Caramel is in a backstage room at an XWF untelevised event, leaning back on a couch, with a phone in her hand, pressed to her ear while her other hand twirls the cord carefully around her finger. The camera draws nearer, along with backstage interviewer Steve Sayors.

Caramel
"Oh, hell yeah, mah guuuurl. I was like, why the hell isn't it a paddle on a pole match, Paul?... But, you know, then I'd have to lose on purpose, now wouldn't I-- OH SHIT! LIVE CAMERA! GOTTA GO!"

Caramel tosses the phone over the back of the couch and leans back in a casual position. She points a finger at the camera casually.

"How much of the did you hear?"

Steve Sayors
"Just the paddle on a pole part..."

"Oh, well. The rest of that convo was a lot worse anyway... But quit showing up unannounced."

"Sorry, Caramel. I didn't mean to interrupt your..... Interesting..... Phone call. But, I wanted to talk to you about your ma---"

"My title match against The Senator? I know, it's all I've been hearing all week. Can we talk to you, can we get an exclusive interview, can we ask you a couple of questions-- It's really startin' to get on mah neeeerves!"

"Once again, Caramel, I'm sorry."

"Well, now that my call's over, I guess I can chit-chat for a while."

"Great!"

"Uhhh... Get to the questions, prick."

"Right... Let's see. Well, we could always start with what that call was about."

"Hey, now! That was a casual call to a friend. Let's not bring my personal life into an XWF environment any more than it already is. What I WILL say, though, is that that is one cute Senator!... I'd like to be underneath his podiu--"

"So, you're attracted to The Senator?... How is this likely to effect your performance on Madness"

"Well, he's cute and all, but I know he isn't interested, right?... I could change that, but I'd rather take home the title, and leave cute boys for later. Plus, I've never been too interested in politics. Sooo, I'll just stick to kicking his ass in the ring, for now."

"So, you won't be effected at all by your attraction to Samuels?"

"Oh, of course I will. But it only means I'll enjoy the match more. Prolong it, maybe. I don't know, yet. But, I'm a rough girl. A few submission holds exchanged couldn't hurt. Well, they would... You know what I'm trying to say!"

"You sure have strange ideas."

"'Cause I'm a strange kind of gal!"

"Indeed!... So, with your sexual fantasies aside, and focusing primarily on beating 'The Senator' John Samuels to become the new European champion, what would you say would be your preparation to beat John Samuels?"

"Urmmm... I'd say it's important to get crunk every night leading up to the match, for, say... Three or four nights, for a title match!"

"My goodness, that's excessive! I don't think it can be good for you health at all to do that, and you need to be in your best physical condition to beat The Senator, do you agree?"

"Nerrpppp!!.... Well, I do need to be in good physical condition, and I am. I work out constantly when I'm not drinkin' or gettin' my tannnn!.... And as for drinkin' being BAD for your health, well when exactly has that been proven, Mr. Scientist?"

"My goodness, Caramel. It's been proven perhaps a thousand times! Two thousand! Ten! I have no idea, but it's one of the most proven things in the history of proven things!"

Caramel slaps Sayors.

"CALM DOWN!........ Steve, I'm fo sho that you're bullshittin'... Give me one example! One example of a time that alcohol was proven to do any serious damage!"

"Well, I don't KNOW any off the top of my head."

"Exactly, sit down, shut up, and let's continue on with the rest of this interview!"

Sayors sits down. He reaches beside the couch to a side table with pears on it. He offers one to Caramel.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm on a circle diet. That means I only eat things that are circular or spherical in shape, so that they don't trap in fatty oils, y'know?"

Sayors looks extremely confused.

"No, I don't know."

"Oh, it's a Jersey thang."

"Okay... So, Caramel... Have you seen John Samuels' latest promo?"

"Funnily enough, I have!"

"So, what did you think. Were you offended?"

"No, no. Not at all. It was a bit of humor to hype our match. It's no biggie. But that slut's just a terrible actress. I cringed at her portrayal of me. I mean, seriously? What the fuck!?... She needs to take acting classes. Hunny, I know that it's a mockery of me, but you still need to learn what you're doing. That was just plain disgraceful. I know you're The Senator's bitch, so it wasn't your choice. I can't blame you, but you got a lot to work on before you can fuck with the big leagues!"

"So you consider yourself a part of 'The Big Leagues'?"

"I guess. But to me it's more about talented people being above the untalented. Fairchild's alright with politics and shit, but she ain't got no grip on acting yet, so I think The Senator could've put her to better use in the promo. I dunno, that's my opinion. If he wants to ruin his promo with that talentless slore's acting, that's fine too. Not my problem!"

"Well, that actually just about wraps up everything there is to ask you, this time around. Anything else you would like to add, Caramel?"

"Nah, I think I'll just leave it until I kick The Senator's ass on Madness. That sounds like the best idea, dontcha think?"

"No, I think it's best to get it all out of your system before having a respectful title match. That's how I would go about it."

".............You were supposed to agree with me you fuckwit!... Switch the camera off."

The camera turns off, as requested.