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010

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B Y O B ...not your worst

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"So."

The man in black asks as he stands up. The chess pieces slowly find themselves back to their starting places. We're back in the endless, empty white room we visited some time ago where the man is white was meeting with the man dressed in black.

"I'm sure you've already been thinking about this. Surely this isn't the first time you've though it up. Hmm?"

The man in white smiles and stands up from the chair as well.


"Well, no, of course not."

The both laugh to one another. The man in black walks across the room, his footsteps echoing with ever one that he took, while the man in white's had no sound at all. Weird.

As they walk, a strange silhouette forms a short distance ahead of them. As the get closer, just like travelling through a thick match of fog, the object ahead of them became more clearer and more distinct. It's a large globe of planet Earth. The man in black points a thumb at it and nods his head towards it. The man in white smiles and nods as if saying, 'Well.. Okay."

The man in black gives it a little spin on his way by it.

"You know I'm still not one hundred percent on board with this. It's not like anyone's having any trouble being angry with me on their own these days."

"What kind of friend do you think I am here? I'm not going anywhere to turn anyone against ANYONE! This is more of a release for me, ya know? People are living longer these days, and sure, there's still evil out there. I just want to go out and find it for myself."

"Like you're not surrounded with it anyway?"

The man in white frowns.

"That's a bit of a stale evil, don't you think?"

"Stale? Ha-ha! You make me laugh, old friend."

"You can't tell me you haven't done the same thing."

The man in black smiles guiltily. The man in white points playfully back at him.

"It's been awhile since I've had a taste of the action. You know what it's like seeing things first hand rather than on the tube!"

The man in white gives the large globe a spin of his own.

"Remember the rules I mentioned to you... I can't have you jumping around massacring an entire race of people. You get one time, one per sad sap, like you said. You kill him? Accident or not, since you don't want to be clear with whatever sick game you have planned, game over. If you want to come back and play some chess with me, you're more than welcome, but I can't have wickedest of this UNIVERSE out tearing some little tiny world apart... You can have your fun to an extent."

"I've lived a life imprisoned in a cell structured by rules, my friend!"

"Whatever."

The man in black shakes his head.

"So, how do you want to do this? Throw a dart? Blind fold yourself?"

The man in white thinks for a moment then looks back.

"What if I already had something in mind...?"

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BACK TO THE FUTURE

A couple of sparks and boom, the fireplace ignites and a gust of flames shoots up and outward across the room. The light from the fireplace reveals it to be the office of none other than the Doctor, himself, Louis D'Ville. The shadows from the flame dance across the carpet and tickle the center of the room where Doc sits at his desk surrounded by mountains of paperwork. He sits quietly back in his chair with an unlit cigar pinched between his teeth and a smile across his face.

"Hello, my friends!"

"You know, I have to say this is INDEED a bit overwhelming. Just look at all this."

The doctor motions towards the mountains of manila folders and papers stacked a mile high above his own head across his desk.

"Mister Chaos, you've certainly had a lot to say lately, haven't you, my friend?

The doctor lights the unlit cigar in his mouth and chuckles a bit.

"To be honest, I'm not even really sure WHERE to begin here."

He takes a large puff from his cigar.

"Perhaps, I should actually introduce myself this time.."

"Hello, Mister Chaos. My name is Doctor Louis D'Ville."

"It appears to me that you're a little confused on what kind of situation you're in. One moment you couldn't see a champion and I was hardly worth your time. The next you had a challenge of monstrous proportions and a win against the good doc would catapult your career. What happened?"

