LIVE FROM THE 02 ARENA IN LONDON, ENGLAND! It's LEAP OF MOTHER FUCKING FAITH, Y'ALL. Shade - vs - LeStrange Shade names the stipulations! Maverick - vs - Frodo Mother Fucking Smackins If Maverick shows up to the match, he gets A dick back, the better he does the better the dick. If he wins, he gets a set of testicles back, if not he gets Swedish Meatballs wrapped in a napkin tied to his shaft Electrified Period Blood match. Match takes place inside a pool filled with menstrual blood (Thanks Soldier), winner is whoever climbs out of the pool and electrocutes his opponent MAIN EVENT Intercontinental Title Match Dillinger - vs - Robbie Bourbon Rooftop Brawl

We open to Assistant General Manager Thomas Girard standing in the ring, adjusting his shock collar.

"Welcome to day two of the XWF's incredible LEAP OF FAITH!"

The cheap pop gets a smattering of cheers, but not a whole lot because, you know, it's Girard.

Girard clears his throat nervously and then continues.

"Ahem... as you may know, it has been approximately a month since we named Hart Champion Ghost Tank our May Star of the Month... well, here we are, three weeks into July, and it is time to announce JUNE 2016'S XWF STAR OF THE MONTH!"

The crowd cheers for this, and a lot of competing chants start up. Some for Dillinger, some for Scully, some for Peter Gilmour, because there are always some for Gilly.

"So please... welcom the NEW Star of the Month... RIGHT NOW!"

The crowd waits in anticipation until...




Dewey: Oh my god! It's the X-Treme Champion, Unknown Soldier!

Soldier comes from behind the curtain, his chin covered in dark blood seeping from his mouth.

He skulks to the ring with a big ol' fuckin' boner holding up his X-Treme Title, and he rolls in under the bottom rope, coming face to face with an obviously intimidated Thomas Girard.

"Sup."

"Uh... congratulations, Soldier! You've earned your very first Star of the Month award! How do you feel?"

"Kinda full, I think? I was drinking from the tanks of period blood that are backstage for Frodo's match. Shit's filling."

"Okay..."

"You're gonna give me money, right?"

"Yes! As soon as the funds are cleared in my account, they will be forwarded to you!"

"Don't fuck with me, Girard. I'll wear your asshole like a cockring."

Soldier then leaves the ring and walks backstage, his theme music blaring once again as a speechless Thomas Girard tries to stammer something of substance.

"Uh... ah... er... Unknown Soldier ladies and gentlemen! Now we can go straight to..."

But just then, Girard is cut of by the opening chords of "Paparazzie" by Lady GaGa.

Roxy Cotton emerges from behind the curtains at the top of the ramp, wearing a tight purple business suit and carrying the Universal Championship on her shoulder.

Then, right next to her emerges Ginger Snaps! They stare angrily at Girard, who stands in the ring and gulps.

"Girard! You disgusting pervert. Misogynist. Rapist. I wanted to personally let you know that I have filed a formal complaint with the XWF Human Resources department as a result of your actions last Warfare."

The crowd drowns any sort of reply Girard may have had with boos.

"And furthermore, although Loverboy isn't here right now, he has let it be known that a board review will be in order. A meediation session with you, me, Ginger here, and Loverboy himself will take place at the next Wednesday Warfare... and your JOB is on the line."

The crowd cheeers its ass off and starts to chant "Fuck You Rapist" at Girard, who just turns red and stares at his feet.

"Ginger... you aren't returning my calls... I..."

"Why the FUCK would she return your calls, asshole? She saw the tape! She saw what you tried to do to me in HER dressing room!"

Ginger starts to sniffle, and then she sobs. Se buries her face in Roxy' shoulder, and Roxy holds her tight, running her manicured hand through Ginger's red hair.

"It's okay, Ginge... everything's gonna be okay. Fuck you Girard. You're getting what you deserve!"

Roxy then throws down her microphone and walks off stage with her arms around the devastated Ginger Snaps. The crowd boos the ever living dogshit out of Girard.






