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[We fade in just outside of Dustin's house, where Christopher Isles in full view of the camera while shielding his eyes from the rays of the early morning sunlight. Speaking of Dustin, his friend is nowhere on camera and the camera is way too still for him to be holding it. The wrestler looks over to stage left, presumably where Dustin is, to probably complain about being outside to film this promo.]

Christopher: Ya know, when you told me that you were gonna get me in the zone, I thought we were just gonna play more games. I didn't think we'd be outside doing whatever the fuck it is ya plan on doing.

Dustin: Not everything's fun and games, brah. Gotta get ya ready for the match so you can kick the 16 bit kid's ass, ya know? I don't want 'cha to end up like Robbie Bourbon and LH Harrison.

Christopher: No, I guess I don't. But what the fuck is with the box, brah?

[Dustin can be heard shaking a box full of stuff offscreen. Sharp, blunt, and dull objects collide into each other as he does so. Chris scrunches his eyebrows together while his friend does this, not really liking what his friend might have in store.]

Dustin: It's part of your training, dude.

Christopher: Well what the fuck is in it, then?

Dustin: Oh just random things I found in the garage, the basement, the fridge, and who knows where else.

[Chris drops his hand and rolls his eyes, not really looking forward to what's about to come.]

Christopher: Lemme guess, you're gonna throw whatever is in that box at me?

Dustin: All while you talk to the 16 bit chick.

Christopher: Oh you've gotta be fuckin' kidding me, brah.

Dustin: Look, there's gonna be shit flyin' everywhere in this match of yours, so ya gotta be able to multi-task, dude! Ya can't just expect ta fight this chick in an empty ring!

[Chris proceeds to sigh and look at the ground, knowing that his friend is right in that regard. Although he really doesn't want things thrown at him, he has to accept that what his friend is doing is a sure fire possibility for his upcoming match. He looks back over to hi friend with a forlorn look on his face.]

Christopher: Ya gonna load that shit up or do ya want ta throw somethin' at me first?

[Dustin scoffs somewhere off camera.]

Dustin: Don't worry, brah, I ain't throwin' a damn thing until the video starts.

[There is a few moments of awkward silence as Dustin prepares to play the most recent promo Paige has released. While waiting, Chris hops in place in order to exercise his legs so he can dodge the incoming objects the best he can. Just then, Paige's promo can be heard being skipped to the trash section.]

Some Hero that Never Gets Credit Said:"It goes. Taking longer then I expected honestly, feels like I've been in these woods for months. How's being mediocre going? Underwhelming I guess."

Christopher: Depends what ya call mediocre, ya kn-OH HOLY SHIT!

[Chris ducks a flying machete as it flies over his head. He finds himself staring at the machete that's now stuck inside the ground. HE hurriedly turns back to his friend in complete shock, all the while hoping that he doesn't throw anything else at him.]

Christopher: You're throwing shit like that!? I thought you only had tools and food, brah!

Dustin: Gotta expect anything and everything, dude. If ya don't you'll lose your one and only life.

[Chris groans and tries to pretend that his friend didn't just try to kill him.]

Christopher: ...as I was saying, It depends what you call mediocre. I mean, I don't consider myself mediocre in the ring 'cause I do my damned best to-

[A wrench just hits Chris in his left knee. He responds by groaning in pain and grabbing his knee with both hands. Dustin is heard laughing up a storm as his friend tends to his knee.]

Christopher:...To keep myself from looking like a wimp. Then again, at least I've been doing things. You and your BF have just been riding on your horse to see some child prodigy.

[Chris lets go of his knee and proceeds to shake the leg the wrench hit.]

Christopher: God damn it, Dustin.

[He chuckles to himself as he pulls out another item from the box. Before he can throw it, though, he resumes the promo.]

Some Chick that Bleeds Pixels Said:"Sure if you consider 1994 the late nineties and on it's last legs three years into the SNES' lifespan."

Christopher: Okay so my guess was way off.

[A dart flies right past Chris, who didn't even have to move to avoid it.]

Christopher: Like that dart was. Besides, that was probably the year you were created as an idea. It's not the year you were planned for release, nor was it the year when they started to program you or your boyfriend's walking animation. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still right. Besides, your game must've been held back a lot of times before-

[Chris dodges a screwdriver that was aimed right at his eye by combat rolling to his right.]

Christopher: Before it was even advertised. I mean, it has so much shit in it, what with the RPG system and flashy combat. Not just like turn based shit, either. No, it's the free-form shit like wrestlers do it. So yeah, I don't think ya could've come out on the SNES without having a lot of shit removed.

Oh, and call me whatever the fuck ya want, brah. I don't give a shit how you say my name as long as ya say it. I mean, you and Generic Bob over there must not mind how your name's said or if we call ya GG or GB, otherwise you come off as a petty little bi-OW, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

[Dustin can't help but laugh as he recoils his hand after it was hit with a rubber mallet. The wrestler proceeds to shake it around to ease the pain.]

Dustin: That was cheap, wasn't it?

Christopher: I swear, when we finish with this training, I'll have your head planted so far up your-

[A chair is thrown at Chris, which he catches and throws down to the ground with extreme prejudice. Knowing that he'd probably be dead if he threw anything else right now, he resumes another key promo point.]

Some Ungrateful Little Fuck Said:"I don't dance around dying for approval and wanting idiots like yourself to compare me to other famous video game characters. It's like me comparing you to any other human backyard wrestler with a dependency for male friendship, spending the majority of his time whining and not growing up. It's just fruitless."