"In nearly the same breath you went from some confidence filled little punk to a young courageous rookie working his way to the main event. If I would cut everything you said in half, the second half would completely contradict the first. It's like you were a different person. I know you've had your issues in the past, which I'm certainly glad you've been so open about, Mister Chaos. Learning more and more about your trip to Crazy Town makes this session that more effective. You see, there is SO much more that the doctor is about here other than being a multiple champion, KING, and long time leader. As UNIVERSAL Champion, Mister Chaos, EVERY superstar not only came to me for any issues or ailments, but the most definitely respected my position at the very top of this most excellent organization. Tell us! What was it that swerved you nearly midsentence? What convinced you that you were most definitely in over your head. Which voice in your head finally got through and said, 'Uh? Chris? You've got a hell of a mountain to climb ahead of you, dude. Oh, and let's go burn down a church.'"

"Now I never disagreed with the fact that you've had a nice start, my friend. Comparing records to one of the best around isn't really showing much besides the amount of work you have in front of you, which you pointed out yourself. After saying that, good start or not, this win/loss ratio of yours that you decided to bring up isn't very impressive anyway. 6-2-2? So, basically 6-4. Like how I'm 32-6. You're barely above .500 and you're shunning titles already? What kind of crazy moron are you exactly? The raping, the pillaging, the murdering... It all means nothing if you're mentally , Mister Chaos. If that's the case, you don't need the doctor here, you need a middle aged woman following you around while you chew on a box of crayons. Or is it because you lost that Television Title match and you're pretending that it never mattered to you in the first place? How do you think that even looks, Mister Chaos? Do you think all of us look at you and agree? 'You know, that Chris Chaos fellow should have never even been in the match. He deserves better, even if he lost.' So far, you're logic with all of this has been out of this world, my friend. I've pinned the UNIVERSAL Champion, Scully and if you weren't such a damn failure, I'd be pinning the Television Champion this week, as well. If anyone deserves anything around here, what does pinning the UNIVERSAL Champion alone get me?"

"What really got us going was your Plan B. Either go after Scully for the UNI, or go after Ghost Tank and the Hart Title. I think you're a little assed backwards around here, my friend. You're going the wroooong way. That title there was created for Vinnie Lane because the poor bastard couldn't win anything else around here. After folks like myself and the entire XTreme Title division kicked him around long enough, they made the Hart Title. Sure, they 'dedicated it' to a few lost souls, but the thing even matched Mister Lane's outfit. And sure, he wont the thing in some fancy BATTLE ROY-ALE, but do you know what the competition was like in that tier then? It was pretty sad. Kind of like how it is now. So don't be shy, man! You'll fit right in. Don't be fooled by Ghost Tank's ramblings of a title that HE finally managed to grasp after his full year of nonsense, followed by another. Don't be enticed by it's rarity to even be seen or on a show. It's all smoke and mirrors. Besides, you're thinking way to far ahead, anyway. At the rate you're going, after losing a teeny-weeny-little-pointless-waste of time Television Title match, I'm not sure who you're expecting to even take you seriously in a STANDARD MATCH. I certainly don't. What's the matter? You only work well under hardcore rules or something? We all know you're a pyro, but do you have to bring that shit here? Do we have to set each other on fire?"

"I'm beginning to think you're kind of a bitch, Mister Chaos. First you were, of course, whining and crying about never being pinned in your title match and how the match didn't even matter to you. Then, we went over how you completely changed face about your feelings of how competitive THIS match is going to be. Now, your rules aren't right. I didn't think it took a seasoned veteran around here to know this, but there's no rules against bleeding, my friend. Like I said, I'm not sure how far you need to take all of this. It wouldn't be the first time I've brought the house, burnt or whatever, down before I would leave, whether it was an IRON MAIDEN match for the UNIVERSAL Title or just a regular old match where I'v left plenty of gentlemen in a pool of their own blood anyway. There's some of my own blood in there too, of course, it wouldn't be a party if not."

Doc's eyes light up and he rises up quickly from the chair.

"Speaking of parties! I'm running late for one myself!"

He runs towards the back door of his office and flicks the cigar back towards his desk. It flies through the air and bounces across the mountains of paperwork the doc has left here. It comes to a stop on one stack and slowly begins burning away at it. The doctor continues towards the door and without looking back, he opens the door and swiftly shuts it behind him as the paper stack is a flame across his desk.