Dewey: Ladies and gentlemen... I've been informed that due to both competitors being ridiculous fags who intentionally attempted to cost the XWF money by skipping out on their match, the Shade versus LeStrange match has been replaced by this video of animals fucking.






Dewey: Oh, good. That was good. Let's go backstage for a segment from one of the XWF's newest signees!







The scene opens up on the door leading inside the arena as it slams open. With the door wide open, “XWF’s First Lady” Kandi Washington enters the arena with her entourage following in pursuit. Drake Knight, Ice, Jake Wakefield, Britney Caldwell, and yes, even her mini-me Madison Lewis stagger behind her. She makes her way through the hallway as Drake Knight takes it upon himself to slam the door close. Kandi flips her hair over the shoulders as she glances down hallways as she passes them. She has a snarl on her face, licking her lips seductively, and then suddenly, the entire entourage is distracted by a voice walking out of an opened room.

Steve Sayors: “Kandi… Kandi Washington?”

She rolls her eyes and stares Steve up and down with a look of disgust filled in her eyes.

Kandi Washington: “The one and only. Now who the fuck are you?”

Steve nervously looks over at her entourage who do not look happy, nor content. Kandi cocks her head to the side as she places her hands on her hips.

Steve Sayors: “Uh, I’m… I’m Steve Sayors part of the XWF’s reporting team. Mind if I get a second of your time?”

Kandi raises her right hand to her chest and chuckles as she bats her eyelashes.

Kandi Washington: “What makes YOU think you’re good enough to ask me anything, hm? I am practically wrestling’s royalty and do you know how many people will start watching XWF just because they LOVE to boo me? I am going to be the one who single-handily puts XWF back on the map! So, ask yourself again sweetie, do you really think you’re on my level to ask me anything?”

She twitches her nose as she looks over at Jake who wraps his arm around her tiny little waist.

Steve Sayors: “Well, it’s kind of my job…”

She raises her hand to his face.

Kandi Washington: “Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!

Before Steve could even respond, she unexpectedly grabs the microphone from his hands and snaps her right fingers together, looking back at Madison Lewis.

Kandi Washington: “Front and center now, Madison and as for you, whatever your name is, you’ve been DISMISSED!”

He steps back as he holds his hands up for mercy as Drake Knight eyes him. Madison slips in between Steve and Kandi as she takes the microphone from her.

Madison Lewis: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Kandi Washington’s media consultant and standing with the First Lady and Queen of XWF herself, Kandi Washington, how does it feel to be in XWF?”

Kandi slicks her fingers through her hair as she purses her lips together.

Kandi Washington: “Oh Madison, you know I did this for charity because it is my goal to see that XWF gets better, not worst. Who better than wrestling’s royalty to do it? I mean, clearly look at me! I am a legend! I am an ICON! When it comes to running a business, I know how to do it. I am a businesswoman for Christ sake! I am a naturally bred hero in professional wrestling and my heroic gestures toward XWF is going to make them standout even more! I make non-mother fucking factors famous and skanks relevant. I feel indifferent about the whole thing Madison, but I know XWF is going to forever be indebted to me after I start working my magic!”

Jake starts to clap as he yells out, “yes, ma’am!” Kandi giggles playfully to herself.

Madison Lewis: “Since officially signing, you have done two things which are putting Sweet Annihilation’s name in the running for a potential tag team title shot and stepped on Roxy Cotton’s toes. Do you think messing with the girlfriend of Universal Champion Vinnie was a good idea?”

She looks over her shoulder at Drake Knight, who starts flexing his biceps while Ice looks frustrated by this whole ordeal.

Kandi Washington: “When did I give a rat’s ass who toes I step on? Roxy came for me and I didn’t send for her. So you know I had to put the bitch in her place, which is right back on her fat ass! If she wants a war, she better start it because I am going to be the one who finishes, period! As for my brilliance on putting Drake Knight and…”

She points over to Ice.

