the time in context...it just makes you sound like an idiot arguing for arguments sake...after opening the promo with how pointless it is to argue. Fucking idiot. I've got a good drug for you to try hotshot; take a syringe, fill it with air and inject it into your brain. Do it behind the wheel with Graves and Zirado in the van, please. You can criticize my rich past when you accumulate something in yours worth fucking talking about you no life living cocksucker.

B1. Backpedaling isn't agreeing to the match and smashing your face in linguistically.

B2. Being the XWF's double-champion is enough to have commanded a show of respect from _Bobby Blackcoat_ of all people and if you don't find that to be something to be _proud_ of, not egotistical like you say and are in one breath before saying how untalented you are in the next, then you are every bit as ignorant as I've proven.

B3. Everything you say is bullshit intended to get me to insult a friend or rostermate I have no issue with. Amateur mind games.

B4. You've been losing our 'battle of wits' the entire time, it doesn't matter how many times you try to eclipse my words following our first TV match, they are RIGHT THERE for all to see.

B5. Check the footage , I voluntarily gave Robbie the tag to finish you off knowing you'd STILL be giving him all the credit for defeating you just because he was in the match to begin with. You do the same shit no matter how many different ways you choose to dance around the facts.

C. Graves is afraid of me. You're afraid of me. I own you both. There is no jealousy over your underlying love story, there is only professional rage at a stable's make-up being changed by a flip flopper and personal rage over betrayal. Period. 'Get over yourselves'.

D1. Have you had your head up your believably stretched enough asshole for the last week or so? When was it during that time that I blamed society for my problems? WOW you suck at this. Again, trying to put words in my mouth just because Slave let's you stick your dick in his without struggle. Cadryn, WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION. I made the choices that condemned me and I haven't exactly been secretive about it. What an idiot.

D2. My mother was a saint, my father a good man. They raised me right despite my turning to evil. No reason for me to be jealous over a pedophiliac mother when I was raised correctly with love and even paid for my father's own heart surgery asshole.

D3. Stop grasping at imaginary straws. You can't argue against fact with LESS than even heresy.

E. Pray for yourself, God doesn't change shit, WE DO. Go ahead and test that out. Pray I don't accidentally break your back or fracture your skull to the point your eyes hang out of their cavities like one of mine does. Pray that you can beat me without any sort of action in our First Blood match that would otherwise be considered illegal in a DQ match. If you do it, I'll STILL say FUCK GOD.

You still seem awfully 100% confident that you're going to beat me Cadryn. I'll say it like I said it before, that brand of confidence coming from a loser, self proclaimed 'untalented wrestler' like you vindicates me in accusing you of foul play. To the fucking hilt. You are a coward. You're jealous and weak. You're a sore loser. You are no hero, no likeable guy. You're an asshole, a liar and a bad person deep down inside. That's all there is to it. Fuck this feud. I'm Jim Caedus and I'll be ENDING IT."
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