On the other side of the door Doc steps out of the Port-O-John and into a large field.

"It's a about fuhckin' tyme! What the HELL were you doing in there?!"

Trevor complains to the doc as he rushes past him into the toilet himself. Doc wanders across the crest of the hill and down the lawn, rocking his head and snapping his fingers as he walks among hundreds of Norweigian death metal heads. The music of metal echoes throughout the valley while the different metal heads gather around a keg or other beverage stand. Some have placed themselves next to the randomly lit mini bonfires across the hillside. Doc stops by a keg and pours himself a beer and continues to make his way down the hill. He hops over the small guardrail where there's a stage next to a HUGE church. On the stage is the doctor's own tag team partner, Unknown Soldier. He stands surrounded by the metal band that had just finished playing. They all remove their instruments and disappear from the stage. Doc props his butt up on the edge of the stage and lights a cigar. Soldier steps up to the microphone and raises a pair of devil horns in the air.

"MOTHER FUCKERS!"

The hundreds of metal heads all reply with a loud indecipherable war cry of their own.

"It is with my great pleasure to bring you CHURCH BURN 2016!"

The crowd reacts loudly again.

"Tonight, we not only gather to celebrate a legacy that dates back many years before, but brand another scar on the Christian faith!"

The crowd reacts and begins chanting, "Hail SATAN!", "Hail SATAN!" Soldier begins rocking his head back forth to the chants until he's tapped on the shoulder by a young metal head and is handed a small piece of paper. He takes it and reads it then looks over to the doc who's still sitting stage left. Soldier holds his hands to the air ending the chant from the crowd.

"Listen up! I have a very special treat for you, mother fuckers! To my left is someone that has not only helped our cause, but maestroed it in ways that would blow your fucking minds. There's an important announcement that needs to be made, and there's no one better than to present it than this guy."

Doc pinches the cigar between his teeth and rolls backwards onto his feet. The people cheer, whether they think they know who he is or not. He holds his hands in the air and accepts the cheers as he bounces over to center stage.

"Mother fuckers, young and old, I present to you, the Doctor! Louis D'Ville!"

Soldier steps aside and lets Doc take his place behind the microphone. He sniffs the air and takes in all of the cheers from the hundreds gathered around him. At the crest of the hill tumbles the fat Irishman himself, Trevor Dedntik. This disgusting body of his wasn't very compatible with foods, especially as much that he seemed forced to ingest now. He heard that freakazoid Soldier talking from inside the toilet, but couldn't move from the spot until the job was satisfied. Sweating profusely, he cursed and swore to himself until he could finally escape the cramped, foul prison. By the time he reached the stage, the doc had already accepted his introduction and was about to speak.

"Hello, my friends!"

The crowd is on their feet and erupts to the doctor's greeting.

"I would first like to thank my tag team partner and fellow champion, Unknown Soldier, for the most splendid of introductions!"

The wave of power coming from the crowd is like a tidal wave.

"Now, as much of an honor it is to be here, and as much of an honor it is to witness the love that you all have for such a strong moment, I must say it touches my very black heart. Before we move on with this movement, however, there MUST be something I address."

The wave of enthusiasm from the metal heads begins to calm as they all begin to listen closely to the good doctor speak.

"A story, for you all, about a young man with a troubling past."

The doctor takes a large puff from his cigar. He blows it out and it crawls out to across the crowd like a thick smog. Trevor, who's standing front and center leaning across the rail, chokes and gags on it as he watches Doc and Soldier.

"Many years ago, this young man grew up inside a very broken, unfixable home. He was stuck in a rut that he couldn't release from and forced himself out into the world as he was. This young man refused to be held back by the pathetic upbringing that his own parents provided him. He even managed to steal the heart of a beautiful young lady, far out of his own league."

Doc pulls the microphone from his stand and begins pacing back and forth from the stage. Soldier is backstage handing out lit torches one by one to the small metal heads all lined up leading up to the stage. The child would take their torch and then take their place in front of the stage in front of where the doctor was speaking.