Kandi Washington: “her… They deserve to be the next tag team champions. They are what the tag team division should represent and entail. They are all power and strength! With me in their corner, they are the undisputed greatest tag team that has ever stepped foot in a XWF ring. I hope the current champions are prepared for a challenge because once Sweet Annihilation gets their shot, they will be leaving as the NEW champions! My entourage is taking over and I am taking my place back at the top as the fucking reigning Queen of XWF!”

Madison Lewis: “And Mister Jake Wakefield?”

She says as Jake extends his arms in the air as he starts to say. “I’m the man, baby!” Kandi looks over at him and places her hand on his tummy.

Kandi Washington: “I haven’t quite decided just yet what I want him or Britney to do here, but rest assure they will be all over this place because where you find Kandi Washington; you find her entourage! If I so much want Jake Wakefield to become the next Universal Champion, Vinnie better start bowing out because he’ll be replaced…”

She snaps her fingers.

Kandi Washington: “Just that SIMPLE! XWF is about to find out this is Kandi’s World and what Kandi wants, Kandi always gets!”

Kandi starts to walk off as the others follow her. Madison goes to hand the microphone back to Steve when Jake Wakefield leans in toward him.

Jake Wakefield: “Now that’s how you do an interview, bro!”

Madison shakes her head and shrugs while looking at Steve. Madison and Jake walk off, following the other members of the entourage. The scene fades back to the ringside area.

Frodo Smackins - vs - Maverick Electric Period Blood Match

We cut to the ring, where we see Frodo Smackins swimming laps around the pool of Campbell’s Chunky Period Blood in the middle of the ring. The dark uterine flow has stained his normally bright yellow banana hammock thong into a deep maroon.

Maverick’s music plays once.

Twice.

The entire audience groans in unison as they realize that Maverick has failed to show up for a match yet again.

Finally, Frodo gets annoyed and flops over the side of the Finding Nemo wading pool and pulls the electrified dildo donated by Unknown Soldier off of the ring post, then heads to the back.

“Iceman! I know you’re back here! I saw your mom drop you off at the arena!”

Frodo rounds a corner, leaving large bare footprints in period blood all down the hallways of the O2.

“Iceman? Iceman you over here?”

Suddenly, as he passes by a storage room, the sounds of muffled grunts and moans can be heard through the door.

“I’d recognize that sound anywhere! That’s DEFINITELY gay sex.”

With a flip of his thumb, the electric dildo sparks to life and Frodo kicks the door of the storage area open. The scene he beholds even brings HIM to a halt.

There, spread out across the floor, are Maverick, LeStrange, and Shade… all completely nude except for Shade’s death mask.

“You guys are all . You totally ruined the second day of the PPV with all this faggoting. Maverick, come here.”

Maverick exits Shade, and LeStrange exits Maverick, putting an end to their odd human centipede train riding. Being unable to contain their burgeoning lust for one another, though, Shade and LeStrange immediately fall into an ass-to-mouth sixty-nine that even the Kama Sutra would give a health advisory against.

Maverick, though, does as he’s told, walking up to Frodo while covering the mastectomy scars where his nipples used to be and avoiding eye contact like a victim of child molestation.

“I’m sorry… I got really busy and…”

CRACK!

The electric dildo smashes Maverick across his skull, splitting him open. Frodo quickly leaps on the downed Maverick and straps the electro-cock on around his own waist… and then he plunges it deep within Mav’s crevice!

Maverick screams bloody murder while Frodo thrusts, each deep pump sending thousands of volts through Maverick’s colon! Soon, Maverick loses consciousness and begins to bleed profusely from the anus.

“That’ll do, bitch. That’ll do.”

Frodo pulls out his strap-op robodick and then crams the shit-streaked rod down Maverick’s throat. He then brings himself to climax all over Maverick’s face.

“Morbid! Get in here! Bring your kit!”

And in walks Morbid Angel, looking PUMPED AS FUCK. He’s got his Mav-nipple earbuds in, and is also wearing a butcher’s apron and carrying a medical bag.

