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Hero Xtreme 7.9 · (02-20-2017)

The scene opens to NOCMM sitting in a booth at some kind of county fair. Usually this is more of a summer thing, but for some reason a county fair is happening in February. We pan out to see a sign that states it's The Old Skool Fair, and it all starts to make sense. The Old Skool Fair is a really bad ass fair that only old skool fans know about. You'd think that since there are so many old skool fans that everyone would also associate February with fair season, but just like the patriarchy it's a deeply kept secret maintained by the majority.

Just like how the US government was able to keep paying for the razors of all their men a secret, the old skool fans kept this a secret too.

Anyway, at this booth NOCMM is selling monkey meat, a delicacy and product of the Monkey Holocaust that's sure to put a lot of xbux in his invisible pocket. If NOCMM was as shallow of a sell-out as Rookiepool that would be the end of it, but NOCMM isn't just selling this meat for the money.

The old skool fans smile as they eat monkey, and it warms NOCMM's invisible heart. The old skool fans ask to take pictures with him and he jokingly responds.

NOCMM: Just take a picture with your arm sticking out. It'll have the same effect.

Of course the cisgendered female old skool fans were just trying to find an excuse to touch him, so NOCMM lets them know how to contact him and how much it costs to have sex with him.

NOCMM: Wound fucking costs extra.

Unlike Rookiepool, NOCMM wouldn't just be banging them for the money either. He loved to make cisgendered women happy. Pumping their three God-made holes and possibly a few invisible man-made holes full of invisible semen would do just that. Charging money and keeping order through the regulating mechanism of cash is just necessary to keep things fair. Demand is high and there's only one NOCMM.

The day goes on. Business booms. Soon the monkeys NOCMM slaughtered were re-purposed as meals for the old skool fans. Two cisgendered female old skool fans with vaginas and everything get the last two plates of monkey.

Old Skool Fan: This is very good monkey. Did you watch Rookiepool's promo?

Old Skool Fan #2: No I just read the title. It was shit.

NOCMM laughs.

NOCMM: Tell me about it! A sell-out like Rookiepool can't "wake up". He's anything but woke. You don't even have to watch his promo before you can write it off as

. The title is already false and pushing a delusion. A brain-dead fantasy.

NOCMM pulls a Trax and starts summarizing.

NOCMM: He ripped off Deadpool, got called out, pretended it was somehow witty to keep ripping off Deadpool, then had his miraculous un-masking, but it didn't mean shit because everyone who's anyone bought a song about how he is still ripping off Deadpool. You'd have to be

to lose a culture war that badly and still claim to be woke.

Old Skool Fan: He's a

rookie, so I'm not surprised he's not self-aware enough to know he could never be woke.

NOCMM: Did you watch it?

Old Skool Fan: Yes...

NOCMM: I think I set a bad example by watching all those rookie promos in Round 1. It isn't necessary in the slightest. I just got so caught up in it last time. These idiots give away how stupid they are in their titles.

Old Skool Fan: I learned my lesson. From now on I'll only watch their promos through your promos. Seeing the art of promo making raped by rookies everyday just makes me miss the old skool more and more.

NOCMM holds her close and whispers his rate into her visible ear as the scene fades to an Xtreme shade of black.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Rookies are shit at naming promos 3
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