"The young girl had such a bright future. Her father being one of the most prestige doctor's around. She had money, opportunities, and chance to excel in life, rather than helping some scary little wanna-be orphan out of his own personal ruts. The young man did what he could to keep the love between him and the poor young girl alive. Ignoring the parent's wishes and continuing to poison the her mind into thinking there was something for her down the path he was leading her."

Some fellow death metal heads from the crowd begin to boo and more and more slowly join in.

"Now, now."

Doc places his hand in the air.

"Even against the parent's wishes, the young man refused to give up on his love for this innocent young lady. This was only the FIRST time that this young gentleman took matters into his own hands. After the guardians of this poor girl felt there were no other options, they insisted the only way to protect her was to make her disappear. Send her far away to where the young man could never reach her, let alone afford to. So, what did he do?!"

The doctor takes a large drink from his draft and smiles out to the crowd.

"He did what every helpless young chap would do! He seeked vengeance."

Trevor shakes his head at the story that the doc is sharing with the crowd and waddles his way over to a drink cart. He starts hail marying shots back like he was a top paid quarterback.

"He not only destroyed a structure such as this, but he went to the home of his own love and burnt them both to the ground!"

Doc sighs for a moment then chuckles to himself.

"All you've been rambling about, Mister Chaos, has been how you're going to bad, very bad places. You continue to claim you're bringing out your worst in order to beat me. Are we talking about all of the horrible deeds you've performed in your day? The fires? The murders? The rapes, which I already said was on my list, pal. If you want to claim that one, too...."

The doctor laughs aloud.

"Go right ahead."

"Where have you been going during all of these other matches then? Or during your ALLSTAR boxing career? Did you just go through the motions without digging deep at all to succeed? It all just came natural to you, right? Or.. No, you're just THAT crazy, am I right? Because I've never faced anyone quite as crazy as YOU, have I? Don't be ridiculous, Mister Chaos. Out of the thirty some different characters that I've treated; the rapists, the murderers, the morticians, the psychopaths... What exactly makes you so special? Is that blood still fresh on your hands? Can you still smell that poor little girl's fear from that fateful night? Let me reassure you, if you're looking to reminisce in some of that joy that all of that sick shit brought you, you're looking in the WRONG place. So it's YOU who don't know what you're getting into, not me."

"I fear no one. I've been in some of the most dangerous situations ever recorded in XWF history against some of the meanest, craziest, best competitors to ever walk through the doors. How DARE you compare yourself to anyone like that. You've proved absolutely nothing for ANYone to cross the line and stand by your side. Anyone who has done such is simply a fool. A wishful fool. I'm sure there's fellows out there that just thrive for the doctor to fail. They can't accomplishment, so the secretly sit back and pray from someone else to do it. Do the dirty work, the hard work, the impossible that not a single other person can do. I'm not sure who's been whispering in your ear, Mister Chaos, but it's not going to be very healthy for you. Don't get me wrong, a victory over me WOULD be good for you. I mean, you would be one of six other people that managed to not only better the doctor, but more importantly, escape in one piece."

Your little 'Chaos Effect' or 'Chaos Theory' that you have planned to kick start this week is going to have to wait another week, my friend. Maybe on Savage where you have a tough triple threat match on your hands. Now, that's more like it there. Benito Angelo, the what, FOUR-time Heavymetal Champion already? Now THERE is a crazy mother fucker, Mister Chaos. THERE is a fellow that doesn't give up. Who else are you partying with? Shaker Jones? Sounds like you can step back into your comfort zone for that one, huh?"

Doc and the hundreds, maybe even thousands of metal heads all kind of laugh.