“Do you have a cock for me!?!!?”

“No, Mav doesn’t have a dick… but we need to give him a vagina. You know how to do a transition, right?”

“OF COURSE MORBID ANGEL KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A VAGINA!”

“Jesus, fine, calm down okay?”

“MORBID ANGEL IS CALM!!!!”

And without another word, Morbid pulls a scalpel from his bag and slices open Maverick’s grundle. He uses the extra flaps of skin to delicately form some origami labia, then snips off the tip of Maverick’s nose.

“This is your clit now – !”

Morbid sews the nose tip into place, giving Maverick a cute little man in the boat.

“When that pussy heals… I’M GOING TO FUCK IT!!!!”

Morbid leaves the room, and Frodo stands there with his hands on his hips waiting for a referee to finally wander up and declare him the winner.

“Your name is Miss Maverick now, Iceman. You’re a woman. An ugly woman. Oh, look, the ref’s here.”

The referee raises Frodo’s hand just as LeStrange and Shade both erupt into one another’s mouth.

Winner – Frodo Smackins

Anthem for the underdog by 12 Stones instrumental version plays as the voice over is narrated by Richard Dweck, the 22 year old and newest XWF star.

Richard:
I have been a wrestling fan since I was 8 years old, I also I have been in this business for 8 years. I got into this business in a very odd way.

* We see the viral clip on Youtube of a heel wrestler boasting that he's beaten everyone in the back and he's challenging anyone in the crowd to come fight him.

We see a slightly chubby kid with dark blond mullet style, blue eyes and glasses at 5 ft 6, in a red t shirt and black shorts slide into the ring.

The heel wrestler is patting him on the head, as he is 6 ft 4 to this kid and he declares the match will be NO D.Q., the bell is rung and Richard smirks doubling him over with a low blow front kick followed up with a super kick that is now called the Rick Kick.

The lyrics begin of Anthem for The Underdog as we see highlights of his career:

*You say you know just who I am
But you can't imagine
What waits for you across the line *

D.Q. matches with grizzled veterans getting beat up, stretched by submissions and tapping out, getting tossed through tables


You Thought you had me
but I'm still here standing
and I'm tired of backing down*

We see clips of him, getting put through tables and kicking out, reversing strikes into a roll up and getting pins, cutting to the flabbergasted face of the booker/fed owner.

* and I'm here now
feeling the pain of a thousand hearts
bring me back to life again

We see him post matches getting pats on the back from fans in the crowd as he rests against the steel old school barricade for a moment and clips of him crawling and finally reaching ropes for a rope break.


*You try so hard to bring me down . . ."


We see real life clips of him in offices after his first usual matches of getting his ass kicked and pulling out the victory and that same owner refusing to pay him due to him being under 18 years of age. We see clips of him simply getting kicked out of locker rooms because of his age and inexperience despite being extremely polite.

" Can't Break the Broken."

We see various clips of him kicking out of pins at the very last possible moment.
Clips of him using his basic martial arts training fighting back at a much taller bigger opponents with round kicks.

" You still don't seem to understand It's your turn to see just
How it feels to be me
How it feels to be knocked down."

We see clips of his moves such as the Rick Kick, super kick
the Epic Kick, the jumping spinning back kick
and the Crane Kick-Bicycle Kick combo each shown flooring opponents.


And you're here now feeling the pain
Of a thousand hearts
You've been to hell and back again
You can't take this

We see various clips of this now 5 ft 7 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 years old
chubby and out of shape physically out wrestling opponents in catch hand/chain wrestling, blocking strike attacks with martial arts takedowns of STO, hip toss, arm wringer takedowns etc.

Remember
This feeling

How it feels to be alive
Now you see me through my eyes
And we're here now feeling the beat
Of a thousand hearts
Coming back to life again
We can make it

Voice over:
Yes It's been 8 years, I am 22 years old. I am five foot seven, I weigh between 220-230 lbs. I'm afraid of heights, I'm not flexible, I was not born naturally athletically gifted . . . BUT I am resilient, I refuse to give in, I LOVE pro wrestling.