Christopher: Ya don't dance around for approval? Ya don't want ta be compared to some top dogs of business? Well then why the fuck'd ya come here, ya fuckin' liar? Ya have to dance and act like a fuckin' idiot ta get anywhere in this business, otherwise ya might as well just be a twenty five cent hooker that dies after anything touches her. Hell, your boyfriend didn't act like this much of an arrogant asshat, and he's too busy sufferin' from two sicknesses, the one that vampire gave him and yellow belly.

Dustin: Where do ya think he got it from?

Christopher: Probably from the chick who didn't want ta have another title defense until the end of the next month. Maybe from the controller he used ta have that let him get through the game without grindin'. Either way, they're both not exactly the brave heroes their land deserves.

The Unlikable Shinobu Said:"Now fuckface,"

Christopher: Hey, the Big N finally figured out that M rated games exist. Alright, sailor, show me what 'cha got now that ya don't hafta worry about kids.

The Glitchy Mess of a Hero Said:"Anyhoo, you bring up LH and me spamming my moves?

Christopher: Holy shit, LH was spamming Power Geysers too? When did that shit happen in the match? Oh wait, never mind, it didn't. It's just some slip of the tongue you made thanks to some incompetent writer back when Funsoft were around. Hey, Gabe dude, if you see this, try not to hire to write for your characters.

The Bitch No One Wants to Play As Said:"Do I also need to bring up that Harrison only figured out he could counter that move in the third round? That he couldn't figure out to jump in time or even duck?"

Christopher: Have you seen a six foot tall white man duck or jump in this world? I mean, seriously, it looks like he could barely hop while jumping and he'd hit his head over everything while ducking. What, did ya just want him ta lay down on the floor? That, and he went from a 3D world to a 2D screen. That's a big fucking difference in arena there, brah.

Some Girl who Forgot What Game She was From Said:"Tell me, honestly, if you were in the clutches of a giant beast and had the ability to teleport would you not use it? Would you be like 'nope, that's wrong for some reason so I'm going to accept my fate and die.'"

Christopher: If it only meant losing one fucking round out of a possible five? Yes, I would have. Oh, and 'die?' What, did ya think Street Fighter had fatalities all of a sudden? 'Cause they never did. Just sayin'.

Some Little Stupid Ass Bitch Said:""Now how about Robbie? How I beat him when he was 'distracted'. Dude, don't fucking pause and bow to the crowd in the middle of a damn match. How was I in the wrong there? We both beat that monster back to where it belonged and because I didn't jump up and down like a giddy child and remembered I had a match to win, I'm the bad guy?"

Christopher: Glad ta see you forgot how ya finished your second defense, brah. Luckily for me, the show was uploaded to the main site not too long ago, so I can have Dustin play that.

[Chris turns toward his friend so he could play the clip from the first night of Relentless. At least he was going to if he didn't throw a balloon full of something at his face. Some sort of white liquid completely drenches his face as the balloon bursts around him. Chris retches in disgust at the smell of it. Dustin breaks into hysterics as his friend starts to dry heave out of complete disgust.]

Dustin: I knew the rotten milk would get ya, dude! I just knew it would!

[Chris turns away from the camera and proceeds to vomit on the ground. Before we could see him upchuck a second time, a Windows Movie Maker style slide erases the current disaster of a scene and proceeds to play the main event of Relentless.]

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Quote:Both of the combatants get to their feet. Robbie kicks Game Girl in the gut as the lights go out. A series of screams are heard through the arena but seem to emanate from the speaker system. A single spotlight comes down on Robbie as the screen reveals a single image.

Robbie looks confused by this and a little irritated. This isn't the first time he's seen this image. The lights come back on. As Robbie turns back around...


WARHAMMER SHOT!


Game Girl just used her Warhammer to demolish the face of Robbie! Blood is spewing from his nose as he's laid out. Game Girl has her head lowered to where a shadow is cast over her face. She drops the hammer and pins Robbie to the mat as the referee looks shocked, but he has to allow it.



1....








2....


















THREE!

The referee exits the ring and hands Game Girl the belt. She smiles as she places the gold on her shoulder.

Justin Roberts: "And the winner... and STILL Intercontinental Champion... GAMEEEEEE GIRRRLLLLLLLL!"

The crowd seems confused by this and they begin to boo her. She looks around confused but smiles nevertheless. She climbs the turnbuckle with the title raised as the boos and sodas come raining in.

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[We fade back in on Christopher Isles sitting back on the sofa, face palming after Dustin made him take a shower for what must be a half an hour. His friend, meanwhile, has finished laughing and now has a huge smile on his face. It takes another few moments for Chris to stop hating his friend so he can continue with his point.]

Christopher: So yeah, hitting someone in the face with a hammer while they were distracted with a calling card isn't exactly a heroic move there. I mean, Robbie might have questionable motives and ideals, but at least he didn't try to outright murder ya in the match. Lemme bring someone from our world that people cheered even though they were a gigantic asshat. There's a man who calls himself Steve Austin. He's a southern drunkard that fought against 'the man' by saying fuck it to what he wanted and did what Stone Cold wanted to do. And that's the bottom line, sister.

I'm sure you can look up examples of Stone Cold being a dick on that orb of yours. Then maybe, just maybe, you'll realize why people were wanting him to win. Oh and stop denying you're not more than just a friend towards Bob. I've seen ya cry over his death six worlds ago, and not just because he was the only savior for your world, but because you were starting ta like him. Hell, ask that horse of yours, it might be smart enough to give ya a clear answer.

Ya know what, brah? That spoiled milk bomb has me in a bad mood, so I'm just gonna say fuck you while you're having one of your menstrual cycles. What a horrible night ta suffer from those, ain't it?

[Chris grabs the camcorder from Dustin's hands as the scene cuts to black.]