"I would have to say that after all of the belly-aching you did about being locked in a standard match with some old man, I can't wait to hear what you have to say about THIS one. Maybe the XWF government is feeling a bit of remorse for you because they've seen my patients after a session. They've seen what becomes of them after I'm through. I'll say this, you'll never be the same again, Mister Chaos. Just like that first night when you burnt the church. Just like when you burnt the house of your own true love to the ground, committing murder in the process. Just like that night, you'll transform again. Once again into something that, deep down, you know it scares you. So dig deep, bring out your absolute worst, just like you're planning. But I have news for you, it's not your worst that's going to better the doctor, my friend. It's never been anyone's WORST. What you need to do is dig even deeper, Mister Chaos. Dig so deep and grip tightly on that thing that you've never felt or seen before in your entire life. Bring your overall best, my friend. If you refuse to leave your worst out, bring them both, because you'll probably need them. I don't look at anything as a walk in the park these days. Whether I've been doing it for as long as I have or not. Whether I'm old and frail and whether you're just a scrub looking for a shot in the limelight. I take every single session of mine as serious as the next. Every patient that approaches me, Mister Chaos, gets the same treatment as the one before. The absolute best. The best of me and the best of this entire UNIVERSE. Put 'em up, pal."

Trevor stumbles around the side of the stage, barely paying attention to the good doctor's speech. He finds a small pen of livestock crammed into a small gated area beside the stage.

"Unfortunately, my friends, Mister Chaos could NOT join us this evening."

The crowd boos.

"I know, I know."

The doctor sighs along with what could have been millions of metal heads around him.

"Who better than to throw our first torch than someone who does it so passionately?!"

The crowd cheers loudly.

"Who better than to lead us further into this tradition than someone who, to THIS very day, continues to have that SAME fire burning inside of him?!"

Louder.

"WHO better than to share that fire?! Share it and help spread it wider and wider into this already corrupt world......"

Trevor's even stronger Irish taste for alcohol seemed to have gotten the best of him tonight. He leans against he wooden gate for the sheep and goats and what-not, drooling all over his own hand, nearly half passed out.

"I say, in HONOR of a great contributor to our very own message this evening, I would like to dedicate this church burn to none other than Chris Chaos."

The crowd cheers and a lot of people respectfully applaud with a clap. Even Unknown Soldier stops handing out torches to children to give the doctor a 'Hail SATAN!"

Before anything else can be said, Trevor's fat body weighs down on the wooden fence enough to break it. Due to the excessive noise already, the livestock are restless and wasted now time to plow out of the broken gate. Trevor managed to stay ahead of them, even after falling on his face and being fat as hell. Like circling a racetrack, Trevor runs as fast he he could leading a small heard of animals. The children that were lined up, torch in hand, in front of the stage were unaware of the impending death that was barreling around the stage. When Trevor came around the turn in a cloud of dust, he nearly stumbles over a little girl and pushes her out of the way! He falls out of the way just as he would have been trampled.

Unfortunately, the other small children waiting to participate in their first church burn couldn't be saved. They were trampled by the very things they would have been burying their own daggers into later that night. How twisted. The entire crowd of metal heads sit in silence as Trevor slowly gets to his feet. A couple of crickets can even be heard in the silence.

Unknown Soldier, not humored by the incident, emerges onto the stage and points at fat Trevor.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Screams the little girl whom Trevor had saved before Soldier could say anything.

Doc laughs to himself and looks at Soldier.

"Who is this adorable little Dutch girl and how filthy is her mouth?"

The little girl rises to her feet, picks up her torch from the ground, and raises it as high into the air as she can.


"KILL THE IRISHMAN!"

The little girl shrieks at Trevor like a little banshee. Soldier's eyes get huge and he can't help himself.

"KILL THE IRISHMAN!! KILL! KILL! KILL!"

The crowd of metal heads turns into a frenzied, torch wielding mob within seconds before our very eyes and Trevor is running for his life. Soldier begins to run across the stage, but changes his mind and turns back to face the doctor who's already vanished. Soldier looks around a bit, then notices him sitting cross-legged atop the steeple of the church. Soldier laughs, grabs a torch and wings it into a stained glass window.

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