It has not been easy and I accept the fact that it never will.

We see a in bold white the intro to a clip that says the year 2012 NWA*

We see Richard, attempt a suicide and botch it getting his first concussion.

Voice over:
It was horrible. It was scary and a dumb thing on my part but I have bounced back and four years later I'm still here. It's corny to say, I'm not some superman- superhero type face of the company, I'm just a kid, just a boy, a man-child and I love pro wrestling.







Dewey: Now it's time for tonight's main event! The Intercontinental Championship is on the line... let's go to the roof!

Intercontinental Title Match Dillinger - vs - Robbie Bourbon Rooftop Brawl

The scene changes to the roof of the O2 Arena. We see a referee and Intercontinental Champion Dillinger wandering around, looking confused.

The weird dome of the roof is slopes with a bunch of yellow antennae or something jutting out of the top, and as the two men carefully walk around up there, they approach different antennae and look around behind each one.

Finally, after looking behind four or five different poles, they find what they're looking for.

There, in a pile of his own shit and piss and surrounded by empty bottles, is the challenger in the match, Robbie Bourbon.

Bourbon is snoring loudly and rolls over, farting. He smears his own vomit across his face as he absently wipes at his nose, then wets himself again.

The referee shrugs and points at Dillinger, who clearly does not want to make any physical contact with all of the mess.

Dillinger thinks for a moment... then unzips his fly and starts urinating all over Robbie Bourbon! The strong stream of the IC champion carves away a lot of the dried up puke and shit, essentially giving Bourbon a piss bath.

Then, Dillinger backs up a few feet... and rushes forward with a baseball slide!

The move sends Bourbon's portly ass sliding down the domed roof of the arena, leaving behind a sad snail trail of liquor shits.

The descent tkes an agonizingly long time, as all the puke and shit underneath of Robbie creates enough friction to keep him sliding slowly. Eventually though, he reaches the edge of the arena... and falls off!

The O2 has a huge skid mark across the top of it and Bourbon falls all the way down, landing in the top level of one of those dumbass red double-decker buses you see all the time in England.

Oh shit! Looks like this bus was targeted by ISIS! Just as it rounds a corner, the bus explodes.

Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion - DILLINGER

Dewey: Wow. That was... something. Dillinger really deserved a better opponent than that. Hopefully the GM team can make it up to him somehow.



End of Day Two! Tune in tomorrow for the EPIC Finale!

Ghost Tank kicks down the door to Shade's locker room, arm in a sling, and his elbow having been seen to by an E.R. doctor. He growled as he wrapped a hand around his throat, and then slammed him into the lockers, then chokeslammed him before kneeling, hand around his throat, squeezing, growling at him, apparently very livid

"YOU MAKE US WEAK! YOU APPARENTLY WANT YOUR HOPE HURT! SO GUESS WHAT?! YOU GET TO HAVE HER!"

Abaddon brings in Hope, however she looks worse for wear. Her fingernails are missing, revealing they had all been pulled, not just from her fingers, but her toes as well.

"You might think that's the end of this, but it's not."

He stood up and used his weight to pin Shade down as Abaddon pushed on the back of Hope's left forearm while Ghost Tank grabbed it and yanked hard the opposite way, breaking it. He then repeated this process on not just the right forearm, but upon the humerus of both arms. The bones sticking out of her skin.

"I thought you were going to be something good. I thought I saw something in you."

He growled as he tossed Hope down onto Shade

"I'm done with you, boy. I can't teach trash how to be better than what it is. You're no longer a Rider. You have to prove yourself to me, once more. And you will have a long climb up in order to be my good graces again."

He looked to Abaddon, and then both began to kick Shade several times, with Tank giving a harsh boot to the face before both of the bigger men walked calmly as an unconscious Shade and broken and crying Hope are being tended to by medics.

Last thing I remember was walking around catching Pokemon...

Who the fuck slipped me a mickey?